I've lost my JOY

[joyless]

Hello everyone,
My name is Joy but it doesn't suit me. I lost my joy a long, long time ago. I'm on my third bit "quit" in 12 years. It is Day 13 and I have horrible shakes, night sweats, weird dreams. I've attended 3 different AA meetings but haven't spoken and haven't felt like I've connected with anyone. At what stage should I ask for a sponsor? How do I know if we will "click"? I am desperate to stay sober this time. I hate the way I've been poisoning my body for 15 years. I would really like a christian sponsor. I am embarrassed to say I am a pastor's wife with 6 children that we homeschool. I am a closet drinker by day (starting as early as noon some days) and drink wine in the open while prepping dinner and then more wine with hubby during our meal. I'm am thrilled to have found your discuss forums. Thanks. Joyless

[D'oh]

Hi Joyless, Welcome. (This might fit here better.)

You are in a very safe place. Very few of us Bite, well hard anyways.

I had the Shakes terribly, as well as bed sweats, fear, and lack of focus. From my very first F2F meeting, I had Hope that this thing would work. I did a Meeting a night for 90 days, and here on the side, but a Sponsor helped the most.

Possibly why I did so many meetings, to find the right one, you know the one that had the Car/House/Job that I wanted (JK). It turned out the one I talked to the very first night wound up being the right one.

Good Luck and Keep Coming Back! It does work.

I wrote that earlier to another one of your posts. But it fits here better. I truly believe that all of the past is just that. The Past. It is what was needed to get here, to ask for help, to say "I cannot do it anymore" Only then can we receive the Gift this Program has to offer. No strings attached, other than the willingness to carry it to the next sufferer.

[Lali]

Hello everyone,
My name is Joy but it doesn't suit me. I lost my joy a long, long time ago. I'm on my third bit "quit" in 12 years. It is Day 13 and I have horrible shakes, night sweats, weird dreams. I've attended 3 different AA meetings but haven't spoken and haven't felt like I've connected with anyone. At what stage should I ask for a sponsor? How do I know if we will "click"? I am desperate to stay sober this time. I hate the way I've been poisoning my body for 15 years. I would really like a christian sponsor. I am embarrassed to say I am a pastor's wife with 6 children that we homeschool. I am a closet drinker by day (starting as early as noon some days) and drink wine in the open while prepping dinner and then more wine with hubby during our meal. I'm am thrilled to have found your discuss forums. Thanks. Joyless

At what stage should you ask for a sponsor? As soon as you want to get well. There is no reason to wait. As soon as you find someone whose sobriety you admire and who has been through the steps themselves, ask them to sponsor you!

[positrac]

Hello everyone,
My name is Joy but it doesn't suit me. I lost my joy a long, long time ago. I'm on my third bit "quit" in 12 years. It is Day 13 and I have horrible shakes, night sweats, weird dreams. I've attended 3 different AA meetings but haven't spoken and haven't felt like I've connected with anyone. At what stage should I ask for a sponsor? How do I know if we will "click"? I am desperate to stay sober this time. I hate the way I've been poisoning my body for 15 years. I would really like a christian sponsor. I am embarrassed to say I am a pastor's wife with 6 children that we homeschool. I am a closet drinker by day (starting as early as noon some days) and drink wine in the open while prepping dinner and then more wine with hubby during our meal. I'm am thrilled to have found your discuss forums. Thanks. Joyless

G'day, I used to live in Darwin many years ago and the AA I experienced really saved my azz! In the old AA book of Australian stories you'll find that your countrymen almost didn't make the grade for sobriety and I believe the AA I experienced was so strong. Being a yank gives me many things and one it doesn't give is BRUTAL HONESTY! I think you Australians beat out the Brits for cutting to the chase and to me that allowed me to be called out and for me to get more organized with my walk in sobriety.

