I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

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I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby dahye.kim » Wed Jul 01, 2015 3:18 am

Hello, I am new to this e-AA group. I am very relived that I can look for help this easily.

I am planning to attend off-line gathering tomorrow too.
I am living in Seoul, Korea, there are many meetings held everyday.
I am 26 years old in korean way, I feel like I need to do something with my alcoholism so bad.


All this time, I have been suffering from hangover at work, sometimes I needed to make an excuse to take a day off.
Sometimes I needed to borrow some money from friends to drink.
Sometimes I drank soju with ramen home alone.
I used to bring couple of cans of beer on the way back home from drinking.

but I have to stop this, I'm now almost 30 years old. I am not young any longer, and I hurted people around me so bad.
And I am now broken up with my boyfriend because of my bad drinking habbit. I want him so bad, and I want to change.

It's only been 4 days since I made my mind to stop drinking though, I never wanted to stop drinking this much.
I never want to try to quit again after this time.

Thank you for reading :)
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed Jul 01, 2015 4:28 am

Thats a nice attitude you are bringing into the fellowship. I too was done when I came into the fellowship. I was led to the big book though the meetings kept me afloat, I had to dig deep into the 12 steps. I also ran into some workshops that made it easy for me to understand what I needed to do. Understood the true meaning of powerlessness and un-manageability and realized that I am alcoholic, left on my own resources, I will go back.

There is a Solution. In AA its the 12 steps. Please empower yourself with the big book on-line at http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoholics-anonymous

Search for "Joe and Charlie" on xa-speakers, you get started there. Try AA f2f meetings if you don't find one, look for one here on the chat/meetings segment.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby ann2 » Wed Jul 01, 2015 7:18 am

Welcome :D Thank you for posting. I'm so glad to read you and see you enter our fellowship!

You have friends all across the globe :D

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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby Duke » Wed Jul 01, 2015 7:45 am

Welcome. I'm glad you've joined us. Let us know if you have any questions.
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby ezdzit247 » Wed Jul 01, 2015 12:55 pm

dahye.kim wrote:Hello, I am new to this e-AA group. I am very relived that I can look for help this easily.

I am planning to attend off-line gathering tomorrow too.
I am living in Seoul, Korea, there are many meetings held everyday.
I am 26 years old in korean way, I feel like I need to do something with my alcoholism so bad.


All this time, I have been suffering from hangover at work, sometimes I needed to make an excuse to take a day off.
Sometimes I needed to borrow some money from friends to drink.
Sometimes I drank soju with ramen home alone.
I used to bring couple of cans of beer on the way back home from drinking.

but I have to stop this, I'm now almost 30 years old. I am not young any longer, and I hurted people around me so bad.
And I am now broken up with my boyfriend because of my bad drinking habbit. I want him so bad, and I want to change.

It's only been 4 days since I made my mind to stop drinking though, I never wanted to stop drinking this much.
I never want to try to quit again after this time.

Thank you for reading :)


Hi Dahye and welcome.

Congratulations on 4 days of sobriety!

Glad you found this forum. It's really good that you have already made plans to attend a live AA meeting in your area. Connecting with other sober members of AA in meetings will help you build a good sober support system which really helps us to keep the plug in the jug and learn how to not drink one day at a time.

There is also a Korea Young Peoples Alcoholics Anonymous on Facebook you can join and the members there can help you connect with other young AA members in your area. There are no YPAA meetings yet in Korea but they're working on starting one soon.

Here's their post on the Asia YPAA website:

Young People in AA is forming in Korea!!! If you are interested in getting involved please email us at Korea@ypaa.info and someone will contact you about getting involved. We have a secret Facebook group and would be glad to add an Alcoholic to the group who would like to get involved with YPAA in Korea. This is a secret Facebook group and as such no one outside of the group can see you are a member or what you post there.

Being that there are not a lot of meetings in Korea and no YPAA meetings (YET!), the plan is to list all the AA Meetings in Korea and provide a list of cities where there are young people in AA. If you are interested in starting a meeting in your area or being a contact for Korea or your local area, please send an email to email above. We appreciate your willingness to get involved and be of service.

Note: This is a new page and a new attempt for this site to help YPAA form in a new country. If you would like to provide some feedback, please feel free to email meetings@ypaa.info. Please bear with us as we build out this page, this site, and develop new processes. Thank you for your patience and support.


