being right

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Layne
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being right

Post by Layne » Fri Jul 17, 2015 8:12 pm

There is a thin line between me being right and me proving that I am right. I know that it is human nature for an individual to think that the way they do things is the best way. If I didn't think my way was best, why in the world would I do things the way I do then.

This line of thinking was a huge contributor to me being qualified for my seat in the rooms of AA.

That line is still there, razor thin, and dangerous. The twelve steps have given me tools to safely navigate this line though as I trudge the road of happy destiny. Can I, or will I, utilize the tools though? That is the big question.

Lali
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Re: being right

Post by Lali » Fri Jul 17, 2015 8:24 pm

For me, this brings to mind the saying, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

61blues
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Re: being right

Post by 61blues » Fri Jul 17, 2015 9:16 pm

Hello
Sounds like my favorite Defect ..
:D shur glad i dont live like that today

4thDimension
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Re: being right

Post by 4thDimension » Fri Jul 17, 2015 10:20 pm

I love that saying, Lali.

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Tosh
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Re: being right

Post by Tosh » Sat Jul 18, 2015 12:00 am

Lali wrote:For me, this brings to mind the saying, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"
I really dislike either/or questions, but after much thought and deliberation, I think I prefer to be both. :oops:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

Stepchild
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Re: being right

Post by Stepchild » Sat Jul 18, 2015 3:00 am

Dealing with a life or death matter....I'd rather be right. Great thread.

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avaneesh912
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Re: being right

Post by avaneesh912 » Sat Jul 18, 2015 3:48 am

There is a thin line between me being right and me proving that I am right.
This is kind of Tolle stuff. War of the Egos. The moment somebody posts something, the other ego has to chime in something and it triggers a lengthy trail of posts. At the end of the day, hope people don't carry resenetments and go drinking. I had a good night sleep hope others did too.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Duke
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Re: being right

Post by Duke » Sat Jul 18, 2015 4:36 am

The thing I've found is that you never "win" or prove you're right by arguing the point. You can only do that by living it.

Thanks for the post.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa

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Brock
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Re: being right

Post by Brock » Sat Jul 18, 2015 5:42 am

Those that believe they have the right message and are prepared to argue their points here, will I believe have everyone taking a closer look at their own approach to passing on the message, which is a good thing.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

Stepchild
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Re: being right

Post by Stepchild » Sat Jul 18, 2015 5:48 am

Layne wrote: I know that it is human nature for an individual to think that the way they do things is the best way.
This is what I don't get.... AA is a life saving program of recovery...Clearly laid out exactly as it works. And they were kind enough to show us in a book exactly how they did it. I definitely know my way isn't best...My way almost killed me. But I do know...That "their way" is.....I'm living proof.
If someone on an AA site...Or in a meeting...For example...Wants to tell a suffering alcoholic to "Just don't drink and go to meetings."....When there is zero mention of this in the book...period....Aren't I just as guilty as the person sharing it if I were to say nothing? Just kick back and practice my principles?....Maybe comment now and then how well I'm using the tools?
I'm more concerned with the one that doesn't have the tools. I like what they say about the book in the chapter to employers.

To return to the subject matter of this book: It contains full suggestions by which the employee may solve his problem. To you, some of the ideas which it contains are novel. Perhaps you are not quite in sympathy with the approach we suggest. By no means do we offer it as the last word on this subject, but so far as we are concerned, it has worked with us. After all, are you not looking for results rather than methods? Whether your employee likes it or not, he will learn the grim truth about alcoholism. That won't hurt him a bit, even though he does not go for this remedy.
We suggest you draw the book to the attention of the doctor who is to attend your patient during treatment. If the book is read the moment the patient is able, while acutely depressed, realization of his condition may come to him.
We hope the doctor will tell the patient the truth about his condition, whatever that happens to be. When the man is presented with this volume it is best that no one tell him he must abide by its suggestions. The man must decide for himself.

You are betting, of course, that your changed attitude plus the contents of this book will turn the trick. In some cases it will, and in others it may not. But we think that if you persevere, the percentage of successes will gratify you. As our work spreads and our numbers increase, we hope your employees may be put in personal contact with some of us. Meanwhile, we are sure a great deal can be accomplished by the use of the book alone.


I think if more people in AA just stuck to "their way"....Rather than trying to break it down...Or tear it apart...This program might save more lives.

