New Here

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New Here

Postby *Andrea* » Fri Jun 24, 2016 8:02 pm

I don't know where to begin.

I've never been much of a drinker. A year ago, I started going out socially to go dancing, and subsequently began drinking. Little bits at first, until I realized, I really like drinking. A LOT. I'm not an everyday drinker, but on the weekends and/or around others who drink I get sloshed. I didn't realize how much so until recently.

My husband has told me for months and months that I had a problem with drinking. I didn't believe him. I thought....I only drink on the weekends. It doesn't effect my ability to be productive. I'm FINE. Well going out one night a week turned into two....which turned into finding more excuses to go out. I told myself I just want to see friends, but the truth is I wanted an excuse to drink. I have a group of friends that give me an excuse to drink and I allowed myself to do it. Consistently.

As I'm sure you can imagine, I some how had the realization that I drink too much. That was two nights ago. I went out and meant some friends after a night playing trivia. He was tired....so I went out. He encouraged me to stay home....as usual I didn't listen. Went out for two hours. Had drinks. Rear ended someone on the way home. When I spoke the state patrol, I honestly didn't even think I was drunk. I blew a .175. Or I told myself that anyway. Denial, I suppose. I've been denying a lot for the last year. As I sat in the back of the patrol car, I kept thinking to myself, "What the hell did I just do?" I could have killed someone...or myself. Thankfully, no one was injured from the accident, but the thought that I could have just murdered someone with my car is so engrained in my mind....along with the image of thinking I was fine and slamming into the back of another car. I was knocked unconscious for several minutes. I awoke to EMS...and all I could think was...what did I just do.....so I could drink?

And now comes the even better part. You would think that...that was enough to jar someone into not wanting to drink and in some ways I don't. However, I obviously feel terrible for the all the S*** I have caused strangers, my husband, and my family. Yet, all I can think about is....man.....vodka sure would make me feel better right now. Since I got up this morning....that's all I've thought about and I have no idea what to do. My husband isn't speaking to me....which I don't blame him for and most of my friends are alcoholics, right now. So it's like...who do I talk to. I feel like an idiot. So that's where I'm at. I'm terrified. I can't believe that I've done this and I'm having a hard time looking myself in the mirror right now, which is just compounding my desire to go slam some vodka.
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Re: New Here

Postby ezdzit247 » Fri Jun 24, 2016 8:29 pm

Hi Andrea and welcome.

AA has a helpline number listed in your local ohone directory for you to call and talk to another sober alcoholic. If you're conflicted about whether or not you want to take that next drink, call the helpline and talk to someone about it. If you have some questions about how the AA program works or how forum members here kept the plug in the jug and learned a new way of living without booze, feel free to post whatever questions you have.

Keep coming back.....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: New Here

Postby Feeya » Fri Jun 24, 2016 10:31 pm

Hi Andrea,
Welcome to e-AA, glad you found your way in!
Like ezdzit suggested, please call your local AA number and talk to them.
Talking to people who know, who 'just know', is helping me on a daily basis and I don't even have to sign up for anything. I can just call and vent, or call and listen and I can chose the advice I want to take, and I can chose to not take advice if I feel it does not fit with me!

The best of luck to you,
Keep coming back!
There are a lot of great people around here who will answer any questions you night have!
One day at a time.
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Re: New Here

Postby avaneesh912 » Sat Jun 25, 2016 5:28 am

*Andrea*


Welcome to the world of alcoholism. And you got that right. Consequences doesn't deter us from going back there. The peculiar mental twist we all have acquired, will make our will power totally non-existent when it comes to liquor at times. It will trick us into taking that 1st drink or the 2nd. And then we get caught by the phenomenon of craving. Don't know why it happens sometimes but it happens. And for me at the end of my drinking carrier it happened all the time.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: New Here

Postby Spirit Flower » Sat Jun 25, 2016 10:03 am

all I can think about is....man.....vodka sure would make me feel better right now. Since I got up this morning....that's all I've thought about and I have no idea what to do


That is exactly what alcoholism is: an obsession of the mind, followed by an allergy of the body. We are powerless over alcohol. We need a power greater than ourselves; and that is what this program gives us.

Go to a meeting. In the mean time, read "The Doctor's Opinion" in the book: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoholics-anonymous
...a score card reading zero...
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Re: New Here

Postby PaigeB » Sat Jun 25, 2016 10:41 am

So it's like...who do I talk to. I feel like an idiot.

I felt like that too. Alcohol had me baffled. I was so smart in other areas of my life! Yet there I was again and again, checking for my car in the morning and hoping not to find blood on it. Steep price to pay for a few (dozen) drinks, but I would find myself at it again and again.

Who do you talk to? Other alcoholics. No matter where you are in the world we are there and you can find us by using the link from here to there. Then don't listen to your head - let your feet do the walking and get to a meeting! http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources

See you around the tables!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: New Here

Postby tyg » Sat Jun 25, 2016 12:16 pm

Thank you for sharing and glad you are here. Anyone can recover if willing to follow a few simple rules outlined in the Big Book. Can read more about alcoholism & our solution here http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/read-the-big-book-and-twelve-steps-and-twelve-traditions

Indeed it's a very strange illness of mind, body & spirit. I remember those days well and how things progressively get worse when I wasn't treating my alcoholism with a Higher Power I found as a result of doing the 12 Steps. Before then, nothing I did made a lasting difference in fixing my drinking problem. I was utterly powerless over it.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
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Re: New Here

Postby 4thDimension » Sat Jun 25, 2016 9:26 pm

Hi Andrea,

and welcome! It might not be a bad idea to read up on alcoholism, maybe try one of the lists of questions about how you drink, to see if you might have a problem.

If you do have trouble stopping drinking or staying stopped, you could go to some meetings and see if you can identify with what people there talk about. To give it a fair shake, try attending for at least 6 weeks.

If you want to stop drinking and find you cannot... my suggestions are to attend AA everyday for a while, get a sponsor (who's been through the steps), and get going on the steps. Get in the middle of everything AA, get involved - it's hard to fall into the water if you're in the middle of the boat! After you have some sober time, you can then find the number of weekly meetings that keep you comfortable and growing in AA.

Best wishes and don't be afraid to ask questions.
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