Anger

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Anger

Postby Dan2000 » Thu Oct 06, 2016 10:27 am

Hi Everybody

Something I've heard at a meeting relates to this topic:

"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" Boy, I can't tell you how many times I did that.

I believe that most of our problems comes down to our perspective of them. Remember, "our liquor was a symptom of our disease". "Selfishness, Self centeredness, that we think may be the root of our problems" "self will run riot"

The EGO is not who you really are. The EGO is your self image: it is your social mask: it is the role you are playing. Your social mask thrives on approval. It wants control and it is sustained by power, because it lives in fear........Deepak Chopra

Alcohol, did it not play the same game as our EGO? It made me dance better, it made me a tough guy, etc., however the reality to those deceptions were in fact the opposite, I couldn't dance to save my life, and although I got in many fights, most,if not all, I lost.

So if your angry, is your EGO running the show? would seem so, because I would think that being angry is a form of control (that your losing or not getting) and lets look at the opposite side of the spectrum, if your happy, is your EGO running the show? I would say yes, although they are opposites, they are on the same plane, because the EGO is running the show, Inflated or under inflated, it's still the EGO.

It doesn't matter if your better or worse than everyone else, it's still self centered. A timid shy person is very proud and self centered, thinking only of self.

Let's look at the words "PRIDE" and "STRIFE" . Pride is justifiable self respect, conceit/Strife is to struggle, to have conflict. So if you have pride this will bring about strife.
Pride is not just thinking your better than everyone else, it's seeing yourself as the center of everything. (self centeredness) There is some pride that is good, that is where " The wisdom to know the difference, comes into play"

In the bible, Proverbs:13 verse 10 it says , "Only by pride cometh contention" what that says is that, it's are own self centeredness that makes us angry, not what people do to us. It's our self centeredness that causes us to react to what people do. The reason you respond the way you do to the things around you, is not because of those external things, but because of what's inside you.

So now if we get rid of EGO or our selfcenteredness, what will become of us? and what processes can we take to rid ourselves of EGO? ( I welcome lots and lots of feedback to these questions)

My goal is to become as content as possible, if I'm in harmony with myself, I shall be in harmony with my fellows.

Some answers may be:

1. Keep the focus off ourselves, by helping others (step 12)

2. If one has an atittude of gratitude, I wouldthink everything else would fall into place.

Thanks Dan
Remember in all we do, it's Progress,not perfection.
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Re: Anger

Postby PaigeB » Thu Oct 06, 2016 10:39 am

Ahhh anger... "it is infinitely grave" but "Can't we be properly angry"...?
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.

We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol.

This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.

When I am angry I try to imagine the person having a worse life than me. How sad it must be to be them and behave so poorly toward me! I have no idea what they are going through. We each travel a hard road.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Anger

Postby Barbara D. » Thu Oct 06, 2016 11:35 am

My understanding of spiritual principles grew as I worked the Steps, and I'm still growing in that understanding.

I think of anger as a signpost that I am getting off the Recovery track. I believe anger is natural to the human condition. It usually means I have taken charge somehow, that I expect people, places, and things, reality to conform to my expectations. Or I might be taking something personal that really is not aimed in my direction at all. Or it might be a good thing, something that reminds me to protect myself or to stand up for myself.

If I embrace the anger, go over the scenario again and again, stroking the details so that they enrage me and become more and more important, then I've let this thing turn into a resentment. Now I've poisoned myself. And I have to inventory it, perhaps write about it, talk to another drunk, work through it, let it go.

I look at ego as one of those survival instincts. I think that, in balance, the ego is essential to my well-being. But if self-will runs riot or I acknowledge no needs of my own, then I've got a basic survival instinct transformed into a character defect. I believe all my defects come from basic character traits that have been undernourished or over-exaggerated.

Without the framework provided by our Founders and our literature, I doubt I would ever have found sobriety, a way to live, a perspective of happiness. But I conclude that all experience, strength, and hope is valid if it leads to that kind of sobriety. Happy Thursday!
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Re: Anger

