Losing hope

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Losing hope

Postby Sully » Sat Dec 31, 2016 10:48 am

I started the program in August, I relapsed many times until one big blowout. I managed to stay sober for the month of November and then got drunk at my work Christmas party. For whatever reason I thought I could drink like a normal person. I started right down my old paths. I also have a cocaine problem. My wife left me on Christmas and returned to her country. She was contimplating divorce, but has decided she loves me and wants to be with me but that I must be on my own till I'm sober.

Last night I had a real bender, I figured I would start back in the program on New Year's Day. I never really took to the program, I never went every day and I hardly ever phoned my sponsor when I had the urge to drink.

Now I truly want to stop, I'm miserable without my wife and I'm afraid I will lose my life from either a cocaine overdose and some alcohol related complication. I'm sure my sponsor has given up on me, but I'm ready now to go to a meeting everday. I'm so miserable that I do not even want to be alone.

I'm writing this because I need someone to talk to, I need encouragement and advice.
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Re: Losing hope

Postby Duke » Sat Dec 31, 2016 11:11 am

Welcome Sully and thanks for sharing. I can offer my experience as encouragement. I've seen some really stubborn cases get and stay sober. It sounds like you already know what to do.

If you're prepared to admit you're powerless over alcohol and not just someone with a drinking problem, then you should be ready to work the steps and practice the principles. If you do, your life will change. You will be released from the compulsion to drink and will find a new meaning and purpose to your life.

If you just want to get your wife back cause you screwed up again, you may be able to stay sober for a while, but as you've seen, it won't last by just going to meetings and making phone calls until the heat is off. You've got to be prepared to embrace the program, not just the meetings, like your life depends on it.

I know you can do it if you want to. Make that start. Get serious. It will work.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa
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Re: Losing hope

Postby avaneesh912 » Sat Dec 31, 2016 11:12 am

I see you never took the 12 steps seriously, now beaten to the corner I see some willingness. I see hope. Its unfortunate we have to reach this spot but thats the best thing that could happen to you. The realization that left on your own resource you are going to go out. I arrived that realization back in 2006. That led me to AA and then with the help of the fellowship and sponsor and lot of listening, I was able to tap into the power the book talks about. Good luck with your recovery, am I sure there must be tons of meetings where you live. Go to on and raise your hand and tell them you need help.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Losing hope

Postby Brock » Sat Dec 31, 2016 1:01 pm

I agree that what looks on the surface like a setback, will be a blessing in disguise. I also had to be beaten down by failure a couple of times when I tried AA in a half arsed way, but when we realize it's our only hope and give it a good effort it never fails.

A couple of points I always try to make, the program not only brings us to the point that the urge and obsession to drink goes away completely, but a new life we never expected opens up. And not some sort of nerdy holier than thou life either, just a cool life. Also, I never met anyone who liked meetings at first, they do grow on you, and while making meetings as often as possible is a good idea at first, it's not a life sentence, once we get through the steps most of us cut down considerably.

Best of luck for a happy and sober new year.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Losing hope

Postby PaigeB » Sat Dec 31, 2016 3:21 pm

You do not have to be alone. In fact, my reality is that the Truth is I never was alone and never am alone.

I did recently go through a hard spell, but did not drink. I eventually called my sponsor who I was sure would fire me on the spot. She did not. It was an easy talk, like old times. She gave me work to do and I am desperate, so I will do it. Even if she had fired me, I was ready to change sponsors because I truly never want to go back to the "pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization" - I already P.A.I.D. that!

See pg 30 for the quote & good Step 1 stuff.
"We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics."
To me that meant more than just saying it to another alcoholic. I had to CONCEDE and not just to another alcoholic... I had to concede to MY INNER MOST SELF... you know, that place where the shame lives.

I know of 2 Alkathons for the New Year holiday. One is by phone and the other an online chat group. Anyone who wants the info can PM me! For meeting in your local area, start here and follow the links to your neighborhood or reach the Online Intergroup for all kinds of non face-to-face meetings! I think they have skype too! http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: Losing hope

Postby Noels » Sat Dec 31, 2016 3:46 pm

Hi Sully :D welcome to e-aa :D it's a new year - wide and open with new and wonderful possibilities. Make this year so awesome that 2016 get jealous :D
Happy new year my friend. All the best and we'll walk the road with you if you want until you're strong enough to walk it on your own .
Mwah xxx Noels
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Re: Losing hope

Postby clouds » Sun Jan 01, 2017 8:28 am

Hi Sully, welcome back.

I heard about AA, talked to an AA member and watched a video on AA. For the next 6 months I tried everything I could think of to stop drinking on my own WITHOUT doing AA. Nothing I did, or 'cures', doctors, worked. I couldn't stay stopped.

I must have been thinking that AA was the last place on earth I wanted to go.
As it turned out once I went to meetings and did my best to follow the 12 steps, my whole life became really good and I haven't wanted to go back to the hell of my drinking days for many years now.

Glad you are here, AA has worked for millions, just put in some dedicated time with it, believe me, its so much better of a life, I never could have imagined this before I tried it.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Losing hope

Postby D'oh » Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:02 am

Now I truly want to stop, I'm miserable without my wife and I'm afraid I will lose my life from either a cocaine overdose and some alcohol related complication.


Hi Sully.

Unfortunately, that is 1 result. It is your choice though, you have to decide though. There has been a Box of Tools layed at your feet. A way of living that you will not have to drink/use, but you will not want to drink or use. It is your choice weather you want to use them.
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Re: Losing hope

Postby Lali » Sun Jan 01, 2017 1:12 pm

Sully wrote:Now I truly want to stop, I'm miserable without my wife and I'm afraid I will lose my life from either a cocaine overdose and some alcohol related complication.


It happens. Just this last year, we lost several in this town due to liver failure and one just died as the result of a cocaine overdose.

Why not give AA a chance? Nothing changes if nothing changes.
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