Please feel free to post any questions you may have about getting sober and staying sober using AA's program.

Keep coming back.....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby Niagara » Wed Jul 01, 2015 11:56 pm

Hello and welcome to E-AA :) This was my starting point too, and by following what the good folks here told me to do, I got into recovery.

All I can add to what has been said here is once you get going on the 12 steps, you won't have to fight the urge to drink anymore. I remember thinking 'how can I go through my whole life feeling like this'...I do the steps, and I don't HAVE to feel like that. It's not a battle to not drink anymore. It just happened as a result of doing the steps.

Best wishes, and hope to see you around more :)
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby dahye.kim » Thu Jul 02, 2015 2:20 am

Wow, Thank you all for the replies. I am kind of touched!!!
I just got off from work to have dinner and visit my first AA meeting tonight.

I'll keep you all updated of my soberity dates :)
It's only been 5 days, and it's a bit embarrassing that I never tried to be sober for 5 days in my whole life....

(wheww! but it's still hard for me to give away of craving for ice cold beer on a summer day after work!)

Thank you so much again for welcoming me!!
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby Tosh » Thu Jul 02, 2015 3:45 am

Wow, Korea; how exotic. Welcome to the group, Kim; I hope your first meeting goes well.

And I think it's amazing that a couple of Americans met up for a chat in 1935 and directly as a cause of that, a lady called Kim in South Korea in 2015 is going to her first A.A. meeting.

I mean that's quite mind-blowing when I consider the ripples.

Good luck on your first meeting, Kim, I'd love to hear how it went.

Regards

Tosh
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby avaneesh912 » Thu Jul 02, 2015 4:32 am

but it's still hard for me to give away of craving for ice cold beer on a summer day after work!


Every alcoholic would have had that desire/feeling when they walked into the rooms of AA and they all got over it by applying the principles of AA namely the 12 steps. This weeek-end we are celebrating 80th year of AA and I am all excited to be among 60K sober alcoholics.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby dahye.kim » Thu Jul 02, 2015 6:51 am

And I think it's amazing that a couple of Americans met up for a chat in 1935 and directly as a cause of that, a lady called Kim in South Korea in 2015 is going to her first A.A. meeting.


Tosh, I agree with it very much.
My first AA meeting was quite a small one, but It was exactly what I was looking for.
I don't know what's what yet though, It's a good start since I got it over tonight by using my time getting along well with people with similar problems.

Their fellowship was amazing, I'm planning to attend another meeting held around my place. Because I am yet so scared to be stand alone against the craving.
And It's Friday! It's a crisis. hehe

But I survived Thirsty Thursday without any alcohol, and it was fine, I am kind of encouraged.

Thank you very much for your concern :)
I got the power to keep it up!!!
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby Tosh » Thu Jul 02, 2015 7:52 am

dahye.kim wrote:Their fellowship was amazing, I'm planning to attend another meeting held around my place. Because I am yet so scared to be stand alone against the craving.
And It's Friday! It's a crisis. hehe


Kim, my favourite word in the 12 Steps of A.A. is in the very first step:

"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."

I know I couldn't do this thing alone, but WE can do it together. You're not alone; we're with you in the fellowship of the spirit; we're rooting for you.

And yeh, I know that 'Friday night feeling', but honestly, do the right things and there'll come a time in the near future where it'll be Friday evening, you'll be sober, and what's more, you'll be HAPPY about being sober and not drinking. Honestly; no bull poo; that's what A.A. is about, it's about getting and staying sober AND being happy about that.

Okay, here's a top tip which greatly helped me; I'd go to XA Speakers (I can't post a link, but you can google it) and I'd listen to some A.A. speakers on there. They're just alcoholics who have recovered via A.A. and they share their experience of what they were like, what happened, and what they're like now. some of them are very funny too.

So when I was thinking about drinking, when I was considering drinking, or when I was fighting with myself about drinking, I'd tell myself I could drink, but first I'd have to listen to a speakertape. By the time the speakertape had finished, the compulsion had gone.

That really worked for me.

And I tried to get to as many different meetings as I could. Everywhere made me feel welcome too.

Oh, another thing I'd do is come to this forum and do a lot of complaining. I'm sure some members here told me to stop whining too. :lol:

Glad you're with us, Kim.

