Leaving home group after 5 years.

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Leaving home group after 5 years.

Postby Eugeni » Sat Nov 12, 2016 11:17 am

Hello again, dear friends. I would like to ask you a question but before I will give you a short background information for you to understand better the kind of situation I am in now. So, my ex-sponsor, a very strong personality (seems to me), born leader, become religious some years ago. Now, he consider himself as an orthodox christian. He's got some followers, a support team. They (mostly he) insist that there's the only one right religion and only christianity can lead you to the God, though not saying this straightforward. From time to time I hear(d) phrases like "Catholics are betrayers/fagg*ts. Protestants are sectarians" etc. They also insist that the phrase "try to understand what believers are right in" (not a precise quotation) from the BB means to go to the church and become an orthodox christian. (Of course they don't say it, but for better understanding I translate from figurative to literal language :) )

As for me, I feel pressure for not taking his point of view. I believe there's a lot of ways towards the Creator and christianity has something to give me and others but I don't really think it is a panacea and billions of others are wrong and would be fired in the hell. Moreover, he displays intolerance towards people who dared to have another opinion. Year by year I made moral inventories (Quite often because I almost every time had a different opinion and was insulted thouthands of times :D ) Then, one day, he insulted me for drawing pictures in the textbook where we write topics for meetings, amount of participants etc. During the meeting I held. (Go and jrk ur d*ck! Another picture and I will draw something on your face!!! And so on.)
So, the cumulative effect played its role and as many others before me I decided to leave. I feel no resentment. I grateful for helping me in 12 step programm but now from time to time I'am afraid I made a mistake, I am the betrayer and fggt he talked about :) i would be "fired in the hell". I feel I can't make decisions as I got used not to think but to do what I am told (quite good for newcommers actually) And now some questions for you:
1. What do you think about ways to the God?
2. How do you try to deepen the concious contact with him and care His Will?
3. Was I right when took this decision?
4. What to do next? I mean, should I find another AA group and take service there even if I don't feel *a sense of belonging*? Or it is not necessary to have a home group and would be good experience to serve in different groups and just make 12th step and 5th tradition.
Sorry for so many letters)) At the beginning I was sure there would not be so many)
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Re: Leaving home group after 5 years.

Postby Lali » Sat Nov 12, 2016 12:43 pm

I can answer one of your questions. I would NEVER let a person drive me out of any meeting, especially not my home group. What this man is doing is bullying and he sounds pretty arrogant. Also, his "group" of people sound cult-like to me. I wouldn't give him the time of day unless I were praying for him. I will address that in other post when I have more time.
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Re: Leaving home group after 5 years.

Postby Brock » Sat Nov 12, 2016 12:44 pm

I don't think anyone would blame you for leaving under those conditions, the person sounds like what I describe as a religious zealot, which is someone fanatical about a certain religion. In answer to question one, I believe this Hindu Proverb first posted by Paige fits -
There are hundreds of paths up the mountain,
All leading to the same place,
So it doesn't matter which path you take.
The only person wasting time
Is the one who runs around the mountain
Telling everyone that his or her path is wrong.

On #2 I believe the deepening of conscious contact is very much a personal thing, I have read a number of spiritual type books which are mostly free on the internet, some I quit after a few pages, others I feel the person is talking sense, and listen to various spiritual talks on you tube and do the same. When I think what I read or heard is important and it resonates with me stop and ponder on it, sort of meditate on whatever I believe makes most sense. If you feel uplifted while doing this or afterward, to me this indicates spiritual contact.

#3 as said before the decision seems like the only option, I say the serenity prayer a little differently, yes give me the power to accept or if not change what I can, but also the guts to remove myself from a situation I can't change or accept, sometimes it's the only option.

On #4 I personally don't see a home group as essential, but as you say it's needed for the service aspect sometimes, but now you have the opportunity to shop around and don't rush into joining one, maybe one will stand out as where you feel you belong.

Best of luck and thanks for the questions, they get us thinking about our own approach to the program, and are a pleasure to answer.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Leaving home group after 5 years.

Postby Lali » Sat Nov 12, 2016 4:34 pm

Is this just a couple of people or the whole meeting? Like I said, I wouldn't let a few people drive me away. I want to add that this might be something that can be discussed at a group conscience meeting.
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Re: Leaving home group after 5 years.

