Hello. Wanted to reach out.

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Hello. Wanted to reach out.

Postby tromb » Mon Dec 07, 2015 9:47 pm

Hello, my name is Meghan and I'm an alcoholic. I'm a mother of two... a one-year-old girl, and an almost three-year-old boy. My husband is an active alcoholic.

I'll be 6 months sober tomorrow. Very proud of that, but I feel very lonely in my sobriety and found this forum in the hopes of finding people to talk to. I'm kinda feeling low tonight so am probably going to unload more than a guestbook merits.

I first got sober when I moved out of my house 7 months ago, after a bad night with my husband. I moved the kids and myself to my in laws and started going to all anon meetings. I realized pretty quickly that I had a drinking problem too and started an outpatient program for substance abuse. Three hours a day, three days a week and AA meetings encouraged too. I am very grateful to the program for giving me many of the tools I have used to get and stay sober.

I have fallen off the wagon, meeting wise, and know that's a danger. I'm very hesitant to open myself up to new people... I was greatly hurt by a group of friends that had been a huge source of emotional support to me during the year before my sobriety. 'Mommy war' stuff. I also stopped going out of shame/guilt. I jumped into looking for a sponsor too soon (at the incidence of the outpatient program counselors), got a bad match for myself, and now avoid that group....having no real connections there yet.

I moved back in with my husband three months ago, he had been sober theee weeks or so. Soon found him hiding drinks and called him on it.... but here I am. This is where I feel the most alone, confused, scared, and depressed. Al Anon has helped me greatly in accepting that I cannot change him, but I must protect my kids, myself, and my sobriety.

..... too many thoughts there to get all into it. So hi, hello.
tromb
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Re: Hello. Wanted to reach out.

Postby ezdzit247 » Mon Dec 07, 2015 10:08 pm

Hi tromb and welcome.


Congratulations on 6 months of sobriety!

Glad you found these forums. You've come a long way from that last drink and have a good grasp of AA's tools for sobriety. Do you have a plan for moving forward from where you are right now?

I used AA's 24 Hour plan for the first year of my sobriety and used the poem below and the Serenity Prayer for my morning meditation:




Just for today, I will try to live through this day only,
and not tackle my whole life problem
at once. I can do something for twelve hours
that would appall me if I felt that I had to
keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today, I will be happy. This assumes to
be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that
"most folks are as happy as they make up
their minds to be."

Just for today, I will try to strengthen my mind.
I will study. I will learn something useful.
I will not be a mental loafer. I will read
something that requires effort, thought and
concentration.

Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is,
and not try to adjust everything to my own
desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes,
and fit myself to it.

Just for today, I will exercise my soul in three
ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and
not get found out. I will do at least two
things I don't want to--just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are
hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not
show it

Just for today, I will be agreeable. I will look
as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low,
act courteously, criticize not one bit, not
find fault with anything and not try to improve
or regulate anybody except myself.

Just for today, I will have a program. I may not
follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will
save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

Just for today, I will have a quiet half hour all
by myself, and relax. During this half hour,
sometime, I will try to get a better perspective
of my life.

Just for today, I will be unafraid. Especially I
will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful,
and to believe that as I give to the world, so
the world will give to me. -- Kenneth L. Holmes


This daily plan worked real well for me. Hope you'll give it a try to see if it works for you.

Keep coming back.....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: Hello. Wanted to reach out.

Postby Robert R » Mon Dec 07, 2015 10:57 pm

Hello Meghan, welcome to e-aa. Well done on your sobriety so far and for reaching out here. Going regularly to meetings was crucial for me in maintaining a quiet head, I could dump my monkeys in exchange for suggestions born of experience. Creating hurdles was a fault of mine "I didn't like that meeting/person" Excuses not to go! Went anyway and listened, got a different perspective and progressed to do the steps with another alcoholic willing to pass on what was freely given to him. Used to think I had lost everything, only to discover that through sobriety, steps, programme I have been gifted everything I need, and more. First and foremost I had to do the right things for me to enable me to do the right things for others.
Others will be along shortly, perhaps with direct experience of the situation you are in and more appropriate support/suggestions.
Look forward to getting to know you better through these forums.

Robert
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.
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Re: Hello. Wanted to reach out.

Postby tromb » Mon Dec 07, 2015 11:00 pm

Hi ezdzit247. I have two things that have been suggested to me to do about my husband's drinking.

- See a lawyer about my rights as a parent to move our kids away fromy their father... just across town. He's a functioning alcoholic and will raise hell demanding 50/50 custody, but I can't trust him to not drink with the kids because he already does.

- Present my husband with an agreement that clearly lays out that I and our kids will not live in a house with alcohol present. The idea here is that I will have some kind of paper trail and he will have very clear, fair warning that if A happens (again) then B will be the result.

Since I've let him push the boundaries already I'm ready to move out now, but that agreement idea was suggested to me when I went to family for help moving out. Not sure how I feel about it, or how he'd react to such a thing.

I feel absolutely defeated by his alcoholism. He's participated in my outpatient program as a guest buy refuses to see his own drinking as a problem... telling me he can control it. I feel like my moving out is the only option.
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Re: Hello. Wanted to reach out.

Postby tromb » Mon Dec 07, 2015 11:01 pm

Hi Robert. Thank you.
tromb
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Re: Hello. Wanted to reach out.

Postby ezdzit247 » Mon Dec 07, 2015 11:17 pm

Hi again tromb

I understand and totally agree with your concerns about your children and their safety. Whenever I have a big decision to make, I turn the whole thing over to my higher power, then put it out of my mind and try to get a good night's sleep, When I wake in the morning I usually have a good sense of what the best decision is. If you've been wrestling with this decision for a while and haven't been able to sort it out, try doing this, see if it works for you and let me know. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: Hello. Wanted to reach out.

Postby clouds » Tue Dec 08, 2015 6:19 am

Welcome tromb,

I so much relate to you, I was in very similar straights when I came to AA.

Don't know if this applies but one thing I regret is having my husband look after my children when I attended meetings.

If possible find a reliable sitter or better perhaps, find a mom's AA group where the kids can be looked after during meetings until this gets sorted out.

Keep your sobriety top priority, as it sounds from what your wrote you are doing well.
Last edited by clouds on Tue Dec 08, 2015 12:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Hello. Wanted to reach out.

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Dec 08, 2015 7:21 am

I recently saw a woman pick up 10 year chip and I saw the glow in her. About 5 years earlier the husband walked into the rooms of AA and is sober now. After the meeting I had a chat with the husband on those 5 years of hell, he was just grateful to that woman who showed the path for him. You could be the light for your husband, ofcourse if he is violent/abusive you will have to protect yourself and your kids just like the book says. Good luck.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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