Looking for God in the bottle

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Looking for God in the bottle

Postby Timothy3012 » Mon Aug 21, 2017 10:45 am

By getting 'out of my head' drunk, I realize now what I was trying to do: abandon myself to a greater power than me - unfortunately that power was alcohol and not God. I was desperately seeking freedom from the control of the life which I had thought was my responsibility to bear.

For me, i believe the only Power I can actually abandon myself to is God. When my loving and All-Powerful Heavenly Father is running my life, it is the most natural and perfect way of living I feel a person can attain. All I ever wanted from my compulsive drinking was freedom from the crushing weight of the life I mistakenly believed was mine to carry...

Complete abandonment to God, for me, simply means an acceptance of whatever situation that is in front of me, and a surrendering of my demands and expectations around those situations. I simply do the 'next indicated right thing' that is placed in front of me. In practice, this means that; if the alarm goes off in the morning, getting up is the next indicated right thing. If it's time to go to my regular AA meetings, then getting in the car and driving to those meetings is the next right thing. It becomes as simple as that...

God is in charge of my life and I no longer have to cripple myself with the anxiety that always comes by attempting - and failing miserably! - to control the situations that He has placed in front of me. It's such an irritatingly simple way of living that now I have learnt it within AA I wonder how I missed it so completely before!
Last edited by Timothy3012 on Tue Sep 05, 2017 11:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Looking for God in the bottle

Postby positrac » Mon Aug 21, 2017 4:32 pm

I like that post because you are right I know I was looking for life via the bottle and I knew in my heart God wanted a different life for me.
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Re: Looking for God in the bottle

Postby Cristy99 » Tue Aug 22, 2017 1:40 pm

Thank you for that Timothy. Good stuff!!
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Re: Looking for God in the bottle

Postby Brock » Tue Aug 22, 2017 2:29 pm

I have also enjoyed reading Timothy's post a few times since he put it up, the last line leaves me smiling.

“It's such an irritatingly simple way of living that now I have learnt it within AA I wonder how I missed it so completely before!”

Smiling because I have learned the same thing, but a little sad, because I still meet many who think AA is just about not drinking.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Looking for God in the bottle

Postby JohnDaniels » Tue Aug 22, 2017 4:12 pm

Thank you Timothy

Welcome to the forums here

Your quote:
>"All I ever wanted from my compulsive drinking was freedom from the crushing weight of the life I mistakenly believed was mine to carry..." That is the result we continually looked for in alcohol to do something not TO us but FOR us. To change our twisted perceptions of life. For me it was like chasing the dragon. Your quote perfectly describes alcoholism.

The thing is, AA is designed to do just that FOR us something we kept trying to find in alcohol, as you mentioned "to bring us the freedom from the crushing weight of life". To do something FOR us, to slowly fill our holes that we tried to fill with alcohol all those years in our misery and torment.
I am reading the honesty in your words that are a warm welcome taking the Steps in AA and not a task. It's that honesty, open mindedness and willingness that make taking the Steps work well, to naturally flow into our hearts and minds. I say that because we have giving up fighting.

Timothy there's a spot in our Big Book that comes to mind here due to your posting. It basically tells us we stop fighting everyone and everything including alcohol. I see that in your words here. There's more detail on it in "Into Action" in the 12 Steps.

Welcome home Timothy.

I am looking forward to hearing more from you here. So keep coming back :D

PS - If you need anything at all buddy, let one of us here know.
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Re: Looking for God in the bottle

Postby desypete » Wed Aug 23, 2017 3:32 pm

Brock wrote:I have also enjoyed reading Timothy's post a few times since he put it up, the last line leaves me smiling.

“It's such an irritatingly simple way of living that now I have learnt it within AA I wonder how I missed it so completely before!”

