Just please, HELP ME....

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Just please, HELP ME....

Postby SoulBreak » Sat May 07, 2016 11:03 pm

Hi, Im SoulBreaker, and Im an ALCOHOLIC...

First of all - sorry for my bad english...

I dont know, its destiny or something else.. Couple minutes ago, i was written almost all my sh**y story, I write that message about an hour.. About 600 words... And when there was just a few sentenses to finish - by an accident that message was deleted.. It looks like, that all the f...in world and everything on it dont want to let me make any changes in my life... Insane..

Now Im gonna try to tell everything what I need as short as I can (cause in last message I put all my heart an soul, but for me everytime like this - when I want to do something better - in accidently or doesnt matter wich ways - f...ed up everything.. Always...), after this accident, now im very dissapointed, and I dont think that I can repeat anymore what I said before. (Just if somebody gonna be interested about my story - just ask..)

Allright, shortly.. Now im writeing here (actually Im not sure why...) cause, I think, that this place is the last my attempt... Just, I dont have anymore power and strenght, physicaly and psichologycaly, to fight with my self... I think this is edge, when i gonna broke absolutely everything that still last in my broken life, heart and soul... Excuse me for drama, but just cant to write it in another way..

I think most of people who are registered here, knows that moment when after long time of drinking, I mean day by day without stopping absolutely, there comes that night, when you stop drink in some reasons (finish money or smth like this), you get the abstinention sindrom (Im not sure that I write it correctly in english, but I think that people, who have or have before problems with alcohol will understand me), like I said, after long term drinking, comes time when you stop it and have to feel all the psychological and physical pain, side effects, like a - start sleep about 12 pm then wake up about after 2 -3 hours and thats it - you cant sleep anymore, and for your brains its doesnt f...in matter that you want to sleep.. You just cant do this. Its only one of side effects of drinking alcohol day after day without a rest. But I think, that thanks for this effect tonight (nights like this I properly have every week already about 4 years..), cause this sleepless night, I think, forced (maybe im wrong, maybe here should be not the word "forced" ) me to start looking for some help....

Yes, Im an alcoholic, and realize that. Yeah, i know that these words in sentence before are the like a first step in a better, healthy life. That I have a problem - I realize long time ago, and I dont shy to say for somebody that I have this addiction. Ofcourse, if I need to say it for somebody I feel very bad about this.. But I can say it without remorse - cause I know that its true..

People, Please, I just want to know that you gonna understand my situation correctly. And please, if somebody later gonna want to judge me or condemn me - just please, hold your thoughts to yourself.. Ihad enough judges in my life without you...

Im quite young, maybe somebody, later will think, that to young, to have so strong addiction to alcohol. Beliave me, I always think like this before.. Til I start to understand that this addiction is one of the worst thing in our world, and till I start to understand that that evil thing - its like a ordinary disease - nobody are safe from this, and nobody never cant be guarantee100% that couldn't come day, when people can start to "sick" this nightmare..

I said that gonna be try shortly.. Sorry one more time.. Just dont have good friends for who I can open my soul. Here, anyway, I can try to do this and it doesnt matter what kind of results gonna be after this my post.. I just wanna, tell a little piece of my situation, which about I think, that its hopeless... But I dont want to give up like this.. I give up to much times in my life without a straight reason.. For me now looks like that I just wasting my time here now, but very tiny piece of heart want to believe, that Im writing here now not for make somebody bored of everything what about im talking now.. Just.. I just believe...

Now - Generaly. Like I said before, Im very young, but "thanks for my lifestyle"... I have more life-situations experience than somebody can imagine. Alcohol almost comletly destroyed my life already.. cause of this evil, I already lose two very good jobs, I lose all my friends wich I have till alcohol start to be more important for me than they was, im losing my sharp mind, losing all my interests for everything what was very interesting before.. Now I no have sense... I dont give a f..k anymoreavout nothing.. But I very very want to bring it back.. All those feelings, emotions, wanna start again think correctly and make right decissions in life. Just want to bring back everything what was before I started to injuring my self with this S***..

