Newcomer. Hit the drink...again.

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Newcomer. Hit the drink...again.

Postby noob » Tue Jul 04, 2017 1:19 pm

Hi everyone. This is my first post. Well, I will get to the point. I have a problem with alcohol. All my life I have got into serious trouble spent years in prison etc - all because of my drinking.

Over the last couple of years my drinking got less and less frequent and I thought I was doing okay. But 3 days ago, I hit the drink again! I had stayed up all night drinking, then I started to walk to dangerous territory (place Iv'e not been to in a long time) to mix with old "friends". I was out all the next night too and had not slept. My family found out I was out on the drink and they got worried, so they tried to find me before something kicked off.

Anyway, they get hold of me and take me back to my grans place. After most people left, it was only me my gran and my brother. Me and my brother started fighting (my fault, I'm aggressive whilst drunk). So my gran tried to jump in between us to stop us fighting and I accidentally knocked her over. After that, all hell broke loose.

I have been riddled with guilt since and I really need to abstain from alcohol. I'm lucky my family loves me and knows it was not intentional, but it was my drinking that led to all of this again.

I have done a lot of crazy stuff with the drink in me. Violence seems to be my main issue. But this was just too much for me to bare. I want to change. I don't want to ever drink again. So, I suppose I'm here looking for some help.

It seems that no matter how much alcohol has ruined my life, I still picked up the bottle the other night. It goes against all logic.

I'm the exact opposite sober. Not violent at all and people enjoy my company. But when I drink, people say its like I'm possessed and evil and they are right.
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Re: Newcomer. Hit the drink...again.

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Jul 04, 2017 1:57 pm

I still picked up the bottle the other night.


Welcome to e-AA. That is powerlessness we talk about in step one. The un-manageability part is all the anger, irritation, anxiety, it could take different forms with or without alcohol. Thats the part, the reminder of steps helps us with.

Hope you live in an area where there are AA meetings. Go look for people with whom you can relate with. You can also look into workshops on youtube. Chris R is the man who talks about spiritual malady like it is.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Newcomer. Hit the drink...again.

Postby Brock » Tue Jul 04, 2017 2:59 pm

Welcome here. We all have a story about what drinking did to us, friends and family and jobs lost, some will say they get peaceful, some like yourself a violent side kicks in, lots of differences in what we went through, but one major similarity, booze screws up our life.

Then we think about AA, and some like me and maybe you, think if I go there it's a bunch of nerds preaching, I am really screwed, either become one of them, or I keep getting in trouble with this booze. But instead I found a bunch of decent folks there, and there was nothing to sign, nobody I had to hug or sing cum by ya with. And when I did what was suggested the urge to drink vanished, and a new peace I never knew before started coming in, and I wasn’t stuck to these meetings, I just go a couple of times a week because I enjoy telling others about it.

I like what avaneesh suggested, go to you tube and type in 'AA Chris R,' there are many other speakers, and some call him controversial. But for a hard living man he carries a good message, and he usually mentions that some AA meetings may not have what we need, but look around and find ones that speak about the steps we take, you will never regret doing it.

I will put up a few links, read some when you feel like it, maybe stay in touch here and let us know your progress, or ask any questions, best of luck.

Is A.A. For You – 12 Questions.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for ... can-answer

A Brief Guide To AA.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-42_abriefguidetoaa.pdf

Three Chapters From The Big Book-

1.The Doctors Opinion.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbo ... pinion.pdf

2.There Is A Solution.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt2.pdf

3.More About Alcoholism.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf

A.A. Meeting Finder.
A.A. Near You.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resource
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Newcomer. Hit the drink...again.

Postby noob » Wed Jul 05, 2017 12:48 am

Thanks for you reply guys. It feels good to know you are not alone. Thanks for the links. I will go through and read each one.

I do have meetings in my area. My family has had a history of alcoholism and I used to attend the family meetings as a kid. Where they would make food etc. It looked a beautiful community.