Postby desypete » Fri Oct 07, 2016 5:29 am

anger comes in many forms and can be very unexpected
go for a drive and someone cut you up and see how your first reaction will be ?
will you pray to god to stop you from reacting or will a passage from the book stop you from reacting ? chances are you will react and either honk the horn, shout rude words or whatever people do, now the problem would stay with the alcoholic all day long and everyone they come into contact with would end up getting the story told to them and every time they recount it they relive the anger so on and on it goes all from some simple little thing that can happen to anyone in a single moment of a dayt
lucky for me most of the time i can laugh at myself if i ever get into such a reaction as over time i have learned it doesn't change anything so why on earth waste your time suffering over it like i once would of but for me its taken a long time to come to recognized this about myself and i have had to start to learn how not to react to things almost like a child learning how to speak
yet still 11 years on i can still have my moments but thankfully not very often step 10 has shown me how to look at me although i tend to do a step 10 now every time i feel any unease in myself most of the things in life i can laugh about more so when an alcoholic goes off on one which happens very often around the rooms of aa

i love the wisdom of the old timers who would say all you need to open a new meeting is a coffee pot and a resentment
that about sums up sober alcoholics who are not living sobriety but merely thinking they are, so long as everything goes there way there happy joyous and free but just watch the reaction when things dont go there way or someone says something they dont like or agree with then out comes there manipulation mask as there right about everything :D

the one thing i came to believe in is the insanity part about being an alcoholic its not just drinking again no matter how much pain and suffering we bring to ourselves and those who love us which is insanity but its everyday living and thinking and the lengths they go to in order to get there own way, bit like being a spoilt brat of a child who has never grown up
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Re: Anger

Postby valeriecruz » Mon Oct 10, 2016 2:27 am

I too find it hard to avoid snapping when it's been a few days.. I just think of the consequences and try to ground myself! Thanks for sharing!
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Re: Anger

Postby Tosh » Fri Oct 21, 2016 7:27 am

Dan2000 wrote:So now if we get rid of EGO or our selfcenteredness, what will become of us? and what processes can we take to rid ourselves of EGO? ( I welcome lots and lots of feedback to these questions)


A fairly typical response from one kind of spiritual tradition would be "Show me your ego". On investigation (via meditation) you'll not find an ego; only a bunch of thoughts and feelings that keep on changing. Basically our egos are concepts (abstract ideas we have about ourselves). I also believe the word 'person' comes from the Greek or Latin for persona, which meant mask. Our egos are the mask we wear.

But on a pragmatic level, we all need egos to function in the world.

I think what happens is that we come to A.A. with one kind of ego and transform this ego - via the 12 Steps - into a different - but better - kind of ego. Hopefully we end up a bit less concerned about ourselves (within reason) and a bit more concerned about others. And - for some weird reason - we end up happier and more peaceful because of it.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: Anger

Postby Tosh » Fri Oct 21, 2016 7:31 am

Dan2000 wrote: Some answers may be:

1. Keep the focus off ourselves, by helping others (step 12)

2. If one has an atittude of gratitude, I wouldthink everything else would fall into place.

Thanks Dan


I think that's great. As for anger, I think the 'pause, when agitated' from the Big Book is a great suggestion. On the occasions I get angry these days (which doesn't happen often), I find that 'just shutting the heck up'; i.e. taking a pause till I calm down, even if it does feel like I want to explode, helps keep me out of trouble.

Particularly in relation to other drivers and Mrs Tosh. :lol:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: Anger

Postby Noels » Fri Oct 21, 2016 8:39 pm

Somehow, somewhere I've learned to put on the other person's cap to see the situation from his /her /their side before I react. Thats possibly called 'understanding ", im not sure yet as i havent really thought about a name for it. Thats turned out to be a useful tool in all events and happenings.
The other day I witnessed two people's egos fight / talk. Whilst watching this I suddenly got this picture in my mind (literally ). The people disappeared and in their place I could see only 2 big lips moving up and down, closing and opening as they talked / shouted at one another. Exceptionally comical that was! :lol:
These days this seems to happen when BS is being uttered as well.
Just thought I'd share my experience with you :D
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Re: Anger

Postby Tosh » Sat Oct 22, 2016 2:14 am

Noels wrote:Somehow, somewhere I've learned to put on the other person's cap to see the situation from his /her /their side before I react. Thats possibly called 'understanding ", im not sure yet as i havent really thought about a name for it. Thats turned out to be a useful tool in all events and happenings.


I've heard that described as 'shining the torch of understanding on a situation'.

And if there's ever any ambiguity, I was taught to give the benefit of the doubt.

So if a driver cuts me up in traffic, rather than thinking "You f******* a*********!", I should be thinking "Maybe he/she is really stressed about some terrible situation and that's what's causing the erratic driving". Or something along those lines.

In reality what happens is that I create a whole story about how the other driver is a complete idiot and get on the horn and shout abuse, or if I'm in a more spiritual mood, I'll 'take a pause', bite my lip, burn inside for a while, and calm down eventually.

Progress, not perfection. :oops:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: Anger

Postby kdub720 » Thu Nov 10, 2016 3:14 pm

Great write,
This post hit home for me as I used to bury my anger and rinse it down the pipes of suppression, leading me to constantly bottle up and realease with the bottle. I love how you guys get me thinking all the time about my reasons and rational.
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