Been here before, kinda forgot what was/is the way to stay

[camarogirl]

Lost my way, thought I could navigate outside of the program, okay, let's call it what it is, I thought drinking might work this time! Well, it's not! So I'm back, I'm Gretchen and I'm an alcoholic, God help me find my way,again!

[Noels]

Good morning Gretchen. Welcome to e-aa.

[Spirit Flower]

Welcome.

My observation on what works is: "completely give yourself to this simple program"

[positrac]

Welcome, we've all had this experience and so you aren't alone and or isolated.

have a better day and keep coming back.

[Brock]

Welcome to e-AA and back to give the program another try, many of us have done the same thing. I think we can turn it to our advantage to look back and try to figure where we went wrong. In my case it was coming into AA the first time to please my mother, then some years later trying to please my wife. When I came back the last time I knew I needed and wanted help for myself.

The second mistake and probably most important, was I thought those steps were just some suggestions hanging on the meeting walls, what I have found is they were not as difficult to put into practice as they appeared, and those words in the book about happy and free are absolutely true.

When someone uses words like these - “God help me find my way, again!”- with that attitude and a big book you are headed for success, please keep us informed as you go along.

[avaneesh912]

I thought drinking might work this time

That is the peculiar mental twist the book talks about over and over again. Yet we still focus on the amount of alcohol we consume. We work the 12 steps and get some sanity around that in-sane thought that we could handle liquor safely this time. Good luck with your recovery.

[tomsteve]

glad ya made it back!
your posts brought up some lines from the bb to me:

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.

It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

May God bless you and keep you - until then.

[PaigeB]

Lost my way, thought I could navigate outside of the program, okay, let's call it what it is, I thought drinking might work this time! Well, it's not! So I'm back, I'm Gretchen and I'm an alcoholic, God help me find my way,again!

Welcome Gretchen. I liked short things I could remember. When my mind threatened to take over, I could call out a little quip so steer my mind back to survival.

Jump into the middle of the pool - it is easier than wading in! You remember this phenomena from childhood? Get wet all at the same time - then get to the business of why you came.

I always liked hearing "Stick with the winners" - I will have good sobriety if I hang out with people who have good sobriety. And "Stay in the middle of the herd" - if you are on the edges it is easy to fall behind or get cut out of the group by predator Alcohol. Jump right in!

The Triangle has 3 sides - Unity Service Recovery... Meetings, service work and one-on-one recovery through working the STEPS with a sponsor.

My prayers back then? "help me" and "thank you".

You want what we got, you do what we did. DO ACTIONS... not thoughts.

But my Step 1 moment was when I came to terms with the truth that I had a disease...
We learned that we
had to
fully (no half measures)
concede (surrender)
to our innermost selves
that we were alcoholics.
This is the first step in recovery.
The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
I read page 30 over & over and meditated (deep, deeper, deep where the shame lives) and told my disease (dis-ease) that I knew about it hiding in there and it could hide no more!

Pitiful And Incomprehensible Demoralization = PAID - as in I paid my dues for a chair at this table.

This is work, and it works IF you work it! Keep coming back here for daily maintenance!

[Mike O]

...and told my disease (dis-ease) that I knew about it hiding in there and it could hide no more!

I love this.
Thanks, Paige.

[ezdzit247]

Lost my way, thought I could navigate outside of the program, okay, let's call it what it is, I thought drinking might work this time! Well, it's not! So I'm back, I'm Gretchen and I'm an alcoholic, God help me find my way,again!

Hi Gretchen and welcome back!

God help me find my way,again!

Good prayer. And here you are, finding your way again. Awesome!

Keep coming back.....

[camarogirl]

Thanks for the support, nothing like having people like me, understanding me, thanks everyone for your comments! Time to get over beating myself up and get to work!I KNOW it works, if I do the work! Again, thank you!!

[tblue818]

Lost my way, thought I could navigate outside of the program, okay, let's call it what it is, I thought drinking might work this time! Well, it's not! So I'm back, I'm Gretchen and I'm an alcoholic, God help me find my way,again!