Like they tell us on page 132....

We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.

Might as well use it.

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johnd
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Re: being right

Post by johnd » Sat Jul 18, 2015 6:46 am

You have to ask yourself, The road or course of action you choose is it the best choice for you... Whether others agree or disagree... It is right for you.... They are not walking in your path they are just travelers along the same road.

How many times have you sought another's advice. Carefully listening and taking it all in and then go and think about what was suggested. Then notice that when you decide to take the advice you kinda change it up for your own comfort .
Isn't that what we have done in recovery. If we did it exactly like our sponsors or the founders have done it. you wouldn't have variety available to us. Nobody is wrong in carrying a message. Another example next time you attend a meeting and a newcomer or another member throws a question on the floor. Listen to the answers that are put out there. Everyone interprets the question differently.. They are so eager to help this person they feel that their answer is the right one. Still it comes down to the person who is seeking the answer. Just my thoughts folks Thanks John D.
Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans- Anonymous

Layne
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Re: being right

Post by Layne » Sat Jul 18, 2015 7:35 am

Stepchild wrote:
Layne wrote: I know that it is human nature for an individual to think that the way they do things is the best way.
This is what I don't get.... AA is a life saving program of recovery...Clearly laid out exactly as it works. And they were kind enough to show us in a book exactly how they did it.
Would you say it is a fair assumption that you think that the way that you follow what is clearly laid out exactly as it works, is the best way? I am fairly certain that the way I follow what is clearly laid out exactly as it works, is different than the way you follow it. Which one of us is right?

Stepchild
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Re: being right

Post by Stepchild » Sat Jul 18, 2015 8:23 am

Layne wrote: Would you say it is a fair assumption that you think that the way that you follow what is clearly laid out exactly as it works, is the best way?
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.
pg 58

They seem to think so....I do notice the word path is singular. Is it an argument that you are looking for?

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Barbara D.
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Re: being right

Post by Barbara D. » Sat Jul 18, 2015 8:59 am

During my years in recovery, "my truth" has changed a lot in most areas and barely at all in other areas. I believe my truth may or may not be related to THE TRUTH. I notice that sometimes differences in our details result in differing ways we work the Steps. I think AA literature is a culmination of founders' experience, strength, and hope right through today. For me, it's guidance not "orders" to be taken literally. That's why I perceive details as suggestions, not commandments. My truth, my recovery is a work in progress. So, from my point of view, arguing about who is right and who is wrong is ridiculous.

For me, it is SO important to say "In my experience," "For me," "From my perspective" because generalized "we" and "you" statements usually cause a negative response in my own self, and I might even miss good points because of this little ego reaction. I am human as well as alcoholic. Even with my sponsors and sponsees, I always approached ESH and the Steps as "This is the way I did it wrong 3 times and then this method finally worked for me." If I did make a suggestion, I started with "this is what I see you doing and this is what I think you might try next." Okay. I try to treat others the way I want to be treated. :)

So, I see no problem with more than one opinion being right. And my still growing spiritual condition will tell me when I'm getting off track. Most things really are one-day-at-a-time for me, so my AA toolbox never gets dusty.

Happy Saturday! Barbara D. alcoholic.

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Brock
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Re: being right

Post by Brock » Sat Jul 18, 2015 9:04 am

Johnd gave a very good contribution with respect to how we follow the program; in part he said this –
If we did it exactly like our sponsors or the founders have done it. you wouldn't have variety available to us. Nobody is wrong in carrying a message.
I agree wholeheartedly with not having to do it exactly like our sponsors, and even the founders I am sure if they could come back and advice us might change a thing or two, he says nobody is wrong in carrying a message, and I believe we should be careful in criticising someone who after all is really just trying to help another sufferer. But I think we can be critical if the message being carried is not at least similar to what the book advises. And some fellows here like stepchild & avaneesh I think are right in coming down heavily against those they believe are satisfied if the message is keep the plug in the jug and come to meetings. But they have made their point, and as I said earlier I believe everyone who has read it over the last several days, will think twice if they are tempted to give newcomers a “watered-down” message. Well done guys we get it, but until someone comes along to these forums and preaches something which is against the book teaching, (and we haven’t had anyone like that in a couple of weeks), perhaps it is time you put the plug in the jug of your constant reminders of how we should do things.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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