Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

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Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby Lali » Sun Nov 27, 2016 9:06 pm

Thanksgiving Day a friend's husband died of a drug overdose. He and his wife had been sober about 4 years and were very active in AA. He went up north to visit family for the holiday but his wife stayed behind to work. He apparently hooked up with some old friends and overdosed Thanksgiving night. This is a man who had several sponsees, knew the Book very well, was passionate about AA, volunteered at a treatment place, went to church regularly and was very happily married. Everyone was/is shocked by his death. What happened? Well, he had a needed surgery and was taking pain meds. My understanding is that he was having a great deal of pain. Apparently, the pain medications set off the phenomenon of craving. He was away from home, far from his wife, in pain and tempted, perhaps, and made a deadly decision. What can we learn from this? I don't know if he was misusing his meds or not, but it doesn't take much to set off the phenomenon of craving. This is a good time to remind people to be careful about how you take pain medication should you have the need for it. Have someone hold it for you and make sure you don't take extra, step up your meetings and keep close to people in the program.

Less than 3 years ago, a very close friend of mine who had moved an hour and a half away was found dead in her apartment after she had missed a couple of days of work. She had drank herself to death. She was one of those, I believe, that the BB talks about, one who was "constitutionally incapable of being honest with herself".

During the 7 1/2 years I have been with my home group, about 6 others have died - some drank themselves to death or OD'd. Two committed suicide. So sad.

RIP, my friends.
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Re: Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby Duke » Sun Nov 27, 2016 10:12 pm

So sorry to hear about your friend Lali. A cautionary tale indeed. Unfortunately, it involves real people. I hate this disease sometimes. I accept it, but I hate it.

Take care my friend.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa
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Re: Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby positrac » Mon Nov 28, 2016 3:27 am

Lali,
Sorry to hear these stories of the end story of our disease. I keep my last drink in my mind because I don't know what lay down yonder road and so I don't want to forget that pain as to not be looking for trouble later.

I hope you'll keep looking up even in this situation.
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Re: Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby clouds » Mon Nov 28, 2016 9:38 am

Thanks for sharing their stories Lali, we learn from these. I thought about the three questions in the BB. I ask myself those 3 questions whenever I'm planning a trip or going out. One is, of course: "Am I in good spiritual condition?". I count being on pain meds as not being in the best spritual condition, in those rare times, I stay close to home and am accountable for the meds to my H.

A great reminder, a sad loss of a fellow AA.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby Lali » Mon Nov 28, 2016 10:01 am

clouds wrote:Thanks for sharing their stories Lali, we learn from these. I thought about the three questions in the BB. I ask myself those 3 questions whenever I'm planning a trip or going out. One is, of course: "Am I in good spiritual condition?". I count being on pain meds as not being in the best spritual condition, in those rare times, I stay close to home and am accountable for the meds to my H.

A great reminder, a sad loss of a fellow AA.


And one more important thing - AA's often look up meetings in the area they are going to before they even leave home. Had he been sitting at a meeting that morning, would he still be alive?

I posted this as "words of warning" to the newcomer, but after posting I was concerned how this would affect newcomers hearing about someone relapsing who had been so immersed in the program, with good recovery. So I want to clarify that In this situation, I'm quite certain that this wouldn't have happened had he not needed the post-surgery pain meds.

As for the acquaintantences I spoke of who died, these were people who weren't working the program; people who were in and out of the rooms and struggling.

Thanks guys for your replies.
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Re: Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby PuppyEars » Mon Nov 28, 2016 10:18 am

The timing of me reading this is impeccable and alarming. I feel somewhat saved and a fellow member here understands why.
Wow my condolences.
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Re: Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby PaigeB » Mon Nov 28, 2016 10:53 am

So sad to hear this. I had a friend in the program with over a year of sobriety who called me to say she was drinking again. I asked her what happened and she said, "I have been gone a while, I didn't drink, but I have been backing away."

I too have felt the pull of this disease to tell me that I am OK again, that one or 2 wouldn't hurt etc. WOW. I have been thinking about those who suffer and die, especially since her call, but this hit home for me. No matter how much time I have, I am still vulnerable to the cunning baffling and powerful that kept me enslaved so long... I have to keep working my program everyday and run like Hell when my brain screams FIREwater! I think of the salesman who put whiskey in his milk... "I sensed I was being none too smart." I need my AA people and my AA program - if I start to think I can step away even briefly, I can be in serious trouble in no time at all. And our secrets (hiding that urge) keep us sick.

Step 11 in the 12 & 12 speaks right to my friend and I read it to her, (sometimes) "We are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won't pray. When these things happen we should not think to ill of ourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we can..."

