Feeling Discouraged

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Feeling Discouraged

Postby aaforever » Tue Mar 22, 2016 1:25 pm

So I usually go to meetings at least twice a week and I used to go sometimes twice a day but I haven't been able to go and my favorite meeting is the midnight meeting on Friday or Saturday but I have been discouraged to go and wonder has anyone felt this way about going to meetings. I aleays have thought that by going and sharing that I will be able to help others with their sobriety but I feel like I have been too busy and also haven't even had the time to go. I only want to be able to share my clean time with others and even my sponsor has been feeling this way too. We haven't been ti a meeting in weeks and my sponser says that her sponsees have been feeling more in need of help that even she hasn't been able to get to any meetings. I think that this week I will make some time to go during the weekday instead of only weekends and try to stay for two meetings since I know that it will be a good meeting since I haven't been to one in over a month! So maybe by sharing this that I will be able to get myself to a meeting even pick up my sponsor too and we can get breakfast or something and hang out with my sponsor, I think that it will be great to spend time with my sponsor.
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Re: Feeling Discouraged

Postby D'oh » Tue Mar 22, 2016 7:19 pm

It is funny how we always found time to drink. Somethings just had to wait back then. I happened upon the Poem/Prayer "The Difference" quite by accident one day early in my re recovery. It helped shed some light on my priorities.
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Re: Feeling Discouraged

Postby positrac » Wed Mar 23, 2016 3:09 am

D'oh wrote:It is funny how we always found time to drink. Somethings just had to wait back then. I happened upon the Poem/Prayer "The Difference" quite by accident one day early in my re recovery. It helped shed some light on my priorities.

I agree it is about putting one hour into sobriety and learning how to live sober. I can assure you and others I spent a lot more time drinking than I did in recovery work and that means I didn't work for 12-18 hours a day on recovery in early sobriety, such as step work, reading and going to meetings.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: Feeling Discouraged

Postby aaforever » Wed Mar 23, 2016 7:26 am

Yes that is exactly how I am feeling like all my hours in my day is gping to waste and am afraid that soon I am going to drink. I am going to be on my way to a meeting today with my sponsor but only can stay for one. I also haven't even been able to even read any of the steps which I usually read from my phone and the last step we were working on was the fifth step. I hope that there will be plenty of people at the 2:30 meeting since my sponsor will need a ride and couldn't make it to the noon meeting that I will have to just go to this meeting and hope that I can learn something new today. I usually am addicted to studying the steps and something has just been pushing me away from my meetings I don't know why.
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Re: Feeling Discouraged

Postby Brock » Wed Mar 23, 2016 8:48 am

Please take what I say as I mean it, with the best of intentions, I get the impression that either your sponsor or someone else is leading you in the wrong direction. When you say things like this “I also haven't even been able to even read any of the steps which I usually read from my phone and the last step we were working on was the fifth step.”

When we say working on the fifth step we kind of mean doing it, which is sitting with your sponsor or other trusted person and discussing what you wrote in #4, I understand that you mean by reading it you describe as working on it. But in my experience, reading these things without a knowledgeable person to kind of “translate” what it's about, can make this program far more confusing than it needs to be. Also in the first post you say this -
I only want to be able to share my clean time with others and even my sponsor has been feeling this way too. We haven't been to a meeting in weeks and my sponsor says that her sponsees have been feeling more in need of help that even she hasn't been able to get to any meetings.

More than once you speak about helping others, and this is a good attitude, but I really believe you need to help yourself first. And having this sponsor who has other sponsees who have been needing her help, and the way it sounds is as if she helps them by going to meetings, and she doesn’t have time, etc, this can't be any good for you. Any person taking on the job of helping another better have the time, and a good sponsor would take someone through the steps, sounds like she doesn’t have time for one person, and has this feeling that having a whole stable of 'sponsees' makes her a good AA person.

