drinking and going to meetings

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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby akela » Tue Jul 19, 2016 3:51 am

Thank you for all of your support and encouragement. Sorry I am such a downer. At one point I had hope and right now I just want to die. I feel like there isn't a way out and the only thing that quiet my mind is to drink. I honestly feel like I would rather die than have to live through the night without quieting my mind with alcohol. I know this makes no sense. I believe that sober people can be happy. I just don't believe that I can ever be happy. I wish that I could afford to check into rehab and get my mind cleared so that some of this could sink in. I don't want to have my children lose me but I don't want to live either. It is a horrible place to be. I've been battling these feelings for too long and I really can not take it anymore.
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby D'oh » Tue Jul 19, 2016 5:07 am

You do have Hope. You are here aren`t you.

I have never seen someone enter the rooms (a second time) by mistake. You are much further than you think, just stop and look around. Have you attended more than 1 meeting, are you asking for help, do you have a belief that some sort of help will come from this.

Every Happy Face you see at a meeting, well they are all messed up Alcoholics, who Have Honestly, Opened Mindedly, and Willingly, looked for the answer that is right at your feet. Please picking it up is the easy part right now.
Last edited by D'oh on Tue Jul 19, 2016 5:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby Brock » Tue Jul 19, 2016 5:08 am

have to live through the night without quieting my mind with alcohol.

If you can afford a doctor visit or have the option of a free clinic, you might consider asking for a sleep aid or tranquilizer. At this sort of suggestion some sponsors, and other members even here, start getting in a huff about advising someone to take another habit forming substance. But then they also say if a doctor prescribes it it's OK, and all you really need is something to get a good nights rest, the program will kick in and you will kick the need for alcohol or tranquilizers anyway.
I believe that sober people can be happy. I just don't believe that I can ever be happy.

The thing that makes us happy seems a little elusive and 'out there' in the beginning, it's God plain and simple, the book says “may you find Him now,” but for most of us 'now' takes a little while. You will get an all encompassing feeling, that something very great is embracing you with a love so great, you can't help but smile and feel happy. Yes it may come and go and need a little practice, but it does not entail kneeling and praying for great lengths of time. Once you get a glimmer of it and you live by the principles of this program, always turning to the light of Gods love, even just for a few seconds, anytime you are upset, your problems and troubles fall away. And as the book says you find yourself in the 'sunlight of the spirit, on the broad highway,' keep going forward, ask God for help, you will not fail.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby Noels » Tue Jul 19, 2016 6:47 am

Hi Akela, I found this in another thread called " What are the Principles". Very interesting and could be helpful. Read the thread if you have a moment. Youre worth it

Step 1: Honesty
Step 2: Hope
Step 3: Faith
Step 4: Courage
Step 5: Integrity
Step 6: Willingness
Step 7: Humility
Step 8: Brotherly Love
Step 9: Justice
Step 10: Perseverance
Step 11: Spirituality
Step 12: Service

Love and Light
Noels xxx

Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby Spirit Flower » Tue Jul 19, 2016 7:32 am

I know people who picked up more than one desire chip; then one day they had a year.
...a score card reading zero...
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby Lali » Tue Jul 19, 2016 10:41 am

Many people attend meetings while still drinking and I hope you will continue attending meetings. I would rather see someone drinking and going to meetings than drinking and NOT going to meetings. I understand your fear in admitting to your sponsor that you are still drinking. But that is really no different than a person who is sober for a few days, then has a slip and has to tell their sponsor. We don't shoot our wounded. No one is judged if they have a slip so you won't be judged if you admit that you are still drinking. So, I think it's time to be honest with your sponsor. She may continue to sponsor you, but without working the steps.

I want to clarify that I was only stating my opinion on someone working the steps while still drinking. You see, if you don't have Step 1 down 100%, then it is pointless to continue on with the steps. Step 1 is "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable". If you have any reservations about that, it's too soon to work the steps. Do you feel with 100% certainty that you are powerless over alcohol? And do you feel with 100% certainty that your life has become unmanageable as a result? Or do you waver on this?

Again, I have known many people who attended meetings while still drinking. You may hear something in a meeting that really resonates with you and a seed may be planted. You may find that something someone says inspires you to try sobriety. I see that happen all of the time. SO, THERE IS HOPE. Do not give up!

So my advice would be to continue going to as many meetings as you can. You said that you would rather die than not drink tonight. So maybe you aren't ready to stop tonight. I certainly wouldn't want you to harm yourself, especially with you having children that need their mother. Just keep going to meetings. Be of service. Get there early and make coffee or help set up the meeting, i.e., putting out chairs, handing out books, etc. This will make you feel a part of things and should give you a sense of satisfaction that you are doing something for the group.

Maybe something you hear in a meeting will give you the desire to stop drinking. Maybe you will get sick and tired of being sick and tired. That is often the turning point for many alcoholics.

I wish you luck and please keep us posted.
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby Roberth » Tue Jul 19, 2016 11:38 am

Sorry I am such a downer

Hi Akela, don’t you believe it…..we with some time under our belts need you so we can remember our struggles in the beginning.
My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. We never know how or when this thing is going to work.
It took me 5 years from the time I knew I should stop until i walked through the doors of AA. During my first 87 days I was sure AA wasn’t going to work for me. That day I actually told my then wife to take me to a meeting or I was going to the liquor store. I never wanted a drink more in my life than I did then. I had a sponsor and was going to meetings and I still desperately want a drink. Then it happen I hear story coming out of someone else’s mouth and I knew AA would work for me. I made a commitment to myself to keep coming back to AA. Drunk, sober or crazy I was going to keep coming back. In a snap of a finger I went desperately want a drink to having the obsession to drink lifted. That was over 24 years ago and the obsession has not returned.
Once I believed AA would work I became willing to do the things I need to do to keep the obsession at bay for a today.
Know that you are not alone and there is plenty of room in the life boat we call AA. Just remember that just because we are laughing it not at you, it because that you remind us where we came from. I know it's not an AA saying but “been there, done that “ should be
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby misslissy1982 » Tue Jul 19, 2016 9:23 pm

Try looking for a detox that you can check into. I just got out of detox and I was there four days, my place has a partial day program that deals with substance abuse and I feel very safe and supported even though I have just begun. Every time I tried to stop on my own I failed. Check your insurance carefully though to see what is covered. I work in medical insurance and you don't want a surprise bill down the road. Best of luck to you and remember you are not alone.
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