Been away from the program awhile but...

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Scottissues
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Been away from the program awhile but...

Post by Scottissues »

My reintroduction. I first took the program seriously 25 years ago when I ended up in the hospital after a big drunk (and various other issues). I was good for a few years and then decided I could get drunk on the rare occasions that no one I knew would find out ( i.e. wife leaves town). Never really wanted to quit for myself but for my wife. Made it 25 years but have gotten caught an average of once a year. She make threats and after a couple of weeks its all good again. Im guessing this time will be the same but I don't know yet. I suppose to get to the point were I really want to stop she will have to send me packing. If I do I will be drinking more often and will or won't get to my bottom again (if I was ever there). She compares it to cheating once a year and I counter with its comparing apples to oranges. Is cheating comparable to committing a felony once a year (that my stupid thinking).

Im not sure how things will play out for me. I don't have any english speaking meeting here but thought I'd join the group to get some feed back on my stinking thinking.

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Duke
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Re: Been away from the program awhile but...

Post by Duke »

Welcome Scott. I'm glad you've joined us. I hope you find a way to fully embrace this thing before you have to go through anything too bad, but it takes what it takes in my experience. I know that for me, immersing myself in the literature, meetings, friends, service and serious study of the steps was necessary to get me past those deceptive twists in thinking that ultimately lead back to the bottle.

The cool part is that as long as you have that desire, you're welcome to read and share as much as you like here. I look forward to hearing more from you.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa

Chris S.
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Re: Been away from the program awhile but...

Post by Chris S. »

Scott, wouldn't it be great to simply a live a life where you don't have to hide from the woman you love?

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avaneesh912
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Re: Been away from the program awhile but...

Post by avaneesh912 »

I first took the program seriously 25 years ago when I ended up in the hospital after a big drunk (and various other issues).
When you talk about the program, are you talking about the 12 steps or just going to meetings? If you are just talking about going to meetings, you may want to consider picking up a big book and start reading the book mainly the chapters "More about alcoholism" and "There is a solution", where it drives hard the solution to overcome alcoholis is what we call in AA, a spiritual awakening, a change in attitude, that comes about working the 12 steps. If you can't find a sponsor in f2f meetings, you can find one here at viewtopic.php?f=15&t=5297. That person could help you understand the powerlessness and unmanageability they talk about in step 1 and help you walk you through the reminder of the 12 steps. This is a spiritual program of action so you got to put some effort into it, simply going to meetings is not going work. Maybe it work for the hour you are there, but if you are real-alcoholic, that alone would not suffice, because you got to put up with your mind for next 23 hours.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Jackstraw
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Re: Been away from the program awhile but...

Post by Jackstraw »

Hey Scott,
For my two cents, your wife is right. Your drinking is playing with fire and she doesn't want to live a life waiting for the other shoe to drop and your drinking ruin her life.

I say that because that is how my wife felt. And I told her she was making mountains out of molehills and that the drinking was under control, because it seemed like it to me. But that was the point, it wasn't about me. It was about her. If I wanted her, I needed to make it NOT about me.

Good luck.
And I know how sweet life can be
If I keep myself free from the wah-wah
G.Harrison

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Layne
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Re: Been away from the program awhile but...

Post by Layne »

Scottissues wrote: I was good for a few years and then decided I could get drunk on the rare occasions that no one I knew would find out ( i.e. wife leaves town). Never really wanted to quit for myself but for my wife.
This was my story as well. The flaw in the theory for me was that even though nobody else found out when I got drunk (i.e. wife leaves town), I always knew when I did. Wherever I went, there I was. If I was all good with it, why was I hiding it?

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Jackstraw
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Re: Been away from the program awhile but...

Post by Jackstraw »

Hey Scott,
I want to thank you for posting. It has really stuck with me and I finally figured out why: the hiding. I find myself sneaking downstairs for a bowl of cereal at night. Or sneaking a handful of cookies. And it used to be sneaking shots of whiskey and beer bottles.

In all cases, I have to ask - as a grown man, what the hell am I hiding my behaviors for? If it was ok to do, I would be doing it in the open. Just ridiculous behavior and clearly not the workings of a healthy and happy mind.

My wife still tells me that she thinks I am sneaky, which breaks my heart because I wouldn't respect someone who I felt was sneaky - yet she is right.

So, thank you. You have made me really think about what it means to sneak, to hide and to purposefully hide something, regardless of the degree of vice.
And I know how sweet life can be
If I keep myself free from the wah-wah
G.Harrison

Eliza
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Re: Been away from the program awhile but...

Post by Eliza »

Scott said, "I was good for a few years and then decided I could get drunk on the rare occasions that no one I knew would find out"

I thought the exact same thing when I first decided to get sober and join AA. Then I discovered, I would find out-I would know, and now I realize that if something is on my conscience and I can't shake it then I must be doing something wrong. So, I righted that, picked up a new comer chip and got a real sobriety date. It's many years later and I am happy I decided to stop drinking once and for all. After all, it wasn't for my spouse that I quit, even though I thought it was in the beginning, it was for me. I am happier for stopping and staying stopped. Most people don't join AA unless they really know, in their heart of hearts, that they have a serious problem with alcohol. Yes, even if it's only once a year and you have to sneak it. If it causes a problem, for me or them, it's a problem. Welcome back to AA. Get a sobriety date and take the steps because the elevator is broken.

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PaigeB
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Re: Been away from the program awhile but...

Post by PaigeB »

Welcome Eliza!
I love this!:
Get a sobriety date and take the steps because the elevator is broken.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

Scottissues
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Re: Been away from the program awhile but...

Post by Scottissues »

Thanks for all the input people.

I seen a tv show the other day where drinking buddies were saying to the non drinker " you've been good for awhile, reward yourself". I wouldn't drink because anyone was pushing that on me but, that's a thought I was think about the last time I got drunk. Of course the problem was after 1 or 2 shots, I kept going.

On a semi positive note, I am going back to the states for a month next week. My son is dealing with a DWI (fruit doesn't fall far from the tree) so we will be going to lots of meeting the next month.

joey
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Re: Been away from the program awhile but...

Post by joey »

I have not had a drink/drug since 3rd August 2007.

If I had to take a drink tomorrow, I do not care if people find out. I do care though that I will know I slipped. That is enough reason for me to stay on the wagon.
Joey

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positrac
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Re: Been away from the program awhile but...

Post by positrac »

That is enough reason for me to stay on the wagon.
Wagons break down and so I can't risk being on that wagon as it will fail me as I've been on it before and it landed me into the rooms. Once I surrendered I never left the concepts of the program and that baseline as it has saved my life and that was a very long time ago.

Healthy lifestyle I believe will allow me to step down off the wagon and have a firm footing in a positive experience in which through honesty and some tough moments allow for recovery.
I've seen hell and it is not all that it is cracked up to be and I like it on this side for the time being.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.

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Roberth
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Re: Been away from the program awhile but...

Post by Roberth »

Hello Scott and welcome to E-AA. My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. I know many people with long term sobriety that didn’t want to stop, they were just hope get the heat off at home or at work.
I sponsor a guy that told me he did have a desire to stop and I told him the air force did and that was good enough for me. Last January he celebrated 19 years.
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!

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