I actually have people in my family who attend. I'm just so nervous about attending. Nervous about speaking. Even saying my name. Its holding me back. In my heart, I know I'm an alcoholic. Because its ruined my life and I picked it up again. That should say it all.

I wish I could put my anxiety aside and just man up and go.

I suppose that's why I am here. Where I can feel safe from the anxiety and I know this is no way to live my life.
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Re: Newcomer. Hit the drink...again.

Postby Duke » Wed Jul 05, 2017 4:24 am

Welcome noob. Take the plunge. You'll never regret it. And, you will get over the anxiety before you know it. Come here too, by all means, but face to face is what most of us need on a regular basis. Listen for the similarities. I'm sure it'll feel like home in short order.

I hope to hear more from you.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa
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Re: Newcomer. Hit the drink...again.

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed Jul 05, 2017 4:41 am

I wish I could put my anxiety aside and just man up and go.

I suppose that's why I am here.


Exactly. Be assured, every person walking into the rooms of would have had that fear. Thats what we address as part of working the 12 steps. We overcome those shortcomings by working with a competent sponsor who will help you see the selfishness and self-centeredness around each incident and help you overcome those maladies. We then shed fear and lose interest in booze. You see we are now walking without a crutch. Naturally there will be imbalance.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Newcomer. Hit the drink...again.

Postby tomsteve » Wed Jul 05, 2017 5:56 am

glad yer here, noob.
walkin through the doors of my 1st meeting was not very easy. i dont know too many people that,when ready and wanting help, didnt have fear walking into their fist meeting. for me it was mostly fear of the unknown- what life without alcohol was going to be like.
but something that helped get me the courage to walk through them doors: fear of the known- what life WITH alcohol still in it was going to be like.
and i made it through them doors.i dont remeber much from that first meeting, and many of them early on for that matter, other than saying,"im tom im an alcoholic and i cant take it any more." and started crying.
i didnt have to say anything else. there were many people there that had been in my shoes and knew right where i was and what i meant.
as i kept having the courage to walk into meetings, they got easier to walk into.
something about alcoholism- alcohol is only a symptom of much deeper problems- problems the program can help with.

noob, i dont think your going to be able to wish the anxiety aside.
but you might be able to pray to whatever is out there for courage to get into action.


noob wrote:Thanks for you reply guys. It feels good to know you are not alone. Thanks for the links. I will go through and read each one.

I do have meetings in my area. My family has had a history of alcoholism and I used to attend the family meetings as a kid. Where they would make food etc. It looked a beautiful community.

I actually have people in my family who attend. I'm just so nervous about attending. Nervous about speaking. Even saying my name. Its holding me back. In my heart, I know I'm an alcoholic. Because its ruined my life and I picked it up again. That should say it all.

I wish I could put my anxiety aside and just man up and go.

I suppose that's why I am here. Where I can feel safe from the anxiety and I know this is no way to live my life.
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Re: Newcomer. Hit the drink...again.

Postby noob » Fri Jul 07, 2017 6:18 am

Thanks once again for your support guys. You are motivating me to get into the meeting. I know I need to. My cousin messaged me this morning and asked if I would like to attend a meeting with him tonight. Im thinking of every excuse under the sun. Asking questions like "Do I need to speak" etc.

The very Idea of even having to say "Im noob, Im an alcoholic" fills me with fear. Not because I don't think I'm an alcoholic. I know I'm an alcoholic. Its because of my anxiety you see. when Im in a room, or anywhere for that matter, when the attention is on me, I feel so overwhelmed with anxiety and the thought of having to go through this is getting to me. I know I need to do it, but my emotions are holding me back.

You guys are really helping me find some sort of courage though, the fact that you guys felt the same is a comfort in many ways. I keep telling myself, "I will feel more confident next week" "I will get my courage in a few days" etc. I feel helpless of my fear.

I have been listening to some AA speaker videos on YouTube and can relate to everything.

