Doing everything your sponsor says

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Re: Doing everything your sponsor says

Postby cdogg556 » Tue Aug 09, 2016 5:06 am

positrac wrote:
cdogg556 wrote:I am just wondering cause my sponsor is a single guy with just a dog, I have a wife and 4 kids, I am a Superintendent for a custom home builder, I also contract concrete jobs on the side, I know everyone always says "Put A.A. first before everything else" but is there not a balance somewhere, can A.A. also be taken to addictive levels? I go to 4 meetings a week, have service commitments at 2 of them, I have 139 days today and am on my 9th step, I share at meetings, I have led meetings, I am leading one tonight, and my sponsor says I am ready to find sponsee's! So, how can I maintain all this and try and keep up with my sponsor who only has his one job and a dog? I appreciate any advise, thanks.


Balance, is there really such a thing? You do have your hands full with a family, kids and earning and staying sober. So I would have to ask what lead to your admitting you became powerless over alcohol? Not a trick question; really it is about "balance" Stress of life on life's terms, working 7 days a week and trying to juggle the family life ect for example......


Maybe write out on paper everything to gain and to lose-staying sober and going out drinking. 139 days sober is pretty green and it is a milestone for your recovery and I applaud your efforts. You are aware of grounding and the purpose and what can happen if no ground and or faulty grounds are in place. So step outside yourself and review and then if you need to look at stuff I would recommend you honestly do so. If you go out and lose your livelihood then what good are you?

I've been at this for over 26 years and I am no expert but I see red in this post and it is not healthy. H-Hungry A. Angry L. Lonely T. Tired (HALT) Personally I could careless on which step you are on right now because buzzing through the steps doesn't mean you are done as these are life long steps and what you missed today will enlighten you later. I've seen a lot of people in my travels go out because they tried to hide behind work and it drove them to drinking.


You have a lot of self motivation and this is a good thing because drunks normally have high expectations of themselves and in life. But burn out and or failure is not healthy and you need to grow more before you take on the whole world. (drama------just got to hate it!) Point is this change is inevitable once you sober up and what worked back then might not work now and if you can juggle this and mow through it then more power to you.

You are doing above and beyond and not making excuses for not having time for life and this is good, but throttle back trigger and find some time for your life and family.

Thank you for the advise positrac! You have a valid point without a doubt and I believe that much of what you said is correct, I didn't mean it to sound like "Oh, and I am on step 9" by any means and if I did sound that way I apologize, I also don't believe that rushing me through the steps is the best thing to do, but this is what my sponsor says to do so I do it! This is part of why I asked the question in the first place, he gave me 1 week to complete my list of people I owe an amends to! Holy moly! :shock: I politely told him I been doing this for over 35 years (Drinking) and I don't think I can be very thorough with my list in only a week, I took 2 weeks to complete it and that was not much time either, anyway I thank you for your insight and will most definitely take all of the above comments in consideration. :wink:
"If you want something different, do something you've never done"
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Re: Doing everything your sponsor says

Postby positrac » Tue Aug 09, 2016 6:33 am

cdogg556:

No worries because my points are that if you drown due to pressures that we can't see then being on any step really doesn't matter.

Your sponsor is a whip cracker and I needed that kind of help because of my personality and how I grew up and lived for over twenty years as no grey area for me. Please remember thy own self be true as you have a lot of responsibilities and being newly sober and you seem serious so this is a very fragile ecosystem if that makes sense.

Keep on trucking and have a great day.
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Re: Doing everything your sponsor says

Postby cdogg556 » Thu Aug 11, 2016 5:35 pm

positrac wrote:
cdogg556 wrote:I am just wondering cause my sponsor is a single guy with just a dog, I have a wife and 4 kids, I am a Superintendent for a custom home builder, I also contract concrete jobs on the side, I know everyone always says "Put A.A. first before everything else" but is there not a balance somewhere, can A.A. also be taken to addictive levels? I go to 4 meetings a week, have service commitments at 2 of them, I have 139 days today and am on my 9th step, I share at meetings, I have led meetings, I am leading one tonight, and my sponsor says I am ready to find sponsee's! So, how can I maintain all this and try and keep up with my sponsor who only has his one job and a dog? I appreciate any advise, thanks.


Balance, is there really such a thing? You do have your hands full with a family, kids and earning and staying sober. So I would have to ask what lead to your admitting you became powerless over alcohol? Not a trick question; really it is about "balance" Stress of life on life's terms, working 7 days a week and trying to juggle the family life ect for example......


Maybe write out on paper everything to gain and to lose-staying sober and going out drinking. 139 days sober is pretty green and it is a milestone for your recovery and I applaud your efforts. You are aware of grounding and the purpose and what can happen if no ground and or faulty grounds are in place. So step outside yourself and review and then if you need to look at stuff I would recommend you honestly do so. If you go out and lose your livelihood then what good are you?

