22 Just Admitted I Have A Problem

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22 Just Admitted I Have A Problem

Postby Rosezilla » Tue Jan 15, 2013 10:51 pm

Today, I truly accepted the fact that I have an alcohol problem.

To summarize quickly:

I have been drinking for many years as a result of many factors (genes, socialization, depression, anxiety, self-numbing etc.). Twice in the last four months, I thought about how much and often I was drinking. I briefly entertained the notion that I may have an issue. But then I drank I forgot about it... I have been seeing this very nice guy for the last few weeks. Basically, we met up with some mutual friends of ours before we were supposed to be going to see a movie. Long story short I got quite drunk and it became obvious there was no way I could get into the movie. Not only was I completely mortified at myself the next morning, I was so disappointed in myself for putting the guy I am seeing (and I do really enjoy his company) in a position that must have been uncomfortable disappointing. Today he told me how mad he was about the way I acted. He was upset I could see, and that was confirmed when he simply said, "This really sucks, because I like you... I like you very much". We went on discuss some of the issues and facts that are associated with my drinking. Basically, I can remember about five days over the past two and half years where I did not have a drink. I drink everyday mostly. I don't always get drunk, but I'll always have a drink.

I could fill libraries with the reasons I abuse alcohol... But after all, this is only an introduction to this forum... as well as an introduction to my acceptance.
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Re: 22 Just Admitted I Have A Problem

Postby PaigeB » Wed Jan 16, 2013 12:08 am

HI Rosezilla! Welcome. My name is Paige and I am an alcoholic. I have done that. First real one on one date I had with my now husband I was plenty drunk for dinner (he had one that he nursed!) and after more drinks with dinner I really didn't want to go to the movie because I wanted more to drink. I told him I was not feeling well. He took me home where I drank alone. He knew.

Here is a copy of our basic text. Let me know if you can't get into it, we'll find you another link but this is the link at aa.org. http://www.aa.org/bbonline/ If you look at Chapter 3, more about alcoholism, you will see a lot of things I did surrounding my drinking. I went to a meeting tonight and the topic was from page 39, the analogy of alcoholism and jay walking. That is spot on for me. I always wanted more.

I hope you can get into the book. Maybe even get to an AA meeting. If you are not sure you are an alcoholic, go to an Open meeting. If you think you have a problem with alcohol you are welcome to attend a closed meeting.

Glad you found us here at e-aa. There are a lot of internet aa types, but I think I found the real thing here at e-aa! Keep coming back!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: 22 Just Admitted I Have A Problem

Postby ann2 » Wed Jan 16, 2013 2:09 am

Welcome! Glad you found us. I was 26 when I first got to AA and had been having problems since well several years before that.

The help I found in AA was just wonderful.

Accepting I was alcoholic was easier once I got to know others with this problem -- they really weren't so different from me, in fact, it was actually nice to see the similarities and feel like I belonged.

Plenty of young people in the meetings I attended when I started . . . and it was nice to be helped by others older than me who could remember what it was like at my age as well.

Hope you keep coming back --

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada
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Re: 22 Just Admitted I Have A Problem

Postby becksdad » Wed Jan 16, 2013 4:36 am

Hi Rosezilla! Welcome here to the forum! My name is Ed, and I am an alcoholic.

You're in the right place to be around sober people who have found a way up & out of the strange and lonely world of Alcoholism. Face to face AA meetings can provide even more. They have all been important to me in recovery.

Hope to see & read more from you.... keep coming back one day at a time.

Ed
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Re: 22 Just Admitted I Have A Problem

Postby Rosezilla » Wed Jan 16, 2013 1:11 pm

Paige, Ed, Ann,

Thank you so much for the supporting words. Words simply cannot express my gratitude for your replies.. it's been less than 24 hours since I have accepted I have a problem. It's been about fifteen hours since I introduced myself here, and already I am feeling like I can do this. I want to not view alcohol as something I need to survive. Is it even possible to use alcohol in the future as a casual thing? Is that even possible for someone who has had a problem? Is it stupid that I want to not be an alcoholic but still be able to enjoy it with friends in the future? Is the fact that I am even thinking about it mean that I am destined to fail? My best friend says that I shouldn't even touch it for three years. Other people have told me to try and moderate it. Some people say take it one day at a time? What the hell am I supposed to do? What if I find a way to deal with it that works for me but in reality it's not helping? The people close to me are all telling me different things...

I AM SO CONFUSED I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM GOING OR HOW I AM GOING TO GET IN A GOOD PLACE!

I use capitals because I am so frustrated!!
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Re: 22 Just Admitted I Have A Problem

Postby PaigeB » Wed Jan 16, 2013 2:01 pm

Hi again Rose! In an answer to your question about casual use, I refer you again to chapter 3, page 30:

The idea that somehow, he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker.... We learned that we had to fully concede to our inner most selves that we were alcoholics.... The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.


fully
concede
to our
inner
most
selves...
alcoholic...
smashed.

I have a disease. Like cancer, it may be in remission, but I still have it. Once I accepted the FACT that I had a disease I knew what to do.
Join AA.
Dive in with both feet.

