Hi All, Newcomer Here

[godscrack]

Hi, I'm Mary and I m an alcoholic and an addict.
I'm just stopping by to say, "Hi." *waves hands at group mambers*
I've been in AA since 1 May 1998 but I have had a lot of minor relapses here and there over the past 19 years, some with consequences, some with no apparent consequences. But I have always known that I drink for the wrong reasons, something that is fear based on my end. And today I am so grateful to have finally
"gotten it" ; the spiritual awakening of the thunderbolt variety of God's grace to my brain, my soul.
I was in a BB meeting and I was checking off all the different types of alcoholics, underlining passages that I could truly be honest about, aka identifying myself as an alcoholic when I glanced out the window at a pretty tree. It only took a moment but I had this "voice/idea/message" in my head where I felt as if God said to me, "Mary you are in AA not NA and everything is going to be okay." Then I went back to the BB reading but something changed inside me. I went home and re-read "How It Works". When I got to the part about rigorous honesty. Everything inside me rebelled; I didn't want to give up the part of me that still clung to the notion that I'm not really an alcoholic but when I did get honest with myself I knew and accepted that I am an alcoholic. I knew it from the first time I had a drink to take away my anxiety. And then I pushed that revelation aside. I always drank in pubs and clubs and parties to take away feelings that made me uncomfortable like low self esteem and I'never good enough.After God hit me up with what I call 'godscrack" and I fully accepted and went on to call my sponsor to tell her the truth about my alcohlism I felt like a superhero protected by God's light and love. February 16, 2017 was the day I finally and totally surrendered to this disease of alcoholism.
I have several illnesses that prevent me from getting to meetings on a regular basis. I dislike when I am sick; I cannot go out into the world and share the message of God's will, recovery and serenity. I feel less serene when I get stuck in bed. I need my shot of god'scrack which I find at meetings every time someone shares. Or just being surrounded by alcoholics in meetings.
Thank you for this forum. I hope I get my share of godscrack even if I am too sick to get to a meeting. I always want to be moving closer to the light of God through the spirituality of the Fellowship and The 12 Steps.
Thank you, God, thanks forum members. I hope what I wrote by way of introduction is okay. I've never been on a recovery forum before. Glad to be here, though. Let the healing begin!

[D'oh]

Hi Mary, Thanks for joining.

Funny that you brought up the "What type of Alcoholic are we". I was somehow coaxed into a Big Book Study Group, which started lust last night. A Higher Power's thing I guess.

Last night after Doctor's Opinion, everyone's share seemed to focus on "What type of Alcoholic are we". You know asking "What came first the Chicken or the Egg?" I started chuckling inside. I had to answer "What ever came first, the Chicken or the Egg, chances are It Really would Hurt!" The thing that matters is "We are the type of Alcoholic, that have made it through the Doors of AA"

I tend to Analyze the Cr-- out of everything, rather than utilizing what has so graciously been laid at my feet.

[avaneesh912]

I went home and re-read "How It Works".

Welcome to the forum. Hope you take time to read the chapters There is a Solution and More About Alcoholism. See the authors spend quiet a bit of time illustrating that our mind is the culprit. They add statements to tell us, our will power will fail us when it comes to booze and they follow it up with stories in "More About Alcoholism". I love the Jim story because it has all 3 elements of the traits of alcoholism. Spiritual (resentment that he lost his business), The peculiar mental twist (If only i can mix whiskey with milk on full stomach) and the craving part.

These are stories to illustrate that knowledge cannot fix an alcoholic, fear cannot fix an alcoholic. Only a spiritual awakening can.

[Brock]

Welcome Mary, you wrote a lovely introduction. Very sorry to read of the health issues which may affect your ability to attend live meetings, keep in mind that this site also has e-mail and chat meetings, which can be found here -
Email meetings http://www.e-aa.org/maillist.html
and here -
Chat Venue http://www.e-aa.org/chat/eaa_chat_schedule_full.php

This is the discussion forum which many of us prefer, any questions and comments can be put up, and we have a jokes section & all sorts of things, but it can get a little heated at times, some of us enjoy a back and forth debate.

I particularly like the fact, that you recognize and are happy to speak openly, about where the power of this program comes from, some folks seem to prefer if the word God is never mentioned, but it's a spiritual program, and our only hope is depending on a God of our understanding. We have a good live and let live relationship among members here, most of the time.

Nice to have you here.

[godscrack]

Hi Mary, Thanks for joining.

Funny that you brought up the "What type of Alcoholic are we". I was somehow coaxed into a Big Book Study Group, which started lust last night. A Higher Power's thing I guess.

Last night after Doctor's Opinion, everyone's share seemed to focus on "What type of Alcoholic are we". You know asking "What came first the Chicken or the Egg?" I started chuckling inside. I had to answer "What ever came first, the Chicken or the Egg, chances are It Really would Hurt!" The thing that matters is "We are the type of Alcoholic, that have made it through the Doors of AA"

I tend to Analyze the Cr-- out of everything, rather than utilizing what has so graciously been laid at my feet.