I think you should have at least an hour at home each night you can spare, perhaps you will try going to 'you tube' type in Joe and Charlie AA Big Book Study, the ones with the best sound quality have a red and yellow color and a heading “We Do Recover.” You can listen to part one then two and so on, each one will speak of a step, this is the way a good sponsor would also speak to you about each step. And also consider finding a sponsor who does not just put this idea that going to meetings is the deal to keep anyone sober, yes it may help at first, but it seems you have admitted your problem, and nobody is showing you the solution the way the book says they should. This is a fairly simple program, don't get worried or confused, if you see a lady in a meeting looking all hyper you don't ask her to sponsor you, the people who have the goods in AA usually look kind of cool headed, and they don't take on more sponsees than they have time for, go easy on yourself you will find peace and contentment when you do these steps.
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Re: Feeling Discouraged

Postby Roberth » Wed Mar 23, 2016 11:41 am

Hello aaforever…. Please remember there are 3 legacies of AA. The three legacies of AA are- recovery, unity and service. Maybe it time to spend your wings and find out about unity and service. Recovery is a pretty wobbling stool with only one legacy, but when to and the other 2 legacies it quite sturdy. I starting to get involved in service and it change the way I look at the world and AA
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Re: Feeling Discouraged

Postby Reborn » Wed Mar 23, 2016 6:55 pm

I'm going to echo Brock here...because I'm getting that maybe you haven't completed the steps...if I'm wrong forgive me but you can read and research until the cows come home but if you're not actually taking action then this thing does not work. I always make time for meetings...not because I depend on them to keep me sober but because I want to pass on what was freely given to me. Also mentioned above is getting into service...do you have a service commitment in AA? Today I build my life around AA not the other way around because without AA I have no life.
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132
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Re: Feeling Discouraged

Postby aaforever » Fri Mar 25, 2016 9:18 am

Okay, by the time me and my sponsor got to the meeting we found out that we are supposed to be on the 7th step which states that we 'Humbly asked Him to remove our shortscomings.' And also have talked with others at our group and have said that they haven't been able to go to that many meetings either and missed 'the old AA' which made me feel a little better but there are others at our meeting that has been in and out of the hospital and I feel that we should keep in touch with each other more so we don't have to be afraid to call each other and work on the steps. I find that the 7th step helps us to keep ourselves clean since no one is perfect I think that we should spend more time accepting ourselve and not working to make ourselves perfect. I am glad that my sponsor and I weren't the only ones that were feeling this way and that at least now we can continue to build up some more time for AA and I am working on steps with my sponsor on my lunch break and it has been going good so far and tomorrow my sponsor and I are going to be able to get to the 8am meeting which will be great to do some AA early to start off our day.
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Re: Feeling Discouraged

Postby aaforever » Fri Mar 25, 2016 9:28 am

And also me and my sponsor shared a lot at the last meeting and a lot of people thought that it was inspiring that we spend so much time with each other outside meetings and how much we talk on the phone and she doesn't mind that her sponsees like to spend a lot of time calling her and working on steps and practicing traditions. The fifth step that we were working on was mostly about how we have to deal with not drinking anymore and that we don't want to give up our sobriety then go to drink. And i like that i have time to go spend by myself now that I feel like I know where exactly we are supposed to be at in our meeting. Then i also have sponsees that have been busy working, and i have called them recently but they were having family problems becayse of the st patrick's. Day holday and bow easter is comng up and nobody is really going to be attending any meetings this weekend. But ithink that if they do the steps and the traditions together then they will have more to talk about.
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Re: Feeling Discouraged

Postby PaigeB » Fri Mar 25, 2016 10:25 am

Choosing and committing to a Home Group helped me to be accountable to at least one meeting a week. It helped me remember why I wanted to stay sober. And, for heaven's sake, if few people are going to meetings this weekend, then I would want to be ONE of those few. If a newcomer arrives they are likely to be suffering greatly and they will need you.

Early in sobriety, someone gave me the key to the meeting doors because they would be unable to attend the following Saturday. The night of the meeting there was a HUGE Iowa snowstorm and it continued to come down with no end in sight as the hour of the meeting approached. I did not want to go out in the snow. My hubby did not want me to go out. But I had the key! I had to straighten my back bone and set my genuine fear aside and head out the door. I unlocked the door and folks started to stroll in. Mostly guys, but hey, that never freaked me out at the bar and I knew many of them. Then a gal walked in. She was looking left and right and trying to figure out which way to go and what seat would be best. I motioned for her to come sit next to me. Turns out this was her first meeting of AA ever. I explained to her how this meeting worked and got her a cup of coffee. We were the only 2 women there. After the meeting, I gave her my phone number and the phone numbers of some of the women in my Home Group.

I am not sure that I have ever seen her again. But she may go to morning meetings, which I never go to. But whether she ever came back and got sober is not the point. I found out that I was capable of being responsible to others rather than a slave my own self centered fears.

