can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

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can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby chrisgeb77 » Sun Jan 11, 2015 2:29 pm

This I probably the hardest thing I've done in my life I keep thinking to my self just one won't hurt, it's constant battle of wil, but I know I will never be just the one, one is never enough for an alcoholic can I stay sober for the rest of my life. But being on this forum has made me realise I'm not the only alcoholic in the world
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Re: can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby Niagara » Sun Jan 11, 2015 3:20 pm

chrisgeb77 wrote:This I probably the hardest thing I've done in my life I keep thinking to my self just one won't hurt, it's constant battle of wil, but I know I will never be just the one, one is never enough for an alcoholic can I stay sober for the rest of my life. But being on this forum has made me realise I'm not the only alcoholic in the world


That was a question that I asked at the start, too. I also thought one won't hurt. I think most, if not all of us, had those thoughts.

Now, I don't think about the rest of my life, and can I stay sober the rest of my life. I take it a day at a time. If I do what I'm supposed to, all of those days could well add up to the rest of my life.....but what matters is what I do today, not what I'm thinking about doing/being ten years down the line.
In the very early days, sometimes I had to break it down into simply getting through the next hour without drinking.

One thing I didn't get when I first came to AA - I didn't realize that this was about changing my life, my self, my way of thinking. I thought it was about stopping drinking. The drinking for me was just a symptom of a deeper problem. When I work on that problem, via the 12 steps, to the best of my ability, the need to drink disappears.

When we work on this stuff, we no longer have to fight alcohol via our willpower. The 1st step we have to take is 'We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable'.

I have zero doubts I am powerless. I would tell myself at 6.45 I wouldn't drink tonight.....and by 7pm I'd be downing my first. Where is my power there. It was non existent. The best willpower in the world wouldn't keep me sober, because on my own I am powerless. It's going to beat me every time. I needed something bigger, and that's where steps 2 and 3 come in. To my utmost surprise, it helped. I also had to do the rest of the steps. Trying to do this without them is like trying to bake a cake without all the ingredients. It's not going to turn out very well.

If you get to a face to face meeting too, you will have a deeper realization that you're not the only alcoholic in the world, and what's more, we seem to have a lot of common ground besides drinking. Indeed, I know at least four other alcoholics within ten minutes walk of my home. I am most definitely not alone.

I picked up my six month chip the other day. It's hard to think that six months ago I was right where you're at now. I had lost hope. Now, I have it back. Six months worth of 24 hours. Six months seemed impossible....but I got here, and so can you.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt
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Re: can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby Hanna » Sun Jan 11, 2015 3:27 pm

Hi Chris,
I'm glad you found this site. I came here 2 1/2 years ago asking the same questions. It was suggested that I not look ahead, just focus on right now, try it for 1 day. I tried and found that I counld go one day, so I kept coming back and reading the threads and learned how the people here stayed away from that "next" drink. Thay did it one day at a time. I kept myself busy reading the Big Book and was astonished to discover that there was a whole book written about ME! I found in the begining of the BB the Doctors Opinion found in the first pages ofthe BB,really helped me to understand why I drank the way I did.
Stick around, browse the forums, I did and I have not taken that "next" drink in 2 1/2 years, and I did it one day at a time. The steps are a vital part of the solution, get started now on your journey to sobriety. It's more a matter of action not will. Read the book, take the steps, find a meeting in your area and go. At meetings you will meet others who understand exactly what your going through, you do not have to do this alone, we are all here to help one another. I hope to see you in the forums!
Hanna
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Re: can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby chrisgeb77 » Sun Jan 11, 2015 3:31 pm

Wow six months is amazing, I'm on my forth month.i haven't been to any meetings or read the book.but just reading people's comments is really helpful it means a lot for your reply it means I'm not alone and there are people like me, I've spent 20 years in denial so thanks for the advice
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Re: can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby chrisgeb77 » Sun Jan 11, 2015 3:33 pm

Should I go to a meeting or go it alone?
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Re: can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby chrisgeb77 » Sun Jan 11, 2015 3:34 pm

How do I get into the forums ?
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Re: can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby Duke » Sun Jan 11, 2015 3:43 pm

No, Chris, you're not at all alone and never have to be again. AA is the most supportive, caring group of people you'll ever be blessed to meet. You will never lack for people ready, willing and able to share their experience, strength and hope with you on your journey of recovery.

This forum group is a great tool to have in your belt and can often mean the difference between being dangerously alone, or being in contact with someone. It's certainly not a substitute for face to face contact (at least not for me), but it's a great group.

