New young alcoholic

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New young alcoholic

Postby Caruh7 » Fri Aug 19, 2016 1:50 pm

Hello,
I am a 22 year old female and have been drinking since I was 18. I know that seems young and a short amount of time, but I have been through many things I don't want to at my age because of alcohol. I should start my story before then. When I was young I was born as a twin. We both grew up being BFFs. Once middle school hit (and a little before) I noticed I was different. I had two different colored eyes (I knew long before this), had surgery on my back for scoliosis, had surgery on my arm because I couldn't raise it past shoulder length (and still can't). I could deal. Growing up wasn't too hard at that point. Once I hit middle school my nose grew crooked... I felt hideous. At that age I decided I wasn't worth anything, that I was discussing, ugly and all those sorts. I had friends but I still felt within myself I wasn't worth anything if I didn't believe it. Next I moved and then came high school. Right before I had a nose job that made me more confident in my looks. Still looking in I decided I wasn't good enough till I felt 100% on myself. Time went by and I learned more and more off of YouTube and felt secure with my makeup skills. Something I shouldn't disclose but am not ashamed of, is that I had different boobs. Yes most women do. Mine were more prominent. So what. I still carried on. By the end of high school playing with make up I found a passion. I loved makeup and how it made me look. How I felt I was more than I ever had been. Just me. Right after high school I had a boob job. Yes..i gained more confidence. These whole years I had been scared of men, scared of anyone, scared of what people thought and how I wasn't good enough. At 18 I found alcohol. I loved it. It made me feel like I was myself. Without the ridiculous fear. Without my anxiety. I was in love. I thought I found my cure. I was wrong. I got a DUI at 19. I went sober for a year (because I was forced to by law). I still went to party's being my bffs DD and saw how much I didn't like the party scene. I eventually went to Cali to start a life in markup. I went to school turning 21 only to find another girl who was my age. We drank all the time.. Movies, concerts... you name it. We were close. Soon schooling ended and I had to move back home. I continued drinking because of reminiscing and of how the days used to be. I had one friend who I ended up loosing in this small town. I won't say why but I hope the best for her. Either way I kept going down this slope I didn't know I started. Blacking out was norm to me. My friends did the same and encouraged alcohol wherever: my parents got worried and talking with proffesianals and coworkers and attending my first AA, I realized I am an alcoholic and to better myself I need to start now. Not 10 years, not 20 , not 30... Now. I am only 22 as I have said and I really don't want to waste my life how I could. I wish I was normal, I wish I could date, I wish I could just be outgoing but then again I'm an alcoholic and sometimes we just don't. Either way I am me and I wouldn't change it. I hope someone can take inspiration from this. Still I need help and haven't gone sober yet. I am still trying. It's hard. But I won't stop!
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Re: New young alcoholic

Postby Brock » Fri Aug 19, 2016 2:32 pm

Welcome here Caruh, that was a well written story that I am sure many of us here can relate to, for me especially the parts about alcohol relieving fear and anxiety, making us have an opinion of ourselves better than we do when sober.

People told me AA could do those things as well, I didn't really believe it at first but gave it a try, the steps they spoke about were easier to do than they appear on paper, and by the time I had finished #5 I started to realize what they said was true. Not only did the feeling to drink disappear, but so did fear and anxiety, and it keeps getting better. Others will be along to welcome you and offer advise, including I am sure a young lady your age who has been here two months and is going great, best of luck.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: New young alcoholic

Postby Noels » Fri Aug 19, 2016 2:50 pm

Hi Caruh and welcome to e-aa :D what a beautiful inspiring share. Thank you for that :D your entire post came through to me as many lessons learned especially the personal knowledge that you can overcome everything life throws at you as long as you WANT to overcome those difficulties. That realisation comes through many painful experiences and having received that wisdom at such an early age is truly a blessing.
Having been blessed with two eyes of different colour is exceptionally unique yet somehow you seem to view this blessing in a negative light?
Adding to this the fact that you are one of a twin is absolutely mind blowing. Your entire story tells me that you are an exceptional individual and what we regard as hardship and negatives are in fact enormous blessings.
Please move past the fear. Quit drinking and become the awesome and powerful being that you truly are.
Love and light
Noels xxx
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Re: New young alcoholic

Postby Caruh7 » Fri Aug 19, 2016 6:01 pm

Thank you both. I do agree with all the AS recommendations and staying sober and achieving all we can do besides our alcoholism. For me at a young age I still am trying to be able to hold them both. My fear, which I have not been able to find in anyone else, is something I have so much trouble with. My differences pysically I have accepted but still feel great trouble with others is another hardship. Idk. I time i might feel comfortable with it all but for now I feel being alone and myself is something I can handle. I'm tired of all the hangovers and all the second guessing and trying to figure out what I've done the night before. I ready to change. I just don't know how. Sobering up has given me strength but the next step is still unclear.
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Re: New young alcoholic

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Aug 19, 2016 6:24 pm

I ready to change. I just don't know how.


