Struggling with loneliness

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Struggling with loneliness

Postby Drunk hobbit » Sat May 21, 2016 8:46 am

Well after a huge chunk of my life dedicated to self harming with alcohol, blackouts mistakes, I havs come to the only conclusion that uf I don't stop I will end up raped murdered or dieing of an accident liver disease and the rest I decided to stop. I rang AA and they listened to me and I went to a meeting,i went almost every day but the parts I am not in AA I have been lonely full of regrets stress unhappiness and loneliness. I feel so alone in this,psople have given me numbers but never called me,i thought AA was my last hope and even this one working for me anymore after 10 days i still don't see a light,im ashamed to be me,scared to go anywhere in case I lose control and black k out for 8 hours and wake up covered in blood and lost. I can't go out and can't seem to get any help ,all I need is support in this, I'm in a lonely place,a ll I want is my life back even tho it seems alcohol is my life
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Re: Struggling with loneliness

Postby Noels » Sat May 21, 2016 9:23 am

Hi Hobbit :D welcome to e-a. I'm not using your full handle name as it is no longer the truth. You are sober now. Well done :D isnt it absolutely wonderful to be sober and being able to look at and feel whatever is going on inside and around you right now . Feeling lonely is ok and very common with us alkies. :) but at least you are safe right now. you mention nobody has called. Have you called any of the numbers hon or even just text? I'm sure if you text someone in your aa group that you've been getting along with and have a chat or meet for coffee you'll feel much better. You might actually even be helping someone who feels just like you do but doesn't have the courage to pick up the phone? It gets better you'll see but for now, use those fingers and dial one of those numbers you have then you can tell us all about it afterwards. Deal?
Love and light
Noels xxx
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Re: Struggling with loneliness

Postby Spirit Flower » Sat May 21, 2016 10:35 am

Hi Hobbit, Glad you went to AA and have 10 days under your belt.
Now, take another step. Go to a meeting and ask someone help you work the steps.
Call one of the numbers you have. These people will help, thats why they gave you the number.
None of us wanted to do these things at first. But we had to or die.
The rewards of working the steps are vast.
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Re: Struggling with loneliness

Postby PaigeB » Sat May 21, 2016 12:59 pm

OK! So now you know that AA is more than just going to meetings!

Making the call to AA was how I started too. BUT GET THIS!!! :arrow: :arrow: :arrow:
I would not be sober today if I had not called the numbers then gave me at the meeting!
That is the total truth. In fact, If I hadn't called those numbers Someone would be dead by my hand and I would be drinking the swill they make at prison - they call it Pruno I believe.

I am certain that calling those numbers and talking one on one with other women has helped FREE ME from my absolute inner loneliness! I used to drink to cover it up - but then, like you, I ended up in some pretty dangerous situations. That was no longer a solution for me - so I came to AA. I did what they told me to DO, which was call those women.

Spirit Flower and Noels and I have had some one on one talks here on the Forums AND JUST yesterday Noels and I shared something we thought we were alone in and it turns out we were alone together! Now it could be that she and I are the only folks that walk this earth that have this problem, but by God, we are NOT alone. Alone is an illusion you can smash by MAKING THE CALLS! Here is that thread: viewtopic.php?f=36&t=20452

That telephone saved my sobriety and my life AND the life of another person. I will tell the tale if you ask me to. That is how we help one another. You are not alone, you just think you are!

Every hour, on the hour, in some language, Alcoholics are bowing their heads in prayer and having a meeting. Meditate that you are there with them. You have to STEP out into the solution, but you are not ALONE! The Fellowship is both "Out There" and "Inside You" if you just look for it.

You will feel LOVE. Tap into it. And make the calls.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: Struggling with loneliness

Postby ann2 » Sat May 21, 2016 3:23 pm

Welcome Hobbit. It took me about 3 months to "crack" the AA code of fellowship. I did it by going to a meeting every day, sometimes twice a day, and looking for a sponsor. That took me to a lot of different meetings, but I ended up joining the group that met closest to my home, and where my sponsor belonged.

I was miserable being alone those 3 months but it was better than being miserable drinking. And in the meetings I got a temporary reprieve from myself.

I had lots of plans to find the answer. The real solution turned out to come from taking the steps. Steps are shared one-on-one between members but also explained in our basic text, the Big Book. Definitely saved my life.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada
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Re: Struggling with loneliness

Postby Tosh » Sat May 21, 2016 3:38 pm

There's some great advice about getting a sponsor here; it's a great way to receive help and advice about anything recovery related and getting settled into A.A..

