I thought drinking might work this time
camarogirl wrote:Lost my way, thought I could navigate outside of the program, okay, let's call it what it is, I thought drinking might work this time! Well, it's not! So I'm back, I'm Gretchen and I'm an alcoholic, God help me find my way,again!
...and told my disease (dis-ease) that I knew about it hiding in there and it could hide no more!
camarogirl wrote:Lost my way, thought I could navigate outside of the program, okay, let's call it what it is, I thought drinking might work this time! Well, it's not! So I'm back, I'm Gretchen and I'm an alcoholic, God help me find my way,again!
God help me find my way,again!
camarogirl wrote:Lost my way, thought I could navigate outside of the program, okay, let's call it what it is, I thought drinking might work this time! Well, it's not! So I'm back, I'm Gretchen and I'm an alcoholic, God help me find my way,again!
tblue818 wrote:camarogirl wrote:Lost my way, thought I could navigate outside of the program, okay, let's call it what it is, I thought drinking might work this time! Well, it's not! So I'm back, I'm Gretchen and I'm an alcoholic, God help me find my way,again!
Welcome back, Gretchen!
When I was in the first six weeks or so of sobriety, I was still way scared that I wasn't going to make it. Then one night I attended a Beginner's Meeting. There was an older gentleman there. He stood up and said that he had relapsed 7 times before he finally 'got' the Program. Another newbie asked, "Sir, if you don't mind my asking, how much time to do have now?" The kindly man answered, "Thrity-two years."
Right then and there, hope soared. Even if I didn't make it the first time, I vowed to myself that I would never quit trying.
Does everyone have 7 relapses and a 'save' within them? Perhaps not. But what that man's testimony did was relieve me of the 'fear of failure' that loomed so large that I was almost paralyzed by it.
The way the Spirit of AA works for me is that when I take a wrong turn and realize it, Spirit will place another similar circumstance in my path to give me another chance to 'make it over that hump', and grow. Pay attention. <s>
One of the most powerful sayings that became a life-saver *when experienced" was, "There is *nothing* you will experience in sobriety that someone, somewhere hasn't also gone through - and come out the other side sober. Trust the Process."
On the surface, "I thought drinking might work this time!" looks like the whole nut. From my experience, when such thoughts arose, it was because I was unaware of the turmoil of emotion that was happening beneath. Drinking thoughts, for me, *always* arose in response to a person/place/thing/feeling that I wanted to escape. My suggestion would be to use such thoughts as *indicators* of deeper emotional state that needs peeled. I learned that from another AAer, and it worked wonderfully, for me as well.
Don't give up. Feed Hope.
Heart huggers,
Pamela
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