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Re: Resentment

Postby tomsteve » Wed Jan 25, 2017 8:30 am

avaneesh912 wrote:Resentment is the “number one” offender.

I used to be a ragaholic. when I got into AA, why I had all that range and anger was something I truly wanted to learn.
about 3 months sober, my brother came up to visit. I used to smoke pot and drink with him. he was still active. as the visit wore on I was getting closer and closer to rage and just couldn't figure out what to do. then something someone said at a meeting came to mind;"sometimes I just gotta pick up the big book and start reading and for some reason the page I open up to has the solution."
so I grabbed my bb,went out and sat at a table under a tree and whipped open the bb. what was the first thing I read?

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.

what did I do? threw my bb across the yard! "well, no S***! what do I do about it!?!?!?!"
calmed down a bit, opened back up to that page and kept reading.

I had to put my brother on my 4th step resentment inventory.until I understood the causes and conditions completely, just understanding he was a sick man just like me helped.
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Re: Resentment

Postby Noels » Wed Jan 25, 2017 10:53 am

Nice share Tom. Thanks for that :D
mwah xxx

Re: Resentment

Postby PaigeB » Wed Jan 25, 2017 12:43 pm

"sometimes I just gotta pick up the big book and start reading and for some reason the page I open up to has the solution."

I love it when that happens - and it does seem to happen every time I need an answer! Sometimes though, "wait" is the answer. Then I gotta keep my feet and hands doing the next right thing until the Answer clearly presents itself!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Resentment

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed Jan 25, 2017 2:09 pm

Eckhart shares that we drop the resentments like we drop a hot coal! Simple for him. But we alcoholics first of all, we don't know that resentments kill us and even after knowing this we sometimes get into that dark place where we run own script in the head past/imaginary ones. He also talks about the energy we expend in doing so and tire ourselves. And as part of working the 11 step, the book talks about it:

We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Resentment

Postby RosieF » Wed Jan 25, 2017 7:31 pm

A wife is a wife, a friend is a friend. 51 is not too late, but 81 is. An amicable separation will not hurt you son too much. Either way, you must decide one way or the other - leave or don't leave. It's the human right to be happy.
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Re: Resentment

Postby Lali » Thu Jan 26, 2017 8:30 pm

RosieF wrote:51 is not too late, but 81 is... It's the human right to be happy.

If you're staying in this relationship solely to protect your wife's feelings, then you are probably doing a disservice to her. Communicate with her! You might start the ball rolling by simply asking your wife, "Are you happy?"
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