Ten months in and confused about sponsorship...please help

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Re: Ten months in and confused about sponsorship...please he

Postby Brock » Tue Sep 12, 2017 7:23 pm

I do try to avoid quoting a book that was not endorsed by Bill W. A book that seems to speak more about the 'mind over matter' type of recovery is what I feel Living Sober is all about.

On that point I agree 100%, I would never recommend that book to anyone. It might be a little underhanded, but any ammunition I can get to show where “AA Approved” literature, speaks against the idea of needing a sponsor for life, I will use it. I liked listening to speakers when I was newer to the program, still do sometimes, and Chris R makes some good jokes about the book 'Living sober,' the first 164 pages of the big book is what I recommend and usually quote from.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Ten months in and confused about sponsorship...please he

Postby Noels » Tue Sep 12, 2017 8:35 pm

Uhmmmmm. ..... you and Avaneesh have been quoting Eckhart Tolle and his 'new earth ' quite a bit lately also. Is his books AA approved literature?
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Re: Ten months in and confused about sponsorship...please he

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed Sep 13, 2017 3:40 am

I don't go quoting those books in all the posts. I offer path for people who are struggling not with the bottle but something other than that. Something I struggled with. Especially the chatter between the 2 ears. Go take a look at my posts that refer to his work. And even if it was around surrender, it will be very much in alignment with what the Big Book says. Just words might be different. Again when it comes to powerless and un-manageability there is not a single scripture out in the universe that better illustrates when compared to the Big Book. So, I wouldn't mislead a new-comer to read his work right away.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Ten months in and confused about sponsorship...please he

Postby Brock » Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:56 am

Uhmmmmm. ..... you and Avaneesh have been quoting Eckhart Tolle and his 'new earth ' quite a bit lately also. Is his books AA approved literature?
Noels xxx

Surely you see that if someone is speaking against an AA practice which others support, then we need to make our points from a source they can't debunk, like something 'approved' by AA. Quoting Tolle or other spiritual text is different, the chapter 'Into Action' says - “There are many helpful books also.” So shouldn't we quote from these? One thing has nothing to do with the other.
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Re: Ten months in and confused about sponsorship...please he

Postby Patsy© » Thu Sep 14, 2017 8:02 am

annasapphire wrote:I am ten months sober and confused- namely about what a good sponsor is. I would love some feedback.
The dilemma is that I don't trust that my sponsor is a safe person for me. I feel very uneasy with some things that she has done, but I also don't trust my own motifs for wanting to terminate that relationship. Since getting sober, I have doubted my decision making , as I think I should considering the fact that my thinking has gotten me into a world of trouble in the past.
My sponsor recently got very angry when she found out that I had gotten together with another AA member, a woman with 7 years of sobriety, who I really like. My sponsor told me that I shouldn't be talking to anyone else but her- because she's the only one who really knows me well and can help me. Talking to anyone else would be confusing and 'too many cooks in the kitchen'. She also called my new friend (also her sponsee) and reprimanded her. My friend then canceled our upcoming plans without explanation. Clearly, this is not AA practice, right? It's about connection I thought- with each other, not with just one person.
This sponsor also has me involved in a group of her women sponsees. That seemed ok at first, but it has started to feel like a class. We are assigned chapters and do assignments and respond via group text. She is conducting this as a teacher would. This isn't the relationship I had signed up for - I had hoped for a more intimate, personal relationship. And there has been some drama of course, in this group of women- drama I didn't feel was helping anyone- cattiness, etc. Some of it has been hurtful.
On two occasions when people were being social on the texting group, the sponsor got angry and sent long texts to the group about how we were a good example of "self will run riot" and self-centeredness, etc, etc. (all taken from the big book).
Then we were all pretty much required to go on a trip together. I told her I wasn't ready to go on a trip and really didn't want to go, but she said I was "bailing" on the other group members. (I will mention again that I didn't originally commit to be part of a group. I just wanted a sponsor). Believing her, I ended up going in the end- I spent $250 I couldn't afford, 2 days off of work, and 4 days away from home, and was without a car and spending time with people I didn't really know. With my husband sitting at home wondering why I don't have any time for him these days.
I'm just asking myself, why am I doing these things that make me so uncomfortable? This doesn't seem like real sponsorship to me, but I have lost my confidence to act in my best interest. When do I trust my instincts again?
This is actually becoming an obstacle for me in my sobriety- I feel like my life is being hyjacked.
Please help-


Hi Anna

This woman is not a sponsor, she is a control freak who has not worked, applied or is practicing the 12 steps in her own life. Anna, please let this woman go, simply say "thank you for your time, but I have decided to move on".... and then get a sponsor who can help take you through the 12 steps of AA, who is willing to share her own experience, strength and hope with you.

The one thing that was strongly suggested to me when I was new, was to get away from anyone who was telling me what to do, when to do it or how to do it. THAT is NOT what WE do here in the halls of Alcoholics Anonymous.

So, I would suggest attending a different AA group, and look around, ask...who has been through the 12 Steps of AA herself, has a sponsor of her own, has an AA home group that she belongs too, is reaching out to newcomers AND is Smiling :)

Then, ask that woman to sponsor you.
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Re: Ten months in and confused about sponsorship...please he

Postby Patsy© » Thu Sep 14, 2017 9:12 am

My sponsor recently got very angry when she found out that I had gotten together with another AA member, a woman with 7 years of sobriety, who I really like.


Hi Anna,

I would strongly suggest that you ask this woman with 7 years of sobriety, who you like...to sponsor you. Do not worry about what your present sponsor will say or not say......THIS is your recovery and its your responsibility to find someone who can help you to stay sober, go through the 12 steps and pass on to you, what was passed to her! ENJOY Anna, because it looks like your instincts were working very well with this woman who has 7 years sober :)

p.s. When any AA member gets angry when you get together with other AA members, that is a very good sign that that AA member has no clue how this program works or is passed on.

Its one alcoholic helping another!

NOT one alcoholic controlling another :)
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Re: Ten months in and confused about sponsorship...please he

Postby RyanjSp » Fri Sep 15, 2017 8:29 am

Responding to original post sounds like a sponsor that feels their job in life is to fix other people run away.
My original sponsor the late Jerry Watts liked to say that what he had learned about sponsorship was a sponsors job was to keep you entertained until God kicked in.
When I asked him what the crap I ought to do he would ask right back what did I think I needed to do.
the answer was usually right in front of me it was just something I didn't want to do.
A few qoutes:
I used to ask for advice until someone told me what I wanted to hear now if I respect someone enough to ask their advice I feel I ought to follow it.
When I first got to AA I would pound the table and holler bullcrap I have since learned to smile and say that's nice.
I asked a guy that had 50 years of sobriety what I could expect for the next 20 years he said a lot of acceptance.
Sure you can judge people you judge them by the words that come out of their mouths.

That's just off the top of my head but I assure you you find a good sponsor they will change the course of your life for the better and have no plans on running your life
"No Ryan, the cake business is over. They will never ever trust you with the cake again."
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