I also found that getting a homegroup - which is somewhere where I turn up every week to do a little service - is great also. It made the difference between being a visitor to A.A. and feeling like I was a member. I started with doing the tea and coffee commitment and now I've pretty much done all the group service jobs. Tea and coffee are still my favourite though. I get to have short chats with everyone who comes in through the door. "What can I get you? Do you take milk with that? How many sugars?" Are you sure you should be having sugar? (I'm really cheeky with people I know well).

One thing about loneliness though; it really is a state of mind and it's not dependant upon our physical proximity to other people. I have experienced loneliness while in the army, surrounded by hundreds of other soldiers. And now when I'm alone, I never feel lonely; I feel connected to life (God?).

I also think this forum is a great place to come and have a chat too. Over the years I've made some great on-line friends here and I know about certain members families, their children, their interests, their hobbies, their pets (I'm a big animal lover) their spiritual and religious leanings. I just kept coming back here and engaged with the topics that interested me. I've also on occasion whined about recovery, A.A., my family, my sponsor, amends, financial difficulties and that's helped too; not only do I get feedback which may or may not be helpful, I find just typing it out in a post can give me some perspective and help me process a situation.

I don't know if any of that has been helpful; sometimes I just like to type something when someone new turns up; I want them to feel wanted and to keep coming back here.

I hope you feel that way and I hope you keep coming back.

Kind regards,

Tosh
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: Struggling with loneliness

Postby Drunk hobbit » Sun May 22, 2016 5:50 am

Thank you everyone for your insight,i want so much to be sober and be in control, I rang one of the numbers and am going to a meeting together with someone and am going to go to a meeting day and night, I have been very unwell from my Drinking and all I want now is a clean slate and this looks like the way to do it, I was lonely when I woke up after forgetting a whole night and spending everything and not knowing why I was covered in bruises or where all my money went and it has been nice the last 10days not having any bad nights,i was out of control and have made so many mistakes,aa has really changed the way I see drink now,i am scared of it,if I drink I can't stop and I go to any length day or night to get more, it is a lonely place and I'm stopping for me and now have years of questions regrets and remorse to deal with but I have a goal in life,to open a little vintage shop and have been writing down dreams now,placed fo travel too,i wasted trips abroad before and been arrested in India and Cambodia due to my drinking,it was dangerous and feel so lucky to be alive. This is the hardest battle I have ever fought and i will fight to the death x
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Re: Struggling with loneliness

Postby Drunk hobbit » Sun May 22, 2016 5:51 am

Thanks for all the advice xx
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Re: Struggling with loneliness

Postby clouds » Sun May 22, 2016 7:10 am

Welcome Hobbit :)
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Struggling with loneliness

Postby Tosh » Sun May 22, 2016 8:58 am

Drunk hobbit wrote:when I woke up after forgetting a whole night and spending everything and not knowing why I was covered in bruises or where all my money went


I used to have a gorilla that used to beat me up, spend all my money, wreck my room, and urinate my bed.

Well, that's what I used to blame. :oops:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: Struggling with loneliness

Postby Spirit Flower » Sun May 22, 2016 10:24 am

Good job on calling one of the numbers.
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Re: Struggling with loneliness

Postby kdub720 » Mon May 23, 2016 9:53 am

Hey there, welcome,
As others have said, there is always someone here, it is what I like about this site. You do not have to go anywhere for fellowship and help. I would go find a church to become involved with. Anyway, welcome, there are a lot of great people on here with great advice and insight. Great post as I often deal with feeling alone.
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Re: Struggling with loneliness

Postby positrac » Tue May 24, 2016 3:37 am

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired


It is said we are never to let the above cause us issues as it could lead us to drinking again. Trust is a hard deal to nail down and everyone has things that leave them pushing back. I would say if you are associating with people who are like minded as you when sober then your safety will not be amp'ed to the level you mentioned. Also this life style is an inside job with regards to our comfort level and how we reach out as we can't make you do anything unless you submit with willingness. I would say find meetings and places that will provide happy moments and that won't leave you feeling like the walls are closing in.

For myself I have never liked crowds and I stay to myself a lot and it has been hard at times with loneliness and so if you need people in order to survive I might recommend just pacing yourself and you'll learn how it works and not feel obligated.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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