Joy, if you were "unique" then we couldn't relate with your situation.... I feel bad you are in this situation and faith is important no matter the religious man made parts of being the Vicar's wife. I was in town one day in Darwin and this indigenous bloke asked me to count this handful of change so he could get on the piss.... Poor fellow couldn't count and or read I reckon and so he had about 15 bucks and he was so happy once I told him. Later in the park I saw him sipping (4X).... Points are your country and the world suffer from this disease and we have tools and people to help us out of this mess. Closet drinker eh? Nah everyone knows you have this deal and for yourself first then you can dust up the rest of your family issues once you are in a better place. Maybe going walkabout in Berry Springs and having a picnic and swimming with the freshies would do ya good. We can't just hide and sleep in the tall grass like some can and although maybe a nice thought; it doesn't challenge our spirit.

Joy comes in time and just keep working this and you can overcome this day.

Cheers.

[trumpets]

i am desperate to stay sober this time

Why? So you can avoid the shakes?
It's my experience that desperation blind sides the ones who end up staying sober. I moved to a new area and arrived with a torn t-shirt and raggedy jeans, that's it. I didn't know what desperation was until i lived it. Are you saying you are desperate or are you living desperate.

[PaigeB]

I had no idea what I wanted - I just knew what I didn't want. I figured I'd stay around about 3 months, give my liver a break, ya know? Well it has been a bit longer than that now!

I found what I did not know I even wanted! Peace & Serenity. I think I even told my sponsor, "If I feel joy right now, I will probably get drunk!" She laughed and said, "You probably will!"

That hurt me a bit, but I came to see that if I had any huge emotional upheaval I would get drunk. So I settled for a brief glimpse of serenity ~ and I mean BRIEF - as soon as I felt it I panicked!!

Anyway, I came here to get sober, not find god or joy. Get a sponsor and let them have whatever Higher Power suits them. All you have to like is their sober life... If you want what we had and are willing to go to any length to get it... Ready? Take the Steps!

Peace.

[Noels]

Hello everyone,
My name is Joy but it doesn't suit me. I lost my joy a long, long time ago. I'm on my third bit "quit" in 12 years. It is Day 13 and I have horrible shakes, night sweats, weird dreams. I've attended 3 different AA meetings but haven't spoken and haven't felt like I've connected with anyone. At what stage should I ask for a sponsor? How do I know if we will "click"? I am desperate to stay sober this time. I hate the way I've been poisoning my body for 15 years. I would really like a christian sponsor. I am embarrassed to say I am a pastor's wife with 6 children that we homeschool. I am a closet drinker by day (starting as early as noon some days) and drink wine in the open while prepping dinner and then more wine with hubby during our meal. I'm am thrilled to have found your discuss forums. Thanks. Joyless

Hi Joy welcome to e-AA How are you feeling now that you're just past 2 weeks? If you're still having bad shakes and night sweats then please go to the doctor. Some members who have been sober for quite some years have posted several times on other threads that they received Valium or other meds to make the coming off easier. Detoxing on your own can be dangerous so best get a bit of help if its still bad.

You don't need to feel embarrassed because youre a Pastor's wife. Alcohol doesn't respect anyone or anything. I takes children from parents and parents from children without permission or regret so I'm thankful that you've found some AA groups and also this forum. Also remember that AA is anonymous so you don't need to tell anyone at the meetings that you are a pastor's wife

Having gone to 3 meetings is a very short time to have connected with any particular member especially if you haven't spoken to anyone so I wouldn't worry about that. Just go back, attend more meetings if you can, listen, relax and just relate and take in what you can at the moment. If possible arrive 30 minutes earlier and stand outside with the smokers. That's where you'll " really meet " the members and get to know them. Once you're comfortable with someone you can then chat to them on a deeper level if you wish.

You don't need to start working the steps immediately. You are going to be a little bit different to the " normal alcoholic " that walk into the rooms as you already know your Creator so your " learning " if I can put it that way, will possibly be faster than one who battles with the Higher Power aspect. It is, however, very important for you to attend as many meetings as you can manage, get to know the members, get telephone numbers from the members for incase you need to call one of them when you are having a bad moment / day and start concentrating on finding ways to do the same things you used to do with a glass of wine in hand but this time without the wine. If certain things that you did when drinking can be avoided do so - example - I loved gardening but always had a glass of wine in hand so for the first 3 or 4 months I didn't do gardening. It triggered a drinking memory which I didn't need with such short sobriety under my belt. Look at people, places and things - which can you avoid altogether until your sobriety is more solid (about 3 months). With cooking I changed the time when I started cooking - instead of starting immediately after work I would make a cup of sweet tea, chill on the couch and watch a program for an hour or so first and THEN start with the food. Little things like that helped me a lot. Perhaps it can help you also?