I've been at this for over 26 years and I am no expert but I see red in this post and it is not healthy. H-Hungry A. Angry L. Lonely T. Tired (HALT) Personally I could careless on which step you are on right now because buzzing through the steps doesn't mean you are done as these are life long steps and what you missed today will enlighten you later. I've seen a lot of people in my travels go out because they tried to hide behind work and it drove them to drinking.


You have a lot of self motivation and this is a good thing because drunks normally have high expectations of themselves and in life. But burn out and or failure is not healthy and you need to grow more before you take on the whole world. (drama------just got to hate it!) Point is this change is inevitable once you sober up and what worked back then might not work now and if you can juggle this and mow through it then more power to you.

You are doing above and beyond and not making excuses for not having time for life and this is good, but throttle back trigger and find some time for your life and family.


Points well taken, I am trying to make my life more managable and it seems as though I am way over doing it, I am going to finish up these side jobs I have going and try and slow down a bit, it will just take a little longer to pay everyone back, but if I was to drink then nobody is getting paid anyway, thanks for the advice.
"If you want something different, do something you've never done"
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Re: Doing everything your sponsor says

Postby positrac » Fri Aug 12, 2016 2:25 am

Good start and it all comes to us when we are ready to handle it. I hate to wait as I am the instant gratification guru and so I've had to learn to throttle back and it normally works out not as I'd hoped but mostly better than I could of done in the first place.
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Re: Doing everything your sponsor says

Postby Sleddog75 » Sun Aug 14, 2016 7:48 am

As far as I know, the only difference between a sponsee and a sponsor is that one has done the steps and the other has not. The primary purpose of the sponsor is take the person through the steps and the big book and push them into 12 step work. I am not a counsellor, lawyer, doctor or priest. I'm simply a guy who went through the steps and big book and that's all I know. If someone wants to talk to me about other matters we can do that over a cup of coffee but there is no way I well let sponsee sit there and talk about himself or feel sorry for himself. Steps or bust. That's my philosophy.
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Re: Doing everything your sponsor says

Postby Noels » Sun Aug 14, 2016 11:20 pm

Good morning Cdogg and welcome to e-aa :D I agree with Brock and EZ's posts. My sobriety is so important to me that I made AA a part of my life rather than my entire life. I went to AA for help firstly because I wasn't happy with the person who I have become and secondly because I knew that once I again became who I really was, my family would have the wife, mother, sister and friend that they were supposed to have again. Even in my drinking days my family was important to me and if I was unable to find balance between AA and my family sadly AA would have come second and I would have given it up. At this point in time I don't know whether I would have started drinking again as it is continued spiritual growth obtained by working the 12 step program that effectively keeps me sober. Luckily I haven't had to test that as AA does not ask of me to put it first. The Big Book as I experience it only asks me to do the 12 steps to the best of my ability, abide by the traditions and help other still suffering alcoholics via my ESH. It doesn't say I have to attend meetings every day, have 12 sponsees and place my family second.

Nobody but yourself know what you are able to manage and listening to your body is very important to avoid getting sick and burn out. If your entire being is telling you that its too much then it simply is too much.

Find a balance that works for YOU. It is after all your life and you need to feel comfortable while living it.

Love and Light
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Re: Doing everything your sponsor says

Postby cdogg556 » Mon Aug 15, 2016 5:39 am

Noels wrote:Good morning Cdogg and welcome to e-aa :D I agree with Brock and EZ's posts. My sobriety is so important to me that I made AA a part of my life rather than my entire life. I went to AA for help firstly because I wasn't happy with the person who I have become and secondly because I knew that once I again became who I really was, my family would have the wife, mother, sister and friend that they were supposed to have again. Even in my drinking days my family was important to me and if I was unable to find balance between AA and my family sadly AA would have come second and I would have given it up. At this point in time I don't know whether I would have started drinking again as it is continued spiritual growth obtained by working the 12 step program that effectively keeps me sober. Luckily I haven't had to test that as AA does not ask of me to put it first. The Big Book as I experience it only asks me to do the 12 steps to the best of my ability, abide by the traditions and help other still suffering alcoholics via my ESH. It doesn't say I have to attend meetings every day, have 12 sponsees and place my family second.

Nobody but yourself know what you are able to manage and listening to your body is very important to avoid getting sick and burn out. If your entire being is telling you that its too much then it simply is too much.

Find a balance that works for YOU. It is after all your life and you need to feel comfortable while living it.

Love and Light
Noels

Thank you so much Noels! You said that perfectly and I really appreciate your advise, thank you for taking the time to do that!
"If you want something different, do something you've never done"
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