Hi my name is Rusty

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RustyS
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Hi my name is Rusty

Post by RustyS »

Hi I'm Rusty and I'm an alcoholic.

I haven't drank since Friday night so I guess I survived 48 hours. Tonight after work I'm going to my first AA meeting. I spend a lot of time on the internet and on forums so this forum just might be a good place for me in my recovery.

My dad drank all my life. I don't think I ever saw him not drinking. He didn't get "falling down drunk". He said, "You know that feeling you get after you drink 2 beers? I like to maintain that all day." I think that was a little optimistic because many evenings he had slurred speech and seemed "wobbly". Maybe it was because he drank a case of beer a day. He died of emphysema a couple of years ago.

I never drank a case a day. I did however drink a bottle of wine a day. Where my dad was sort of a "happy drunk", I'm bitter, angry, resentful, depressed, and generally not worth being around when I drink, which was every day. I drink alone. I don't like to drink socially because I'm afraid I'll end up in a fight, which almost happened a few weeks ago. Sometimes, when I would drink more than a bottle of wine, I'll have blackouts. I'll wake up and think, "what the heck did I do? My wife is mad at me, I think we fought, but dang, I can't remember why!" It's a very strange feeling. Hung over, confused, struggling to remember what happened.

I've tried to quit before on my own, but all it does is make me worse.

I recently found out my daughter, a senior in high school, straight A's, wonderful child, is doing drugs. She got hooked on coke. She's now in rehab instead of school. I feel responsible. I went up to the rehab center for family counselling. Learned a lot. I went to an Al Anon meeting and learned a lot. She had such a bright future. And I've ruined it for her.

So finally I realize that I need to quit drinking. I need help. I can't do this on my own. My life has become unmanageable. The AA meeting I'm going to tonight meets every evening mon-fri. I plan on attending as many as I can. I have to do something. My life is falling apart.

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ann2
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Re: Hi my name is Rusty

Post by ann2 »

Welcome, Rusty. I'm so glad you are here. You and your daughter will be in my thoughts. Please keep sharing.

Ann in Sweden
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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PaigeB
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Re: Hi my name is Rusty

Post by PaigeB »

Glad you found us Rusty! I use e-aa everyday to strengthen my AA program and go to meetings as much as possible! In the beginning it was at least one a day (they say 90 meeting in 90 days) and I still go to 3 or 4 a week.

I use AA like I used alcohol - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year!

Keep comin' back! This thing works!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

Mike O
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Re: Hi my name is Rusty

Post by Mike O »

Hi Rusty,

Welcome to the group here. I'm sure you'll be introduced to the Big Book tonight at your meeting and it'll open the door to sobriety for you. It certainly did for me.

-Mike :)

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ann2
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Re: Hi my name is Rusty

Post by ann2 »

PaigeB wrote:I use AA like I used alcohol - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year!
Love it! Thanks Paige,

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

RustyS
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Re: Hi my name is Rusty

Post by RustyS »

Thanks for the welcomes all. I'm planning on buying a Big Book tonight. I can see from looking over the forums that it's really important.

Rusty

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