"Feelings"

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"Feelings"

Postby Patsy© » Fri Jun 03, 2016 7:25 am

Good Morning :)

Well, I am sitting here and waiting for my ride to come and pick me up, to go and spend a wonderful weekend at Cape Cod... ahhhhh the gifts just keep on giving. As I was sitting here, I was brought back to a time when I was in early sobriety and couldn't seem to grasp what those old timers were trying to share with me about "Feelings".... back then, I loved playing the Victim! LOL

I don't remember a time in my life before recovery, that I didn't feel "less than" and feeling that I didn't "fit in" anywhere.

I see a lot of "Feelings" posted here at this site. Does that mean that your feelings are not valid? No, of course not. Feelings are not right or wrong, feelings just are. It took me some time in recovery before I understood that feelings are not facts, facts are facts.

I learned through some tough knocks that yes, I am entitled to my feelings, they are mine, and no one is responsible for my feelings, but me. It took me some time to realize that the reason for my feelings are not "out there", they are "in here" and to assign blame to people, places and things for my feelings, is not healthy for me, or my recovery. It keeps me in a "victim mentality", where there is no way out, because if I continue to live my life, and "feel" that people, places and things have to change before I can "feel" good about myself, then the bottom line is that its "my decision" that will keep me isolated, alone, feeling apart from, feeling less then, and feeling as if I do not "fit in".

If I do not learn to own these feelings, because these "feelings" are my responsibility, and the "fact" is that no one is responsible for my "feelings" today, but me, then I will simply continue to find what I am looking for....... excuses to hold people, places and things responsible for how I feel.

Yes, I have felt just as you do right now. I have learned that these "feelings" are part of the disease that screams at me that I am not worthy, I am different, and I am "less than" and this is the part of my disease thats wants me alone, lonely, isolated, living in my own head and …dead.

I am grateful for the wonderful AA'ers and others, who never tried to take my feelings away from me by telling me that I was wrong for feeling the way I was feeling. Instead, they suggested to me that I take the focus off those people, places and things that I was desperately holding responsible for where I was at on my own insides, and put the focus on the only thing that I had any control over at all. Me, my thinking, my words, my actions and my deeds.

I honestly disliked every single person that suggested that to me. How dare they not see what I was seeing, and not understand how I was "feeling"

The truth is that they did understand what and how I was "feeling", but they understood and knew something that I didn't. They understood that if I continued to focus "out there" then I wouldn't be able to see and understand, that the only one who is or can be responsible for changing how I "feel" is me. Was it painful learning that lesson? Oh yeah, it was a very painful process, that took time to turn the mirror around, and take an honest look at, take full responsibility for, and become accountable for my thinking, my words, my behavior, my actions and my deeds....... and when I did that, the most amazing thing happened....... I became responsible and accountable for my "feelings".

Well, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, I know I am going too :)
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
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Re: "Feelings"

Postby Reborn » Fri Jun 03, 2016 11:02 am

Great share Patsy. In the beginning I would always call my sponsor when I was "going through it". He would always listen but his overall response was "what are you doing about it"..."how's that working for you?" Man that would piss me off(feelings). What I eventually learned is by taking action day by day working those 12 steps that my feeling and outlook began to change. Just like it says in Appendix II Spiritual Experience...

He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life; that such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone. What often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self discipline. With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves.


Tapping that inner resource has helped me understand exactly what you posted. That my "feelings" are not facts...its about my perception and my reaction to life.
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132
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Re: "Feelings"

Postby PaigeB » Fri Jun 03, 2016 11:21 am

When I came in my perceptions were all tainted and I was ruled by feelings. I learned that even the apparent physical truth of "being alone" was an illusion. To contradict that apparent physical truth, I came to practice a new "fact"... that I was never truly alone because my spirit soared with the spirits of other AA's who, every hour on the hour, were gathering together in prayer and having an AA meeting. If I could relearn the truth about something that seemed to be proven by physical facts, how much easier to find that my anger and pain were also products of my tainted perceptions? :wink:
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Re: "Feelings"

Postby clouds » Fri Jun 03, 2016 11:42 am

Yes, Patsy, a great share.

Even when my daughter was murdered and my feelings of grief nearly killed me I soon had to realize it was only me that could let go and go on living.

I also feel the same way about guilt, fear, frustration and anger. Just like total heart break from my daughter's death and all the confusion hatred and self pity that brought with it, it is me that can choose life, happiness and freedom, one day at a time.

Good you stopped by with this wise topic.

Sobriety and happiness depends on our willingess to believe in a Power Greater than ourselves.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: "Feelings"

Postby Duke » Fri Jun 03, 2016 12:06 pm

Thanks Patsy. I believe learning to put my feelings in perspective and take responsibility for them regardless of the cause, is the single most important lesson I've learned about how to live sober to good purpose. My story is very similar to yours. You said it very well.

I knew I was in the right place when I read "there are those too, who suffer from grave emotional disorders...". The honesty about them part is something I believe I will continue to work on for the rest of my life.

Thanks for the share.
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Re: "Feelings"

Postby Patsy© » Sun Jun 05, 2016 12:12 pm

Thank you so much to each and every one of you, your shares were wonderful to read! :D
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