Smiling because I have learned the same thing, but a little sad, because I still meet many who think AA is just about not drinking.


put a drink inside of me and see what happens and then tell me its not all about drinking =biggrin

i think when we get to the stage of enlightenment and we start to look so deep into ourselves and we find out we are selfish we seem to forget that the whole world is full of selfish people. but booze doesnt destroy there lives like it would to me. they can take it or leave it. they do not have my problem and that problem is booze. hence we go to aa for help for a way out of were the booze has taken us

this is the reason i believe the 12 steps would benefit the whole world not just us drunks, as its all about trying to change and be kind to others and helpful, rejection of selfishness etc
if the whole world were all living that way of life well we certainly wouldnt be having wars and killing in the name of there gods or whatever

but the problem i came to aa with was not because i was a selfish human being, the problem is drink hence people think we go to aa to help us get off the booze and guess what ?
it really does work lol
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Re: Looking for God in the bottle

Postby Timothy3012 » Thu Aug 24, 2017 1:17 am

positrac wrote:I like that post because you are right I know I was looking for life via the bottle and I knew in my heart God wanted a different life for me.


I spent so many years tormented by this feeling: To know that God was there but to be utterly trapped in a life that felt so meaningless and desperately unhappy. I'm so thankful that God is gracious and kind - while I was running from Him and tearing my life to pieces, He's always been there for me.

I've caused a lot of pain in my drinking, to others and to myself...It's so amazing that I have been able to start clearing up the wreckage of my past because of this program.

A great example happened to me recently; My Dad's father passed away and, just before his father died, my dad had to be rushed into hospital for emergency open-heart surgery. My dad wasn't able to walk far on his own so we got him a wheelchair to be able to take him to his father's funeral - which was a fair distance away by train. Only because of sobriety was I able to take him on the train and get him there. Only because of the AA program was I able to stay up with him at night and help him off the bed. I was able to sit and talk to him and pray with him when his pain was intense at 3 in the morning...

A year ago I stood in my parent's kitchen and they told me I would have to leave their house if I ever drank again. They said they loved me but they weren't going to watch me drink myself to death. A year ago I never would have been here to support my dad and would have been too lost in my own pain and misery to put a family member in need before my needs.

What an amazing program we have been given! I love this online forum because I get to put down in words just how grateful I am to be saved from a life of agony...and to say that this is absolutely possible for others, if they're prepared to put in the little bit of action that this program requires to start changing us!
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Re: Looking for God in the bottle

Postby Timothy3012 » Thu Aug 24, 2017 3:41 am

“It's such an irritatingly simple way of living that now I have learnt it within AA I wonder how I missed it so completely before!”

Smiling because I have learned the same thing, but a little sad, because I still meet many who think AA is just about not drinking.[/quote]

Hey Brock, thanks for the reply.

(Don't quote me on this, lol!) but I've just sat here and tried to work this out; the Steps mention 'Alcohol' only once, 'Alcoholic' only once, 'God/Higher Power' 7 times and 'Defects/Harms/Insanity' around 8 times. I absolutely agree with you that AA can't be just about 'not drinking' - it's so much more!

I remember being really irritated when I first got sober listening to an AA speaker on Youtube saying that alcohol was not our problem, alcoholism was. I thought it was some attempt at sobriety by semantics... another of these 'out-think the problem' ploys that never worked for me. I realise now how mistaken I was! I've been shown that I have a spiritual malady, a 'soul'sickness' that has many very recognisable symptoms; my drinking being the most obvious and fatal of those symptoms - but being just that, a symptom.

Something that really helped me to understand this is my brother's experience with type 1 diabetes. He didn't know he had diabetes until he was 24. When he was 22/23 he kept displaying a lot of pretty strange behaviours; the most obvious of which was that he was drinking litres and litres of coke and orange juice. His body knew that something wasn't right and was causing him to crave vast amounts of sugar. The problem was that his body could not process the sugar and it never had the affect that he intended from drinking the sugary drinks. He had no usable sugar in his system and no matter how much coke he drank, the underlying issue was still there...

I believe my alcoholism works in much the same way. There is the malady in my spirit, the 'hole-in-the-soul' that I hear so many people in the rooms describe. I was trying to fill this broken part of me with alcohol because that's what my unwell mind told me would treat the problem. Unknown to me, alcohol can never treat this sickness. It may give the impression of treatment but it does not have the power to quiet my restless soul. Only God does. And, as a very unwell alcoholic, the only way I have found to access God's power, in the amounts needed to stop me drinking, is by the process of the 12 steps.

