Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry drunk.

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Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry drunk.

Postby AndyL » Tue Jun 06, 2017 12:26 pm

My original thread and an update:
viewtopic.php?f=36&t=16626

First and foremost, still sober after 2.62 years (love the twelve steps app). I have not been to a meeting for about two years and have remained stubborn about it. I didn't even check the above thread after I posted and had no idea there were replies.

The "alcohol is dead to me" approach is still working. I just don't talk/think about it. I'm in constant positions at work functions with free drinks. I was literally handed three drinks in one night last month at an incentive trip. It never crossed my mind to take a sip. The biggest thing I have taken away from my past time in AA is understanding the "craving". My craving starts with the first sip. I have simply told myself to never take that first sip.

I am mildly depressed right now. I have irritability issues and am extremely impulsive. I am obsessed with my hobbies until I lose complete interest. I used to be obsessed with work, but now I am disengaged because I'm bored and my performance is being affected. My wife called me a dry drunk a while ago and I didn't know what that meant, but after reading this page, I fit much of the profile. I'm finally realizing that there is more to sobriety than just not drinking.
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Timing is strange. I used to work with a guy who intentionally screwed up my first and last name as a joke. Randy Bxxxxx (sounds like my real last name) is what he would call me. On Thursday morning, a hotel desk employee accidentally called me "Randy" and I remembered I hadn't talked to my old friend in 10+ years. I also remembered he was big into the program and was 10 years sober at the time. I thought about calling him, but didn't have his new number and didn't bother looking on social media. Too much effort. ;) I went to the airport the next morning and was walking with a coworker to our terminal. I wasn't really paying attention when I was grabbed and someone yelled "RANDY BXXXXX!!!" in my face. It was him! I hadn't thought about this guy in 10 years until the day before and then I see him in a city in which NEITHER of us lives. CRAZY.

I briefly explained my situation to him and he said my rationale is nuts, if I ever do get back into the program to not ever sponsor anyone, and that we should connect. He's 20 years sober now. We exchanged numbers and I am going to contact him for lunch when my travel schedule lightens up.

In summary, what I am doing is still working, but I really question the sustainability. I read through the other thread and some things really clicked. Even though I might not be currently drinking, I'm not getting the help or support I need. I've set in my head that step one solves all my problems and I don't need to bother with the dreaded step 2.

Anyhow, thanks for the replies on the other thread. Next steps are to connect with my old friend, who I trust, and see if he'd be willing to sponsor me. I have major trust issues and hate group settings (just get me out of the room!), but this may tremendously help things.
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Re: Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry dr

Postby Spirit Flower » Tue Jun 06, 2017 1:08 pm

Sorry you missed out on the "happy joyous free" part of sobriety. However, if you check around carefully online, you can work the steps and get a sponsor.
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Re: Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry dr

Postby PaigeB » Tue Jun 06, 2017 2:49 pm

I Love AA & it's people. I cringe when I think of having to go to some event or another and usually I don't go. I am the Chair for the women's retreat that my home group hosts... really that just means a few committee meetings and I make sure all the service positions are filled and lead a meeting on Friday night lol. It is all business to me too. Yet I do love this business of AA. I love it's people.. They are truly a bright spot in my life whenever I encounter them. I love meetings and go a couple times a week, but I don't go to picnics or out to coffee.

I also prefer sober home with the hubby and the animals. But sober has to come first. I don't need to make it something I dislike, I just let people know that if you invite me to an evening of raucous laughter and a game of Cards Against Humanity, then I will probably not come. If you invite me to speak or see you get your chip at a meeting I don't usually go to I will try hard to get there.

I try to never say no to AA, but I have a choice in what outside issues I want to do in my free sober time. It is possible to enjoy it all! =smile
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry dr

Postby tomsteve » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:55 am

i still get amazed at how the program can be misinterpreted.
personally step one didnt solve any of my problems- it showed me the problem. step 2 showed me the solution. steps 3-12 showed me the directions.

why do you dread step 2?
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Re: Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry dr

Postby kdub720 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:49 am

This is a great post. I missed the original thread. The commitment of 2 plus years sober with minimal meetings is impressive. I feel like I identify in this because I too can not stand meetings, and am an old stubborn gruff type. I for along time just thought quitting drinking cold turkey would solve my problems. I did not, I had to address my underling issues behind why I drank. That is where working the steps helped me. Just being forced to look at situations in my life helped me sort it all out. Thanks for this topic.
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Re: Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry dr