Welcome back, Gretchen!

When I was in the first six weeks or so of sobriety, I was still way scared that I wasn't going to make it. Then one night I attended a Beginner's Meeting. There was an older gentleman there. He stood up and said that he had relapsed 7 times before he finally 'got' the Program. Another newbie asked, "Sir, if you don't mind my asking, how much time to do have now?" The kindly man answered, "Thrity-two years."

Right then and there, hope soared. Even if I didn't make it the first time, I vowed to myself that I would never quit trying.

Does everyone have 7 relapses and a 'save' within them? Perhaps not. But what that man's testimony did was relieve me of the 'fear of failure' that loomed so large that I was almost paralyzed by it.

The way the Spirit of AA works for me is that when I take a wrong turn and realize it, Spirit will place another similar circumstance in my path to give me another chance to 'make it over that hump', and grow. Pay attention. <s>

One of the most powerful sayings that became a life-saver *when experienced" was, "There is *nothing* you will experience in sobriety that someone, somewhere hasn't also gone through - and come out the other side sober. Trust the Process."

On the surface, "I thought drinking might work this time!" looks like the whole nut. From my experience, when such thoughts arose, it was because I was unaware of the turmoil of emotion that was happening beneath. Drinking thoughts, for me, *always* arose in response to a person/place/thing/feeling that I wanted to escape. My suggestion would be to use such thoughts as *indicators* of deeper emotional state that needs peeled. I learned that from another AAer, and it worked wonderfully, for me as well.

Don't give up. Feed Hope.

Heart huggers,

Pamela

[positrac]

As a suggestion it would help to just surrender and accept you are powerless over alcohol, then take a breath and look at what you need to do for that moment, then hours, the next day and keep doing the right stuff and changing the bad stuff that gets us in trouble. I am not an expert on sobriety and all I know if the jug is plugged then it'll do me no harm.

Then when you hit that pillow at night take your day into some kind of meditation and or prayer and maybe if that becomes a habit you'll start feeling less remorse and more humble and yet happy at the progress of your sobriety.

I hope you are doing ok.

[ezdzit247]

Lost my way, thought I could navigate outside of the program, okay, let's call it what it is, I thought drinking might work this time! Well, it's not! So I'm back, I'm Gretchen and I'm an alcoholic, God help me find my way,again!

Welcome back, Gretchen!

When I was in the first six weeks or so of sobriety, I was still way scared that I wasn't going to make it. Then one night I attended a Beginner's Meeting. There was an older gentleman there. He stood up and said that he had relapsed 7 times before he finally 'got' the Program. Another newbie asked, "Sir, if you don't mind my asking, how much time to do have now?" The kindly man answered, "Thrity-two years."

Right then and there, hope soared. Even if I didn't make it the first time, I vowed to myself that I would never quit trying.

Does everyone have 7 relapses and a 'save' within them? Perhaps not. But what that man's testimony did was relieve me of the 'fear of failure' that loomed so large that I was almost paralyzed by it.

The way the Spirit of AA works for me is that when I take a wrong turn and realize it, Spirit will place another similar circumstance in my path to give me another chance to 'make it over that hump', and grow. Pay attention. <s>

One of the most powerful sayings that became a life-saver *when experienced" was, "There is *nothing* you will experience in sobriety that someone, somewhere hasn't also gone through - and come out the other side sober. Trust the Process."

On the surface, "I thought drinking might work this time!" looks like the whole nut. From my experience, when such thoughts arose, it was because I was unaware of the turmoil of emotion that was happening beneath. Drinking thoughts, for me, *always* arose in response to a person/place/thing/feeling that I wanted to escape. My suggestion would be to use such thoughts as *indicators* of deeper emotional state that needs peeled. I learned that from another AAer, and it worked wonderfully, for me as well.

Don't give up. Feed Hope.

Heart huggers,

Pamela

Thanks, Pamela. Beautiful share!

[camarogirl]

Thanks Pamela !