Have you watched "Bar Rescue" or other programs where they buy old houses, fix them and sell them? What do they do? Keep the good segments/parts of the business and let go of the ones that is not working. And come out of bankruptcy right?

We do the same. Thats where the 4th step comes in. We look at ourselves. Let go of the selfish, self-centered traits and work on the good. We may not be in a position to identify which one is good and which is not. Thats where the sponsors come in.

When does the money flow in? After restructuring right? Thats what happens to us, we tap into this power as we start cleaning up. Hope this helps.

There are some great workshops that are freely available on the internet. You may use them too.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: New young alcoholic

Postby PuppyEars » Fri Aug 19, 2016 8:41 pm

Caruh7 wrote:I wish I was normal

I once worked under a Normal person who wasn't even a social drinker. Not a drinker at all. Imagine the burden of cheating on your partner, the constant lying, sneaking behind their back, putting on a facade in front of them, having innocent people cover for you....

...and can't blame alcohol. What a tough, tough way to go. To me, that's just a whole 'nutha level of douchebaggery.

Even though I have manned up to past mistakes and made amends, the truth still remains all of the dirt (that I acted upon) was done while under the influence of something.
We have been given the answers with the process of alcoholics anonymous. A normal person may take a lifetime or even die without ever knowing a correct way to live or deal with emotions that absolutely crush us.
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Re: New young alcoholic

Postby ezdzit247 » Sat Aug 20, 2016 6:44 pm

Hi Caruh and welcome.

Thank you for sharing.

AA has a pamphlet entitled "This is AA - An introduction to the AA recovery program" which will help answer your questions about how the program works. Most AA meetings have this pamphlet on their literature shelf or you can read it online by clicking on this link:

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-1_thisisaa1.pdf.

Here's an excerpt from the pamphlet on AA's 24 hour plan:

"For example, we take no pledges, we don’t say that we will “never” drink again. Instead, we try to follow what we in A.A. call the “24-hour plan.” We concentrate on keeping sober just the current twenty-four hours. We simply try to get through one day at a time without a drink. If we feel the urge for a drink, we neither yield nor resist. We merely put off taking that particular drink until tomorrow…."

I struggled with trying to keep away from that first drink and stay sober for almost two years after my first meeting. After I discovered AA's 24 Hour plan, this technique, going to lots and lots of meetings, especially evening meetings when I would normally want to drink, made staying sober so much easier than trying to do it by myself my way. My way, saying I was never going to take another drink, didn't work for me. I also discovered Young Peoples AA meetings and made one of them my home group meeting. I was still young when I finally got sober and having fellowship with other young alcoholics in recovery was very very helpful to me as well.

Please feel free to post any questions you may have about how the program works.

Keep coming back.....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: New young alcoholic

Postby Feeya » Sat Aug 20, 2016 8:18 pm

Hi Caruh!
My name is Feeya, I am 22 as well... I am so glad that you are here!

'Scared I wasn't good enough' is actually something I really identify with, a feeling I have felt for most of my life I guess! AA taught me very early on that 'perfection' does not exist and that life and recovery is about progress.


When I first got to AA I was actually really scared about how the rest of my life was going to turn out, since I am so young and there is so much life ahead of me. The thought of never drinking again freaked me out so bad, so I just went for 'one day at a time', learning to live in the moment and not to get ahead of myself...
I go to as many meetings as I can (usually around three a week) and I work the steps with a sponsor, wich is what keeps me sober, and I am so grateful for that.