As for your question, the answer for me is that no, you can't quit for the rest of your life, but you can quit today. All you have to do is do your best today to work the steps and put the principles of this program into action. Don't get me wrong, there are many of us, including me who've used this approach to stay sober for many years. My point is that no matter how long we've done it, we do it one day at a time. And we do it by focusing on working the program, not resisting alcohol.

As an alcoholic, I am simply incapable of using my will power to resist drinking. But, I can use it to focus on practicing this program of action. When I do that, I simply don't think about drinking anymore.

I know how overwhelming it all probably seems at this point. May I suggest you get busy with reading the big book, finding out where meetings are and making a plan to attend, and begin building your own community of contacts that you can stay in touch with during this early period? I know when I began this journey, I didn't go a day without a meeting, reading or contact with my sponsor for quite a while. It takes a lot of work to change old habits, but you can do it.

Again, welcome. I hope to see you here for a long time to come.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa
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Re: can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby Brock » Sun Jan 11, 2015 4:34 pm

chrisgeb77 wrote: I'm on my forth month.i haven't been to any meetings or read the book.


Well let’s just say you are very strong to have made it for four months, our book gives examples, and many here and at meetings say, that we found it possible to stop for periods on our own will power, but if you are a real alcoholic as the book describes you cannot do this alone.

Should I go to a meeting or go it alone?


I think it has been made very clear that you need to go to meetings, many of them, you just might find them quite enjoyable as well. There you will meet good folks who will gladly assist you, and AA books on sale at cost price. It is as easy as picking up the phone and asking enquiries for the number for Alcoholics Anonymous in your area. You will be given all the information you need, including location of meetings nearest your home etc etc.

How do I get into the forums ?


You are in the forums now, there are other areas within the site, by going to the top of the page and looking at the board index you will see where it says start here, suggestions, other places in e-AA and so forth. You have to help yourself if you want help from others, for heavens sake get on the phone and find out where the meetings are. You are lucky to be living in England, a country with a strong AA tradition and many meetings, take advantage of what is available to you.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby chrisgeb77 » Sun Jan 11, 2015 4:44 pm

Thanks for the great comments it really helps
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Re: can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby chrisgeb77 » Sun Jan 11, 2015 6:36 pm

I've found out where the local AA meeting is in my area so I'm gonna give it a shot but I'm a bit nervous and don't know what to expect
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Re: can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby Niagara » Sun Jan 11, 2015 6:55 pm

Expect a warm greeting. Expect to see a mix of people there....male, female, different backgrounds with a common problem - alcoholism. Expect to feel really nervous. If you don't, that's great, but I'll freely admit to being terrified...needlessly..at my first meeting. People will share their experience, strength and hope with the group. Listen for the similarities, not the differences.

You may be invited to share - you can if you wish, but you don't HAVE to.
Get a list of phone numbers if you can. At my home group, a list would be passed around for other men to write their numbers down, should you wish to call them....or women, if it's a female newcomer.

I was told to keep an open mind. It was sound advice, because my alcoholic mind wanted to tell me that 'I'm not that bad, so I'm not an alcoholic', but my alcoholic mind lied to me for a lot of years, and kept me in the madness.

If you want to purchase a big book, have a word with someone there. Again, my home group keeps some in stock for newcomers to buy. I'm not sure if this is the case with other groups though.

I expected to be judged when I went to my first meeting - again, a needless fear. We're all on the same page, all have the same problem, and all did stuff we're not proud of, and we all had our first meeting too.

A pot will be passed around. If memory serves, I didn't contribute at my first meeting - it wasn't expected. I tend to contribute £1-£2 these days

Good luck Chris :)
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
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Re: can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby chrisgeb77 » Sun Jan 11, 2015 7:05 pm

Can I link my phone to this forum using yahoo messenger?
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Re: can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby Lali » Tue Jan 13, 2015 8:08 pm

Hopefully someone will be along who can answer your question. Im not very good with computers. Haven't you been using your phone here all along?
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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Re: can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby kenyal » Tue Jan 13, 2015 8:19 pm

Welcome, Chris. As far as if you can stay sober or not...over the years AAs have found out through experience that we can do together what we can't seem to do alone.
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Re: can I really stay sober for the rest of my life?

Postby TonyWARMS » Tue Jan 13, 2015 10:39 pm

Hey, Chris
Stay sober today, then, do it again, and so on.

Peace, Tony
"Nothing comes to stay. Everything comes to pass".
(I don't know where I heard this)
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