''You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you...'' St Augustine.
Last edited by Timothy3012 on Mon Aug 28, 2017 2:16 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Looking for God in the bottle

Postby Cristy99 » Thu Aug 24, 2017 5:10 am

Timothy, my friend, I could swear you have been hanging out in my head. Wow!! I love your posts. You just get it!!! From your story of your parents setting their boundary with you a year ago, I am assuming you have just over a year sober. My apologies if I am wrong. I too have just over a year. It was also an ultimatum from a loved one that made me realize how bad things really were. I agree with you and the BB says alcohol was but a symptom. And now that the mental obsession isn't strong anymore God is also revealing to me the spiritual malady inside. I too am eternally grateful for the program of AA. It has saved my life. And I find myself excited to learn more, do more, help others on this life long journey I am on. You are my brother. We are not related by blood, but by the alcohol that used to course through our veins and the spiritual malady that misled us to search for God in the bottle!!!

Thank you so much Timothy!! And all the rest of you lousy drunks out there!!! :lol:
God bless you all and keep you!!
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Re: Looking for God in the bottle

Postby clouds » Fri Aug 25, 2017 2:19 am

Good short list!

Abandonment to God.
Acceptance of situations.
Surrendering my demands of the situations.
Doing the next right thing.

You're right, no day has to get complicated with this way of living!
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Looking for God in the bottle

Postby Dowds » Fri Aug 25, 2017 8:25 am

You can look at the word "God" and give it this meaning "Good Orderly Direction."

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol----that our lives had become unmanageable.

So when we come to AA we are looking to make our lives manageable instead of that it has been unmanageable. What AA gives us is the ability to put our lives in a good orderly direction. There are twelve steps that guide us in how to accomplish that goal.
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Re: Looking for God in the bottle

Postby PaigeB » Fri Aug 25, 2017 10:23 am

You can look at the word "God" and give it this meaning "Good Orderly Direction."

I used semantics a lot when I first came in. I should say I practiced it... I STILL USE IT!

How often I do cry, "I don't know what to DO!" and AA is my answer. The next right thing. And I have to remember that alcohol failed me - completely. And you all know how hard I tried to make it work... 30-40 years of trying. LOL That is just insanity, but it is true. Time to practice something different. I couldn't let a 3 letter word bother me. I was told I got to define that word anyway I wanted.

If it worked for me it'll work for anybody... it works if we work it!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Looking for God in the bottle

Postby Brock » Fri Aug 25, 2017 10:31 am

Welcome to e-AA Dowds.

Yes we often hear the word God interpreted as Good Orderly Direction. Maybe we could say we were looking for good orderly direction in the bottle instead of God, but since stumbling around and not knowing what direction we should go in was the result, we know now what we got was the opposite.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Looking for God in the bottle

Postby JohnDaniels » Fri Aug 25, 2017 11:53 pm

Dowds wrote: . . . What AA gives us is the ability to put our lives in a good orderly direction. There are twelve steps that guide us in how to accomplish that goal.


Dowds, I couldn't have said it better myself. Especially > "There are twelve steps that guide us in how to accomplish that goal." Yes, a set of instructions to live life by.
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Re: Looking for God in the bottle

Postby Dowds » Sun Aug 27, 2017 9:32 am

Thanks Brock for the welcome, but I am not new to E-AA. Since I was having problems in logging in with my old user name I joined using this one.

In the Business Meeting my user name is John Begin.

Good Disorderly Direction is what alcohol does to us when we let it control us, instead of us controlling it. It always gets to me when normal drinkers say they can not understand why we can not stop drinking. Unfortunate they do not understand that alcoholism is a disease something in our minds go haywire when we take that first drink.

I had a sponsor tell me not to look at the whole picture of drinking, but to concentrate on the first drink. Get in the mind set of not taking that first drink and you will be on the road to recovery and free from alcohol. For the last 20 years which will be in Sept. I have followed his advice. Live one day at a time and stay away from that first drink. And the 12 Steps have shown me how to do it. And AA keeps reminding me that to have a healthy life that is a key for my success.

Have a good day.
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