Social anxiety? Dating? Alcohol.

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Re: Social anxiety? Dating? Alcohol.

Postby PaigeB » Tue Sep 20, 2016 7:42 am

I wouldn't worry about men for quite a while. Just do the program and life will happen. You will learn and practice the principles of this program and begin to feel comfortable in your own skin. AFTER working the 12 Steps, with a sponsor of your own gender, you may find that your fears have subsided a bit. Or that you are okay without a man in your life either way.

Are there any women's meetings near you? I can help you find them if you are unsure. I know for sure that e-aa has a women's email meeting. And there is a women's email meeting called G.R.O.W. too. Maybe having a women's meeting online will be a great addition to your recovery!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Social anxiety? Dating? Alcohol.

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Sep 20, 2016 1:25 pm

It could be past conditioning, could be you saw someone being abused. You may want to seek outside help, there are some healers who could help you with those emotional scars.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Social anxiety? Dating? Alcohol.

Postby Brock » Tue Sep 20, 2016 2:48 pm

The twelve step program of AA is a marvelous thing for anyone to do, it helps in many ways besides just stopping drinking, and the only requirement is a desire to stop.

It seems from what you wrote that your problem only comes up when male relationships are involved, and drink is used for a sort of 'dutch courage,' and when sober you are fine (“still love who I am. I am caring, accepting and all the sorts.”) Alcoholics of the sort that this program appeals to have usually lost the power of choice in drink, and when sober we feel what our literature describes as “restless and discontent.” This link is to a twelve section questionnaire, it is suggested as a guide to help people decide the seriousness of their problem.

http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for ... can-answer

Of course the final answer is up to you, if you want it any meeting would welcome you, and best of luck.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Social anxiety? Dating? Alcohol.

Postby kittyr » Tue Sep 20, 2016 4:36 pm

I'm extremely socially anxious sober (although less gender-specific) but it's gotten better with time - slower than I'd like but better nonetheless.

Don't worry too much about a relationship, it sounds a little soon.

I can't read from your post whether your fear is only around extreme crush shyness feelings, or if you are genuinely scared of men.

If it is the former: not even wanting to hang out with guy friends sounds hard. And may be related to the nervousness around dating men. If you can't relax with your guy buddies, then harder to meet men in general. If men seem not just a little different, but an entirely different species, then they are scary. Maybe you've constructed them as very different. But they're just people. They are just regular people with hopes and dreams and fears and insecurities, just like you! I'm bi and I've dated men and women, they really are just all people. Similarities far greater than our differences.
Maybe try to hang out in mixed groups (where you crush no one) and it could get easier? Make some nice guy friends with no mutual attraction? How about your gay male friends? Can you hang out with them more?

If it is the latter problem: I also understand this one. Due to trauma issues, I'm still not great with strange men, and it is not rational. If it is this one, what avaneesh said, it could be a really good idea to talk to someone professional.

xx
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Re: Social anxiety? Dating? Alcohol.

Postby Roberth » Thu Sep 22, 2016 8:39 am

Hello Caruh7 and welcome to E-AA. My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. I have work with guys who are Bi-Polar. I tell them let deal with the alcohol and see what other issue they have left. Then I let the professionals handle what’s left. You might be surprised what comes out during an inventory
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Re: Social anxiety? Dating? Alcohol.

Postby kdub720 » Thu Sep 22, 2016 8:46 pm

I like That statement about taking the drink away and see how minimal the rest of the problems though. I fear women and used to think drinking took that anxiety away, but it never really works. And now know I cant fear and certainly not use the booze to lessen my fear. Good post
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Re: Social anxiety? Dating? Alcohol.

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Sep 23, 2016 3:40 am

I would like to know if anyone or know someone who deals with it.


All fear is about losing something. Most of the time its the image you project yourself to be and you want others to respect that. I go through that once in a while. Then it was a constant thing. That is why we have the whole 12 steps. We first take a deep cleansing and then you keep cleaning it. You gave it to your higher power. He/She got it. But our mind keeps memory traces alive. Once you are awakened, you tap into your higher power and keep giving back (the fear) to that power. Have it handle it.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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