Hi, I'm Mary and I m an alcoholic and an addict.
I'm just stopping by to say, "Hi." *waves hands at group mambers*
I've been in AA since 1 May 1998 but I have had a lot of minor relapses here and there over the past 19 years, some with consequences, some with no apparent consequences. But I have always known that I drink for the wrong reasons, something that is fear based on my end. And today I am so grateful to have finally
"gotten it" ; the spiritual awakening of the thunderbolt variety of God's grace to my brain, my soul.
I was in a BB meeting and I was checking off all the different types of alcoholics, underlining passages that I could truly be honest about, aka identifying myself as an alcoholic when I glanced out the window at a pretty tree. It only took a moment but I had this "voice/idea/message" in my head where I felt as if God said to me, "Mary you are in AA not NA and everything is going to be okay." Then I went back to the BB reading but something changed inside me. I went home and re-read "How It Works". When I got to the part about rigorous honesty. Everything inside me rebelled; I didn't want to give up the part of me that still clung to the notion that I'm not really an alcoholic but when I did get honest with myself I knew and accepted that I am an alcoholic. I knew it from the first time I had a drink to take away my anxiety. And then I pushed that revelation aside. I always drank in pubs and clubs and parties to take away feelings that made me uncomfortable like low self esteem and I'never good enough.After God hit me up with what I call 'godscrack" and I fully accepted and went on to call my sponsor to tell her the truth about my alcohlism I felt like a superhero protected by God's light and love. February 16, 2017 was the day I finally and totally surrendered to this disease of alcoholism.
I have several illnesses that prevent me from getting to meetings on a regular basis. I dislike when I am sick; I cannot go out into the world and share the message of God's will, recovery and serenity. I feel less serene when I get stuck in bed. I need my shot of god'scrack which I find at meetings every time someone shares. Or just being surrounded by alcoholics in meetings.
Thank you for this forum. I hope I get my share of godscrack even if I am too sick to get to a meeting. I always want to be moving closer to the light of God through the spirituality of the Fellowship and The 12 Steps.
Thank you, God, thanks forum members. I hope what I wrote by way of introduction is okay. I've never been on a recovery forum before. Glad to be here, though. Let the healing begin!