All those things.. Its important, definetly, but they are not everything that I destroyed.. Im gonna skip to much things wich I broke with alcohol. Just want to share one more, most important thing which I lose.. I lose two most immportant people in my life.. It was my family.. My girlfriend and my biggest piece of my heart and a soul - my little son... My miracle wich I love more thant anything in this universe. With my poisoned brains I dont make right decisions when there was time to change everything.. I was asked inly one thing by mother of my son - just to stop drink. Just this. And everything could be ok, but not.. How can I understand now - I miss my chance only because alcohol was more important for me than my little, miracle.. Yes, I know, those words sounds like a text from some horror movie, but they are true. My heart is breaking on millions pieces, when I need to find bravery in my self to realize this.. But, I believe, that better realize your mistakes and apologize about them than think that everytime are smartest and always right everywere, everytime...

I can continue and continue about this very long, but now its not necesary. Anyway I write too much, and for a moment I need to rest emotionaly, cause every word i write remind me about my most painful life moments..

Thats it guys, for a while I said everything what I want.. One more time Im gonna say that I hope that everybody gonna understand my pain correctly..

Its enough for me, that I prepare to write most of feelings here, but also I hope, that somebody gonna give me some advices: what to do, how to start everything from zero, how to stop use that S*** and later dont give up? How? How??????

P.s. When I said that im very young - im 24 only, but already lose to much in my life.. Almost everything... Im a smart and good guy.. Just very very unhappy....

Thanks for your attention..
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Re: Just please, HELP ME....

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun May 08, 2016 3:34 am

Welcome. I see you are caught in the vicious cycle of alcoholism. The good part is, you are realizing it. What you have told is powerlessness and un-manageability. So, you have already completed the 1st step of AA. All you have to do you get convinced that the 12 steps can work for you also like it did for others. Then its all execution time. Finding a sponsor start working the reminder of the steps and living this way for rest of your life.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Just please, HELP ME....

Postby Brock » Sun May 08, 2016 3:49 am

Thats it guys, for a while I said everything what I want.. One more time Im gonna say that I hope that everybody gonna understand my pain correctly..

Welcome to e-AA SoulBreak. Your letter was a moving testament to the terrible decease of alcoholism, you have had a beating and lost things very precious to you. Some of us here saw these bad things coming and stopped before they reached where you have, others like myself tried to stop but could not, until that day when like you we just knew we had reached the end of the line. Unfortunately we all know of still others who lost it all, but would or could not stop until they lost their life as well.

You spoke of the problems to sleep, that is also something we experienced as well, some have found over the counter sleep aids you can get in your drugstore help, but many of us found it best to visit a doctor. When we stop like this the body takes a while to adjust, and I am sure you know the nervous feeling we get, this can even lead to a fit which is dangerous, your doctor would advise if you can have some tranquilizers, this will assist you greatly.

All of us here had to reach out for the help that can be found in AA meetings, and don't be worried as you mentioned about anybody judging you, AA is one place where that never happens. Check for meetings in your area, usually by Goggling AA and your city name you will find this, or tell us where you live and we will help, some places even have meetings especially with young people in mind. Please believe that you can find a solution like we have, not just to stop drinking but also to live a very happy and contented life, and never think of drinking again, I wish you the best of luck in finding this.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Just please, HELP ME....

Postby PaigeB » Sun May 08, 2016 11:29 am

AA was my last flicker of hope ~ "The last house on the block" some say... but that house was lit up everywhere with happy people inside and out to welcome me. YOU CAN find a meeting no matter where you are and we'd be happy to help.

I would have sure died without AA. That is a fact.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Just please, HELP ME....

Postby Gannie » Fri May 13, 2016 10:26 pm

Look for an AA meeting. They seem to be all over the world. I just started recently. I will pray for you. I hope you can find a meeting, it will help.
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Re: Just please, HELP ME....

