My only recovery trigger in the rooms...please help

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Re: My only recovery trigger in the rooms...please help

Postby clouds » Sun Jul 10, 2016 7:27 am

Emerald I think if I were in your exact situation and a woman in my group was doing this to the extent you are describing I would have words with her. I'm not sure if its better for you to approach her one on one, or find a few members of your group who might offer support in talking with her at the same time. As you describe it the situation requires immediate attention, as many new comers are being harmed. I myself usually do leave others to have their quirks and affairs as they will, but as you describe this woman is clearly a menace she must be stopped from her sick behavior.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: My only recovery trigger in the rooms...please help

Postby emeraldg » Sun Jul 10, 2016 8:10 am

I am feeling like my ego and people pleasing nature might be blocking me on this one. I am scared that if I raise this concern, I will not be believed and viewed as crazy and paranoid for having concerns over an elderly lady who looks like a sweet old grandmother. I have even heard a gentleman say about her that she is "such a sweet, kind old lady who has done so much to help her sponsees who were just not ready to be helped". It also seems that her 13th stepping ways are overlooked because she looks like a sweet old lady with white hair and cardigans, so her intentions can't possibly be bad. Whereas a man with the same behavior I believe would be vilified and newcomers warned about. This view that some seem to have about this "sweet old lady" is the opposite of what my instincts and higher power are showing and telling me.

I personally see it as a facade, a calculated way to gain trust. Similar to the predator we read and watch movies about who uses puppies to lure children.

So many of us come into the program broken, sick, abused and confused with relationship, boundary and marital issues. To prey upon this, despite one's gender, age, social status etc...it seems like all the same sickness to me, disguised behind many different masks and packages.
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Re: My only recovery trigger in the rooms...please help

Postby kdub720 » Sun Jul 10, 2016 1:30 pm

This is great topic and why I prefer AA online. Groups are too scary. Meeting strangers and sharing personal things, when the only thing I have in common is a desire for sobriety, is not something I am comfortable with. I was approached by to many people to quickly, and they were just eager to help and serve. I do not think traditional meeting are as safe as people think. With technology being how it is today AA online works for me, I can talk with my sponsor daily who lives thousands of miles away. All while not worrying who may be following me home, or showing interest with false pretenses. Great post.
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Re: My only recovery trigger in the rooms...please help

Postby Noels » Sun Jul 10, 2016 2:23 pm

Emerald if you've seen it and it's true some other members would have seen it too. You are now faced with a choice - either you speak up and effect change regardless of the consequences to your 'status ' or you accept it and let it be. There is no other choice. Yes there are many colours in life but some instances are either black or white. Sorry dear but that's just how it is.
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Re: My only recovery trigger in the rooms...please help

Postby Sleddog75 » Sat Jul 16, 2016 9:59 pm

My sponsor didn't do my 5th step with me or inventory. I did it right out of the big book. He then gave me some numbers of closed mouthed ordained people of the church who were experienced with 5th step stuff. He told me never to do my 5th step with another alcoholic. He also said never to take a 5th step from another alcoholic for just this reason. The book tells us that this is the best method, if you don't have that option, look for a closed mouth person. Just because someone is sober doesn't mean they are recovered. Sick people are everywhere...even in the rooms of AA. Sorry to hear about stuff like this. The book tells us everything we need to know about step work. Hope you are able to move forward.
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Re: My only recovery trigger in the rooms...please help

Postby Stepchild » Sun Jul 17, 2016 5:33 pm

Sleddog75 wrote:He told me never to do my 5th step with another alcoholic.


Not even a recovered one? That's interesting.
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Re: My only recovery trigger in the rooms...please help

Postby Sleddog75 » Sun Jul 17, 2016 8:06 pm

stepchild ya he said hes heard some 5th steps that makes him want to run out and call the police. He said we don't need that strife, leave it to the professionals. However, thats only the truth of HIS experience. I would never do a 5th step with someone i sponsor or in my homegroup. We have a lot of church servants familiar with 5th step work in my area so the need is not necessary. My spons is an ol ol ol crusty timer and he takes every word out of the book literally. it is black and white and there is no changing his mind on it lol. thats just what he told me. I just happen to agree with it, in light of the OPs story and many like it.
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Re: My only recovery trigger in the rooms...please help

Postby Brock » Mon Jul 18, 2016 6:02 am

When we read the directions in the book, the sponsor who “takes every word out of the book literally,” might be correct in directing his sponsees to speak to church servants who are experienced, and it's lucky that these are available in his area. But even though I am accused of being a bit of a 'thumper' myself, I believe AA has developed and matured like any organization properly run is expected to. It is the accepted principal that we turn to the sponsor first for this, Bill even says so in the 12 & 12, he does however also say that- “It may turn out, however, that you'll choose someone else for the more difficult and deeper revelations. This individual may be entirely outside of A.A. for example, your clergyman or your doctor. For some of us, a complete stranger may prove the best bet.”

I never had a sponsor, and am quick to criticize some sponsors, who believe they are entitled to advise others on everything in life, not just the program. I spoke to a 'church' person to do my 5th, but soon realized he didn't have a clue what I was trying to do, so I got someone I knew from N.A., because nobody suitable was available in my local AA fraternity. So it might be said that I am a bit 'anti sponsor' in certain ways, but I firmly believe it would be a sad day and a big blow to AA, if many others decided to copy this - “I would never do a 5th step with someone i sponsor or in my homegroup.”
Instead we might do better to request the person consider the advise in the 12 & 12, and if they have stuff that would make us “want to run out and call the police,” we can suggest they save that for somebody else.
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Re: My only recovery trigger in the rooms...please help

Postby Stepchild » Mon Jul 18, 2016 8:28 am

I spoke to a 'church' person to do my 5th, but soon realized he didn't have a clue what I was trying to do, so I got someone I knew from N.A., because nobody suitable was available in my local AA fraternity.


That goes along with this...Which is right out of the book....

Though we have no religious connection, we may still do well to talk with someone ordained by an established religion. We often find such a person quick to see and understand our problem. Of course, we sometimes encounter people who do not understand alcoholics.
page 74

It's important to remember the book was written to carry the message to alcoholics that had no AA available. I don't think there is anyone that understands an alcoholic....Like another alcoholic. Most of the people I know in AA had their sponsor's hear their fifth step...And they now hear fifth steps. It was one of the main reasons I got a sponsor. I needed to start building trust with people...I had none.
I do know sponsors that ask before a fifth step...If there is anything that could incriminate them...Or that they shouldn't hear...To save that for someone else...A priest or therapist, etc. Probably not a bad idea.
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