Emotional baggage...

For recovery discussion

Emotional baggage...

Postby Ringo-Bingo » Wed Mar 15, 2017 12:58 pm

I've been in the fellowship for a year now, and after many relapses, I feel that I am finally on the right path to lifelong sobriety. I've got a great sponsor and plenty of support around me, in and outside the fellowship and, I've really started to embrace my spirituality. Every other element of my life is in a pretty good place apart from one thing, my emotions ! Every day I'm battling with them, mostly to do with certain members of the opposite sex and, this has on so many occasions before, lead me back to drinking....
I have faith and strength now and the desire to never drink again and, pray every day that the defects that are associated with the emotions, are removed. I'm terrified though that if I don't get rid of these emotions, I will end up feeling so bad and end up picking up again. I understand now why people initially said to me, "men stick with men and, women stick with women".... I wish I'd listened to them !!

Any advice would be gratefully received.
Ringo-Bingo
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2017 12:42 pm

Re: Emotional baggage...

Postby Spirit Flower » Wed Mar 15, 2017 3:32 pm

Defects may be removed but emotions themselves are part of being human. Through the steps, management and choice becomes possible. But one of my ongoing things is a choice to keep working on proper release of resentments and fear; plus the forward looking prayer and meditation. But after 31 years, yes, I still have emotions and always will.

I say that honestly because most people think that after step 7 that they'll never be upset again. It doesn't say that.
...a score card reading zero...
User avatar
Spirit Flower
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 1752
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 5:49 am
Location: Texas

Re: Emotional baggage...

Postby tomsteve » Wed Mar 15, 2017 5:35 pm

something that helped me tremendously was the 4th step- not only the resentment inventory, but the fear and sex inventory,too.
have you done those?
tomsteve
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 245
Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2014 10:25 am

Re: Emotional baggage...

Postby Ringo-Bingo » Thu Mar 16, 2017 1:29 am

Thanks for the reply. I finished a thorough step 4 and 5 last week and was feeling great afterwards. Then at the weekend the emotions hit me big style and I behaved in a way that almost cost me a very dear friendship. I'm through 6 and 7 now and going to be doing step 8 soon. I just feel like isolating myself at the moment, not because I have any desire or mental obsession to drink but, just feel uncomfortable being around my fellows....
Prayer and meditation is important to me and I pray everyday that I can get through this and feel better
Ringo-Bingo
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2017 12:42 pm

Re: Emotional baggage...

Postby positrac » Thu Mar 16, 2017 2:03 am

finally on the right path to lifelong sobriety


Well said because this is not a diet we do so we can look good for a brief minute. The steps are awesome and doing my 4th and 5th steps over from time to time have opened me up. Some do the 10th step and whatever works. However for me my past was extremely hard and many have said it is a wonder I got this far in life given those circumstances. I confided in a member recently with some of my haunting memories that creep up and seem to never want to depart my soul! Will I drink over it? Nah I've been at this life too long for this to drag me into some drunken binge.

Time is a maker or breaker in recovery because I am my own worst enemy because of stinking thinking and old thoughts of what if I had done this or that; and for me these are not positive things for my self esteem. I've written some letters recently to some of my old haunting friends and I just need to burn them so I can move forward and these old friends really don't want to see anything good come from me because I was born into a resentful family and though they have died they come to haunt me from time to time and I feel really powerless. We can talk it out, write it out, scream it out and or whatever as long as we don't forget our last drunk and have a good support network.

I am not sure if this helped you as it reminded me of my lack luster performance on action on my part.

have a great day and keep coming back.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
Hopi Proverb
User avatar
positrac
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 1137
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:03 am

Re: Emotional baggage...

Postby Noels » Thu Mar 16, 2017 3:41 am

Hi Ringo :D thank you for sharing with all of us. It is so important for us to remember that we all, at some stage, experience pretty much the same feelings and emotions and its okay. Its part of being human and its okay to be human and feeling whatever we are feeling at that moment.

I find that I myself disappear for a while when I need to - not because I'm on the brink of collapse of depression, no, more to "review" where I am in my life with myself and my life at that particular moment. Ive learned that this "pausing action" is necessary for me to ensure I honour myself and my emotions and feelings which is a part of me although not the entire me, and by doing this I remain true to myself. So ive come to look at these "pausing periods" as healing and how often haven't we heard the saying "there is healing in silence?".

