Self Centeredness

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Self Centeredness

Postby Dan2000 » Wed Jun 08, 2016 9:54 pm

Our self centeredness is one of human nature, your parents gave it to you the minute you were born, but don't blame them, they were only doing the best they could. Here's how self centeredness starts....the minute you were born, everyone around you is catering to your every need (your pretty much helpless when your only a minute old) everyone is cleaning you up, cradling you in their arms, giving you a blanket, feeding you and so forth. (This puts you at the center of their world) and this catering to you, would go for years....right.
As time passed you learned how to get things from say, your mother...say you wanted a toy, your mother said no, as sometimes mothers will do that, to try and persuade her into giving you that toy, you cause a tantrum, after some tantrum time passes, you get the toy..usually. Now you have a angle on,how to get what you want (still self centered)
This goes on into our adult life, only in the adult world, we don't always get what we want,and the world does not revolve around us, so there's always a feeling that something isn't just right with ourselves. We often feel unique or different from other people or empty inside etc..

Here's a simple example of self centeredness: say we are roommates I wake up, go to the kitchen and your in there making toast, but instead of putting the toast in the toaster right side up, you put it in upside down, I think to MYSELF, why is he making toast upside down, is he a jerk, the next morning, its the same thing, I start thinking to MYSELF, This guys really starting to push MY buttons, after some time passes into the day, I start to think of the toast issue, and I begin to make the issue bigger than it is in MY mind, even getting resentful,frustrated and so on. because your not making toast MY way. The next morning, same thing, upside down toast, there's also an empty glass and a coffee mug on the counter, you get the coffee urn, from the coffee maker and pour it into the glass, MY head almost explodes as I think your doing all these stupid things, just to mess with ME. The reality of all this is, you can make toast and drink coffee anyway you choose, you don't have to do it MY way.....This we will call "Stinking Thinking" which may also be called a "manifestation of OUR thinking" and also known as "Self Centerness".
This is how we began to amass some of our problems, on page 62 of the Big Book it says, "So our troubles we think are basically of our own making"...see how MY toast problem was created, it wasn't a problem, I created it, the other person didn't even know it was a problem or existed, only ME.

After years of tormenting our selves with our own problems,( that we created, but we thought it was the other persons) we didn't know how to cope with living, so this is when we picked up a drink or a drug or an ice cream cone or gambled or another addiction, because by doing this, it would take the focus off of our selves for a little while and keep us from thinking of all our problems.
Here's a quote from Albert Einstein: We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used, when we created them. If your mind races, that's self centeredness, if you think people are talking behind your back, that's self centeredness, there are countless forms of self centeredness.

Guess what, there is no cure for Self Centeredness.............However we can redirect our thinking processes............H.O.W. you ask? the acronym for HOW is Honesty, Openmindedness and Willingness.
We can do this by doing the 12 steps, there are principles behind each step, the first step principle is "Honesty" we need to become honest with ourselves first, next step is "Hope". As we go through each of the steps as best we can, we are getting rid of the baggage of self, cleaning our defects from our selves and learning to live our lives the way our Higher power intended we live our lives (Thy will be done) not your will. (self will run riot)

So you ask how will our thinking be changed, as you learn what each step is about and this is important, they have the be done in SEQUENCE. We find out that WORKING WITH OTHERS,is the KEY. be it in AA (going on commitments, service, even raising your hand to share at a meeting) or out of AA, like holding a door for an elderly person etc.) This is the KEY to defending ourselves from self centeredness, because it takes the focus off our selves as we work with OTHERS.
It also states in the Big Book, "When the spiritual malady is overcome, we will straighten out physically and mentally" and the Spiritual Malady is YOU, so the only way to straighten out YOU, is to work with others and when YOU work with others, then your doing his will.

There are some problems that happen without your involvement, say you get a flat tire, it happens, this falls under ACCEPTANCE....I have no control over people, places and things or situations, so I have to Accept it or them and move on.

Hope this clears some things up for you and remember in all that we do, it's Progress not perfection.

DAN2000
Last edited by Dan2000 on Sun Nov 27, 2016 8:13 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Self Centeredness

Postby Noels » Wed Jun 08, 2016 11:05 pm

Good morning Dan :D explained nice and simple. I think sort of along similar lines. Welcome to e-aa.
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Re: Self Centeredness

Postby KathyAnne » Thu Jun 09, 2016 12:03 am

Love it, thanks for the post. Easy to read and understand. One of the things I've found hard over the years is the terminology in the BB you put it very simply.
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Re: Self Centeredness

Postby positrac » Thu Jun 09, 2016 3:02 am

This topic is like having two look a likes of myself on my shoulders whispering in my ear on a daily basis. One is the selfish bastard and the other is the free hearted one who wants me to be peaceful and treating everyone as I'd want to be treated. That selfish bastard wants me to cut everyone off in traffic and then let them know they are number one with my gestures! Or how I react with my wife and people at work..... Selfish bastard IMHO is what I know best because at a very young age I had to fend for myself in order to survive and I learned tricks of the trade along the way in order to enhance my skillset. The "other one" is really me and the crust of my soul and being good natured and giving and just living and let live is painful because of other self bastards who take advantage of my ways. So I click into bastard mode and off I go.

