Fear

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Fear

Postby Yogananda » Tue Aug 15, 2017 7:40 am

Hi all.After trying AA of my own power for seventeen years.Not drinking until I had to drink. Drinking until I had to stop.years of anti depressants and getting high.Blaming everyone and everything for my problems. Blah blah blah. I finally hit bottom in December 2016.i had given up on AA and only went to a meeting because of the desperate loneliness I had. I was convinced that I was one of the unfortunates.My only prayer at that meeting was Jesus god help me to be honest.for 2 months after this I really don't remember much.i got lost someplace looking at my record I guess.im not sure when but I started to study the bb. On the 18.2.2017 I surrendered everything and had a horriblee wonderful spiritual experience. This lasted for six weeks. I could feel the presence of God in me and all around me. Wow. Sadly it didn't continue but it gave me the strength to go on with the steps as suggested. I am now on step 4 I have completed my resentment inventory which was sore but worth it to see the truth about my self. Now I am on the fear inventory and feel a lot of that yucky poison that rises up and renders me helpless. I would appreciate some advice on this as I am keen to move forward. God bless.x
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Re: Fear

Postby Roberth » Tue Aug 15, 2017 11:21 am

Hello Yogananda, My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area Alcoholic. I know the feeling of what you are feeling. I have heard many say the 4th step was freeing that just didn't happen to me. what I saw was not only the crap I had done but also saw the blame was on me. there is was in black and white but my sponsor told me it was just one of the steps to the top. I was lucky that I did my 4th and 5 step basically at the same time with my sponsor...... If I were you I would give him a call
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Re: Fear

Postby PaigeB » Tue Aug 15, 2017 11:33 am

See if you can find As Bill Sees It reading on Fear... page 61. He talks about his 2-fold idea for resolving fear.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Fear

Postby Brock » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:44 pm

Welcome here Yogananda.

Since I did the steps pretty much by myself and using the big book, I also had to seek advise. Of all the sites I found, (I didn't find e-AA until some time later), I liked 'Barefoot's world' the best for step 4, we can't put links but if you Google 'AA step 4 barefoot's world' you will find the site of 'barefoot Bob,' and scrolling down on step 4 you will find the fear section with good advise.

As you know from the book there is a choice of people you might use to hear your 5th, my experience was that I finished the 4th and was very keen to do the 5th, it was eating me up I needed to talk it out, and the results were just as great as the book says they can be. That prayer you used at the meeting - “Jesus god help me to be honest” - that's what you want on this step and the 5th, with that in mind you can't go wrong.

Maybe you will keep in touch letting us know your progress, or ask any other questions, as you know it helps us, and particularly newcomers to this site will be encouraged.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Fear

Postby D'oh » Tue Aug 15, 2017 3:56 pm

"Fear, This small word somehow affects every part of our lives"

But really, what is Fear? We have always had it, even before we discovered Drinking's numbing effect. And recall, when King Alcohol, made us the Life of the Party, that moment when it was fun, before we Over Indulged, and broke furniture, relationships, trusts. That moment we have tried many ways to find again but couldn't ever regrasp it.

That is the feeling of being free from fear. Able to be ourselves, in our own skin. That is what we are offered Daily, with Faith that our Higher Power has the Reigns and is leading us in His direction, if we listen and pass it on. We have all escaped the Hells of Alcoholism for a reason (so many don't) there is a path for us.

"Fear knocked at the door, Faith answered, there was no one there."
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Re: Fear

Postby positrac » Wed Aug 16, 2017 2:33 am

I hope you have a sponsor to assist with the steps as some parts of the step work is totally individual and other parts do need guidance and also the purging ear of someone.
You have to learn a whole new perspective on living as the grog is gone and socially your part of the world live for getting piss'd. I lived with the brits back in the early 1990's and some of my closest friends were Irish and they understood I didn't drink and they never pressed because down deep I think they knew what my deal was and they may of shared the same disease. brits on the other hand were a different lot and out of control when drunk.

