drinking and going to meetings

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drinking and going to meetings

Postby akela » Sat Jul 16, 2016 10:11 pm

I need help. I have been going to meetings and still can't stop drinking. Can't be honest about it either. It is killing me. It is like I want to want to stop. I know I need to stop. won't drink in front of anyone and won't let anyone I know see me buy it. Makes me want to just die. I am scared and can't seem to end this cycle.
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby Layne » Sat Jul 16, 2016 10:43 pm

Start working the twelve steps as they are written in the big book.I couldn't stay sober until I finally worked the twelve steps.

I was so dishonest that I used to drive to a different county to buy my booze so that nobody who knew me would see me buying it. The only problem with that was that I was there every single time I did It. Everywhere I went, there I was. I couldn't get away from myself and the man in the mirror.

Working the twelve steps is the only thing that has worked for keeping me sober. Find someone in a meeting who has thoroughly worked the twelve steps and ask them to help you.
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby Feeya » Sat Jul 16, 2016 10:53 pm

Hi akela.
Congratulations on being honest, because that is what your post was... honest!
"I can't seem to end this cycle" is what I thought for a long long time... fact is: I was capable of so much more then I could have imagined, I just didn't see it... because of that sickness in my head...
the disease of alcoholism is tricky and tells us all the funny things that keep us from stopping...
It tells us we can't, it makes us lie and cheat.
Go to a meeting and just raise your hand and say you need help. There will be people that will be honored to help you and guide you along the 12 steps.

Best of luck to you, and keep us posted!
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby PuppyEars » Sat Jul 16, 2016 10:57 pm

My advice as an ex low bottom drunk is to first change your living situation. My type is utterly incapable of holding on to the family and house while getting loaded.
Check into a detox/rehab or move into a sober living house.

I guess my advice stops there because if you can't move, the rest is useless.
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby Spirit Flower » Sun Jul 17, 2016 9:53 am

What happened to me? There came a day when I was utterly disgusted with myself and hateful. I quit that day; but my emotion fabric quickly came apart. So I went to a councilor who diagnosed alcoholism and gave me an ultimatum. Once in AA, I did what they said. Engrossed in working the steps and service work (cleaning the bathrooms), and socializing with the other young people, I stayed sober.
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby ezdzit247 » Sun Jul 17, 2016 1:04 pm

akela wrote:I need help. I have been going to meetings and still can't stop drinking. Can't be honest about it either. It is killing me. It is like I want to want to stop. I know I need to stop. won't drink in front of anyone and won't let anyone I know see me buy it. Makes me want to just die. I am scared and can't seem to end this cycle.


Hi akela

You were honest about it when you posted here. That's a great start..... :D I had the same problem when I tried to quit drinking and struggled with trying to stay quit for almost two years after my first AA meeting. What finally worked for me is AA's 24 hour plan which you can read about by clicking on this link:

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-1_thisisaa1.pdf.

Here's an exerpt from the pamphlet:

The 24-hour plan

For example, we take no pledges, we don’t say
that we will “never” drink again. Instead, we try
to follow what we in A.A. call the “24-hour plan.”
We concentrate on keeping sober just the cur-
rent twenty-four hours. We simply try to get
through one day at a time without a drink. If we
feel the urge for a drink, we neither yield nor
resist. We merely put off taking that particular
drink until tomorrow....


It's a great plan for staying away from that first drink, one day at a time or one hour at a time or one moment at a time, because it really does work if your work it. Some areas have beginner's meetings listed in their local AA directories and these kinds of meetings also help explain how to use AA's 24 hour plan as well as providing extra support from new AA friends or even a temporary sponsor. Some areas also have what are call Step houses which provide a sober living environment for alcoholics and are generally run by AA members. If the withdrawal symptoms are too severe when you try to quit drinking on your own, please consider admitting yourself for a medical detox at a rehab facility as the safest option for you to get started on sobriety.

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby Noels » Sun Jul 17, 2016 1:54 pm

Hello Akela and welcome to e-aa :D
Well done on the meetings :D it's done you good so far in that you have knowledge now about the disease of alcoholism, you've seen that the program works and you probably feel comfortable in the meetings by now. Well done so far.
Now you need to take action as knowledge take us only that far. You need to find 1 person whom you trust to start the steps with you. Perhaps you are not sure whether you want to stop drinking for the rest of your life? Discuss that with the person you choose and try to get clarification for yourself. Personally I don't think of not drinking for the rest of my life. I'm happy to just not drink for now.
You also don't need to tell the group anything. Start by being honest with only yourself and the person you choose to guide you on your journey of sobriety. Small steps cover many miles :D
Good luck and well done. You're definitely ready for step 1.
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby akela » Sun Jul 17, 2016 6:23 pm

Been working with a sponsor and working the steps and I am an open book except about the fact that I still can't stop drinking. I feel like the entire support network around me would walk away if I said I was drinking because it is so hypocritical to the program. In addition, the times I really want to stay sober is when I help others stay sober and my word would mean nothing if I came clean about my actions again. It is insane that I can't stop. I would not dare let anyone see me drink, even people who don't know I am in AA. As far as everyone in the world would know, I don't drink anymore. It is now just in secret which is insane! If I could afford to go away to treatment for a while I think that would be incredible but money and my kids prevent that from being an option. No place for the kids to go and could not pay the bills if I was off work. I feel like a failure. This is so hard:(
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby Layne » Sun Jul 17, 2016 11:26 pm

Akela, I can relate to where you are and it was indeed hell on earth. I certainly didn't want what I had, but I didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of staying sober until I got rigorously honest.