Once you feel stronger within yourself and physically you can ask someone (who you will by now know from the meetings) to sponsor you and jump right in with step work.

Hope this help and I'm looking forward to reading more about your journey. Have an awesome weekend and chat again soon.

Love and Light
Noels xxx

[tyg]

Hi Joy welcome to the forum and look forward to reading more of you.

If you want permanent sobriety and want to know a new freedom & happiness then find another alcoholic to take you through the 12 Steps asap. Until that is done there is little hope of one's recovery. It's all explained in Alcoholics Anonymous first 164 pages. Read here: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoholics-anonymous

We don't have to click with our sponsors or even like them much. Sponsors are there to show us how to recover by taking one through the 12 Steps and help get us involved in the Fellowship. When I decided to do 12 Steps so I could recover, I picked a woman with 43 years. They had what I wanted...43 years! The more we worked the Steps together I felt better about working with them all the way through. A sponsor should have worked the 12 Steps, is involved in AA and be a person were attraction is not possible for either party.

I have never seen this program fail for anyone who follows the directions outlined in Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 58-103.

[joyless]

Thanks everyone for your advice and encouragement. I am just at a month sober and still attending a few meetings each week. My shakes and sweats have gone but still have very vivid dreams....usually involving alcohol. The last few days I have felt very emotional. Crying and tearful, not sure what has triggered that. I am also struggling with severe back and joint pain. I have arthritis but since I've stopped drinking my joints are more painful and swollen. This is all making me more depressed. I plan to attend a meeting tonight (only 7 more hours to go). At this stage I just want to sleep my days away - waiting for a meeting....wanting the depression to subside.

[joyless]

Hello everyone,
My name is Joy but it doesn't suit me. I lost my joy a long, long time ago. I'm on my third bit "quit" in 12 years. It is Day 13 and I have horrible shakes, night sweats, weird dreams. I've attended 3 different AA meetings but haven't spoken and haven't felt like I've connected with anyone. At what stage should I ask for a sponsor? How do I know if we will "click"? I am desperate to stay sober this time. I hate the way I've been poisoning my body for 15 years. I would really like a christian sponsor. I am embarrassed to say I am a pastor's wife with 6 children that we homeschool. I am a closet drinker by day (starting as early as noon some days) and drink wine in the open while prepping dinner and then more wine with hubby during our meal. I'm am thrilled to have found your discuss forums. Thanks. Joyless

G'day, I used to live in Darwin many years ago and the AA I experienced really saved my azz! In the old AA book of Australian stories you'll find that your countrymen almost didn't make the grade for sobriety and I believe the AA I experienced was so strong. Being a yank gives me many things and one it doesn't give is BRUTAL HONESTY! I think you Australians beat out the Brits for cutting to the chase and to me that allowed me to be called out and for me to get more organized with my walk in sobriety.

Joy, if you were "unique" then we couldn't relate with your situation.... I feel bad you are in this situation and faith is important no matter the religious man made parts of being the Vicar's wife. I was in town one day in Darwin and this indigenous bloke asked me to count this handful of change so he could get on the piss.... Poor fellow couldn't count and or read I reckon and so he had about 15 bucks and he was so happy once I told him. Later in the park I saw him sipping (4X).... Points are your country and the world suffer from this disease and we have tools and people to help us out of this mess. Closet drinker eh? Nah everyone knows you have this deal and for yourself first then you can dust up the rest of your family issues once you are in a better place. Maybe going walkabout in Berry Springs and having a picnic and swimming with the freshies would do ya good. We can't just hide and sleep in the tall grass like some can and although maybe a nice thought; it doesn't challenge our spirit.

Joy comes in time and just keep working this and you can overcome this day.

