New and struggling

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New and struggling

Postby slogram » Fri Mar 22, 2013 7:43 pm

Hi, I'm new to this forum and very new to not drinking. I guess I hit bottom and knew I needed to stop, but am sure having a hard time admitting it. Nine days without a drink and it seems to get harder rather than easier. My husband left, our house sold, I have to find another place to live, I'm scared, hurt, angry. I was quitting mainly for him, I guess, but it doesn't look like he's coming back. So, I'm justifying drinking again. I have to say, though, there's a big part of me that doesn't want to go back. It really feels good waking up in the morning without a hangover. I'm afraid if I picked up a bottle at this point, I wouldn't stop until I poisoned myself with it. I don't know if this is the right topic for this forum, so I apologize if so. Thanks for listening.
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Re: New and struggling

Postby becksdad » Fri Mar 22, 2013 8:39 pm

Hi slogram! Welcome here! My name is Ed, and I am an alcoholic. I sure do relate with what you said about things becoming harder instead of easier after just a little while of not drinking. I also found that life was increasingly a struggle whether I was drinking, or not. And that's because when I quit drinking, all I did was to quit drinking! Nothing changed. So I couldn't stay quit for long.

When I became willing to follow the suggestions in AA - going to meetings, getting a sponsor, and working the 12 steps, things started to change in a good way, and they are still changing in a good way. This Forum has been a big blessing to me, too. I find a lot here that adds to my recovery. Hope to see you here more and share experience, strength and hope.

Thanks, Ed
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Re: New and struggling

Postby slogram » Fri Mar 22, 2013 9:42 pm

Thanks Ed, that was very honest and helpful.
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Re: New and struggling

Postby ann2 » Sat Mar 23, 2013 12:53 am

Welcome and thank you so much for sharing. I am so glad you are here. It is hard, but thanks to AA it is not impossible, and that to me is a miracle. Actually i have found out that doing hard things makes me feel really good about myself :-) after I get over the resistance of course :roll:

Can I suggest going to some AA meetings? I know when I was first coming around, the people in the meetings not only understood, they were there for me, in so many practical ways. Plus it felt great to be somewhere I was not only welcome, but wanted.

Reach out and ask for a sponsor -- a woman AA member to work with you one-on-one, for you to call and learn how she stays sober peacefully, and meets challenges without drinking. It is a miracle any of us can, given the nature of our common problem.

I also recommend reading the Big Book, our basic text, to start building the foundation for a life without alcohol. It is available online here www.aa.org/bigbookonline There is a lot of other good reading via e-aa's virtual literature table www.e-aa.org/about_aa.php

Keep sharing -- it is okay to be upset, negative, desperate! We have all been there and we understand, and we might be able to share some of our experience, strength and hope with you to make it somehow ok :)

Big hugs,

Ann
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Re: New and struggling

Postby PaigeB » Sat Mar 23, 2013 11:03 am

Welcome slogram - Keep coming back. We mean it when we say it. Don't die out there & keep coming back! You will always be welcome.

And you are welcome here too!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: New and struggling

Postby Hanna » Sat Mar 23, 2013 5:07 pm

Hi Slogram, welcome here.
I'm Hanna, when I got here I was about to lose my home and family because of my drinking. I got a dui, lost my licence for 2 years and had to pay lots of fines and lawyer fees. I continued to drink until I lost my job a month later. I was deep in debt and legal trouble and I was terrifed. My husband ands kids were fed up with me, but I kept drinking to avoid the uncomfortable feelings. I came here one night because I was house-bound, not car-no job. As I read through the different forums I felt like these people understood how I wanted to stop but didn't know how. I started reaching out for help here because their stories told me they knew how I felt because they were once where I was now. They responded with suggestions on how to get started, one day at a time, one minute if necessary. I stayed here and so did they, that was only 9 months ago. Since I stopped drinking, I've gotten a new job in my town so getting to and from isn't too bad and I've been able to pay all my bills. My family is starting to trust and rely on me again and that feels so good. I can't believe 9 months ago I was on the verge of losing everything and by simply coming here and sharing and taking suggestions I have reclaimed my life. This is possible for you too, stay here, read the BB, learn the steps, ask questions, go to meetings and have faith.
and,
Keep posting,
Hanna
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Re: New and struggling

Postby slogram » Sat Mar 23, 2013 8:50 pm

Thank you Hanna. Your words rang true for me. You, along with all the others here, seem so genuine, at peace, content. I am so angry, unhappy, depressed and irritable. I guess I need to do more than just stop drinking, and attend some online meetings and chats. The f2f meetings must be more powerful, I'm just afraid of actually getting out of my home and facing people. I'll buy the BB too and start with that. Are the 12 steps in that? Do I just start at Step 1 and work through it on my own? Thanks so much, Lana
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Re: New and struggling

Postby ann2 » Sat Mar 23, 2013 11:15 pm

Lana,

Fabulous to hear from you again and thank you Hanna for sharing. Yes, the steps are in the Big Book. It's available online at our virtual literature table www.e-aa.org/about_aa.php, alongwith some other helpful reading, but of course owning a copy means one can underline :)

Asking another AA member for help in taking the steps often results in a one-on-one support that is meaningful to a lot of people getting sober. But there are also many who take the steps by themselves. I did it with the help both of a sponsor and of the trusted friends in AA I found online.

Have you gotten the link for XA speakers? It is a collection of audio shares from different AAmembers and I know many find it like being at a meeting. I will pm you the link.

What I have found through the recovery AA offers is more than I could ever have hoped for, and like me, everyone here just wants to pass on the freedom we've been given through this healing.

Warm bugs,

Ann
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Re: New and struggling

Postby Hanna » Sun Mar 24, 2013 3:03 am

Hi Lana,
I too was afraid to actually go to a face to face meeting, I was afraid someone I know might see me there and know I had a drinking problem. But then someone here told me that if I do meet someone I know, its ok because that person is there for the same reason as me. I did meet a women I knew and when she saw me she came over and welcomed me. She shared her story with me and offered to give me a ride to meetings. The people I met at the meetings were very welcoming and helpful, they want to share how they got through it with the newcomer, they offer help and suggestions on getting through one day at a time. And its good to talk to people who have been in our shoes. Lana stay here and share and read the posts, you too can get your life back and we will be here to help you.
Keep posting,
Hanna
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Re: New and struggling

Postby kenyal » Sun Mar 24, 2013 6:10 am

I've nothing to add to the good suggestions you've received already, but wanted to say welcome to the fellowship. Many of us qualify for AA by drinking ourselves into awful spots we needn't revisit sober. I did like the idea when new that there were things I could do (useful AA suggestions) when problems in life arose related to alcoholism or not. Somehow I'd missed getting my issue of the Rulebook to Effective Living when young, and found that doing all the stuff in AA provided what I'd missed.
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Re: New and struggling

Postby slogram » Sun Mar 24, 2013 10:06 am

Thank you everyone so much. I don't think I have ever experienced such acceptance, genuine warmth and caring from strangers before. I actually do feel welcome and accepted here. I'm taking all your suggestions to heart and am trying. I know now that it takes much more than just stopping drinking.
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Re: New and struggling

Postby Hanna » Mon Mar 25, 2013 5:36 am

Hi Lana,
How are you today ?
Hanna
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