I'm Will....

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I'm Will....

Postby whenley68 » Thu May 28, 2015 1:54 pm

and a Heavy Drinker learning how to live life on lifes terms, one day at a time. It may look ugly now but this is all new to me, I have succeeded at everything I have ever set out to do, and if I can quit smoking and cocaine (22 years ago), well then I can overcome this. Yeah, I got no problem with white knuckles, there are those times in life, don't fool yourself. 8)
Life is what you make it. Be on the winning side of things.
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Re: I'm Will....

Postby Reborn » Thu May 28, 2015 2:28 pm

Don't fool yourself either whiteknuckling is not the way to promote contented sobriety. I know how tough it is in the beginning but the obsession did not leave until I worked the 12 steps out of the Big Book. Do you have a Big Book? A sponsor? I couldn't do this thing alone and if I had tried I would've found every loophole. I needed another man to deflate my ego and hold me accountable.
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132
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Re: I'm Will....

Postby whenley68 » Thu May 28, 2015 3:06 pm

Yep, been reading the big book and I am currently searching for a sponsor. I guess you could say I am on step 1. I guess a sponsor will tell me when to go to the next, will find out. I'm ready for this. Made some calls to some AA contacts this afternoon and hope to hear back. I was able to get some names and numbers from AA in Kansas City. I reckon we are all entitled to our thoughts and I will agree to disagree. I don't believe there isn't a person who has not had to, at some time or another, muster up all their resources within, do whatever it took externally ie meetings, talking to a sponsor...to not drink for and hour, or a day. Whitenuckling may not be working the steps, or whatever the terminology may be, but when its all you've got and it gets you through until you can get through the rush hour traffic to a meeting, well then I guess I will just embrace that. :D
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Re: I'm Will....

Postby ezdzit247 » Thu May 28, 2015 7:14 pm

whenley68 wrote:Yep, been reading the big book and I am currently searching for a sponsor. I guess you could say I am on step 1. I guess a sponsor will tell me when to go to the next, will find out. I'm ready for this. Made some calls to some AA contacts this afternoon and hope to hear back. I was able to get some names and numbers from AA in Kansas City. I reckon we are all entitled to our thoughts and I will agree to disagree. I don't believe there isn't a person who has not had to, at some time or another, muster up all their resources within, do whatever it took externally ie meetings, talking to a sponsor...to not drink for and hour, or a day. Whitenuckling may not be working the steps, or whatever the terminology may be, but when its all you've got and it gets you through until you can get through the rush hour traffic to a meeting, well then I guess I will just embrace that. :D


You're doing great, Will. Just keep the plug in the jug and white knucke it if you have to, but do keep moving forward on the path that seems right for you. There is no time schedule, no rules to conform to, no tickets to get punched, and no one-size-fits-all way to work the AA program.

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: I'm Will....

Postby Duke » Thu May 28, 2015 7:28 pm

Welcome to our forum Will. It's a great resource. Hope to hear more from you.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa
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Re: I'm Will....

Postby whenley68 » Thu May 28, 2015 7:29 pm

EZ, your like the 5th coolest person I've met on here. Got me a sponsor too today. World is full of haters, screw em, I am looking out for me first. Have a good one
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Re: I'm Will....

Postby desypete » Fri May 29, 2015 5:40 am

i dont know anyone who came to aa who didn't have to white knuckle in there early days hence the message has always been to keep on coming back

i hated the world and everything when i first came into aa as i had lost so much and i needed to blame everything on anything else but me. my first few months of sharing was full of anger, but those people in aa just sat and drank there tea or coffee while i was talking my rubbish over the table and they would just say to me, keep on coming back, which i find so funny today but of course it was not funny back then as the pain in my life was real

i had to practise each day when i woke up to go and brush my teeth, have a bath, put some clean clothes on. have a shave, clean my shoes, go for a walk, clean my flat, call someone up, get to a meeting, keep busy busy busy

what i found was that while i was busy i wasnt thinking about a drink, the craving would come and go or the thoughts would come and go, i had 2 choices sit there and let my mind go crazy thinking about drink or just try to make a move and do a simple job like cleaning my shoes

so yes its white knuckling and the good news is you dont have to be like that for the rest of your days as the longer your away from it and so long as your around other alcoholics like in the rooms of aa then things start to sink in

you start to get hope that maybe just maybe there is a way out,

so please dont get the impression that to white knuckle trying to stay sober is anything wrong as its what most of us had to do who are alcoholics

the steps for me are a key for living my life in a sober good honest way
so long as i am following this path then even on my worse days i dont feel the need to run off and pick up a drink just to get out of it

i lost my 16 year old son 3 years ago and i wanted to curl up and die with him, i have had to cope with such huge heart ache over this time and i still do feel it at times, but one thing that has never returend to me is a want or need or desire to take that first drink
i have managed to cope with what life thrown at me without running away for a drink, but thats because of what aa has given me, all the hours i have spent trying to work and live this new way of life its paid off, i know from others who dont live this way of life and they go there own way that in time they end up picking up the drink again and if they come back things have never got any better but always a lot worse

so i let others do my drinking for me and i just keep on going as i am

i am sober today, not tomorrow or not next year, i am sober just for today as my life could end today, there might never be a tomorrow for me

i learned how to keep things in today only and that came trying to get past the next hour without running off for booze

i never take my illness for granted or do i become an aa expert who thinks he will never drink again i am not recovered i am just in recovery and that recovery will last for 1 day at a time for the rest of my life, so long as i do the things i do then my life is ok

if i dont then i know what it brings to me in terms of unhappiness and pain

so keep on coming back my friend, dont pick up that first drink keep busy and get back to a meeting as soon as you can, its the only way i first started out
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Re: I'm Will....

Postby Reborn » Fri May 29, 2015 1:58 pm

I was not suggesting that white knuckling isn't a part of recovery because I definitely went through that. What I was saying that once I started to work the program and apply it to my life I began to get relief. I was in a hospital bed for 5 days going through DTs so believe me I know how white knuckling works. For me there is only one program and one way to do it and it comes right out of the Big Book. Call me a Big Book thumper if you will but I believe today's AA is watered down BS and until someone really gets into action the white knuckling will continue...do what you have to do in the beginning but don't do it too long because the obsession will win out!
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132
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