Need some help

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Need some help

Postby GodFirst » Wed Jan 11, 2017 3:55 pm

Hi all,

I'm Kayleigh, I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time here. I've been sober for 3.5 years. I used to go to meetings quite a bit when I was first getting sober. Then over the course of the last 1-1.5 years my meeting numbers have dwindled to about 1/week. At that, I'm not getting a lot out of the meeting I go to. I go because I know the people and, let's face it, I hate change.

My husband and I are pregnant with our first child. It was a struggle for us to conceive. We tried for years. We ended up needing 3 rounds of IVF to get this little miracle. I think infertility was the hardest thing I've ever faced. Even more than getting sober. What kept me sane during these few years was prayer (lots of prayer), and online forums filled with others that were struggling just like I was. It reminded me a lot of aa. Just a bunch of people sharing their experience, strength and hope.

I've been feeling a bit discontent lately and have had thoughts of social drinking when the baby is born. I need to confess that I never had a problem with alcohol, my problem was opioids. Then I was feeling guilty over having these feelings and thinking, "I may just quit meetings all together because I'm getting very little out of them." My excuse for this is I'm very involved in my church and am very comfortable there and am accountable.

So, my question is, do y'all only attend online meetings? I've discussed this with my sponsor and she thinks online meetings may be a great thing for me, but I'm so scared of making any mistakes. I'm quite hard on myself. Just looking for some general guidance and advice. Looking for your experience, strength and hope. Thanks!
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Re: Need some help

Postby positrac » Thu Jan 12, 2017 3:28 am

Welcome, and congratulations on your baby!
You said something that got my attention and it was making mistakes......Really? Come on now you've been in the rooms long enough to know if no mistakes aren't made then you aren't doing it right. :lol:
I believe you know enough today to understand and to feel out that drinking and drugging is not the answer in any form because those two issues go hand in hand over time and the damage will be very bad to you and your family. I hope some ladies can chime in and be supportive of your situation and provide insight of things after your baby arrives and how to manage time and or other points directly related to being an new mother.

And change is such a wonderful experience! :roll: You are in the right place and my experience is change and it is painful does lend to growth in a personal nature and so it maybe God's nudge for you to take the next step in your recovery. Also have you worked the steps fully? I ask because this might also be the nudge, and step work is not truly one and done as we are living a life time deal staying sober and so mistakes are bound.

Have a good day and keep coming back.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: Need some help

Postby Noels » Thu Jan 12, 2017 5:07 am

Hallo Keyleigh and welcome to e-aa :D I think many of our regular members are still sleeping :D Once they're "active and alive" they'll pop in to chat.

3.5 years. Congratulations! I haven't been attending regular face to face meetings or online meetings but when I feel I need to go to a meeting I make a plan and go. I have and still is learning a lot from the members on this site. However, if you've been feeling

I've been feeling a bit discontent lately and have had thoughts of social drinking when the baby is born. I need to confess that I never had a problem with alcohol, my problem was opioids. Then I was feeling guilty over having these feelings and thinking, "I may just quit meetings all together because I'm getting very little out of them." My excuse for this is I'm very involved in my church and am very comfortable there and am accountable.

id say rather include a plan to attend regular weekly meetings once baby is there. The arrival of a little one causes change within the household so attending meetings and having the support of your fellow aa moms will be a good thing for you. Believe me, when baby cries the entire night and mommy get no rest, keeping sane while these changes are taking place will be essential. This can always be reviewed once you're settled in to your new life and some routine. Nothing is ever set in stone :)

In the meantime browse around, ask some more questions if you have any and just enjoy your pregnancy. One day at a time :)

Mwah xxx Noels
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Re: Need some help

Postby avaneesh912 » Thu Jan 12, 2017 5:11 am

I've been feeling a bit discontent lately and have had thoughts of social drinking when the baby is born.


We need a deep conviction that we alcoholic. If we have a realization that we are indeed an alcoholic, we could then launch into vigorous course of action and get connected to our HP. Otherwise we are doomed. We will be testing whether we are alcoholic or not or we will reach a point where the spiritual malady will not even give you an option/choice. We will be wondering what happened. Many in the fellowship are in this state. Frequent readings of Big book will help us be conscious of the concepts presented in the book.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Need some help

Postby Spirit Flower » Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:01 am

How is your spiritual life? Without that, meetings or no meetings, that idea about social drinking will win.
...a score card reading zero...
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Re: Need some help

Postby Brock » Thu Jan 12, 2017 9:19 am

I've been feeling a bit discontent lately and have had thoughts of social drinking when the baby is born. I need to confess that I never had a problem with alcohol, my problem was opioids.

