Lonliness after been through the steps

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Lonliness after been through the steps

Postby Steve aa » Mon Aug 07, 2017 3:30 pm

Hi new to this forum.I'm 15 months sober and I have been through the steps .I had a profound experience while going through them and my obsession for alcohol and drugs left me.all the promises have cone true for me.I'm so greatly for what aa has done and continues to do.under instruction of my sponsor iv started to take some people through the steps also according to the big book.Iv been struggling myself lately with an inner discomfort and a sort of lonliness that it's hard to describe .my marragie ended during my drinking .I made ammends with my ex wife.I find that lonliness hard when it comes on .now I dont have it alot of the time.just wondering do others experience it also.Any feedback or help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks Steve
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Re: Lonliness after been through the steps

Postby Spirit Flower » Tue Aug 08, 2017 1:46 am

You have to be a friend to make a friend. So get out of yourself and call someone. The rooms are filled with people to do things with.
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Re: Lonliness after been through the steps

Postby positrac » Tue Aug 08, 2017 2:17 am

Spirit hit that point dead on and I know it is hard to come out from within as for me I have a lot of issues with trust. When I drank I could mask my issues and let go and eventually I pushed everyone away and in the end the drink didn't work.

15 months is a good length of time and you should know yourself much better sober now on what you can do and what you can't. Filling voids of loneness can come with a cost if you are doing it for selfish reasons; and so motives are important. Maybe go away for the weekend and visit a new place and find some inner beauty of the moments and this could yield conversation that can open doors for friends and like minded interests. In sobriety, AA the sky is the limit and we have to be willing to let go and press forward so that we can be on the inside what others see on our outside.
Smile.
Last edited by positrac on Fri Sep 22, 2017 7:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Lonliness after been through the steps

Postby Soberguy27 » Fri Sep 22, 2017 6:03 am

I have felt that way in the past. Getting out of yourself is a very good idea. What worked for me was getting into service. Being the coffee maker or greeter at meetings is a geeat way to keep busy and to meet many people. Also look for aa events that you can go to like maybe a convention or just find out where other members get together after meetings for coffee or if they get together for other activities. My old home group that met on saturday nights always went for coffee and pie after the meeting. We used to take over the whole back room of the restuarant that we went to. Also some of us would get together for walks or going to the movies on the weekends. Just ask around at the meetings you attend and I'm sure you'll find people that are getting togehter a doing things. Also you can always start an activities group . Loneliness is hard to come by when you're not alone.
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Re: Lonliness after been through the steps

Postby kdub720 » Fri Sep 22, 2017 9:26 am

wow, heavy hitting this morning,
I dealt with that big time. Lonlieness is such a heartbreak. When I quit drinking, I felt like I lost all my friends. Yet, the friends that were by my side proved to be my true friends. The ones who were concerned about my sobriety were the ones who actually cared. It took me a long time to understand my lonliness. Then when the people who care show it, it becomes a powerful source of inpsiration. The lonliness did not go away. IN time the vision of life got more clear, and the dependance on seeking friends and substance seemed to disapear, with prayer and guidence from my higher power. look above and be reseptive to change. Great topic today and thanks always for getting me thinking.
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Re: Lonliness after been through the steps

Postby Noels » Fri Sep 22, 2017 9:45 pm

Steve aa wrote:Hi new to this forum.I'm 15 months sober and I have been through the steps .I had a profound experience while going through them and my obsession for alcohol and drugs left me.all the promises have cone true for me.I'm so greatly for what aa has done and continues to do.under instruction of my sponsor iv started to take some people through the steps also according to the big book.Iv been struggling myself lately with an inner discomfort and a sort of lonliness that it's hard to describe .my marragie ended during my drinking .I made ammends with my ex wife.I find that lonliness hard when it comes on .now I dont have it alot of the time.just wondering do others experience it also.Any feedback or help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks Steve


Good morning Steve and welcome to e-aa. Sjoh. ..... there is so much I can share and relate to your post but the first thing that comes to mind on loneliness itself is that we can be surrounded by thousands of people and still feel lonely.
The second would be a quote I read long ago - it was with a picture of a cute Lil Buddhist child sitting on what appeared to be or could have been a patio - in the corner and against railings / walling behind it's back for support - sleeping peacefully. ... I could almost see the 'sleep -drool ' on its chubby Lil cheeks that's how much this child seemed to be enjoying it's sleep - the words said. ...' make friends with yourself and you'll never be alone. ...'.
Those words had a profound impact on me at that time. ( :D I read the word 'profound ' a few times here in the past few days and I like the sound of it so I'm using it also :D .... sounds . ... 'very important or 'life changing ' ...... 'of great impact' - a good, powerful word indicating something exceptional :D )
Anyways. ...back to loneliness .... since then ive learned that even when you are friends with yourself there can still be loneliness - there seems to be "different types of loneliness" if that makes sense.
For instance, in a love relationship - meaning that special relationship between a man and a woman - where your heart belongs to her and her heart belongs to you - the loneliness (missing) experienced is constant. Always there regardless of whether you're at an AA meeting, at work, supposedly having "fun", pondering things, helping others, sharing with others, doing grocery shopping or go around your usual daily business as usual. Its always in the background. A part of you. I can almost say "your constant friend". Like your shadow. The only difference being that when you're not in the sun you at least get a break from your shadow and this particular loneliness only subside once you are re-united with your love. "In the presence of" - physical presence - not "in mind" or even when communicating telephonically or any other way. Nope. ONLY "in the presence of".
All the other things we do .... the going around our business in a usual way, attending meetings, helping others, eating, sleeping, ... just help us to - ... can I say "go about our business in a usual way"?
That's all I have right now. Mind's gone "blank". I'll share some more if/when I have more thoughts on this subject.

Have an awesome day! Heck, its weekend. Oh yes .... I absolutely love music - it also helps me cope and the song that comes to mind here is Shinead O'Conner's "Nothing compares to you". The words, the voice - "haunting, sweet, pure yet lonely" in a way explain what I tried to explain here.

Hope my words and sharing helps to brighten your day a bit so yes, there are others who feel and understand "true loneliness".

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Re: Lonliness after been through the steps

Postby Matty Taylor » Tue Oct 10, 2017 11:48 pm

Spirit Flower wrote:You have to be a friend to make a friend. So get out of yourself and call someone. The rooms are filled with people to do this with.


I've been going about life all wrong, but it's never too late.
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