Sharing at meetings

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Sharing at meetings

Postby Dub24 » Sun Aug 14, 2016 4:05 pm

Hi all,
New here. I'm 21 months sober now. I was doing the steps with a sponsor but started going to recovery based meetings and got another sponsor who is bringing me through the Big Book which is great.
Lately i'm very nervous sharing at meetings. It's like i have nothing to say and go blank. I'm getting very self conscious when sharing aswell. Because i'm going to good recovery meetings i don't want to be seen as moaning about everything! I'm going through a tough time at the moment due to a relationship break up which is very painful. I am sharing in meetings about it but feel i have to put a positive spin on it when i;m feeling like S***!!

Does anyone else get self conscious when sharing and when you do share you evaluate everything you did share??
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Re: Sharing at meetings

Postby Brock » Sun Aug 14, 2016 4:48 pm

Welcome here Dub24. As it states in our literature, all of the steps are designed to deflate our egos, and I believe it's that ego which has us self conscious about sharing, and also evaluating it afterward. So as we go through the steps and practice 10 11 & 12, we can expect to find ourselves accepting more and more that a higher power is in charge, and we start worrying less about what others think, not only about our shares, but also most other things.

The book goes to some length to speak about us being like actors, and trying to impress others, a normal human trait that alcoholics may have in abundance, and something we need to curb. A lot is said about looking in the mirror and being pleased with the person you see. My experience is that after #5 I began to develop this, and now once I feel God is in charge and I am just a servant, then what I do is his will, and it really doesn’t matter much what other people feel about it. So the self consciousness and evaluating fall by the wayside pretty automatically, and it works for all things in life, true happiness I believe stems from this happening.

With respect to moaning in meetings this I try to stay away from, it has unfortunately become quite common in discussion meetings, and is something we discuss from time to time. People talking about their bad week, sick cat or cheating spouse really has no place in AA meetings, although an alarming number of people think it does. Most advise that these sort of personal things be discussed over coffee afterward.

We have a good site here of many members with solid sobriety who enjoy discussing anything AA related, I expect some will be along to give their opinions, but then maybe the Olympics has them glued to the TV.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Sharing at meetings

Postby PuppyEars » Sun Aug 14, 2016 7:18 pm

You are not unique.
But you are uniquely useful.
We share relationship crap because we expect someone to have the answers.
Invite God into your situation, literally. Ask for the willingness to let go. Bounce it off humans if you want. Then apply some principles so one day your experience can be useful to someone going through similar issues.
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Re: Sharing at meetings

Postby Noels » Sun Aug 14, 2016 10:45 pm

It's like i have nothing to say and go blank

Good morning Dub24 and welcome to e-aa :D I find that many times I truly have nothing to say and that's ok. When this happens I simply don't say anything :D We don't always need to speak. The meeting is not dependant on our share or voice only. Perhaps by keeping quiet when we truly have nothing to say, gives another person who really need to speak a chance to get it out and heal from speaking their truth as it is at that moment.

Have an awesome day and relax :D silence also have healing power.

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Re: Sharing at meetings

Postby Troy M. » Mon Aug 15, 2016 3:02 am

Many times, even in some of the small meetings I attend, I pass by saying, "I think I would like to just listen today." Even in larger meetings, I will say the same thing, if I really have nothing to say. Sometimes I feel like I want to say something, but I don't get called on. I might stick around after and visit with someone and before I know it, I've said what I wanted to say and outside of the structure of the meeting, we can have a dialogue and I hear the advice I am looking for. I think I've heard the saying, 'sometimes the best meetings happen before and after the scheduled meeting.' That is so very true.
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Re: Sharing at meetings

Postby Spirit Flower » Mon Aug 15, 2016 4:35 am

Study the literature and think about what it means to you. then when you are in a meeting on that part, you have learnings to share. Otherwise, the reading goes in one ear and out the other and you have nothing to say.
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Re: Sharing at meetings

Postby avaneesh912 » Mon Aug 15, 2016 4:59 am

I am sharing in meetings about it but feel i have to put a positive spin on it when i;m feeling like S***!!


Share the power you tap into. Today you are able to look at the incident with a different perspective. Like maybe this one not the right one for me. Or something like that. Thats the attitude shift we have as we work the 12 steps. I like your attitude on not using the fellowship as a therapy session. Infuse power into meetings. New comers will be glad and see hope in your stance and get drawn toward you. So you can help them move forward.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Sharing at meetings

Postby kellye » Mon Aug 15, 2016 6:52 am

I almost never have anything to say, even in this forum. I just read and think.

--km
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Re: Sharing at meetings

Postby Barbara D. » Mon Aug 15, 2016 9:10 am

For me, this is about balance. I have spilled my guts in meetings many a time and gotten good feedback about my specific situation. But I just shared once. I did not double and triple-dip to comment on other people's shares and add more of my own details. Somehow, the specifics turn into a general topic that can be helped by any spiritual principle.

I agree that too much doom and gloom makes for a lopsided meeting. On the other hand, I sure didn't relate to constant good news and how wonderful Recovery is when I got here. I think a mini-version of the speaker outline makes for the best shares at meetings: a glimpse of how it was, what happened, and how it is now. I believe it's important to always acknowledge something good when I'm in a bad place and to remember that I'm okay even if reality doesn't suit me today.