Good luck to you and keep coming back!
One day at a time.
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Re: New young alcoholic

Postby Noels » Sat Aug 20, 2016 11:21 pm

Good morning Caruh :D see how others care about you from the above responses above without even knowing you ? That's how it is in AA :D we care because we identify with what you are thinking and the pain you are experiencing because we already went through it ourselves :D
Since you are ready to move forward and take back your life to become happy joyous and free I would suggest the same path that worked for me and all the people above - firstly you need to get to a meeting. Once youre there you will be guided by your Higher Power so just relax, sit and listen. Then let us know after how it went k? Since you're ready it is now the time to take action. That means physical movement to show the Universe you are serious :D
There's no need to be afraid hon. We are with you and we will walk this path with you until you are strong enough to walk further without us.
Lastly - some pain and fears are hidden very deep. So deep we sometimes don't even realise it's there. Working the 12 step program is going to help with that. In due course. No need to want or expect immediate change or perfection from yourself right now. Change comes as it should - as you are ready - THAT'S why we start with the 24 program. One day at a time. Progress. ..... not perfection. ....
Love and light
Noels xxxx
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Re: New young alcoholic

Postby Db1105 » Sun Aug 21, 2016 9:56 am

Caruh7 wrote:Hello,
I am a 22 year old female and have been drinking since I was 18. I know that seems young and a short amount of time, but I have been through many things I don't want to at my age because of alcohol. I should start my story before then. When I was young I was born as a twin. We both grew up being BFFs. Once middle school hit (and a little before) I noticed I was different. I had two different colored eyes (I knew long before this), had surgery on my back for scoliosis, had surgery on my arm because I couldn't raise it past shoulder length (and still can't). I could deal. Growing up wasn't too hard at that point. Once I hit middle school my nose grew crooked... I felt hideous. At that age I decided I wasn't worth anything, that I was discussing, ugly and all those sorts. I had friends but I still felt within myself I wasn't worth anything if I didn't believe it. Next I moved and then came high school. Right before I had a nose job that made me more confident in my looks. Still looking in I decided I wasn't good enough till I felt 100% on myself. Time went by and I learned more and more off of YouTube and felt secure with my makeup skills. Something I shouldn't disclose but am not ashamed of, is that I had different boobs. Yes most women do. Mine were more prominent. So what. I still carried on. By the end of high school playing with make up I found a passion. I loved makeup and how it made me look. How I felt I was more than I ever had been. Just me. Right after high school I had a boob job. Yes..i gained more confidence. These whole years I had been scared of men, scared of anyone, scared of what people thought and how I wasn't good enough. At 18 I found alcohol. I loved it. It made me feel like I was myself. Without the ridiculous fear. Without my anxiety. I was in love. I thought I found my cure. I was wrong. I got a DUI at 19. I went sober for a year (because I was forced to by law). I still went to party's being my bffs DD and saw how much I didn't like the party scene. I eventually went to Cali to start a life in markup. I went to school turning 21 only to find another girl who was my age. We drank all the time.. Movies, concerts... you name it. We were close. Soon schooling ended and I had to move back home. I continued drinking because of reminiscing and of how the days used to be. I had one friend who I ended up loosing in this small town. I won't say why but I hope the best for her. Either way I kept going down this slope I didn't know I started. Blacking out was norm to me. My friends did the same and encouraged alcohol wherever: my parents got worried and talking with proffesianals and coworkers and attending my first AA, I realized I am an alcoholic and to better myself I need to start now. Not 10 years, not 20 , not 30... Now. I am only 22 as I have said and I really don't want to waste my life how I could. I wish I was normal, I wish I could date, I wish I could just be outgoing but then again I'm an alcoholic and sometimes we just don't. Either way I am me and I wouldn't change it. I hope someone can take inspiration from this. Still I need help and haven't gone sober yet. I am still trying. It's hard. But I won't stop!


Welcome!

I sobered up one month shy of my 18th birthday. That was back in 1977. I started drinking 1t 12, by 15 I was out of control and finally had to throw in the towel with my drinking. I had already experienced the jails, institutions and brought back to life during one overdose, so my prospects were not good, Thankfully, I was directed to the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and through the !2 steps, recovered from this disease.
The only thing not drinking has kept me from doing in life is not drink. Get a Home Group, Get a Sponsor, and get working on the 12 Steps.
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Re: New young alcoholic

Postby kdub720 » Tue Aug 30, 2016 9:35 am

Wow, great story.
I too found comfort in alcohol moving around, not having many friends, and always feeling awkward socially. Alcohol took that away, it seemed. It took along time, yet I know people like the sober me more than the more drunk outgoing me. It is a tough road and I am glad you jumped on it early. I wish I had at 22, my life would be much different if I had. Great post.
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