Regards

Tosh
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby dahye.kim » Thu Jul 02, 2015 7:18 pm

Tosh, Thank you for the information, I just looked for XA-Speakers
And now I'm about to listen to "Chris C. from Dallas, TX speaking at the Primary Purpose group's 27th anniversary celebration in Dallas, TX - January 24th 2015" on my way back home. (I am not sure if i understand what that Chris is trying to tell, because of my quaint english skills... :lol: )

I totally agree with the first step, that we should admit we're powerless. But for me, the favorite was step 8.
"made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all"


I am still feeling very sad and sorry thinking of my boyfriend who just left me, but I am writing an email every night before I go to bed.
(and I think he noticed that I'm writing at a certain time)
And I feel terribly sorry for my grand mother who's living with me. She had to be worried every night I come home late, with some more alcohols, crying out.

I am doing this not only for him but for myself for sure. Because I know It wouldn't go for so long if it's for another person only.
It's more like for myself being hurted by "me who did not care me".
I want him to realize how much I am trying to get back, and how much I am eager to be just like anyone else.

Unfortunately, I could not sleep well last night, because of nightmares that woke me up every 5 minutes, Still I'm feeling better to have hangover at work.
I think I was a bit worried of what if I start to drink again and never come to made my mind to stop drinking. (Beers could help for that maybe.)

Korean internet group in the biggest web portal called "naver cafe" is also very helping, and they told me it's very natural to have sleepless night.

I feel like I am being addicted to another thing replacing alcohol, to relieve myself, but what! this forum doesn't bring forum-over.
Also I'm very excited to visit another meeting held tonight. People I met at the meeting last night told me it's going to be a bigger one, including many women like me.

I want to, one day, like you Tosh! be someone's support very soon. Thank you very much.
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby Tosh » Thu Jul 02, 2015 11:40 pm

Oh, yes, not sleeping in the early days; I remember it well. I've heard it called 'detox insomnia'. It wasn't all bad though, one night I'd hardly sleep, then I'd go to work, then the next night I'd be so tired that I did sleep pretty well, but then the next night I wouldn't; repeat.

I used to have some mad dreams when I did sleep too. Drinking dreams are very common too. I quite enjoyed mine, but some folk find them unsettling.

Oh, Chris R, wow, you'll be banging the big book in no time. :lol:

Work calls, will reply more later.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby ann2 » Fri Jul 03, 2015 2:11 am

this forum doesn't bring forum-over.
:lol: good one

Kim, it's so nice to read you. I am glad you are looking forward to taking the steps and that you see a solution to your relationship problems with for example step 8. Taking that step was a major cause of my feeling connected again with people i'd hurt.

I liked the fact that the steps were numbered when I was taking them for the first time. The step I had just completed was the clue to the next step to take and often the natural course of action. So after taking step 1 (admitting my problem and going to meetings) I was ready to start working on the solution, which begins in step 2, which for me meant no longer trying to run the show on my own. My AA Group stepped in and guided me from then on -- I turned my ruling scepter over to the group who sheltered and instructed me.

Then 3, then 4, etc. :)

By the time I got to 8 exactly what I needed to ask amends for was much clearer. More importantly, my attitude and expectations were treated by AA's principles and I was able to perform this step with much more thoroughness and at the same time understanding. You see, I'd gained so much knowledge about myself in taking step 4, and so much acceptance in step 5, and then so much honesty in step 6, and then so much healing in step 7, that step 8 was much different for me than I'd imagined it might be all those steps ago :)

Let me know if I can assist with anything. Feel free to pm me.

Ann
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Re: I want to be sober my whole life so bad...

Postby Tosh » Fri Jul 03, 2015 5:57 am

dahye.kim wrote:I feel like I am being addicted to another thing replacing alcohol, to relieve myself, but what! this forum doesn't bring forum-over.


Not all addictions are bad! Getting addicted to recovery forums and A.A. meetings will not drag you into a gutter, or make you wake up in places you don't want to be.

I remember when I first stopped drinking, time went so S-L-O-W-L-Y, and there just seemed so much of it. Something had to fill the vacuum left by 'just not drinking'. I know some people who've indulged themselves in some other unhealthy obsession (such as gambling or chasing women or spending money they shouldn't); but a recovery related obsession will be healthy for us, particularly in the long term.

And as we get more peace into our lives, we'll calm down around that too. And no-one will be harmed in the process either. :lol:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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