joyless wrote:Hello everyone,
My name is Joy but it doesn't suit me. I lost my joy a long, long time ago. I'm on my third bit "quit" in 12 years. It is Day 13 and I have horrible shakes, night sweats, weird dreams. I've attended 3 different AA meetings but haven't spoken and haven't felt like I've connected with anyone. At what stage should I ask for a sponsor? How do I know if we will "click"? I am desperate to stay sober this time. I hate the way I've been poisoning my body for 15 years. I would really like a christian sponsor. I am embarrassed to say I am a pastor's wife with 6 children that we homeschool. I am a closet drinker by day (starting as early as noon some days) and drink wine in the open while prepping dinner and then more wine with hubby during our meal. I'm am thrilled to have found your discuss forums. Thanks. Joyless
Hi Joy

welcome to e-AA

How are you feeling now that you're just past 2 weeks? If you're still having bad shakes and night sweats then please go to the doctor. Some members who have been sober for quite some years have posted several times on other threads that they received Valium or other meds to make the coming off easier. Detoxing on your own can be dangerous so best get a bit of help if its still bad.
You don't need to feel embarrassed because youre a Pastor's wife. Alcohol doesn't respect anyone or anything. I takes children from parents and parents from children without permission or regret so I'm thankful that you've found some AA groups and also this forum. Also remember that AA is anonymous so you don't need to tell anyone at the meetings that you are a pastor's wife
Having gone to 3 meetings is a very short time to have connected with any particular member especially if you haven't spoken to anyone so I wouldn't worry about that. Just go back, attend more meetings if you can, listen, relax and just relate and take in what you can at the moment. If possible arrive 30 minutes earlier and stand outside with the smokers. That's where you'll " really meet " the members and get to know them. Once you're comfortable with someone you can then chat to them on a deeper level if you wish.
You don't need to start working the steps immediately. You are going to be a little bit different to the " normal alcoholic " that walk into the rooms as you already know your Creator so your " learning " if I can put it that way, will possibly be faster than one who battles with the Higher Power aspect. It is, however, very important for you to attend as many meetings as you can manage, get to know the members, get telephone numbers from the members for incase you need to call one of them when you are having a bad moment / day and start concentrating on finding ways to do the same things you used to do with a glass of wine in hand but this time without the wine. If certain things that you did when drinking can be avoided do so - example - I loved gardening but always had a glass of wine in hand so for the first 3 or 4 months I didn't do gardening. It triggered a drinking memory which I didn't need with such short sobriety under my belt. Look at people, places and things - which can you avoid altogether until your sobriety is more solid (about 3 months). With cooking I changed the time when I started cooking - instead of starting immediately after work I would make a cup of sweet tea, chill on the couch and watch a program for an hour or so first and THEN start with the food. Little things like that helped me a lot. Perhaps it can help you also?
Once you feel stronger within yourself and physically you can ask someone (who you will by now know from the meetings) to sponsor you and jump right in with step work.
Hope this help and I'm looking forward to reading more about your journey. Have an awesome weekend and chat again soon.
Love and Light
Noels xxx