Scared of the future

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Scared of the future

Postby Caruh7 » Thu Oct 20, 2016 4:24 pm

Hello everyone,
I have been meeting with a sponsor and going to AA for months now. I understand you have to work your sobriety to be sober. For me, I haven't been able to reach that. I am still young at 22 and really discovered it within the last two years. I know we all get cravings to drink. I mostly don't have them unless they are situational. I have usually drank because I am stuck in a place where I don't have friends to socialize with. I get bored and just drink. What I rarely get are huge cravings and when I do I can't control them. The longest I've been sober is 10 days in 2 years.. I feel at a loss. If I'm at this point where I am taken by this disease. And I still love it. I feel like I am so hooked that no matter if I want to or not I still drink. Last year I decided I would be sober for the month of November... it's almost November now.. I am a beautiful (not to sound conceited but I do a lot of makeup and beauty related things because of my passion and anxiety) and have a whole life ahead of me. I never would've guessed I would be at the state I am now. I feel worthless and terrible because of this diesease. It has taken my confidence away. I hate feeling this low. I know alcohol can bring me lower. I know sobriety can bring me higher and can have myself at a top. Right now I feel so unmotivated and confused. Idk what I want to be or where to go. Two years ago I knew who I was and had a lot to strive for. Either way I'll cut this story short. I am scared that this will take my life. I am afraid I'll end up in jail or die or worse.. take someone's life. I am afriad I'll also never be able to quit smoking cigarettes (my other form of staying sober... the fact that it gives a buzz if I spread it out enough.) I am terrified. Idk what to do or if anyone has been at this point. Hope can only get me further. Please help!
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Re: Scared of the future

Postby Brock » Thu Oct 20, 2016 5:04 pm

I believe the hardest part of passing the message of what this program can achieve, is convincing others of the absolute freedom from cravings the program of steps offers. With the added benefits of feeling much better about ourselves, and having a new purpose in life. I didn't believe it the two times I attended AA to please others, and it wasn't until many years later and losing a lot in life that I decided to do it for myself, if I could have a wish it would be that I got sober the first time it was offered.

Don't worry about the smoking, in time you may tackle this as well. Try for now to work through those steps, the rewards are a new and excellent outlook on life, you will not regret it. But I am afraid like me you probably will regret it if you don't make a good effort with this first opportunity you have been given. I wish you the very best, the steps I found were not anywhere as hard as they looked on paper.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Scared of the future

Postby Caruh7 » Thu Oct 20, 2016 5:28 pm

Thanks Brock! I feel like there are so many alcoholics who have been able to overcome this life. I really do feel like I will regret wasting my young life with alcohol if I don't get sober sooner. That's why I'm here. Idk if it's cause that's what people say early 20s are about or what. It's all around me and with my social anxiety I take it like it's water. I need it to not have panick attacks around certain friends or people. I have a weird set of anxiety and for some reason I can't handle it. Otherwise it's a boredom thing
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Re: Scared of the future

Postby Spirit Flower » Thu Oct 20, 2016 6:31 pm

Hi Caruh,

I got sober when I was 26. When I was new, I would smoke when I was very upset; until I could get to a meeting or talk to someone. Then I'd run water on the rest of the pack. Cigarettes were like the last resort; a buffer between me and alcohol. But, I got over the drink problem.

Also, I attended a very social AA club and met young people in AA so I had people to hang out with.

Yes, I worked the steps. But the fellowship helped me too; God with skin as some people say.
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Re: Scared of the future

Postby Duke » Thu Oct 20, 2016 7:24 pm

Welcome Caruh. I'm glad you found us. I hope you'll read some threads to find how others have dealt with similar problems.

Believe it or not, it's possible to learn how to deal with youth, anxiety, boredom and a whole lot of other things without drinking. It's good to see that you recognize that it is alcoholic thinking to find excuses to keep doing what's clearly wrong for you.

It's hard to predict when a person will truly accept their powerlessness over alcohol and accept that they simply have to give it up as an option regardless of the circumstances, but alcohol seems to have eventually lead all of us to that understanding.

You've got the chance to find freedom from its grip at a really young age. I know a lot of folks who wish they'd had your awareness in their twenties.

So stick around. Keep trying. You never know when you'll have your own “aha” moment. One thing I can assure you. We'll be here and welcome you before, during and after.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa
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Re: Scared of the future

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Oct 21, 2016 4:02 am

if anyone has been at this point.


In the book it talks about this arriving at the end of the fork. In the vision for you, it talks about a "jumping off" point. You either take the spiritual path or continue to live like this. You could read Bill Story and see, having reached this point, he spends 5 more years, living in misery. He says the mind and body are marvelous mechanism, it could endure so much of pain. Perhaps for some, but some die.

I could relate to what you said. You drink because you are bored. Thats the same excuse I would also use. But if you see its the warped mind. Thats why people make those geographical moves thinking that that will fix it. Even Bill does that. He goes to Canada. But its all short-lived.

You can see how Bill W transformed his life in the second half of the story after his friends visit. Such a lovely story to ready. I can send you Joe and Charlie segments of the story. Its such a treat to listen to, even today.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Scared of the future

Postby clouds » Fri Oct 21, 2016 10:29 am

Welcome Caruh, :)

I got sober through AA when I was 24, so its possible, and yeah, I do understand about the anxiety.

I didn't do much talking at AA, more with my sponsor though. Nobody minded and I found people I could relate to and spent time with them instead of going to bars and sitting there with nonalcoholic drinks. That helped immensly!

Usually there ar club houses where AA's can hang out too, they offer coffe and fellowship, it helps with the feeling that the old life of drinking mght be something to return to.

My desire to drink left me completely around three months sober. That seems to vary with people, but they usually say it has to do with having worked a certain step, for me it was Step 3.

Best wishes.

I really like what you are doing, keep going to the meetings, it will sink in!
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Scared of the future

Postby kdub720 » Thu Nov 10, 2016 3:10 pm

Good topic,
I get cravings all the time. I just think of my choices, if I give in and drink, What are my choices then? My options get so limited and dismal I can keep myself from drinking. Create your own victories. If you can do it for a month you can quite all together. It is up to you.
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