I told my friend, "Don't die out there."
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby Db1105 » Mon Nov 28, 2016 2:26 pm

Unfortunately, its an all to common story. sorry for you loss.
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Re: Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby Noels » Mon Nov 28, 2016 3:03 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss Lali and thank you very much for sharing. We're going away with family (staying in the same holiday home ) very soon and I am a bit afraid. They are normal wine drinkers so there will possibly be an open bottle or two lying in the fridge. It will be my first time living in a house where there is open bottles of wine and I don't know what my reaction to it will be.
I'm praying for guidance, protection and strength already - especially for the fear to leave me.
Thank you for sharing your friends life. It made me realise once again that we can not afford to forget who we really are, regardless of how far we've come and how much we've learned.
Be blessed
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Noels xxx
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Re: Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby whipping post » Mon Nov 28, 2016 3:37 pm

So sorry for your loss Lali. Prayers and best wishes sent.
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Re: Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby Lali » Mon Nov 28, 2016 5:27 pm

Noels, do the family members you are staying with know you attend meetings? You might want to get a schedule of meetings for the area where you will be and commit to going once there. Please don't fall into the trap of "Well, I feel okay today. I don't need a meeting." Things/feelings can change in an instance. I'm not saying going to a meeting guarantees one won't drink, but if it deters one person, then its a good thing.
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Re: Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby positrac » Tue Nov 29, 2016 3:25 am

I don't need a meeting


That is when you need the meeting the most because you could be BS'ing yourself into a situation. Been my experience seeing some go out because of that very phase mentioned. I am not picking on you as much as saying caution because the damnedest things happen when we least expect it. I'd hate to know something happened to you ok. :)
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Re: Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Nov 29, 2016 4:55 am

During the 7 1/2 years I have been with my home group, about 6 others have died - some drank themselves to death or OD'd. Two committed suicide. So sad.


Probably people like the man of 30 or the car salesman or the accountant ran into that blind spot. All of a sudden, they forget the consequences of drinking. All they look for is that sense of ease and comfort that comes from drinking a drink or two. Some get lucky and get back others dont. For some relapse is part of their recovery, for some its not.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby Noels » Tue Nov 29, 2016 10:30 pm

Goooood morning beautiful people :D

do the family members you are staying with know you attend meetings Hi Lali :D yes they do. They know I'm an alcoholic although they don't know or understand the word "alcoholic" as we do. There are no meetings in the area we are going to but ive emailed GSO to get a schedule of meetings closest to where we will be. Ive discussed my fears with hubby and he agrees that should I feel uncomfortable at any time we will find a way to remove me from the situation immediately. Perhaps ive allowed the fear Ive been feeling to overwhelm my common sense just to stay grounded, pack in all the tools of AA, stay close to my Creator and to concentrate and live in the moment - i.e not to worry about what next week will bring but to trust and take each moment as it comes. I cant believe that my Creator would have brought me this far just to allow me to stumble again so back to basics for me :lol:

I'd hate to know something happened to you ok. Thanks Posi for caring :D caution is most definitely going to be part of my holiday. Ive gotten so used to not thinking about drinking and not experiencing a craving for alcohol for so long that it scared the sheit out of me when I suddenly realized drinking and alcohol is going to be in the same house as me :lol: Ill stay close to this site and all my friends on this site whilst on holiday and together, with the guidance and protection of our Creators I will be safe and still sober when we enter 2017.

Have an awesome day and will chat again soon
Love and Light
Noels xxxx mwah xxx
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Re: Another Friend Dead from this Damned Disease

Postby Noels » Tue Nov 29, 2016 10:47 pm

Probably people like the man of 30 or the car salesman or the accountant ran into that blind spot. All of a sudden, they forget the consequences of drinking. All they look for is that sense of ease and comfort that comes from drinking a drink or two.

I kinda agree with this but whereas the words as written comes across to me as purely selfish and a bit harsh, in simpler words it probably means the same as this - All the people ive encountered so far in AA who relapsed after having a few months of sobriety went through a real hard time and kinda got stuck in a state of hopelessness for a while before they took that first drink.

Hopelessness to me means that things don't seem to get better no matter how hard I try to make it better so eventually I reach the point where I see no way out. My brain stops caring as the present seems to be no better whether I am sober or drunk. A state of hopelessness. Loss of hope.

I'm sure there are cases - chronic relapsing ? - where it "just happens" but to me those cases are not the same as the hopeless state I described above. Those cases to me more boils down to being unsure in the first place whether to stop drinking for the rest of my life because ive had enough and I DONT WANT to drink anymore vs I need to stop drinking.

Just my take on relapsing :)

Mwah xxx Noels
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