I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby johnd » Fri Jul 03, 2015 6:28 am

Welcome Dahye,
AA is an amazing place. You never have to be alone again. Wish you well.. Keep coming... John D.
Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans- Anonymous
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby dahye.kim » Fri Jul 03, 2015 7:40 am

Thank you all for your support, It really helps....

I went to another second meeting tonight, and I had coffee with people including "lead" (I think this is how you call).
and they were very supporting without any reason but with one same goal, to stop drinking.

They were much more older, they might frighten me though, but I just realized that we're only different as in the way how we take the road.
So I decided to not to care what they went through. Of course I listen to them when they talk. (I think you all know what I mean.....)

And tonight one lady aged 41 first asked me to go to another meeting together, and I feel very thankful for her.
Being addicted to this kind of fellowship (or relationship) is very rare to me. -whatever I do except drinking will be VERY RARE to me on friday night

Thank you again soooo much I survived another day without any alcohol. (But it was very tough I had to pass my boyfriend's place by bus. and I couldn't stand it, I got off and smoked one cigarette. And I called him up twice, he didn't answer.)
But nothing happened yet.

I look forward to go to another meeting very much and I want to keep it up.
As I get to know more about 12 steps, I should maybe not hurry or force myself. this "tonights" will do it one day......

Thank you very much! I haven't forgotten all your words every minute of today.
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby Tosh » Fri Jul 03, 2015 7:54 am

dahye.kim wrote:They were much more older, they might frighten me though, but I just realized that we're only different as in the way how we take the road.


I find that the longer I'm sober, the more I see the similarities between myself and others, rather than the differences.

But if we're looking at the similarities, one thing we all have in common is that we couldn't stop or moderate our drinking. What used to happen to me is that I might PLAN to just have a couple of drinks, but once I started drinking I couldn't control how much I drank; I just got a real over powering craving for the stuff.

If that's all that was the problem the answer would be easy, all we'd have to do is stop drinking.

However when we stop drinking the real problem happens; when I wasn't drinking I was thinking about drinking; I just didn't feel right. I felt restless, irritable and discontented, with boredom and anxiety present too. These feelings would grind me down till I drank, or they'd make me start rationalising a drink "Oh, just one-or-two won't hurt, they'll take the edge off it", so I'd have one or two and then I'd crave for more and end up drunk.

This craving once I started drinking and this obsession for alcohol once I started locked me into a cycle of drinking that lasted for years and that I couldn't get out of.

I've lost relationships over my drinking too. I'd bet most of us have. One girlfriend told me that I loved booze more than I loved her. I kissed my beer glass in agreement (I was such an ass :lol: ).

Anyway, well done on another day sober. I'm really pleased you went for coffee with some members of your meeting and that you're meeting up with another lady.

I think you've made a great start!

Give yourself a pat on the back.

Tosh
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby ann2 » Fri Jul 03, 2015 1:05 pm

Clap clap clap! Good work! Absolutely on the right path :D

I came to AA when I was 26. I found that ages really didn't matter in AA. I was friends with people 20 years older and eight years younger than me.

Today I'm very grateful that I got to my first AA meeting when I did :D

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby Berni » Fri Jul 03, 2015 2:05 pm

]I can relate to that, I am at my wits end with this addiction, I am so glad i found this group :!:
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby ezdzit247 » Fri Jul 03, 2015 3:42 pm

Berni wrote:]I can relate to that, I am at my wits end with this addiction, I am so glad i found this group :!:


Hi Berni and welcome to the forums.

Please feel free to ask questions about how to overcome your addiction to alcohol. Realizing that you are addicted and need a solution is a great first step. None of us in AA are experts but we've all had lots and lots of experience with the pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization of trying to deal with the disease before we found a solution in the AA program of recovery. Glad you found us!

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby ann2 » Fri Jul 03, 2015 10:23 pm

Welcome Berni! Thank you for posting! We're so glad you're here :D :D :D

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby Tosh » Fri Jul 03, 2015 11:58 pm

Berni wrote:]I can relate to that, I am at my wits end with this addiction, I am so glad i found this group :!:


You're not from West Yorkshire perchance? Only I had an ex-girlfriend from there who hopefully is a member of our fellowship by now; she was called Berni too (Bernadette; originally from Ireland).

When we were drinking we were inseparable. Sometimes it took three-or-four people to separate us.

Only joking, Berni, welcome to the forum. Why don't you share with us a little about yourself and maybe we could share our relevant experience around that?

Regards

Tosh
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby dahye.kim » Sun Jul 05, 2015 5:26 am

Just came back froom 4th AA meeting.

That 41 aged woman now calls me up to attend the meeting together, but I feel a bit burdened.
It was great weekend for me, lots of sleep, watched a lot of movies at home. I hardly thought of drinking. (yes I did, but I could get it over)

I was about to attend 1 meeting held around my place, but she wanted me to attend another one held quite far.
I told her I was watching movie "flight" which Danzel Washington acted as an alcoholic pilot, and she kind of yelled at me... hmmm....