I hope I get to that first meeting. When I do, i will need to tell all you guys about it and how I got on. I feel emotional over being responded to on here. I've been very emotional since my last drink. Little things making me cry or think deep. Even the process of logging on here gives me a sort of spiritual buzz. When I see your replies I get like goosebumps, as if my body is getting high from the process of taking action to better myself and knowing that people do care.

Anyway, Im rambling on a bit and probably not making any sense. lol.

Thanks so much guys. I will keep you posted on everything.
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Re: Newcomer. Hit the drink...again.

Postby positrac » Fri Jul 07, 2017 6:40 am

Take your head and your azz will follow you to the meeting. Making the effort is what counts and next is understanding that you can't drink ever again. Freedom is what you have today and if you get jammed up with the law then you'll lose the freedom you have now. You have some reasons to get motivated and to learn a new way of life.

Just sit and listen and that is all that is required unless you just wanna speak.....
You have nothing to lose and yet so much to gain by getting sober.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: Newcomer. Hit the drink...again.

Postby avaneesh912 » Sat Jul 08, 2017 8:55 am

While at the meeting, try picking up a big book, some places give it away free, some do charge. Read Bills story, you may relate to his story. See how he hits the peek and see the progression of the disease. See how Bill recognizes the problem but he wants to fix it using his willpower. Then he acquires knowledge about the powerlessness and unmanageability concept.

Knowledge fixes him for a while. Then Fear keeps him sober for a while.

But he is back in the hospital 3rd time. Only after applying the basics of the then steps he sobers up.

I like his enthusiasm. Dude, never looks back, immediately starts to carry the message to others.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Newcomer. Hit the drink...again.

Postby PaigeB » Sat Jul 08, 2017 9:40 am

I actually have people in my family who attend. I'm just so nervous about attending.

Maybe nervous that you know it might work and you'll actually stop drinking? Have a peek at A Vision For You in the Big Book... we have a solution and I Hope it works for you the way it worked for me.

Simple but not always easy... is it worth it to try?
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Newcomer. Hit the drink...again.

Postby desypete » Sat Jul 08, 2017 10:54 am

hi there and welcome

i read your post and i can see myself very much in your tale
you are right when you say your lucky that you have a family that love you and know your not like it etc so they will stand by you
but sadly in the end people who love us give up on us as they have heard all the I AM SORRY I PROMISE NOT TO DO IT AGAIN part a million times

people give up on us, we lose jobs, we lose our freedom, we lose our familys when they give up on us, and believe me it might sound bad but really for some its the only way there ever going to get serious and take some action to change.

i had to end up on my own losing my small kids to social services care as both me and there mum were rampant battling alcoholics the drinking progressed to the stage of total dependency daily. those days of getting hammered and sobering up the next day were lost as i had to have a drink just to stop my shakes, i would even throw up being sick just to get a drink inside of me, and yet if someone told me thats how i would end up i wouldnt really believe them years ago, as i could stop drinking when i was in serious trouble with ease, i would promise not to do it again and manage to do so for a while maybe a month or more but then i would find myself feeling cheated that its not fair i can not drink, i would take it out on the people who loved me as it was them who was being unfair to me as they didnt like me drinking

anyway the upshot it for me drinking will destroy my life like it once did, i am lucky i have my life back again and this time i am deadly serious about change for the good

i have my kids back i have a job again i have a few quid again but the price i had to pay was to accept i am an alcoholic from the bottom of my heart. once i accept it i was then able to get stuck into aa and there way of life and start to grow with the help of the steps and a sponsor and the people in the fellowship

but for me i had to get the crap kicked out of me before i would finaly give in and face it i am an alcoholic just like so many others are in this world and i have to do what most of the others have done before me as it does work

so there can be no excuses anymore once you know what is wrong with you and you know there is a way out from it all i know its very scary to give up on the old friend and try to go it without as life would be totaly meaningless unless i could drink

well life today is great compared to the misery of drinking and i hope you to can find out for yourself and good luck to you
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