Fair enough, my problem was principally alcohol, I liked cocaine but turned my back on that without too much trouble. So if a thought of drinking should enter my mind the book says 'we recoil as if from a hot flame,' because we have a picture firmly implanted in our mind of a really crappy place that alcohol took us, if the thought of doing opioids should enter your mind, you will probably think the same way. The question may be will social drinking result in you going back to opioid use, with the resultant dreadful results, unless you believe it will, you may not have the required first part of the first step, “admitted we were powerless over alcohol,” 100%.
Then I was feeling guilty over having these feelings and thinking, "I may just quit meetings all together because I'm getting very little out of them." My excuse for this is I'm very involved in my church and am very comfortable there and am accountable.

I am down to one a week myself, used to be two, but my home group moved and I don't find the meeting worth the driving distance. Neither do many others, and so a few people sit around a table and say things I have heard a thousand times, and as you say I get very little out of it. Then some smarty pants person, here or in the meeting, will say things like 'it's not what you get out of it, it's what you put in,' there always seems to be this underlying thread in AA when someone says they don't like the meetings, it's always the persons fault, well I don't subscribe to that way of thinking, meetings have become a way to pass the message for me, and I enjoy the company of some of the members, nothing more.

Once when I said this on line someone wrote me privately, saying they were many more years sober than me, and there was no doubt that a “real” alcoholic needs at least three meetings per week, so what I was saying might kill those who follow suit, you hear all sorts of opinions in AA. What I believe I have learned out of all this, is that once we are true to ourselves, with questions like am I growing spiritually, this line from today's reflection might apply as something we keep in mind - “Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy or defeatism, they can be the sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built.” If the church and the people there keep you spiritually and emotionally fit, then I don't see that as an excuse, I see it as your right choice. I am convinced that those who preach meetings several times per week as being essential, have not had and can't maintain as strong a spiritual connection with the God of their understanding, as those of us who attempt to walk in the sunlight of the spirit 24/7, best of luck to you.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Need some help

Postby thebowsie » Thu Jan 12, 2017 9:40 am

Congrats on the baby Kayleigh! This is my first time on this forum and just to let you know - as of April 12th of this year I will be 18 years sober and once I made my decision to stop drinking (alcohol was my drug of choice) I've never have taken another drink. I was a stage 4 alcoholic and by the grace of God, the damage to my liver repaired itself within two years. The reason I give you my length of sobriety is so you know there are so many of us out there that have gotten and stayed sober. As January 14th, my husband will celebrate his 31st AA anniversary. Again, he got and stayed sober at the young age of 30.

I have no sponsor - nor have I sponsored anyone. In the beginning, I had a sponsor, attended meetings daily for the first year-year 1/2 of my sobriety. I sat there, said my name, that I was an alcoholic and passed. My uncle was a big circuit speaker for AA (total old school AA) and he told me to sit in the chair and shut up since anyone with more time sober than I had knew more about staying sober than I did. It drove the AA's nuts who wanted a newcomer fix on my particular story. When I did start to talk in meetings (depending on the topic) my mantra was for those getting newly sober, to do it inconjuction with a physical from their PCP as abuse of alcohol really does lead to potential hidden & obvious medical issues. For some, withdrawing from a drug wreaks havoc on the body.

My meeting attendance then dwindled down and I went to a meeting last year to give my husband his 30 year chip. After my 5th anniversary I didn't go again until my 10th. It is my thought process that meetings are all well and good - but staying sober is an inside job. Only you can make the decision whether or not you want to drug/drink. Quite frankly, I got tired of the BS in meetings w/the fellowship and in lieu of blowing a gasket at some of the crap I was hearing I chose to stay away and continue to live a sober life "stepping through life." I broke all the unwritten rules of AA - I moved states, met my husband at AA - got married. In my first year of sobriety, we lost my husband's mom, at 13 months sober, my mom died unexpectedly and at 2 years sober I lost a baby due to Graves Disease. Then was told when they pulled my thyroid that I would go into menopause - so I had to deal with the reality that I would never have children. Looking back now, God knew more than I did. I will tell you though that when my mom died, I totally wanted to drink and block it all out. I got through it, the funeral and all since blowing my sobriety would not have brought my mom back from the dead and in all liklihood, I would have been dead also. Through it all, I remained sober.

My message to you is live your life. Overthinking your addiction will not help the thought process. There are so many avenues out there for you and the beauty of AA is there are no rules. Take what you need and leave the rest. If using this forum works for you - then continue. After all of these years, it's still "One Day At A Time." You will get to the point in your life that you wont even think about the fact you are an addict (or alcoholic). The AA program was meant for people to recover and divinely inspired. It's this time of the year when we celebrate our AA anniversary's that I even really think about it. You'll be just fine plus you'll have your baby and that my dear is God's greatest gift to you. God gives everyone free will it's up to us, as individuals, to use that free will responsibly. The hardest part of getting help is actually asking for it.
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Re: Need some help

Postby PaigeB » Thu Jan 12, 2017 9:59 am

I've been feeling a bit discontent lately and have had thoughts of social drinking when the baby is born. I need to confess that I never had a problem with alcohol, my problem was opioids.

No one thinks about drugs and alcohol the way alcoholic/addicts do. We like to plan our next drink. it is VERY dangerous thinking.

