In and Out of the rooms of AA

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In and Out of the rooms of AA

Postby Redwine » Thu Apr 25, 2013 2:24 pm

Good Afternoon-

I just came across this site this morning and I've been reading everyone's post and decided I might need to post one of my own.

I have been in and out of the rooms of AA for the last 11 years. The longest I've been sober is almost two years. There is no doubt in my mind that when I'm sober; I'm free. My problem (well; one of many) is that I can't seem to get back in the rooms and stay. For the last couple of years I’ve actually went back to embracing the fact that I drink and I just stopped trying all together to get sober again. My husband and I divorced; him a long time sober member of AA, and me not being able to get “the program”. Then I lost my job (due to constant call-ins because I was too hung-over to work). I know that any normal balanced person would have been able to figure out that alcohol was destroying their life. But I’m not a normal balanced person and I did the only thing I knew and with the aid of my dear (active alcoholic) friend; I drank hard for a solid month. Then I figured; it was time to get another job. This brings me to where I am now. By the grace of God; I had this job actually find me and pay me more than the position that I had lost. And then one my first day of work; around 2:30 in the afternoon; I heard the familiar sound of ice against medal and then a co-worker asking me if I’m having vodka or gin. And I promise anyone reading this that at that moment; I truly believed that I had died and gone to heaven.

I'm a daily drinker and it's usually done with my co-workers and employers now a days. I work in an environment that drinks openly in office and over indulging are not frowned upon. We have a car service for that. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not blaming my alcoholism on where I work; I showed up alcoholic. But where I work certainly co-signs it for me.

Now to my point. I have a hard time letting go and just when I start to believe that I can’t take anymore; I still manage to get a little more soul sick and I’m getting sicker and sicker each day. I’ve starting thinking crazy stuff and have entertained the notion of suicide as the easier softer way. I don’t wish to die; I’m just sick of doing exactly that one minute at a time. I sure could use some help with not picking up today.

A
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Re: In and Out of the rooms of AA

Postby Todd M » Thu Apr 25, 2013 3:59 pm

Welcome to e-AA... I am Todd, I am an Alcoholic
Pleasure to meet you

I know how the Deadly First Drink starts up the miserable Cycle of more drinking.
No matter what I tried to do to fix myself, I felt Doomed to Drink.

Welcome Back... Welcome Aboard...
Sincerely, Todd M
<> Washington State, Pacific Coast, The Evergreen State
There is Hope, Todd M
Keep it Simple

The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link:
http://www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: In and Out of the rooms of AA

Postby Lali » Thu Apr 25, 2013 4:12 pm

You went back to drinking after two years because you were not working the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. This is a 12 step program, not a "just go to meetings" program. Did you work the steps while you were sober? If not, there's your problem. It's as simple as that. If you make a sincere effort to work the steps you will have a spiritual awakening and the obsession to drink will be lifted. Are you at least willing to be willing to work this program the way it should be worked? We are here to help you if you are ready to do the work.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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Re: In and Out of the rooms of AA

Postby ann2 » Fri Apr 26, 2013 12:41 am

Welcome, A. I am glad you're here. Messages about the 12 steps confused me when I first got here, because I'd been attending AA meetings for 16 years without actually taking the steps seriously. I paid lip service to 1, 2 and 3, I prayed, I was grateful -- and perhaps all this kept me from drinking over that time period.

But had I achieved a peaceful and contented sobriety? Had I found purpose to my life, started feeling useful? Had I had a spiritual awakening?

People asked me these questions when I got here and I was understandably defensive, having no idea what they were talking about. It turns out that these online folk really thought that the Big Book contained instructions that had to be followed to the letter. I was dumbfounded, actually. It was just an old dusty book, after all.

but I cracked it open and started using it like a cookbook. Not because I believed it would make a difference -- obviously, my problems originated with my mother, my relationship, my poor fragile sensitivity -- but because my new online friends (and for some reason, these were the only friends I had) pressured me to do it. Darn them.

:-)

Halfway into the process it started to get very, very interesting. And suddenly, all the stuff that was bothering me before -- the reasons I had asked for help from my online AA pals, in fact -- was no longer an issue. It just didn't even rate on my horizon. I had more important things to think about!

So I found myself taking the steps after almost 17 years away from the drink. Since then, my satisfaction with sobriety and life has changed dramatically. I am very happy that my friends nagged me the way they did.

So please, take us seriously when we talk about our program. It is designed for alcoholics, by alcoholics. It is how we stay sober. Meetings are nice, and it is awesome to see the steps working in someone's life, and to hear that recovery is possible. But they are mainly opportunities to pass on the message of our program, how we stay sober a day at a time.

And I hope we can pass that on to you here.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada
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Re: In and Out of the rooms of AA

Postby Mike O » Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:09 am

Redwine wrote: I work in an environment that drinks openly in office and over indulging are not frowned upon. We have a car service for that.


WOW!!!! Where d'you work?? I woulda killed for a job like that 5yrs or so ago!
:D

Like you, for years I just accepted the fact that I drank. I had many rational (to my mind anyway) reasons for this - I'm Irish; I'm a musician; I'm an artist; I'm an Irish Artist (see that's twice the reason for twice as much drinking :D ), and so on.....

I'm never quite sure quite what it was that brought me to my senses. I guess, for each of us, it's different.
I read the book - ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS- I worked the steps and I've been sober since then, quite happily.

When you say "in and out of the rooms", has that included working the steps in your daily life?
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