Postby Startdate » Mon Jun 26, 2017 8:41 pm

Im new 2 this. I am 1 day sober. Ive gone to meetings before but not for a long time. I am aware that ive made drinking my substitute for love. I made a decision about changing jobs recently. The stress is too much and comstant. I gave notice and need to move forward.
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Re: Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry dr

Postby Brock » Tue Jun 27, 2017 5:03 am

Welcome to these forums Stardate, and congratulations on giving AA another try. Like yourself I tried meetings on and off, until finally reaching a point where I was ready to try the solution, many excuses can be found to quit going to meetings, and I was a master of excuses.

Going to meetings is a small part of the solution, the answer of course is in those steps we see hanging on scrolls, and when we make up our minds to do them it turns out much easier than it looks. Also just like the book says the urge to drink vanishes, and as we go along a new cool life, more peaceful than we ever expected, comes to us.

Please consider going to you tube and typing in AA speakers like Chris R, or Sandy B, there are very many to choose from. You might type in 'Big Book work shop,' and find those by Joe and Charlie or Chris R, and following along in your book, a little each day, things will become clear, the book says we will be happy joyous and free, it is not a lie. Look for a sponsor at your meetings, this will be a guide through the steps as well.

Leaving a stressful job or a stressful relationship is always a good idea, see about the solution AA offers and you will handle those things better in future. Please ask any questions here as you go along, or just let us know how you are doing, all the best to you.
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Re: Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry dr

Postby Soberguy27 » Tue Sep 19, 2017 8:50 pm

Well, not sure what to say. Once in early recocery I stopped going to meetings for almost a year. It was a pretty bad year. Now sober for over 27 years I still attend meetings at least twice a week. I wonder if by not going to meetings for as long as you have if you ever considered if you were a real alcoholic. If you can't admit to your inner most self you are an alcoholic then mayne you're not or maybe not ready to get and stay sober. I still work the steps and practice the principles so that I have quality sobriety and a good happy life. If jist stopping dri king was the answer I would had done it years ago. It was much deeper than that for me. Give it another try, get a sponsor and work the steps then if you feel it isn't for you then fine.
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Re: Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry dr

Postby Patsy© » Wed Sep 20, 2017 4:23 am

I am mildly depressed right now. I have irritability issues and am extremely impulsive. I am obsessed with my hobbies until I lose complete interest. I used to be obsessed with work, but now I am disengaged because I'm bored and my performance is being affected. My wife called me a dry drunk a while ago and I didn't know what that meant, but after reading this page, I fit much of the profile. I'm finally realizing that there is more to sobriety than just not drinking.


There is much much more to not drinking, then just not drinking. Take a good look at what you posted above, that is not "Sober"... that is "Dry" and dry drunks simply can't live in their own skin comfortably. Those around dry drunks are constantly walking on pins and needles and eventually have to make the decision whether they want to live comfortably in their own skin.

Step One is wonderful, however it is a mere beginning and it is not recovery nor does it solve the problem. The real problem of the alcoholic centers in the mind. Recovery comes when we change the person we brought though those doors of AA, one step at a time....from the inside, to the outside.

This disease is cunning, baffling, powerful, progressive, chronic, insidious and deadly. .....it never gets better, it only gets worse.
Untreated alcoholism Kills, whether we drink or not. I am amazed that some think we do not need AA meetings. For this drunk, I do not attend AA meetings today so that I don't drink, I attend AA meetings so that I can live life on life's terms and pass on what was passed to me. Because I can't keep this gift unless I give it away and I can't give away what I do not have. There are two parts to Alcoholics Anonymous....The Fellowship and The Program of Recovery and I Need both so that I can Remember When and so that I sit with a newcomer face to face and Remember where I came from, how I got here and what its like now. Most importantly, its NOT ABOUT ME.....its about being there for the newcomer and anyone who want to stop drinking and Recover through the Program of Action, the 12 Steps....and its ME who gets to walk away sober, whether they do or not.

I think its sad when AA members tell others to go to a website and watch videos. I need to See and Hear what alcoholism does to human beings, up close and personal. I also need to See and Hear what Recovery does for human beings, up close and personal. There is nothing like sitting with a newcomer who is shaking, sweating, anxious, irritable, discontent and scared out of their mind...... because when all other measures fail, working with another alcoholic will bring gratitude to this drunks heart, quicker than anything else.