I literally went through "Hell & high snow" to get to an AA meeting - just like I would have gone through to get a drink (or 6) on a snowy night!
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Re: Feeling Discouraged

Postby Lali » Fri Mar 25, 2016 8:15 pm

Thanks, Paige. I love stories like this!
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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Re: Feeling Discouraged

Postby jjconcepts » Thu Mar 31, 2016 7:28 pm

I am new to E- AA and only a few weeks in AA regularly and sober 6 weeks. This is after countless years on and off my way never working and trying again . now I am in AA, all in and working steps whole hearted
That being said, it was a simple few smiles, a hello, and later recognizing faces at meetings, followed by seeing sober people listening to their recovery and daily grind. not all were happy, or looked happy to be there. That made the groups real to me. Accepting, accessible, and honest. I am certain that the discouragement comes and goes in all aspects. Maybe someone at one of those meetings needs to hear that too. Thank you for sharing your feelings of discouragement. it is a referring break from the perfect world type I often see in meetings. keep your head up, keep sharing. you never know and may never know who you touched.. thank you. I was feeling bad about being discouraged with how my progress isn't what I imagined. I guess we all get it.
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Re: Feeling Discouraged

Postby ezdzit247 » Thu Mar 31, 2016 8:19 pm

jjconcepts wrote:I am new to E- AA and only a few weeks in AA regularly and sober 6 weeks. This is after countless years on and off my way never working and trying again . now I am in AA, all in and working steps whole hearted
That being said, it was a simple few smiles, a hello, and later recognizing faces at meetings, followed by seeing sober people listening to their recovery and daily grind. not all were happy, or looked happy to be there. That made the groups real to me. Accepting, accessible, and honest. I am certain that the discouragement comes and goes in all aspects. Maybe someone at one of those meetings needs to hear that too. Thank you for sharing your feelings of discouragement. it is a referring break from the perfect world type I often see in meetings. keep your head up, keep sharing. you never know and may never know who you touched.. thank you. I was feeling bad about being discouraged with how my progress isn't what I imagined. I guess we all get it.


Hi jj and welcome.

Congratulations on 6 weeks of sobriety!

I really like this slogan I found on a YPAA website:

"The Miracle happens when we get sober. The Magic happens when we apply these principles to all our affairs."


I went to a lot of meetings when I finally got sober and first started trudging that Road of Happy Destiny. It took a while, but in between the Miracle and the Magic, everything in my life got better--including me--one day at a time.

Glad you found the forum. Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: Feeling Discouraged

Postby Brock » Fri Apr 01, 2016 8:29 am

It is a refreshing break from the perfect world type I often see in meetings.

Welcome to e-AA jj.

I will admit that some of us lay on the happy joyous and free bit a little too thickly sometimes, but it is quite true for many of us, and it's done to attract new members, and encourage them that the steps are more than worth the small hassle needed to do them. Also many of us have been to a very dark place, and this feels like heaven. Our founder Bill Wilson had a spiritual adviser Fr. Ed Dowling, who was a great friend of AA and all it stands for, one of his quotes we sometimes see in the rooms is, “If I ever find myself in heaven, it will be from backing away from hell.”

Not long ago in a meeting the chairperson read the usual, “if you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths etc.” I looked around at the faces, none of the newer people seemed very impressed, when my turn came I said something like, 'if we were in the car park each standing next to a Ferrari with a beautiful woman or man on our arm, and we read the same passage, then you might want what we have, and be willing to do the work.' Then I explained that I wouldn't swap what I have for any car and lady, and that this AA program is one of the hardest things I know to sell.

Yes we still have the everyday life challenges, but anyone who truly understands and uses the information particularly in steps 10 & 11, is living a very pleasant and worry free life. And when you are looking for a sponsor I trust you will pick one of those, all the best to you.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Feeling Discouraged

Postby kdub720 » Thu Apr 07, 2016 1:03 pm

For me meetings are a struggle, and I have learned to be selfish in my recovery. I can not stretch my day just to include a meeting. I have a brain injury where I can not over extend myself. This is just my personal experience and problem. I have people in my home group judge me on my attendence. It really turned me away, My sobriety is not based on attendence and I think we all just need to focus on our individual struggles. Thanks for helping me reflect.
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