Cheers.

Thanks positrac....it is nice to hear from you and your Australian stories. My family (and friends) relate the alcoholic to the indigenous folks, and drinking is just the social "norm" in this country. You just don't go to any event without alcohol being served (church included...kids' birthday parties....luncheons...you name it). I'm just staying away at this point. You are right about aussies being brutally honest, and that I am only kidding myself that no one knows about the "closet". Thanks again Positrac. JL

[joyless]

i am desperate to stay sober this time

Why? So you can avoid the shakes?
It's my experience that desperation blind sides the ones who end up staying sober. I moved to a new area and arrived with a torn t-shirt and raggedy jeans, that's it. I didn't know what desperation was until i lived it. Are you saying you are desperate or are you living desperate.

No, trumpet I am not desperate to avoid the shakes....I am desperate to change my life and not be dependant on alcohol. I don't consider myself living desperate but maybe I am confused - as I am still learning my way around AA and how to grab hold of sobriety with both hands.

[joyless]

Hi Joyless, Welcome. (This might fit here better.)

You are in a very safe place. Very few of us Bite, well hard anyways.

I had the Shakes terribly, as well as bed sweats, fear, and lack of focus. From my very first F2F meeting, I had Hope that this thing would work. I did a Meeting a night for 90 days, and here on the side, but a Sponsor helped the most.

Possibly why I did so many meetings, to find the right one, you know the one that had the Car/House/Job that I wanted (JK). It turned out the one I talked to the very first night wound up being the right one.

Good Luck and Keep Coming Back! It does work.

I wrote that earlier to another one of your posts. But it fits here better. I truly believe that all of the past is just that. The Past. It is what was needed to get here, to ask for help, to say "I cannot do it anymore" Only then can we receive the Gift this Program has to offer. No strings attached, other than the willingness to carry it to the next sufferer.

Thanks D'oh.....I was hoping this would be a safe place. And like you I have HOPE that this will work. Unfortunately, I cannot get away from home often enough to attend meetings every night. My family responsibilities are huge so I am adjusting my schedule as I can. At this stage I am doing just what you said: "keep coming back"

[joyless]

I had no idea what I wanted - I just knew what I didn't want. I figured I'd stay around about 3 months, give my liver a break, ya know? Well it has been a bit longer than that now!

I found what I did not know I even wanted! Peace & Serenity. I think I even told my sponsor, "If I feel joy right now, I will probably get drunk!" She laughed and said, "You probably will!"

That hurt me a bit, but I came to see that if I had any huge emotional upheaval I would get drunk. So I settled for a brief glimpse of serenity ~ and I mean BRIEF - as soon as I felt it I panicked!!

Anyway, I came here to get sober, not find god or joy. Get a sponsor and let them have whatever Higher Power suits them. All you have to like is their sober life... If you want what we had and are willing to go to any length to get it... Ready? Take the Steps!

Peace.

Thanks PaigeB.....that is my goal, to be get a sponsor and take the steps. It may happen slower for me than average but I plan to keep attending meetings. I sure do hope that once my joy returns it does not make me want to drink!

[joyless]

How are you feeling now that you're just past 2 weeks? If you're still having bad shakes and night sweats then please go to the doctor. Some members who have been sober for quite some years have posted several times on other threads that they received Valium or other meds to make the coming off easier.

Also remember that AA is anonymous so you don't need to tell anyone at the meetings that you are a pastor's wife

With cooking I changed the time when I started cooking - instead of starting immediately after work I would make a cup of sweet tea, chill on the couch and watch a program for an hour or so first and THEN start with the food. Little things like that helped me a lot. Perhaps it can help you also?
Love and Light
Noels xxx

I really like your suggestion of changing up my routine. I've been doing what you said about cooking and it is working. I use to feel like I couldn't start dinner or enter the kitchen without a glass of wine (and the open bottle in front of me). I am working on the triggers - and like your other suggestion about going out on breakfast dates instead of dinner dates with hubby. The shakes have subsided - thanks for your advice Noels. I'm hanging in there, albeit with tears at this stage.