I don't think I'll ever truly let my self centered ways go entirely because getting old just manifest this way because of fear of death and or being alone I believe? This post was a very good reminder of how I don't need to be and how I need to strive to be less of a bastard.
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Re: Self Centeredness

Postby Spirit Flower » Thu Jun 09, 2016 6:24 am

Thanks Dan
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Re: Self Centeredness

Postby Dan2000 » Thu Jun 09, 2016 7:57 am

positrac wrote:This topic is like having two look a likes of myself on my shoulders whispering in my ear on a daily basis. One is the selfish bastard and the other is the free hearted one who wants me to be peaceful and treating everyone as I'd want to be treated. That selfish bastard wants me to cut everyone off in traffic and then let them know they are number one with my gestures! Or how I react with my wife and people at work..... Selfish bastard IMHO is what I know best because at a very young age I had to fend for myself in order to survive and I learned tricks of the trade along the way in order to enhance my skillset. The "other one" is really me and the crust of my soul and being good natured and giving and just living and let live is painful because of other self bastards who take advantage of my ways. So I click into bastard mode and off I go.

I don't think I'll ever truly let my self centered ways go entirely because getting old just manifest this way because of fear of death and or being alone I believe? This post was a very good reminder of how I don't need to be and how I need to strive to be less of a bastard.



Hi
The 12 steps is a practice, we are going to stumble many times, as long as you are going forward, you are progressing. Fear of death or being alone or fear of anything, is a manifestation of self centeredness, because fear itself, doesn't exist, YOU have to create it. It seems complicated, however if you think about it for a while,it's pretty simple. Then put it into practice (practicing or catching yourself, before you stumble is the hard part) and like everything else, the more you practice, the better you get. Again, I say in all that we do, it's progress not perfection....don't be so hard on your self.
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Re: Self Centeredness

Postby Dan2000 » Thu Jun 09, 2016 7:58 am

Noels wrote:Good morning Dan :D explained nice and simple. I think sort of along similar lines. Welcome to e-aa.
Love and light
Noels



Thanks Noels
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Re: Self Centeredness

Postby positrac » Thu Jun 09, 2016 8:35 am

Dan2000 wrote:
positrac wrote:This topic is like having two look a likes of myself on my shoulders whispering in my ear on a daily basis. One is the selfish bastard and the other is the free hearted one who wants me to be peaceful and treating everyone as I'd want to be treated. That selfish bastard wants me to cut everyone off in traffic and then let them know they are number one with my gestures! Or how I react with my wife and people at work..... Selfish bastard IMHO is what I know best because at a very young age I had to fend for myself in order to survive and I learned tricks of the trade along the way in order to enhance my skillset. The "other one" is really me and the crust of my soul and being good natured and giving and just living and let live is painful because of other self bastards who take advantage of my ways. So I click into bastard mode and off I go.

I don't think I'll ever truly let my self centered ways go entirely because getting old just manifest this way because of fear of death and or being alone I believe? This post was a very good reminder of how I don't need to be and how I need to strive to be less of a bastard.



Hi
The 12 steps is a practice, we are going to stumble many times, as long as you are going forward, you are progressing. Fear of death or being alone or fear of anything, is a manifestation of self centeredness, because fear itself, doesn't exist, YOU have to create it. It seems complicated, however if you think about it for a while,it's pretty simple. Then put it into practice (practicing or catching yourself, before you stumble is the hard part) and like everything else, the more you practice, the better you get. Again, I say in all that we do, it's progress not perfection....don't be so hard on your self.
Dan2000


I am not sure if fear is something we create as I was on a front line in one of our skirmishes in Africa and I can tell you fear is something we could smell along with death and I was sober at that time and if justification for a drink could of been used it would of been on that specific day.

I am merely the garden variety drunk and I hold honesty high because very few show true colors and I do. I know I falter and I know I can/could prevent situations and arrogance would be the driver many times. I will never walk the walk and very few ever do. I speak on my experience and events, situations and how I had to deal with them and or how it was handled and I was watching it unfold.

I don't drink today and haven't for a long time and my time is mine and I focus on the better side of me today. All of that other stuff I wrote about is real and you'd be surprised at how many righteous AA people act the same way once the meeting is over. I am talking people with way more years than I have and are totally outta control.
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Re: Self Centeredness

Postby Brock » Thu Jun 09, 2016 10:28 am

Fear of death or being alone or fear of anything, is a manifestation of self centeredness, because fear itself, doesn't exist, YOU have to create it. It seems complicated, however if you think about it for a while,it's pretty simple.

