Forgiveness

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Re: Forgiveness

Postby Cristy99 » Fri Sep 01, 2017 2:25 pm

For me, forgiveness is a process, not a single event. It takes a while...sometimes a long while "I recon" (as Positrac would say, haha!!).

Brock, such a coincidence that you used something from Rohr.....my husband and I are attending a study on his book Breathing Under Water beginning this Sunday. Looking forward to it.
"Talk doesn't cook rice."
~ Chinese proverb
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Re: Forgiveness

Postby Brock » Fri Sep 01, 2017 3:06 pm

I think you are lucky to be going to this, and lucky to have a husband who would go along as well.

If on you tube you type in 'Richard Rohr Breathing Under Water,' you get an idea of this book. My favorite piece on that video which is 47 minutes long, (there is a shorter one as well), can be found by going forward to about the 11 minute mark. From there for a while he speaks about his experience in AA, and about Bill Wilson. He basically says he found more spirituality in AA people than in the church, and he is a Catholic priest.

I hope you both enjoy the study and gain from it, your postings here are so full of vigor and care for others, they are a joy to read.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Forgiveness

Postby Cristy99 » Fri Sep 01, 2017 6:23 pm

Aww thanks Brock!! That means a lot!! I will give it a listen. As far as spirituality and AA....I cannot tell you how many hours I have sat in a church. I NEVER felt spiritual until AA. I feel like AA bridged the gap for me. Church is good, don't get me wrong, but it was colorless, only shades of gray. Now, in the realm of spirituality, color abounds!!!

Ok. I'm done...drifted off topic there for a bit!!

Good evening all!!
"Talk doesn't cook rice."
~ Chinese proverb
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Re: Forgiveness

Postby bbqking » Sat Sep 02, 2017 7:59 am

Chas wrote:Hello,

My focus for the next few weeks is to develop the "tools" needed in order to forgive those that brought me great pain. Does anyone have any suggestions that will help in making this crucial step permanent.

Chas



There is the saying about holding on to a resentment that goes something - It's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

It poisons the soul.

As far as tools - I started going to guided meditations, it's part of a Buddhist approach to AA and I found it very helpful - plenty of books on it. Part of it is letting go of expectations such as expecting other people to do as you think they should - letting go of anger, hatred, and resentments and not getting twisted about it when they don't. Understanding that they have free will and may be very sick themselves or have significant problems or issues you don't know about. They may not share the same views or opinions you do when it comes to behavior and understanding it may not be reasonable to expect an apology or for them to do as you expect.

This does not mean you become a doormat - you certainly put healthy boundaries in place, but you accept reality and move on. You can always ask your higher power to take your resentments and carry them for you - and your higher power can if you'll let it, it takes practice though for many people. My higher power can carry them and do whatever higher powers do with them, I can't - they are too heavy and will wear me down.
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Re: Forgiveness

Postby Noels » Thu Sep 07, 2017 11:46 am

This is a question which I pondered over right now for a few minutes. Keeping in mind that step 1 is about complete honesty I have to say that my conclusion at this moment is that it depends. Sometimes people get 'tricked ' into hurting another and in a case like that 'forgiveness ' is not even questionable. I will forgive that person without that person even having to ask since it was clearly completely unintentional therefore never meant. Forgiveness in such a case is automatic.
Then we get the other side - where someone hurt you over and over again and although you forgive and keep on forgiving and eventually start telling that person directly that their behaviour is considered intentional , causing you pain, that you're not interested and he/she must please just leave you alone - the behaviour continues and continues and continue. .....
Well. ... in a case like that - that person is displaying behaviour similar to when an alcoholic is still actively drinking - and I must admit that forgiveness to me THEN don't come easy regardless of how many times I pray or try to 'con ' myself into finding excuses for that persons behaviour.
When I reach this point I cut that person off. Out of my life.
I still continue to pray for the willingness and ability to forgive that person but it is then more for my own peace than for that persons health /recovery /sanity /soul. .... whatever the case may be. ....
That's then where AA 's words regarding amends - to avoid / refrain from any attempt to make amends if it could be harmful / hurtful to another - comes in since by that time I just want that person to disappear from my life altogether.

I apologise if I shocked anyone with my honesty tonight and remind you that 'we are not saints ' as used so many times before. Unless I can be honest with myself at all times I have failed our beautiful spiritual program called the 12step program of recovery.

I try to walk in the footsteps of Jesus but I'm not Him. This - striving to be like Jesus - is the best I can do.

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