I don't want to feel like I'm pushed, because I know when I need real help....? I don't know. I'm not sure...
Maybe I should listen to her, right?

and I also wonder if you get a sponser, do you sometimes have to follow whatever the sponser says even if it's against your thoughts?
I'm so confused with how I should treat people I meet at the meeting.
I think I just want to meet them only at the meeting. I maybe should have not given them my phone number...

Thank you very much for reading
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun Jul 05, 2015 5:42 am

I'm so confused with how I should treat people I meet at the meeting.

You have every right to say no. Keep looking around and when you see/hear a person, try to understand more about them. Do they have thorough knowledge of how it works. Do they talk about the 12 steps orsimply aksing you to go to more meetings for recovery. That itself will give you a clue if they are grounded in the program or just the fellowship. Don't get me wrong, everything is important. But the key is working the 12 steps and getting corrected to the poewr, the internal guide that is with you 24/7.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby Tosh » Sun Jul 05, 2015 6:15 am

dahye.kim wrote:
and I also wonder if you get a sponser, do you sometimes have to follow whatever the sponser says even if it's against your thoughts?


No. There are no 'musts' in A.A.. That's in our literature. And no-one can force us to do anything anyway. Sometimes I like the old saying of just 'keep on coming back' and 'more will be revealed'.

Hope you're enjoying your day. I liked that film too; it finishes with an A.A. meeting. :lol:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby dahye.kim » Mon Jul 06, 2015 6:52 am

I went to meeting again. Wow 5 days in a row from the first day I went to.

It was tough day for me when my grand father yelled at me when I took a shower. like, "stop using water! are you working at a mine or something?"
Actually it happens every day since he has an alzheimer. But why am I getting provoked that easily.....
I felt my heart beating very fast and I wanted to burn down the house, I wished my grand parents die any time soon.
How bad that is.... I didn't want to listen to their voice, I listened to loud music with ear phones. whew

but luckly the topic was about controlling temper, I also talked about it and now I feel a bit relieved.
I survived another day without alcohol anyway! yay....

I'll keep it up and keep posting to be encourged :)
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby Tosh » Mon Jul 06, 2015 7:03 am

dahye.kim wrote:I went to meeting again. Wow 5 days in a row from the first day I went to.

It was tough day for me when my grand father yelled at me when I took a shower. like, "stop using water! are you working at a mine or something?"
Actually it happens every day since he has an alzheimer. But why am I getting provoked that easily.....
I felt my heart beating very fast and I wanted to burn down the house, I wished my grand parents die any time soon.
How bad that is.... I didn't want to listen to their voice, I listened to loud music with ear phones. whew

but luckly the topic was about controlling temper, I also talked about it and now I feel a bit relieved.
I survived another day without alcohol anyway! yay....

I'll keep it up and keep posting to be encourged :)


Hi Kim, well done on the five days. And what you're describing, the negative feelings (being irritable for example) is actually the real problem. I basically drank because I didn't like the way I felt when I was sober (restless, irritable, and discontented), so really drinking wasn't the real problem, it was the way I felt sober - that was the real problem - and I just used booze as a solution to my sober problem.

That's why we say there's more to living sober than just not drinking. I lasted for three months sober before drinking again, just not drinking ground me down, but eventually, forced by the way I was thinking/feeling, I did get myself a Big Book sponsor (eventually :lol: ) and I went through the steps. It worked for me and the result is that I'm calmer - I'm not fighting anger - it doesn't creep up on me and overtake me like it regularly used to do. My 'anger problem' has been removed.

Anyway, again, well done on the five days and getting to those meetings. You may wish to keep your eye out for a same sex sponsor? (You don't want a male sponsor; we're a dodgy lot us men :shock: ).

Here's a leaflet to explain what one of those is:

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
Last edited by Tosh on Mon Jul 06, 2015 7:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby Tosh » Mon Jul 06, 2015 7:06 am

dahye.kim wrote:It was tough day for me when my grand father yelled at me when I took a shower. like, "stop using water! are you working at a mine or something?"


I can be like that with my step daughter and I don't have Alzheimers (I don't think). She's finished college now (about to start University in September), so she'll lie in bed all day, then when we get in from work we'll go for a run or something, and she'll be in the bathroom, showering for half-an-hour at a time. And she'll use my razors too. :?

They call them step children because they force you to work the steps.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby Niagara » Mon Jul 06, 2015 7:45 am

Good to see you again Kim, and great that you're still on track. I can relate to what you're talking about, being angry at everyone and unpleasant thoughts. Like tosh said, that was one reason why it's difficult to simply stop drinking. I was like a bear with a sore head when I just stopped, and uber sensitive.

The steps have been my solution too to the living sober problem. I'm much calmer, less sensitive, more balanced all round, really.

Best wishes x
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt
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