I have also reached the stage in my life where I no longer feel I need to explain to those around me WHY I need quiet time with myself. They don't need to understand it (or me). They simply need to accept that my need for "pausing periods" is ALSO a part of me even though not the entire me in the same manner that I accept them exactly as they are.

So enjoy your pausing period knowing it is necessary and it too shall pass.

Much love,
Mwah xxx Noels
There is only Love
Noels
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 1247
Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2016 6:14 am

Re: Emotional baggage...

Postby Ringo-Bingo » Thu Mar 16, 2017 3:54 am

Thank you for all your replies, they have been of great help to me. I particularly like the 'pausing periods' you described Noels, I've never thought of it like that and I've always felt I had to explain to people that I'm not on the brink of a relapse, I just need some time out !! So, thank you for making me aware of this Noels, it's made me feel a lot better today. This is the first time I've been on here and, hope that I can be of some help to people also....

Much love x
Ringo-Bingo
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2017 12:42 pm

Re: Emotional baggage...

Postby Duke » Thu Mar 16, 2017 7:43 am

Welcome Ringo-Bingo.

My experience has been that the program has given me honesty about and acceptance of my emotions. It was pointed out to me early on that feelings are something we have to cease fighting and turn over just like difficult people and situations.

As others have already related, it's also given me healthy ways to keep those emotions in proper perspective and make good choices about what I say and do even when I experience them.

They just don't mean what they used to. The power I rely on lies elsewhere.

I hope to hear more from you.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa
User avatar
Duke
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 3684
Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2011 3:35 pm
Location: Kansas, USA

Re: Emotional baggage...

Postby Ringo-Bingo » Thu Mar 16, 2017 10:26 am

Thanks Duke, another bit of great advice and help. I do try and be honest with people about how I am feeling but, it's good for me to get different perspectives from people that I don't know, like on here....

I guess I'm realising that I haven't been handing over to my higher power entirely in the morning, thus I am still struggling with the emotional side of things. I'll adjust my prayers and concede that I am powerless over the way I feel and not just over alcohol !!

Much love x
Ringo-Bingo
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2017 12:42 pm

Re: Emotional baggage...

Postby Blue Moon » Sat Mar 18, 2017 6:39 pm

Ringo-Bingo wrote:pray every day that the defects that are associated with the emotions, are removed. I'm terrified though that if I don't get rid of these emotions, I will end up feeling so bad and end up picking up again.


Hi, I'm unaware of any prayer that removed any character-defect. The magic word in recovery is "action". Methinks that if prayer was all we needed, we'd all be sober in church.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon
User avatar
Blue Moon
Site Admin
 
Posts: 3564
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2002 2:01 am
Location: New Jersey

Re: Emotional baggage...

Postby kdub720 » Wed Mar 29, 2017 3:40 pm

Prayer is amazing. I can be active and attend, yet it is the spirit above that takes the desire away. thanks for the post.
kdub720
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 166
Joined: Fri Dec 04, 2015 12:03 pm

Re: Emotional baggage...

Postby PaigeB » Thu Mar 30, 2017 11:17 am

Ringo-Bingo wrote:I do try and be honest with people about how I am feeling but, it's good for me to get different perspectives from people that I don't know, like on here...

My sponsor once told me that if I told the story 100 times I would get 100 different reactions. Then I would be confused, just like I was when I first sought to get some perspective. That is why we have a sponsor I think... when all else fails, I can go to that person for directions in what seems like a crap storm of things life is throwing at me.

I do like SHORT prayers, especially when I am freaking out. Page 87 of the Big Book tells us to "Pause when agitated or doubtful" and ask for an intuitive thought or action. That is hard to do when I am flipping out. It took some work on simple meditation practices to help me find the quiet (the Peace is in the Pause) and consciously change my mind (Ask for help). So I fell in love with the Prayer at the top of page 67...
"God save me from being angry! Before I kill this person!" or just "Save that guy!" laughing but serious.

:wink: This is what is really in that prayer:
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
But wait there is MORE!

THEN after doing that little tiny bit of Work (it works if ya work it) THEN we might be able to:
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. (Next sentence after the prayer work)

TADA! It's all in the Book! And friends at the meeting might know it too! =geek :mrgreen: =ugeek =biggrin :) :D =wink :shock: =smile :P :lol:
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 10393
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA


Return to Discussions

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 6 guests

cron