I can tell you from first hand experience that alcohol is THE gateway drug. It shuts off my safety switch. It automatically tells me that "one or 2 won't hurt" or "just this time" and of course, I am off to the races! I would get back in contact with the people who know the solution ~ AA or NA.

You don't have to lose your baby to the authorities or die using. You can have a life better than you ever dreamed.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Need some help

Postby Brock » Thu Jan 12, 2017 10:11 am

Welcome here 'thebowsie.' I am kind of old to use the sayings I hear younger people using, but after reading what you wrote I make an exception, “you rock.”
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Need some help

Postby PaigeB » Thu Jan 12, 2017 10:32 am

I've been feeling a bit discontent lately and have had thoughts of social drinking

Social drinking for me is a fantasy. Even if I manage to have 1 or 2 and leave the party, I will find a muscle relaxer or a benzo as quick as I can get home - or maybe I'll just swing by Sally's and get just One opioid. This is the fantasy talked about on page 559 of the Big Book. Last paragraph.

But I am double dipping because on the way out, my eyes caught the word "discontent". You know that word is in the Big Book too, right? In the Doctor's Opinion... I think it says, "We were restless, irritable and discontent until we could again experience the relief that came from taking that first drink."

Anyway - get to a meeting near you soon. Just one - see what happens. :D
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Re: Need some help

Postby tomsteve » Thu Jan 12, 2017 10:33 am

if im going to meetings to get something out of it, theres something wrong with me.
I go to meetings today to carry the message to the next sick and suffering alcoholic/addict.

"At that, I'm not getting a lot out of the meeting I go to. I go because I know the people and, let's face it, I hate change."

well, if ya hate change, how did you manage to get sober and be sober for 3.5 years without change?

you've had thoughts of drinking. not uncommon and the big book says something about that:
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor.
SELDOM interested. bb says some really good stuff after that,too.
I can still have thoughts of drinking, but I don't act on them. but what im reading is a premeditated drunk and if ya don't get into action and back to practicing the principles, that pre meditated drunkl could become reality.

"My excuse for this is I'm very involved in my church and am very comfortable there and am accountable."
im glad to read ya involved in church, but you even say its an excuse. and you are accountable for you EVERYWHERE.
what better place for ya to minister than at an AA/NA meeting?
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Re: Need some help

Postby Lali » Thu Jan 12, 2017 10:40 am

Welcome, thebowsie! We hope you stick around. Your ES&H is needed!
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Re: Need some help

Postby Blue Moon » Thu Jan 12, 2017 5:09 pm

GodFirst wrote:I'm Kayleigh, I'm an alcoholic.

.
.
.

I've been feeling a bit discontent lately and have had thoughts of social drinking when the baby is born. I need to confess that I never had a problem with alcohol, my problem was opioids.

Hi Kayleigh,

I'm slightly puzzled here. Are you alcoholic?
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Re: Need some help

Postby GodFirst » Fri Jan 13, 2017 6:30 am

Hi all!

Thank you so so much for all of your replies. To answer some of the questions asked, my spiritual health is good. There's always room for improvement, though. Lately I've been doing more devotional and scripture reading. I have been praying so much about this issue and got honest with my sponsor. I am very involved in my church and have multiple commitments there including youth ministry, bible study and singing in the praise band.

I have earnestly worked the steps of AA and truly believe they have helped me, although, I am not an alcoholic. Here's the back story:

I am a nurse and had about a 2 month problem with prescription medication that got me to an IOP rehhab. At rehab they recommended meetings. I went to both AA and NA but found my sponsor in AA and she and I immediately got in the book and started working the steps. So, because I attended AA meetings and was a member of the program, I was told to identify as an alcoholic out of respect for the program.

I was told one time that I am an addict while in rehab and therefore, have just assumed that identity up until now. I'm just questioning some things. I've chosen to speak with an addiction counselor about the issues I'm facing, as I'm not taking the decision to walk away from meetings and attempt social drinking lightly.

I do believe that AA saves lives. It saved mine. I do believe that if you work the steps that you get the promises. I do believe that the entire purpose of the program is to lead you to God and only He can sustain us and lead us to peace and serenity. I believe in working the 12 steps daily in my life and will continue to do that. But, if I'm not getting much out of meetings... do I truly need to continue to go? This is the truth I am after and will continue seeking! Thank you all!!
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Re: Need some help

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Jan 13, 2017 6:39 am

although, I am not an alcoholic.


Look at the un-manageability. You admit you are discontented. Probably thats leading to a solution, easier softer way. So you applied the program and realized the powerlessness over opiods but left the door open for alcohol. Nothing can be done from outside. You have to look for an answer yourself. Can you pass the 2 tests the book suggests:

Try to drink 2 drinks everyday (to test the craving part)
Or
Abstain from it for a year (to test the mental part of powerlessness)

Only you can conclude whether you are an alcoholic or not.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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