Of course this has it's basis in truth, and some of us here read all sorts of books on subjects that mention things like this, the book 'Power of Now' is telling me something about my whole being is a figment of my imagination. But I agree with positrac, in certain situations and bullets flying is one of those, fear keeps us on our toes and may save our lives, so healthy fear is OK, but like most other things us alcoholics tend to overdo it.

Maybe in the stone age a couple of cave men looked at a dinosaur for the first time, one of them decided to pet it because there was no reason to fear, the other one got away to tell the tale that those things eat people, a healthy fear was then developed. It is only when unreasonable fear interferes with our quality of life that we need to address it, I find generally there is a bit too much of this mystical talk in some AA circles today, and try to keep it simple. But welcome to e-AA Dan you posted a very nice topic.
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Re: Self Centeredness

Postby RosieF » Thu Jun 09, 2016 1:12 pm

I'm still trying to figure out how toast can be upside down :oops: Is this an American thing?
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Re: Self Centeredness

Postby ezdzit247 » Thu Jun 09, 2016 1:47 pm

RosieF wrote:I'm still trying to figure out how toast can be upside down :oops: Is this an American thing?


Nope. I think it's more of a universal OCD thing. My OCD kicks in whenever I see someone wearing checks & plaids or neon green & orange or.....(fill in the blank)..... :lol:
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Re: Self Centeredness

Postby trumpets » Thu Jun 09, 2016 3:31 pm

Dan2000 wrote:the minute you were born, everyone around you is catering to your every need (your pretty much helpless when your only a minute old) everyone is cleaning you up, cradling you in their arms, giving you a blanket, feeding you and so forth. (This puts you at the center of their world) and this catering to you, would go for years....right.

Wrong? I was left in a tub for a day at birth because mum got cold feet after delivery about being a parent. from the womb to porcelain. as a quick over-sight into the following years, mum was arrested on child abandonment and neglect charges in my early teens. not only was drinking and drugging allowed in the house, i was her drinking buddy and her dealer for many a substance for years. i got the keys to the family mini van at 13 years old for runs to the badlands. i was the center of her world alright.
Talk about self will run riot. I used to be the epitome of that expression...with permission.

So Dan, there are exceptions to this first bit of yours.
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Re: Self Centeredness

Postby Dan2000 » Thu Jun 09, 2016 7:42 pm

trumpets wrote:
Dan2000 wrote:the minute you were born, everyone around you is catering to your every need (your pretty much helpless when your only a minute old) everyone is cleaning you up, cradling you in their arms, giving you a blanket, feeding you and so forth. (This puts you at the center of their world) and this catering to you, would go for years....right.

Wrong? I was left in a tub for a day at birth because mum got cold feet after delivery about being a parent. from the womb to porcelain. as a quick over-sight into the following years, mum was arrested on child abandonment and neglect charges in my early teens. not only was drinking and drugging allowed in the house, i was her drinking buddy and her dealer for many a substance for years. i got the keys to the family mini van at 13 years old for runs to the badlands. i was the center of her world alright.
Talk about self will run riot. I used to be the epitome of that expression...with permission.

So Dan, there are exceptions to this first bit of yours.


Trumpets, I believe you are right in what you wrote, as well as what Postitrac wrote, there are exceptions. What I have written is my own perception on what Self-Centeredness is and how we can deal with it. I did not to mean any ill will, whatsoever.
Rosie, has far as how people anywhere in this world makes toast, its beyond me? I thought of the toast example as a simple way of conveying my message, it's easy to remember because its simple and can be a little comical, as well.
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Re: Self Centeredness

Postby Dan2000 » Thu Jun 09, 2016 7:56 pm

RosieF wrote:I'm still trying to figure out how toast can be upside down :oops: Is this an American thing?


Rosie, has far as how people anywhere in this world makes toast, its beyond me? I thought of the toast example as a simple way of conveying my message, it's easy to remember because its simple and can be a little comical, as well.

However if you wish to make upside down toast, just put it in the toaster top side down :D Maybe we should do a toast survey on how or whats the most popular way toast should be made?

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Re: Self Centeredness

Postby Dan2000 » Thu Jun 09, 2016 8:00 pm

:D
ezdzit247 wrote:
RosieF wrote:I'm still trying to figure out how toast can be upside down :oops: Is this an American thing?


Nope. I think it's more of a universal OCD thing. My OCD kicks in whenever I see someone wearing checks & plaids or neon green & orange or.....(fill in the blank)..... :lol:


:D :D :D :D
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