Postby melonina » Fri Jun 10, 2016 10:05 am


I remember when I got caught up in the circle of alcoholism. It was very grim and dark part of my life. And it took me nearly 4 years to realize that I have a problem. At first I try to ignore it, try to convince myself that it's all in my mind. But after I realized that I cannot even go a day without AT LEAST a bottle of wine, I became very concerned. I did not want to be an alcoholic. To be honest, I was always disgusted by alcoholics and I put all of my effort not to see that I am one.
I remember when I decided to quit drinking I didn't know how to live without the substance anymore. And it seems to me now that everything I did in my free time used to involve alcohol. I did not want to go to AA meetings or seek professional help. To be honest, I don't know why. Maybe I was just too scared to show someone that I am weak, that I am that person without any will. However, I tried my best and I am sober for a year now...
The tricks I used were a bit childish from my perspective, but it worked. Hopefully you'll find something useful here.
If you drink at home, I suggest giving away all the bottles you still have to your friends/relatives or homeless people, whoever you choose. Or just simply throw it away. But make sure that you wouldn't take it out of the garbage. I poured all the alcohol I had into the sink, so I wouldn't be tempted.
If you tend to drink when you get back home after work or at certain times, make sure you are busy doing something when the time comes. I signed up to yoga classes, so it kept me away from home and old habits every other day. When there was nicer weather, I drove to the sea and had long walks on the beach. I'm quite a responsible person, so I know that I won't drink if I have to drive. It made me stay away from shops or pubs. If you're taking someone for a drive, make sure that the person knows that you're quitting. Or take a friend without driving's licence. It will make you feel a bit more responsible.
If you're going out and you know that you'll be tempted to have a drink or two, take a friend with you who doesn’t drink. Or drink fizzy drinks. It will fill you up and give you some energy from sugars...
Make a list of things that you really want to do but can never find money for it. It can be simple as buying a new pair of shoes, bike, etc. or big things like going to Spain or Disneyland. Print the pictures of the things you want and put them everywhere, especially the places where you used to drink like in front of TV, etc. And then put the amount of money, which you used to spend on alcohol in a piggy bank every day. The list will keep you motivated and you will get a prize in the end! That's how I found out that I actually love travelling :)
By the way, I heard that going to the sauna 3 days in row helps you get rid of a fair amount of toxins from the alcohol through sweat. And it becomes slightly easier to quit.

I'm not sure if I can post links in this forum, but I want to share a few websites or books which helped me a lot. (Admin edit... links are not allowed http://www.e-aa.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=8 )
This one is simple. Just basic 50 tips on how to stay sober. It helped me realize that I actually drank because I couldn't be myself and that I was bored of my life. I realized that I don't have any passion for life anymore, so I started working on it a lot. Now I travel a lot. I actually spend pretty much the same amount of money for my travels. You probably don't realize it, but booze costs a lot. Try and count how much do you spend on drinks every month. I realized that I could go on adventures at least once every three months.

This article inspired me to truly look for happiness, not only a temporary feeling which ended in horrible hangovers. And yes, it's mentioned that you need to tell someone from your family or friends about what's troubling you. Be honest with them. They actually care more than it seems sometimes. My mom helped me a lot in this. I even used to call in the middle of the night, because I couldn't control the craving sometimes and it made me feel depressed. But she wanted to help and actually helped more than she knows :)

If you like reading books, try reading "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace. She talks a lot about the brain and alcoholism and learning to rewire our subconscious mind when it comes to drinking. Making a conscious decision not to drink and stuff like that. I found it very useful.

Oh, this one is a bliss. I recommended this book to my friend who was struggling with extensive drinking and he said that if not this book, he would probably be still stuck in drinking routine. I read it too and totally recommend it to you. It step by step walks you through the journey of sobriety. It encourages you to find the reason why did you start drinking in the first place, what can you do about it, helps you to make a detailed diet plan which will help you recover from all the damage dealt from alcohol, etc. Anyways, I'd say this is a must have if you struggle with booze and want to quit.

Anyways, giving up alcohol is never easy. It doesn't matter if you're 20 or 60, it will be difficult. It will show you your true colors and it won't be fun to fight it. However, it is totally worth it. Being sober let me understand myself better that ever. And it gave me an opportunity to start a new and happy life. I can now say that I'm free and happy.

I hope that any of the suggestions above will help xx

Take care!
EDIT: Please feel free to message me or melonia regarding edits. Just click on a name and then "Private Message"
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Re: Just please, HELP ME....

Postby Brock » Fri Jun 10, 2016 10:46 am

I am afraid someone will be along to remove the links, as stated in the 'Start Here' section only aa.org is allowed. Normally we would welcome new people here, but this is an AA site, and spouting the fact that you appeared to have stopped drinking without what we used (after trying everything else), demonstrates that you probably are not an alcoholic. To encourage others to do the same is irresponsible, here are a couple quotes from our main text -
That may be true of certain nonalcoholic people who, though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were. But the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly any exception, ...will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge.... This is a point we wish to emphasize and re-emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience. Let us take another illustration.

Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.

...      But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.

Last edited by Brock on Fri Jun 10, 2016 10:50 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Just please, HELP ME....

Postby Patsy© » Fri Jun 10, 2016 10:48 am

Thank you Brock :)
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
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