Today is Overwhelming-Help

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Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby Hanna » Mon Jun 25, 2012 6:42 am

Day 8. Dealing with a lot of consquences of the past few months. Lost Job & License. Bills piling up. Fines to be paid, how do I get a job with no license. No references since I got fired for misconduct, drinking on the job.
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Re: Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby Tosh » Mon Jun 25, 2012 8:10 am

It seems overwhelming, doesn't it, Hanna? I know; I've had bailiffs chasing me, my business wasn't good, things were falling apart and needed replacing, only I had no money to replace them with, and I'd just wake up and have that 'AAAAAAAAAggggggggghhhhhhhhhh M-O-N-E-Y' thought ripping through my head. Fear and anxiety were constant companions. Drinking felt like my only escape from it at times.

And then you go to A.A. and people are just talking about Step 4 inventories 'n' stuff, and you're sat there thinking 'This isn't going to pay my bills!'.

It's a tough place to be in; I know from experience.

A.A. won't solve your problems, but what it will do is enable you to be able to solve them yourself, with - of course - the help of your higher power. Sounds cuckoo, right? Probably.

And about this stage it is normal to say, "If you pick up a drink, things will get worse, and if you don't pick up a drink, you will sort this stuff out."

I contacted many of my creditors - my priority ones - told them I was a recovering alcoholic, explained my situation, and they were great; even the council tax people; I did this by letter, and one even phoned me in person to thank me for my honesty. I don't think they received many letters like that. I 'hid' from my non-priority creditors, for a year or so, and I am now making amends for the money I owe them).

Three years into sobriety, I'm still financially insecure at times; like right now; but I feel strong - I know I can deal with anything life throws at me - A.A. has given me the tools.

Can I ask if you have a sponsor?
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby Tosh » Mon Jun 25, 2012 8:21 am

Hanna wrote:Day 8. Dealing with a lot of consquences of the past few months. Lost Job & License. Bills piling up. Fines to be paid, how do I get a job with no license. No references since I got fired for misconduct, drinking on the job.


Oh, my fines, I could pay by instalments. If you have no money coming in, phone them and let them know. You cannot pay anything if you have no income. The people I dealt with were very understanding; I was just honest with them. It took me over a year to pay my fine off.

Bills; household essentials are priority - credit cards and loans are not; yet these organisations will make the most noise. It's just noise; ignore their threats. If they constantly phone, just tell them you have mental health problems (alcoholism is classed as such) and you need everything in writing; and not to phone you. You can stick also them on your Step 4 resentment list, I did, and deal with them at Step 9; with the help of a good sponsor.

No license; is there a public transport system where you live?

Also, in the UK we have many debt counselling and citizen's advice centres around; have you those where you live, or similar? Can you claim any state help in your part of the world?

And please, if you do not have one, get a good sponsor ASP.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby Hanna » Mon Jun 25, 2012 8:29 am

Tosh, thank you. By the grace of God I did just get off the phone with creditors. I have to stop saying If I did'nt drink and lose my job &license I wouldn't be in this mess. Sometimes the magnitude of what I've done just overwhelms me. thank you.
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Re: Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby Tosh » Mon Jun 25, 2012 8:32 am

One last thing; apologies for being a bore; but until you get some A.A. training in, some advice I was given that still stands me in good stead is to constantly ask myself, "What can I do, right here, right now, to improve my situation?" and if you can think of something, do it; right now. If you can't think of anything, because you've done all you can do, you can give yourself permission to relax in a hot bath or something.

Procrastination kills alkies like me; I'm sure of it! :D

P.S. Just saw your post; good on you for doing something positive!
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby Mike O » Mon Jun 25, 2012 11:04 am

Hi Hanna,

Excellent advice there from Tosh, especially this

If you pick up a drink, things will get worse, and if you don't pick up a drink, you will sort this stuff out.


Thanks, Tosh. Your posts helped me today too.

-Mike
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Re: Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby Hanna » Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:38 pm

Thank you, I got thru so far with no drink. Trying to focus on the positive and handle the problems one at a time. I just feel so remorseful.
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Re: Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby Lali » Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:41 pm

Hanna wrote:By the grace of God I did just get off the phone with creditors.


Good for you!! I remember a few years back, I realized that I was about 3 months behind on everything. It didn't happen because of a lack of money, it was from neglect because of my drinking. I called a friend in hysterics I was sooo overwhelmed, and she said, Just calm down, take a deep breath and make one phone call at a time. I got everything sorted out.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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Re: Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby Lali » Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:48 pm

In some states, and depending on the job, the employer is not allowed to say why you are no longer employed with them. They can only give dates of employment and salary. You might have to ride the bus for a while until you get your license back. It's not that bad. I had to do it too after my DUI. Plus, maybe some of your friends would be willing to help you out. As far as AA meetings, there are always people willing to give rides to and from meetings. You can ask the chairperson after the meeting if there is a list or you can raise your hand at the beginning of the meeting and introduce yourself as someone new and that you will need help with rides.
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Re: Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby Hanna » Tue Jun 26, 2012 5:54 am

[
If you pick up a drink, things will get worse, and if you don't pick up a drink, you will sort this stuff out.