I love the AA Fellowship, its a place I can go and be completely understood by everyone in that room, its also a place I can go to hear the truth about this disease and to hear the truth about Recovery. Bill W. says it best in the following about Sobriety:

Sobriety - the freedom from alcohol, through the teaching and practicing of the twelve steps is the sole purpose of an AA group. - Bill Wilson



Page 62 in the Big Book addresses your post Andy...

Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us!


Andy, untreated alcoholism takes and takes and takes.....until there is nothing left. Today, I have a life second to none and I am so grateful that I was given the Truth and the Solution at AA meetings face to face. Online is a God send for those who are housebound or disabled however online is no substitute for face to face AA meetings and genuine Recovery.

I would suggest going back to face to face AA meetings and this time ask for help and listen, then put the suggestions into action. You will be amazed before you are half way through.
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
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Re: Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry dr

Postby JohnDaniels » Wed Sep 20, 2017 4:41 am

Andy when the shirt hits the fan some guys stay and some guys go for the gold!

Andy, don't you sell out! Get your butt to a meeting! You're a good guy who knows the difference. I want to hear your success story!

Do you know what Plexidominal Surgery is? It's when a man has plexi-glass installed in his stomach so he can see where he's going until he pulls his head out of his ass.

C'mon Andy. You're a smart man. I love ya brother!
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Re: Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry dr

Postby JohnDaniels » Wed Sep 20, 2017 5:02 am

Startdate wrote:Im new 2 this. I am 1 day sober. Ive gone to meetings before but not for a long time. I am aware that ive made drinking my substitute for love. I made a decision about changing jobs recently. The stress is too much and comstant. I gave notice and need to move forward.


Oh come one! Don't give up on life that easy! God has better plans for you than that but hey, you gotta at least meet him half way!
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Re: Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry dr

Postby Patsy© » Wed Sep 20, 2017 6:00 am

JohnDaniels wrote:Andy when the shirt hits the fan some guys stay and some guys go for the gold!

Andy, don't you sell out! Get your butt to a meeting! You're a good guy who knows the difference. I want to hear your success story!

Do you know what Plexidominal Surgery is? It's when a man has plexi-glass installed in his stomach so he can see where he's going until he pulls his head out of his ass.

C'mon Andy. You're a smart man. I love ya brother!


John, I am stealing this Plexidominal Surgery saying....and I am taking it to our next AA commitment and I am going to share it from the podium. That is fantastic!! :lol: :lol:
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Re: Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry dr

Postby Mike O » Wed Sep 20, 2017 11:08 am

My perception is that when it comes to meetings, everybody has different needs.
For some, a daily meeting is an important part of their life in sobriety. For others, a couple a week...for others just once in a while.
The tradition is that in A.A. we go to A.A. meetings.
Well, as many here already know, I've never been to even a single face-to-face meeting in 10 years of sobriety. However, I'm sober, I'm happy. I have no interest in drinking or desire to do so. My knuckles aren't white. I serve the still-suffering alcoholic on online committees. I work the steps in every aspect of my daily life. I'm not in isolation, having correspondence with other recovering alcoholics regularly.

In the course of my service, I come across many who have attended regular meetings for years but have relapsed - THEY NEVER WORKED THE STEPS.

My sobriety has been frowned upon and scoffed at by many over the years...I care not. It's working.
I don't suggest that it's the way for everybody, but it IS a way.
:D
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Re: Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry dr

Postby VernaShield » Sat Sep 23, 2017 12:41 am

Im new 2 this. I am 1 day sober. Ive gone to meetings before but not for a long time. I am aware that ive made drinking my substitute for love. I made a decision about changing jobs recently. The stress is too much and comstant. I gave notice and need to move forward.
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Re: Update: Still not attending meetings. I am also a dry dr

Postby Brock » Sat Sep 23, 2017 7:12 am

Hello VernaShield.

You have copied word for word a post from another member, and you are posting from an IP address which is that of a known spammer. Since in developing countries IP addresses are sometimes shared, I am leaving your post. If you are the same person who posts from that address under the names Arydigital and AryNews, we can not help you, if however you genuinely need our help and advice please say so.
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