And so he died early this week..

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joey
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And so he died early this week..

Post by joey »

A relative of mine passed away from multiple organ failure this week. He was only 40. He'd been drinking day and night for the last 10 years. His father and mother sat by and did nothing even though the signs were evident since 2001-2002. Some relatives tried getting him into rehab and even AA. The father said " my son does not need this, there is nothing wrong with him". Now incidentally the father has been a 24/7 drinker for 50 plus years. He does not however believe that he is an alcoholic. So it's rather tough for him to believe that his son is one.

The son was warned 2 years ago by his doctor never to drink again because his liver could not take it anymore. But he went on and on. Due to rising expenses in the last few years he was drinking what we in India call "country liquor" , popularly known as "moonshine" the world over. His relatives (first cousins) are of the opinion that the country liquor is what hastened his death. His pancreas failed, both his kidneys failed. Even when the doctors told the mother and father that their son had severe cirrhosis of the liver, both of them lied to the doctor and said he had been suffering from jaundice. They were too embarassed to admit that their son used to drink a lot for fear he would be sent to rehab. They did not believe anyone that suggested their son had a problem with booze.

He passed away on Monday. When i expressed my fear that the father could go into shock, the cousins said "we hope he dies too because he is a gone case who has done nothing but drink his life away and he will continue to do the same".

I thought Id' share this for people on here who are going through the same situation. It's never to late to admit you have a problem.

I think people like myself who woke up to the truth about ourselves when the time is right should feel lucky. I am grateful that my parents didn't just sit by and do nothing or I'd probably be dead too.
Joey

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PaigeB
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Re: And so he died early this week..

Post by PaigeB »

So sorry about your loss Joey. Alcoholism kills - sometimes quickly sometimes slowly. I am glad you and I are here.

I want the hand of AA to be there when anyone, anywhere reaches out for help. For that, I am responsible.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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Squawking Hawk
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Re: And so he died early this week..

Post by Squawking Hawk »

Joey,

I am sorry to hear about the death of your relative from multiple organ failure due to alcoholism. Yet another reminder that alcoholism does kill. :( But the death of a relative is a death that can hit home, no matter the cause and I'll keep you and your family in what I call my "loving intentions." I am so glad that you shared about this here, and I hope that you keep sharing about this in your other meetings.

Hawk
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I will never forget

Lali
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Re: And so he died early this week..

Post by Lali »

joey wrote:His father and mother sat by and did nothing even though the signs were evident since 2001-2002. Some relatives tried getting him into rehab and even AA. The father said " my son does not need this, there is nothing wrong with him". Now incidentally the father has been a 24/7 drinker for 50 plus years. He does not however believe that he is an alcoholic. So it's rather tough for him to believe that his son is one.
Denial, denial, denial. IMO, that's what killed this alcoholic. The father did not want to admit that his son was an alcoholic because that would mean that he would have to admit that he himself is an alcoholic. My guess is that the father was also concerned with the stigma of alcoholism (back in the day of the father, there was very much a stigma). Too bad someone did not intervene.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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avaneesh912
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Re: And so he died early this week..

Post by avaneesh912 »

Too bad someone did not intervene.
Intervening will help but the candidate should have the desire to recover. I had my brother-in-law intervened by some people from AA but this person would not believe AA would help. Because he considered AA meetings group therapy (for he had already been exposed through treatment centers he had been) and never took it serious. Next 6 months all his organs failed like this example.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

Lali
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Re: And so he died early this week..

Post by Lali »

Sorry for your loss, Nari.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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Brock
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Re: And so he died early this week..

Post by Brock »

It is a sad story indeed, reminds me of my friends father when we were young, he was not well and my father said the doctor told him to stop drinking or he would die, he told my father he would rather die with a smile on his face than stop drinking. At this time we have another thread on the forums, from someone afraid to stop because he feels that life would be unhappy and pointless without alcohol. I think this is one of the challenges that AA faces, to convince people that there is indeed life after quitting, and if the program is followed a very good life.

I can relate to the idea of “country liquor,” where I live in the West Indies this is a problem. In the drug stores you can buy methylated spirits very cheaply, those who can’t afford better mix this with water, and in the methanol plant I used to work in there are warnings and photographs of blind people, to warn those who sometimes steal methanol to make cheap booze. We who have found a good life in the fellowship are indeed the lucky ones.

Brock.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Old Rocker
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Re: And so he died early this week..

Post by Old Rocker »

People make decisions. We have to accept them. Not that we really have a choice.

The most important decisions are yours. How you live and learn from this experience.

Best wishes on getting through the emotionally tough situation.
Accepted the ABC's 01/04/95.
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.

Tom S
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Re: And so he died early this week..

Post by Tom S »

...sage observation...I am called to share my "E,s &H" after seeking direction; I am to be kind and loving. I am to ensure my own house is in order. I am to remain right sized.
Blessings,
Tom

TonyWARMS
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Re: And so he died early this week..

Post by TonyWARMS »

Sorry for the losses to both Joey, and Nari

I have known several people who drank themselves to death (at least one, willingly).
These people were going to do what they were going to do, as has been stated.The choice they made, apparently was this way of life they had chosen, was all they were willing to do. Getting help wasn't an option, in their opinion.
No one is going to be forced to stop, if somewhere in themselves, they really don't want to.
I have no idea why someone's psychology leads them here.
I just have to take the sad lesson that I couldn't do anything to help, and move on to help where I possibly can.

Peace, Tony
"Nothing comes to stay. Everything comes to pass".
(I don't know where I heard this)

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