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I will fix my life

PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 11:48 am
by Silverado
To be honest always thought that I had the will to change my life and that the AA wouldn't make any difference to my choices.
I was wrong. Doesn't matter how determined I am to change, not many people understand how hard is to let the drink in the past and take control of your life.
More than the determination, I need to be reassured that I am not alone. That there are people like me fighting to take control of their lives and succeeding.
I know I a able to do it. And I know the AA will help me be free from the nightmare of alcohol so I can live my life in plenitude.

Thank you all for being fighters. I join you on this battle
To win the war.


Re: I will fix my life

PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 1:23 pm
by Brock
Welcome to these forums Fabio, the name you use Silverado is from a good western film, one of my favorites. In your post you speak of fighting alcohol, and at first I felt it was a fight myself. But the people at AA said I must not fight I must surrender, I did not understand at first, but then later I found that by surrendering I won. Try to go to meetings, I am sure you will be told the same thing, and when you do the program of AA the fight will be over. I have quoted a part from our Big Book below, and promise you that what it says has come true for us, all the best to you.

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone—
even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned.
We will seldom be interested in liquor. If
tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We
react sanely and normally, and we will find that this
has happened automatically. We will see that our new
attitude toward liquor has been given us without any
thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is
the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are
we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had
been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and
protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the
problem has been removed. It does not exist for us.


Re: I will fix my life

PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 1:34 pm
by shaunagus
Hi silverado

Welcome to e-AA.

I was reading through the AA big book with a sponsee earlier and it talked about the "proper" use of the will. It was good because we ended up talking about how strong willed we are as people and how we can make almost anything happen through drive and determination and strong, strong will. Except fight alcohol, of course.

The part of the big book we were reading was (more or less) saying that if we can take all of that will and determination and focus and focus it on the 12 steps then amazing things happen -- mostly a sense of peace and a freedom from craving. It's sort of a paradox to say "stop fighting alcohol and put that energy into working the steps instead" but somehow taking that approach worked for me (and many others).

Every time I fought alcohol I lost. I was thinking about it earlier - I must have tried to give up alcohol nearly two thousand times based on how long I was drinking and how often I swore I was going to stop. It took me over two thousand attempts before I finally admitted all my strength and willpower was useless against booze....but when I put the energy into the steps the desire to drink just went away. Amazing.

Keep coming back


Re: I will fix my life

PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 2:24 pm
by Silverado
Shaun and Brock

My deep appreciation to you taking the time to write those words. Many thanks
It all makes sense indeed. Fighting it and I cannot win. Surrender and I just feel like I don't need it.
I am new to the idea of the AA, but now I do understand why that works so well.
To understand a problem is to solve half of it. I am starting to realise that I have to get to know instead of just being against it.
I am on my first pages of the book and I know that, the words from people in here will make me progress towards the achievements the book and the lessons can bring me.
Please accept my appreciation for the kind words. They mean a lot. I don't want to be like that anymore

Thank you

Re: I will fix my life

PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 3:48 pm
by Hanna
Hi Silverado,
Welcome to e-aa, glad you found us. We are here to share our experience, strength and hope. It is possible to live a life free from the obsession of alcohol and we are here to help each other along the way. Hope to hear more from you.

Re: I will fix my life

PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 5:38 pm
by Lali
Welcome, Silverado. Did you read the Doctor's Opinion at the beginning of the book - before Chapter One? This will give you an understanding of the disease of alcoholism. Just as willpower cannot rid a person of cancer; willpower cannot rid us of our alcoholism. The only way I know of to get well from this horrific disease is by working/living the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm glad you have started reading our basic text. Stick around this forum and read and share and ask questions. We are here for you. I suggest that you go to some face to face meetings as well.

We get better together.

Re: I will fix my life

PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 12:03 am
by Silverado
Good morning all

Thanks for all the warm welcomes. Hannah, appreciate your words :)
Regarding the last post, I agree. You can't et rid of cancer just relying on will power so yes, I need treatment and it's nice to stick together.
Another day without thinking of alcohol, but feeling really guilty about the things that alcohol "made" me do.
The shame and the regret are terrible :/

Good morning to all

Re: I will fix my life

PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 12:19 am
by ann2
Hi and good morning right back!

None if us would be sober without a sure-fire way to handle those feelings. Certainly not me! But I found a solution in taking the steps.

This is why we try to pass on the success we've experienced in following AA's program for recovery -- for all if us, it was desperately needed.

There is relief from guilt and regret. Keep walking this path and that relief will be yours, too.

For right now, let me share that guilt is a symptom of our common illness, just like isolation and feelings if uniqueness. Instead of delving into our loneliness, separateness and self-loathing, we have learned to participate in something better than us -- a fellowship and a way of living that repairs the mistakes of the past and gives us hope for knowing better now.

Hope is the positive message when I hear others sharing their struggles that they have gone through. If they did this or that, stuff I sometimes rate as "worse" than anything I did, and things worked out for them, I may dare to dream that things will work out for me too :)

Then I start doing what they did and become convinced that I will get better, because little by little I see myself doing better and acting better and learning more.

It gets very interesting and it all started with not wanting to do again those things I did before. But I don't regret the past because it helps me to see my belonging.

Hope to keep reading you!


Re: I will fix my life

PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 12:29 am
by Silverado
It all makes sense Ann. Your words are really wise. Haven't I bern through that I wouldn't be here in order to change.
I guess I need to let go the shame and try to build a more positive thinking.
It's hard though. But yes, shapes what I am today and my desire to improve.

Your words (from all of you) make me feel like I don't want to touch a drink ever again. It's so much better be sober and use your faculties to so the good

A great day to all :)

Re: I will fix my life

PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 12:36 am
by ann2
That's great. I often suggest that newcomers come up with three reasons they want to be sober. Sounds like you've got one already. As I go through the big book with them, I suggest that they come up with three examples of powerlessness over alcohol from their own lives, as well as three demonstrations of unmanageability. This is because in step one we acknowledge the problem.

I have found that recognizing my inability to manage my life and recalling how drinking took over keeps me focused on why I am in AA in the first place and open to taking the actions recommended for recovery. Like most alkies I forget pretty easily the pain that drinking caused, and that leads to placing less and less every in treating my problem. But I need to do it daily, regularly, and with gratitude. Otherwise, I lose everything that has been so freely given me.


Re: I will fix my life

PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 1:55 am
by Silverado
Hey Ann, that's correct. I need to find the reasons why I want to be sober and not just because I don't want to have those problems anymore. The pain caused is enormous and fun enough, is something that I cause to myself.
I am getting really excited in being sober. Seems much more fun than being drunk :)