I drank the entire time my children were growing up. Their mother was a drunk. I wish I had been able to FULLY CONCEDE to this fact of my disease earlier.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: 22 Just Admitted I Have A Problem

Postby Patter » Wed Jan 16, 2013 6:27 pm

Hi Rose! Just want to welcome you to the forum. There's some good sobriety running around in here and at f2f meetings. I happen to be an alcoholic. My alcoholism exhibited itself in more ways than just drinking. Not drinking today is just the start of a daily gift I get. I can't diagnose anyone but myself as an alcoholoc, but when I fully conceded to my innermost self that I have this thing, it was possible for change to start. If you get to some AA meetings they'll be able to tell you how that happened. If you get a sponsor to work with, you can experience change yourself. Take care. patter
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Re: 22 Just Admitted I Have A Problem

Postby kenyal » Thu Jan 17, 2013 1:45 am

Welcome here, hope you find some things of use to you.
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Re: 22 Just Admitted I Have A Problem

Postby ann2 » Thu Jan 17, 2013 4:28 am

Dear Rose, fantastic to read you and so grateful for your share.

yes I am alcoholic and to me that means I have an *abnormal* reaction to alcohol. It will never change. If I drink, my body will crave more. It also means that I have a problem in my mind, a mental obsession. Even without alcohol in my system, I am affected by alcoholism, and if left untreated, my thoughts will always lead me back to drinking.

When I got to AA, at the age of 26, I hadn't had as long experience with drinking and the problems it brings as many members. However, when I listened to their stories, I could hear what I was going through. I could then predict that what happened to them would happen to me, if I continued to drink.

Let me admit right now however that I was in a bad enough place already, without considering what the future would bring to me drinking :shock:

Yet it was wonderful to see the pattern developing, and to have an answer -- the program of AA.

Rosezilla wrote: I want to not view alcohol as something I need to survive.


Oh how I can relate. I saw alcohol as a requirement for living. But suddenly the idea struck me that I should be complete as I was born -- that adding another ingredient shouldn't be necessary.

When I saw that I couldn't stop on my own, that's when I knew to reach out for help outside of myself.

Some things that alcoholics forget:

- alcohol fills no nutritional vacuum
- it's more than possible to have fun without alcohol (a lot easier overall for me)
- other people really don't care if you drink or not

This idea that not drinking will cause social discomfort, or will isolate us from others . . . I attribute it to my illness, trying to fool me into drinking again. Because my experience has been that alcohol is not as big a part of the world as I once thought :-)

Thanks for your great post and big hugs!

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada
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Re: 22 Just Admitted I Have A Problem

Postby johnd » Thu Jan 17, 2013 4:00 pm

Hi Rose,
You have come to the right place, I'm John an alcoholic, I've been sober for over 26 years now. I share that not to impress you. I share that to tell you that A.A. is the only Fellowship that has kept me sober. You have a lot of questions about what happens now!
That was my reaction too, You see being an alcoholic isn't the end of our life. It just helps us to understand that we have a problem when we drink alcohol. I can say for myself after coming into A.A. I expected to just get the information I need and get on with my life. It wasn't quite that easy.
Once I finally stopped fighting with "What will everyone think?" and "Will I ever be able to drink in safety again?" Things started to change. I had to accept the fact that when it comes to me and drinking we are so incompatible. Would I like to be able to have a drink today right now. Absolutely not. I have learned and I still learn what this desease does to alcoholics. It's Cunning,Baffling,and Insidious. At the end of my drinking I just wanted to die. I was dead inside my soul so why be wandering around like a zombie "The living Dead" I was 27 when I SURRENDERED. Do I regret it No..... Do I miss it No......
Give yourself a break, No one understands an alcoholic except another alcoholic, You stated someone said give it 3 years.. Sorry to say it may be worse if you stop for 3 years and try drinking again. It's a progressive desease. it waits patiently until it's reactivated. This is true... I've met many who experienced trying to drink again, some make it back unfortunately some don't. I hope you attend some meetings and listen and ask questions...... I wish you well hope to see more of your shares.
Thanks Keep Coming John D.
Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans- Anonymous
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Re: 22 Just Admitted I Have A Problem

Postby Katherine80 » Sun Jan 20, 2013 9:32 am

Hello, I've went to that place so many times with my ex-husband (oh the bloody shame of it), and he did the same with me - both could list endless examples of cringe-worthy social situations and situations where we were just trying to have a nice time the two of us.

Unfortunately there were four of us in the marriage - me, my alcoholism, him, his alcoholism.

We couldn't sort it out.

This includes every wedding anniversary for our seven year marriage which ended last year after 14 years of pissing it up the wall together.

It's terrifying to think you could lose someone you really like / love because of alcohol. I'm there at the moment - I don't want to wreck a future relationship if I'm lucky enough so find someone who takes me as I am.

Be strong, keep going, that's my plan, whatever it takes xx
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Re: 22 Just Admitted I Have A Problem

Postby kenyal » Sun Jan 27, 2013 6:21 am

Hi Rose, glad you felt understood from the answering posts of people. Being understood is a good thing, and that's hard to find among those who haven't needed to address this problem.

As nice as it is, it does nothing to alleviate alcoholism...that remains despite how deeply others may understand what you're undergoing and how well you accept that you have it.

Understanding is cheap currency without doing some things to remove it from your life as an ongoing source of difficulty for you.

At some point you may need to do some actions you'd rather not do in order to have the life you want. Wishing alcoholism away doen't seem to work well long term.
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