From my perspective, the middle ground is extensive with plenty of room to see-saw but I do better when my ups and downs are not too extreme. Meetings can put wood on the fire or calm the nerves...it's my choice.

Happy Monday! Barbara D, alcoholic
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Re: Sharing at meetings

Postby Lali » Tue Aug 16, 2016 8:29 am

Noels wrote:It's like i have nothing to say and go blank

I find that many times I truly have nothing to say and that's ok. When this happens I simply don't say anything :D We don't always need to speak. The meeting is not dependant on our share or voice only. Perhaps by keeping quiet when we truly have nothing to say, gives another person who really need to speak a chance to get it out and heal from speaking their truth as it is at that moment.


I totally agree. Noels, I especially like where you say "The meeting is not dependent on our share or our voice only". I think this is important for people to note; to get the focus off of ourselves, we can relax and listen to what others have to say.
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Re: Sharing at meetings

Postby desypete » Sat Aug 27, 2016 5:50 pm

when i crawled into the aa meetings in my early days i had lost everything that i loved, my kids taken away from my care and put into foster home, my business gone, my wife gone, my home gone, and all my money gone, i was a drunken bum
i came to the meetings and shared my heart out, how bad a person i was how i hated myself, how scared i was trying to get through a day without a drink
i was told to keep on coming back, i was given a big book as i had no money to buy one myself, i was given kindness by the memebers of aa and some took me under there wing and just helped me, as they to had been where i was they understood
they didnt ever preach to me, they listened to my anger in my shares as i was blameing everyone and everything else for how it all ended up so badly and they slowly and wisely offered up little tips to help me
they got me around meetings they came and sat with me to keep me company as they knew i would be alone with my rotten head going around and around in my fog and madness

some how i managed to get through a day then a week then a month and my mind stated to clear i was given hope, and love by the people in aa which sadly is not being done as much in today's aa which seems hell bent on turning meetings into some sort of worship room where we have preachers not members trying to show off how much they have read so they can get a pat on the head by whoever is there ringleader guru

in the olden times the early members would try to help tramps and down and outs the real hard core so called hopeless cases, they would take them into there homes and try to help them as much as they could and it failed many times over but every now and then there would be success, but the one thing it did do was keep those who were trying to help other sober

its a simple concept but ignored by so many in the fellowship

i can only pass on my own experience of how i found my own sobriety without that freedom to share and start to open myself up and start to lose my many faces and show the real me then i really couldn't find myself, if others had not shared there own experiences i never would of got identification it was hearing other that made me come to see i am just like them and helped me make up my own mind if i was an alcoholic or not

it really does sadden me when i hear someone needs to open themselves up in an aa room but can not or feel they can not because of other members and how they try to control meetings and the content
if people need to share there heart out who the hell is anyone in aa to say they can not ?

if you have a problem in your life then share it as it lessens it and it loses its power
if you feel you can not share as other might not like it in the rooms then share it as its for the others to try to work on themselves to be more tolerant and understanding.
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Re: Sharing at meetings

Postby ezdzit247 » Sat Aug 27, 2016 6:06 pm

Beautiful share, Pete.

I agree on every point.... :D
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Re: Sharing at meetings

Postby Reborn » Sat Aug 27, 2016 6:38 pm

I don't know how AA is where y'all are but here there is too much sharing of problems and not enough sharing the solution. While I have empathy for folks who feel they need to puke in the rooms to get through there day...I did it when I was new. However I was told not to hold the meeting hostage and selfishly puke my problems so everyone could enjoy them too. If all you have to bring to a meeting is your problem you should probably just keep your mouth shut...talk to someone after the meeting...meetings are for sharing a solution...which is in fact the Big Book...that is where we get the solution...so why would I not want to share that in a meeting??? As a good friend of mine Stepchild says...if all we did was sit around and talk about how bad things are no one would get any better.
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132
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Re: Sharing at meetings

Postby D'oh » Sat Aug 27, 2016 9:29 pm

By the Grace of God, I may never have to deal with a drink ever again. But I have to deal with life every day.

My illness, Alcohol was only a symptom, The Ism, (living life in my own skin) was the problem. So if that means listening to someone's daily troubles in a meeting, then that is my path. Just as if a Power Greater than myself, might believe I need to hear what is being said.
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Re: Sharing at meetings

Postby Lali » Sat Aug 27, 2016 10:02 pm

Where I live, meetings are only an hour long and 20 minutes are spent on readings such as How It Works, the Promises and the Daily Reflection. Another several minutes are spent at the end or the meeting for Announcements and prayer. So that leaves about 30 minutes when the floor is opened up. If we spend those 30 minutes ragging about how life has given us a bad rap, or their 's current work problem, etc., when do we get to talk about the SOLUTION. That's what meetings are for - to share the solution. What is a newcomer going to leave a meeting with if he hasn't heard the solution? Where is he going to find hope. Dumping ones problems should happen before the meeting or after the meeting or with one's sponsor. IMO a person who uses the meeting to dump their problems needs to take their own inventory and see how this behavior is self-centered. It's always a disappointment when one or more persons "use" the meeting to talk about themselves, disregarding others who want to share their ESH.
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