Our troubles

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Re: Our troubles

Post by PaigeB »

Swcoding wrote:"Sometimes they
hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably
find that at some time in the past we have made decisions
based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt." Pg 62 What is the context here? Is AA saying that no matter what hurt happens in life we caused it? Let's say I was abandoned as a child and I remember being furious over it. I was hurt, but how did I place myself in that position?
I just wrote on this in our Daily Reflections Forum!
If I was to write a book and tell you what really happened, would mentioning their part be blaming? I don't think so. I think I can tell the whole story and still be responsible for my part. My sponsor once said, "Sometimes people are jerks" and we know the Big Book (pg 66) tells us that "... that this world and its people were often quite wrong." Sometimes the story is horrific... sometimes it is a broken weed-eater. I have to get honest and find the Truth in my inventory. I need to shear away all the fantasy that my mind made up and get to the Facts.

NOW I can read further on page 66...

"To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got ..." Now I need to DO more. I need to forgive (not necessarily forget) and that is going to take some time and practice. So in the meantime I have to "set aside" the parts that others played in my story and set my backbone straight. I need to find my part. Sometimes that too is hard and I have had to "set aside" that endeavor for a later time; I may need to grow in willingness & maybe discuss it with my sponsor at length.

Then once I have my willingness and I have my facts about myself, THEN I can go to the other person in full sincerity and ask "What can I do to set things right with you?". I do this several times in several formats; writing, face to face, over the phone and through prayer. I practice living amends. I learn, and come to Know, the best practices. Then...
Then one day, I look, I admit, I accept. The freedom... I experience is in the looking, admitting and accepting.
I learn to say, "Yes, I am responsible." (Daily Reflection quote)

Once I am properly armed with the facts about myself, I become more understanding and effective. No Promises that life will be a new shiny toy... no, I think it will likely not be ~ but I will be able to help others. That is my real Life Purpose. And I remain willing and teachable.
I was a victim/I am a survivor of Domestic Violence and worse. I know others with horrific life stories that have made it through the program. I love page 63-64: "We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms.... God save me from being angry." I like those kind of short prayers that I can blurt out into the Universe to remind myself that being angry just makes ME sick. Certainly I have a right to be angry - a crime was committed against me. The word EXCEPTIONS appears 11 times in our literature and I like to follow my my short prayer with a reminder that appears on page 90 of the 12 & 12 "Can't we be properly angry...? For us of A.A. these are dangerous exceptions." I have found they ARE dangerous and I have a deadly disease! I am NOT qualified to handle my anger, not even my proper anger.

Best for ME if I just write it off. I don't want to give them any more time or space in my head. I can practice NOT feeding my anger. I wrote about in the 4th Step and talked about it in Steps 5 & 8. I do not have to go to my abuser to effect my 9th Step amends - that too might put me in danger. No child is bad. No woman needs to be hit. They were wrong ~ Now what? Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy? I can't have both - because I have tried that already and it does not work! You can try, but it is really dangerous.

BTW - if you wish to talk to a survivor of child abuse, I can set you up with a guy who has successfully recovered in AA who has had such an experience.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB


Re: Our troubles

Post by Noels »

I don't know. ..... it all sounds great on paper but in real life? ??? There is a MAJOR difference between being abused as a child and being abused as an adult woman (or man) in a domestic violence situation.
A child is unable to defend itself against the abuser since most of the time he/she is still totally dependant on the abuser for its normal daily requirements to live like food, clothes and a roof over its head. A child is also not emotionally developed to understand what is taking place, why it's taking place or how to stop it from taking place and the child abuser usually place the fear of God into that child so the child won't tell on him/her. That child really have No chance to begin with.
In a domestic violence situation the person being abused is usually over age therefore have the ability to to reason - to understand what is happening, to decide whether to put up with it or to leave. That person can find a job and take care of themselves if necessary. He/She can also follow legal procedures - ie phone the cops and lay a charge against the abuser and NOT withdraw the case each time. That persons hands are NOT tied. They are usually emotionally mature and know the difference between right and wrong or what is acceptable and what is not. They have options which that child doesn't have.
Child abuse is not acceptable. Under no circumstances and can not be 'compared to ' or 'mentioned ' in the same sentence or even with the same breath as any other abuse. Abusing a child is crushing that child's soul deliberately over and over and over again until there is nothing left but an empty broken shell.
Just my 5c on the subject for whatever it is worth.

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Re: Our troubles

Post by positrac »

Who are you guys talking about cause ive been hacked for the last 7 months. Both my phone AND my PC. Just cant seem to get rid of whoever it is. Changed my phone number already also as well as the actual instrument but sjieesh .... this hacker sticks like sh***t on a woolen blanket?

I'm actually now thinking of approaching Cyber Crime or something but don't know whether to approach the RSA crime unit or overseas? What did you do to get rid of this?

First I think you got hacked on your end and others might have been on the chain of posts. Cyber Crime if it exists and how worthy it is to track down people who used IP addressed like burner cell phones might be hard and cost more than it is worth. I don't know and actually the server, and support should be fired for not protecting the firewalls of the network you had been paying for. If any investigations should be done it should be on the local provider because one never knows what could be uncovered.

Kids and or certain people are pretty crafty given the challenges and or just open vulnerabilities. For me I changed my emails and shut my old email down and changed up passwords and just cleaned up if that is even possible? I am not on FB, and so social networks aren't my gig and that might help with my reduced foot-print online.

Never the less my experiences recently have certainly made me pucker up and resent being jerked around.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.

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