Day 9. I got thru yesterday with the Grace of God and your posts. It is reassuring to know they're are people out there thatunderstand what I'm going thru.
Lali, you gave me hope. I am going to call my employer and ask what they will say if I use them as a job reference. I was great at my job for 10 years. I'm 54 now and need that reference if I'm going to get a similar job. I got a waitress job at a local restaurant for some extra cash but it is not a fraction of what I used to earn.
I feel God took all this away from so that I could see what I was losing before I lost it all. I lost my job, my license and self-respect but I still have my husband and kids. I am trying everyday to be the wife and mom I was 7 years ago, but I'm having a hard time enjoying the things that were so important to me back then. I used to love cleaning and decorating the house, now I look at all I neglected and feel so ashamed and overwhelmed. I spent most of yesterday sleeping when I should have cleaned something.
Enough, I will do like TOSH said, little at a time. At least I did't drink.
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Re: Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby Texan » Tue Jun 26, 2012 1:02 pm

Good for you, Hanna. Meetings will help the dulldrums. They helped for me because it gave me an outlet to discuss things with people who had been there and done that. It will also give you a chance to see that there are those that have lost so much more. I know it seems like you've lost so much, but believe me there are those out there that have it much, MUCH worse. I remember there being a young man that had left rehab and gone to a halfway house. He ended up getting kicked out of the halfway house because he initially refused to play by the rules. A few weeks on the street later, he started back into going to meetings, getting a sponsor. He slept on the back porch of one of the buildings that housed a good many meeting throughout the day, making as many meeting as he could and eventually got readmitted into the halfway house he got kicked out of in the first place. He's come a long way since then, but still has a way to go.

I'm three and a half months sober now and just within the last several weeks began to dig myself out of the hole I dug myself into. I can actually see part of the surface of my desk now but still have a ways to go in terms of filing this, paying that or throwing away trash mail that piled up in the many months leading up to sobriety. Chores are beginning to get completed and my outlook continues to get better and better with each sober day that passes. I suspect that something along those lines will happen with you as time progresses. Like I mentioned above, meeting will help so you can get out and socialize with those that have been there and done that. There isn't a morning or evening that passes that I don't pray to the Lord that he continue to give me the strength to keep going down the path I know I need to be headed down no and into the future.

As you said, keep taking it one day at a time, or one hour at a time if it takes doing that. It will get better as the fog continues to clear in your head, mind and body.

Keep coming back. It does help....you and all of the rest of us. :) :)
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Re: Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby Hanna » Tue Jun 26, 2012 1:45 pm

Texan wrote: Chores are beginning to get completed and my outlook continues to get better and better with each sober day that passes. I suspect that something along those lines will happen with you as time progresses. Like I mentioned above, meeting will help so you can get out and socialize with those that have been there and done that. There isn't a morning or evening that passes that I don't pray to the Lord that he continue to give me the strength to keep going down the path I know I need to be headed down no and into the future.

As you said, keep taking it one day at a time, or one hour at a time if it takes doing that. It will get better as the fog continues to clear in your head, mind and body.

Keep coming back. It does help....you and all of the rest of us. :) :)


Thanks Tex, You seem to know exactly where I'm at right now. I want to get my life in order as you are doing. Thanks for reminding me what can lay ahead. I'll be coming back.
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Re: Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby jilljill » Fri Jun 29, 2012 2:28 am

It is so wonderful to know i am not the only one getting ovewhemled thank u for the kind words of people there. I have one more week of moving, giveing my cat away as the new place will not take her and o so much more but the new place is so very good for me and they will not put up with me coming in sideways so as so as i move i will be going to detox and they will understand thank u for hearing this and i wish the best for all of u. So amazing to know it`s not just me.
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Re: Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby Hanna » Sat Jun 30, 2012 7:10 am

Day 13. Woke up with bad anxiety, When will this stop. I have never before been so sure that I will not drink, one day at a time. I am committed to getting my life back, but sometimes the thought of how I let everything go while I was drinking overwhelms me. When will I be able to wake up and feel peace?
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Re: Today is Overwhelming-Help

Postby Texan » Sat Jun 30, 2012 8:01 am

The mornings of the first several weeks into sobriety were scheduled for me. I knew that once I woke up, usually around 6:30, right off the bat I had to get ready to take my son to school. So I would get up, take a shower, take my son to school getting him there by 7:45, then I would go to the coffee shop and get something to eat. Then at 8:30 I had a meeting to go to. So the first thing in the morning was a scheduled for me. I'd hit another meeting at noon and then eat lunch. Then I would go up to the school and wait for my son to get out, pick him up and head back to the house.

I know you don't have a license so getting out and moving around might be a bit harder to do. If there are morning meetings that you could attend, find a way to get there and then ask around to see if anyone would be willing to help with transportation to and from. Making a schedule and sticking to it, in retrospect for me was a great benefit to me. So set a schedule and put the energy now spent on fretting over how you let things go into staying on the schedule you set up for yourself. Tackle something that you 'let go' in terms of cleaning or getting caught back up.

My schedule before sobering up was centered around making sure I had enough liquor to get through the day and into the next. Channeling that same energy into something productive, that you can see the positive results from your labors might help. Find something to get your mind off 'staying sober' and onto doing something (besides drinking, naturally) and you might find that the anxiety will begin to subside. By making a schedule, either writing one down on paper and posting it on the ice-box, or just making a mental schedule will give you something to think about when you first wake up instead of having 'nothing' to do.

Just my .02. Hope it helps. Keep up and keep coming back. :) :)
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