I am glad you are back and living and learning the sober way. Well done.
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Re: Fear

Postby Yogananda » Thu Aug 17, 2017 4:40 pm

Hi all. First of all thankyou for all your replies.when i first started to do my resentment inventory what a relief it was to be finally putting pen to paper.its amazing to me how my ego can come up with all kinds of excuses and ways of not doing such a simple thing. Mental torture got me there in the end. Thank god. The same thing happened with this fear inventory only this time it was more of a emotional sickness. Heart palps , breathing, wanted to run to the doctor, I found meditation and prayer hard going and if I could find anyone to pick on that also. This morning under severe conditions. I started to write again and it was like the weight of the world being slowly lifted of my shoulders.my ego is gone temporarily thank god. For me this programme is a life or death deal. There is no amen in that third step must get to seven.i pray for a sponsor who's not nuts a lot. In the mean time I have the big book, YouTube. Step meetings, you people and most importantly a God who cares enough about me to give me a kick up the arse sometimes..X
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Re: Fear

Postby Cristy99 » Fri Aug 25, 2017 1:31 pm

Hello Y.
I am just now seeing your post on fear. Funny...I just posted on fear myself in the women's group. I received an excellent reply from Paige that I want to share with you...I don't think she will mind. I too get the heart palpitations, shaking in my boots, etc.

Postby PaigeB » Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:22 pm

Ahhh Fear.... "Driven by 100 forms of fear" (page 62) in the margin I wrote "1000". But in going through it with my sponsor I found they all boil down to are 3 fears:
I won't get what I need
I will lose what I have
I won't get what I think I want.

It is a revisit to Step 2 and sanity. Read Step 2 in the 12 & 12... I have to add that my unrealistic fears seems very real and getting down to the facts really helps... Like: If you don't like me, I will die. This may have evolutionary beginnings - if you don't like me and I am forced to leave the tribe it is a very dangerous thing - but these fears are unrealistic today. Getting to facts is part of the 1st aspect of dealing with fear that Bill talks about in the section below...

This is a favorite Daily Reflection - if you can read the whole As Bill Sees it Section on Fear THAT IS GREAT!
20 June

RELEASE FROM FEAR
The problem of resolving fear has two aspects. We shall have to try for all the freedom from fear that is possible for us to attain. Then we shall need to find both the courage and grace to deal constructively with whatever fears remain.
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 61

Most of my decisions were based on fear. Alcohol made life easier to face, but the time came when alcohol was no longer an alternative to fear. One of the greatest gifts in A.A. for me has been the courage to take action, which I can do with God's help. After five years of sobriety I had to deal with a heavy dose of fear. God put the people in my life to help me do that and, through my working the Twelve Steps, I am becoming the whole person I wish to be and, for that, I am deeply grateful.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Also - read the last page of the last story in the Big Book... How to Handle Sobriety... "How do we do it?" it says at the last paragraph to "reject fantasy" and that is what most fear really is - fantasy!

It may sound abrupt, but GET REAL!! It helped me! :wink:

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

((((hugsss))))
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Re: Fear

Postby PaigeB » Sat Aug 26, 2017 7:31 am

I don't mind a bit.

Yup - Fear is mostly fantasy. In this moment I am safe and protected.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Fear

Postby Yogananda » Sat Aug 26, 2017 9:19 am

Like every little step which I take in this lovely program of recovery. Getting out of my own way has always been my biggest obstacle. Obsessive thinking, procrastination,rebellion and on and on it goes.self centredness in the extreme and boy it hurts.awareness is my key. Thoughts come and go, I don't choose them it's when I identify with them, that's to me is when the fear manifests. I have been listening to and identifying with a lier in my head since early childhood. Yes I do have grave emotional and mental disorders in short alcoholism. The only way for me to recover is to have a spiritual awakening. The big book is the way. When the pain gets to much I do what it instructs me to do. The result is in the experience I get which is peace of mind. I write it down and there it is in black and white. What's it.? The truth. God bless for now and love.
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