D'oh,
I love your analogy about the chicken and the egg. And I have been blessed to have the wisdom to know the difference about what type of an alcohlic I am..it's just as you said, "We are the type of Alcoholic, that have made it through the Doors of AA."
What a wonderful sense of humor you have : D
I find myself laughing a lot more since God's lightning bolt to my brain. And I find that humor and having a good time in sobriety is an essential part of being sober and serene. I'll be looking for more jokes from you! And the BB Study meeting changed my life. I hope and pray that your study meeting increases your awareness, serenity and sobriety. God bless you!

[godscrack]

Welcome Mary, you wrote a lovely introduction. Very sorry to read of the health issues which may affect your ability to attend live meetings, keep in mind that this site also has e-mail and chat meetings, which can be found here -
Email meetings http://www.e-aa.org/maillist.html
and here -
Chat Venue http://www.e-aa.org/chat/eaa_chat_schedule_full.php

This is the discussion forum which many of us prefer, any questions and comments can be put up, and we have a jokes section & all sorts of things, but it can get a little heated at times, some of us enjoy a back and forth debate.

I particularly like the fact, that you recognize and are happy to speak openly, about where the power of this program comes from, some folks seem to prefer if the word God is never mentioned, but it's a spiritual program, and our only hope is depending on a God of our understanding. We have a good live and let live relationship among members here, most of the time.

Nice to have you here.

Brock,
Very happy to be here and thank you for the welcome : )
Thank you for the links to the email and chat meetings. I used to do AOL live meetings when my son was a wee babe and I couldn't get to a meeting. That was 15 years ago. I loved those online meetings. And now, God has blessed me again with finding you and this site. I'm all about God, spirituality and spreading the good word of AA. Being of service in any way I can. I'm glad to be a part of the "Live and let Live" vibe of this forum/site. God has plans for me; "more will be revealed". God bless you, Brock!

[godscrack]

I went home and re-read "How It Works".

Welcome to the forum. Hope you take time to read the chapters There is a Solution and More About Alcoholism. See the authors spend quiet a bit of time illustrating that our mind is the culprit. They add statements to tell us, our will power will fail us when it comes to booze and they follow it up with stories in "More About Alcoholism". I love the Jim story because it has all 3 elements of the traits of alcoholism. Spiritual (resentment that he lost his business), The peculiar mental twist (If only i can mix whiskey with milk on full stomach) and the craving part.

These are stories to illustrate that knowledge cannot fix an alcoholic, fear cannot fix an alcoholic. Only a spiritual awakening can.

avaneesh912, Thank you for your reply. I completely agree with you and the Book of Life, aka Alcohlics Anonymous aka BB that only a spiritual awakening can "fix" an alcoholic. And God tells me lots of things now that I accept His love for me and all living beings on the earth. God told me never to judge others. Therefore I will never really classify what a spiritual experience is for others. I can only speak for myself and accept that God has everyone covered; we get our spiritual awakening in God's time, not ours. And it's funny because after I had God's spiritual lightning bolt to my MIND when I continued to read How it Works, There Is A Solution and More About Alcoholism it was as if I had never read those words before. Really! I have been reading the BB off and on for 19 years (I did have 6 good years in the beginning but not enough spirituality to fix my thinking!). Now it all makes sense to me. All the answers are in the BB. All problems that we alcoholics have and the solution to these problems is in plain simple language that has stood the test of time and the era of emojis. I am so blessed.
Thank you!

[godscrack]

Thank you all for your kind and generous welcomes. I was unable to make it to the BB Study meeting tonight. The good news is that I went through a colonoscopy and an endoscopy this morning. I was okay before the procedures and after. I just kept saying the 3rd, 7th and 11 Step Prayer and the Thomas Merton Prayer...the one about the road and pleasing God by the fact that I am doing my best to please God no matter what road I'm on or where I am going...and it worked! I got through the procedures and it turns out for now I'm okay. No blockages, no colon cancer signs (it runs in my family), no apparent problems. I'm normal/ not unique! Yay! The doctor took some biopsies and I'll know about them in a couple of weeks but he didn't seem concerned. I feel horrible physically..like an alien beamed me up and did a job on me... but my mind and spirit are at ease. Actually, now that I am not dipping in the "poor me, I can't go to a meeting tonight" pool and I am talking with you good people, I'm starting to feel what I call my God fix or Godscrack. I feel good, like I can handle anything, like I am wrapped in a cloud of God's light and love. It mostly happens in a meeting but I am so very happy to discover that I am feeling this way here on this forum. Thank you all so much!

I'm not used to forums and always like to leave a note for each person who took the time out to welcome me. Please forgive me if this is not the protocol. I'm happy to learn if anyone cares to enlighten me. In the meantime, see above for individual messages. I'm learning my way around here..a day at a time.
~God bless you All~

[PaigeB]

Hi godscrack! No need for individual messages... Glad all is well!

Keep coming back!