I relapsed so many times that I just knew they wouldn't let me back in the rooms of AA. No one, and I repeat no one, ever turned their back on me all those times that I drug my ass back into the rooms with my tail between my legs. They continued to welcome me and to love me until I could learn to love myself.

It was hard coming back and admitting that I had drank yet again, but I didn't want my tombstone to read "Died of Embarrassment" so I did it. The last time I held my hand up and admitted that I was once again a newcomer, an old timer came over, gave me a big bear hug, thanked me for being honest and said "We don't shoot our wounded."

Come clean with your support network. What do you have to lose besides your self imposed hell? In my case, it was a good trade off.
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby avaneesh912 » Mon Jul 18, 2016 3:23 am

Check into a detox/rehab or move into a sober living house.


Yes, Detox would clear your mind. The doctors opinion talks about.

Though we work out our solution on the spiritual as well as an altruistic plane, we favor hospitalization for the alcoholic who is very jittery or befogged. More often than not, it is imperative that a man's brain be cleared before he is approached, as he has then a better chance of understanding and accepting what we have to offer.
Last edited by avaneesh912 on Mon Jul 18, 2016 5:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby clouds » Mon Jul 18, 2016 3:25 am

Akela, its great you are here and being honest on e-AA. Its a start and a connection with the AA program for living sober.

Keep doing the next right thing to the best of your ability, especially reading the BB, some of the stories in the back part of th book may help at this time. Be as honest with yourself as possible and honesty with others will follow.

Keep going to meeings. :)
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby 4thDimension » Mon Jul 18, 2016 7:01 pm

Akela,

I've been where you are.

See if you can do it on the 24 hour plan first. An hour at a time. Spare time during the day? Go to another meeting. Enlist the help of a sponsor.

If you can't do it that way? You're not the first; think about detox, treatment, or even a halfway house.

A halfway house and AA saved my life. Best decision I ever made, but not an easy one.

Surrender to win!
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby D'oh » Mon Jul 18, 2016 7:31 pm

Hi akela.
Congratulations on being honest, because that is what your post was... honest!
"I can't seem to end this cycle" is what I thought for a long long time... fact is: I was capable of so much more then I could have imagined, I just didn't see it... because of that sickness in my head...


Thanks Feeya, truer words have not been spoken.

You are being honest akela, even if it is just in type, it is in your thoughts. Bring the body and the mind will follow.

I have come through the doors both ways. Dry the first time and Wet the second time. I am not sure that I could made the second time dry, but I knew that AA had the answer that I needed. Slowly and while going to meetings, I was able to stop the drinking part.

So as long as you have a Desire to stop drinking, go to as many meetings as you can. You didn`t just stop at 1 drink, don`t stop at 1 meeting.
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby Lali » Mon Jul 18, 2016 7:44 pm

This passage from the BB that Avaneesh posted is quite appropriate for your situation:

More often than not, it is imperative that a man's brain be cleared before he is approached, as he has then a better chance of understanding and accepting what we have to offer.
[/quote]

My suggestion would be to let your sponsor know that you are still drinking. It's not fair to her to put the time in if your mind is still "befogged". If you are drinking, you have not gotten step 1 so to me, it doesn't make sense to go forward with the other steps. It is possible, however, that she may choose to continue working with you on the steps, but I feel she has the right to know so that she can make an informed decision.
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Re: drinking and going to meetings

Postby Noels » Mon Jul 18, 2016 11:58 pm

Hi Akela :D thanks for sharing and providing more information. Since you're already working the steps I'd say that part of the problem is the 'secret '. I have learned that secrets no matter how big or small eats us from inside and stop our progress. Part of the secret is the fact that you are getting away with the drinking so not only are you living the life in the rooms but you're still living the life outside the rooms? So the secret brings guilt which is what you have a problem with thanks to the stepwork?
I'm sorry my friend but I am unable to say well done or its okay especially as you seem to have been working with other still suffering alcoholics who may be depending on you and your progress at the moment.
We come to AA to get better. To change ourselves and the way we have been living and at this stage you are not just in relapse as Layne put it, you are living the lie - doing the same things we did before we got to the doors of AA.
My best suggestion would be to firstly decide if you really want to stop drinking. If your entire being screams out " Yes " then you need to free yourself from the guilt which the secret has brought and be open and honest with your sponsor and take your sponsor's advice. If your sponsor suggest you come clean with the group that is what you need to do. Your sponsor and group have been active in supporting you whilst you are still drinking so give them the opportunity to be a part of you becoming clean and sober as well. After taking this step I would suggest to forget everything that you've learned so far and start again with step 1. Also please concentrate on yourself and your own progress for at least the first 3 months before getting involved to help others. Remember - we can not give unless we already have to give what is requested.
I apologise if this message sounds harsh. That is truly not my intention. I simply could not find words to put the suggestions in another way. Firstly you are worth more than what you are doing and unfortunately what you are doing could affect others lives eventually as an untruth ALWAYS gets exposed and others in your life can and will then be hurt unnecessarily.
Thank you once again for opening up to us and good luck. In this instance there is only one way - the right way.
"And the truth shall set us free ..."
Love and Light
Noels xxx
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