Feel Like A Moron After My Rare Share Today

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Feel Like A Moron After My Rare Share Today

Postby duckdog » Wed Apr 26, 2017 8:54 pm

OK. I've got 3.5 months sober and I never share at meetings. I go to at least 7 meetings a week, more when I can. My sponsor has been encouraging me to share since I first got sober but I was resistant for a long time because I just didn't feel like I had much to add.

Last week I made a promise to myself that I would share at least once every 5 meetings. The couple times I have shared I've always felt like my points got kind of lost in translation. Today I felt like things went totally off the rails...

The topic had to do with relationships. It was a small meeting and I could relate so I raised my hand. I began by talking about how my relationship with my significant other started and how on our second date we were followed home, i got in a fight and then shot the guys car when he said he was going to come back and shoot up my house.

I was trying to show just how insane a relationship of two active addicts was. When my significant other testified as the only eye witness to the offense other than myself and the victim the charges against me were reduced. This caused my to go "all in" in the relationship, as this girl literally saved my life I thought, which led to 5 years of us abusing drugs and each other. I gave a few more examples of the insanity in our relationship including literally fighting in the drive way over a food stamp card, etc.

By the time I was done I realized I had put way too much out there. I had gone from the quiet guy in the back to some guy who was rambling about guns, ankle monitors and food stamps. I felt like an idiot..

As soon as the Lord's prayer was over I bee lined to the door. One guy told me he appreciated my share but I thought he probably just felt bad for me.

A part of me never wants to go back to that meeting again yet I know that that's my disease trying to isolate me so that I will drink again. I know I am living in fear and my experience has shown me that when I walk through those feelings I come out on the other side stronger.

I am just totally embarrassed and would appreciate any advice.
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Re: Feel Like A Moron After My Rare Share Today

Postby Blue Moon » Thu Apr 27, 2017 5:00 am

You felt like an idiot. You'll get over it. In time, you'll grow accustomed to gauging the audience and moderating your output. Everything done well in life takes practice to do well.
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Re: Feel Like A Moron After My Rare Share Today

Postby clouds » Thu Apr 27, 2017 6:25 am

Well, I'd take what the guy you helped said seriously. We never know how something we never plan to say, but say anyway, can be just what someone else needed to hear. Imagine if he is on the brink of involving himself with an active addict and your talking of your experience saved him from doing 5 years of total misery.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Feel Like A Moron After My Rare Share Today

Postby Layne » Thu Apr 27, 2017 8:31 am

Embarrassment doesn't kill anyone, the disease does.

Don't sweat it. I assume that what you said was true. The truth is not to be feared. Truth sets us free.

I will grant that not all our truths need to be spoken at group level, but any alcoholic willing to go to any length for sobriety knew exactly where you were coming from and could relate. Your share very may have helped someone who is struggling.

I couldn't make any progress towards sobriety until I felt like I was part of and shares like yours helped me to feel part of. Not only that, but it was a growth step for you. How great is that! Growth may not happen perfectly, but it is never wrong and isn't embarrassing.
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Re: Feel Like A Moron After My Rare Share Today

Postby Roberth » Thu Apr 27, 2017 9:52 am

Hello Duckdog, my name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles Area alcoholic. At 25 years I still struggle with public speaking. I don’t try to impress people when I speak. I just tell them my name and tell them the truth. To me the truth isn’t what may happen but rather what has happened. Trust me if it spoken from the heart it’s good. That’s why they call it the language of the heart. I sure you didn’t sound like an idiot, you just sounded like someone with 3 and a half months. I was told the easiest way to sound like I have 20 years is to actually get 20 years.
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Re: Feel Like A Moron After My Rare Share Today

Postby kdub720 » Thu Apr 27, 2017 3:47 pm

This is Great, Do not feel bad, it is talking and groups we get nerveous and ramble some times. The point is that you are willing to share your past and your faults because the past is behind us. I think it is great. When people share a little too much it just tells me that they are passionate about the topic. THanks for the post.
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