Postby PuppyEars » Sat Nov 12, 2016 6:52 pm

How do you try to deepen the concious contact with him and care His Will?

For me, it requires action to do nothing. Sounds like an oxymoron I know. When I forget to apply learned principles in place of decisions based on self, things get ugly fast. An example would be, if I see that you can't keep your opinion to yourself, my ego feels the need to puff up, forget about consequences, and get louder than you. I sink right down to the level of the over-opinionated person who stands in judgement over everything and now the problem is multiplied.

You hear people using the term "falling short" in meetings a lot. Well, this is where I fall short. Most of the time I can rise above the nonsense and let it be. So in my case, the conscious contact is deepened when I can simply keep my mouth shut and mind open.

The home group thing is great for the reason that a newcomer can see a guy with 29 years of sobriety sweeping floors or making coffee. It's always a cool thing to see and do.
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Re: Leaving home group after 5 years.

Postby clouds » Sun Nov 13, 2016 7:35 am

Faced with a large ego, I observe from a quiet place.

Usually there is nothing else to do because this is not my problem.

If the large ego takes actions that are harmful then I do the next right thing to protect others or myself. Adults generally can protect themselves.

I remove myself from a large violent or harmful ego as fast as possible.

Its for you to decide.

Sometimes people say "Vote with your feet". If you find the situation intolerable or harmful to your sobriety, or mental, emotional health, find a new group where you can be of maximum service to the newcomers.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Leaving home group after 5 years.

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun Nov 13, 2016 7:55 am

Sometimes people say "Vote with your feet". If you find the situation intolerable or harmful to your sobriety, or mental, emotional health, find a new group where you can be of maximum service to the newcomers.


YES. When egos come together drama is inevitable Eckhart Tolle says so in his books. You can see in organizations, politics, nations, tribes......our fellowship is not fool proof either. So move on. Be glad you didnt get caught in the drama. Lot of dumb ego maniacs. You could find them everywhere.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Leaving home group after 5 years.

Postby PaigeB » Sun Nov 13, 2016 11:07 am

4. What to do next? I mean, should I find another AA group and take service there even if I don't feel *a sense of belonging*? Or it is not necessary to have a home group and would be good experience to serve in different groups and just make 12th step and 5th tradition.

I didn't get a *a sense of belonging* until I actually chose a home group, attended business meetings and performed the work of service to alcoholics.

Good Luck!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Leaving home group after 5 years.

Postby Eugeni » Sun Nov 13, 2016 11:48 am

Thank you for sharing. I read all of your messages (some were a bit difficult for understanding and seemed kind of poetic :)
What I want to add is that now I feel much more free than before leaving. The time will show, wether I am on the right way. thank you once more time.
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Re: Leaving home group after 5 years.

Postby Lali » Sun Nov 13, 2016 4:40 pm

Eugeni wrote:Thank you for sharing. I read all of your messages (some were a bit difficult for understanding and seemed kind of poetic :)
What I want to add is that now I feel much more free than before leaving. The time will show, wether I am on the right way. thank you once more time.


Yes, you don't have to make any life changing decisions right now. You are free to go to any and all meetings available to you and make a determination as to whether any of them would be a good fit to become your home group. And who knows, maybe this clown will leave your present home group in the meantime. Anything can happen.
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Re: Leaving home group after 5 years.

Postby positrac » Tue Nov 15, 2016 3:38 am

Change is good and maybe it is time to look outside the comfort zone and take your talent elsewhere. It was mentioned that allowing another to 'bully" you was wrong and I agree. Principles before personalities and something has gotta give.... You know who you are and if it means leaving then look outside and find a new meeting and if not then don't I guess that is ok.

About God and religion from my view is religion should be limited in the meeting to a few words and God as I understand is ok as long as it is not pressing the message of the meeting. For me I keep my faith close to me and let everyone else find out what works for them as I know what works for me.

Be well
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: Leaving home group after 5 years.

Postby RosieF » Sun Dec 04, 2016 9:21 pm

He sounds like Trump. I really don't believe in exchanging one crutch for another. These people are the sickest members of AA. Trust and rely on yourelf, not alcohol and not religion.
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