I Came In Through The Back Door

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I Came In Through The Back Door

Postby DeboraX » Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:33 pm

My name is Debora X and I'm an alcoholic.

I've been around meetings for over 30 years. I was the caring friend who hung out with my sober sisters and brothers while they courageously kept their promise of sobriety. I never needed meetings myself of course (sarcasm).

I have become sick of my drinking, yet I want to drink. I don't have an exceptionally memorable story about how I bottomed out, but I know if I continue, brain atrophy will be extensive, and I'll be doomed to live a very shallow life.

I really want to drink socially, such as a wedding, art openings and holiday parties, but we all know what that means (rolls eyes).

For me, drinking is like eating. A celebration of creating something wonderful in the kitchen and sitting down with an amazingly perfect companion glass of wine that reminds me of being at a reception. Except, I drink nearly every night of the week and instead of being at a beautifully dressed table, I'm chain smoking out the back door while watching unmemorable films. And the next day I have a dread of the day ahead of me. I feel ashamed that I once again have slept in and missed the beautiful morning I long to get out and walk around in.

In my attempt to give up drinking, I have actually purchased more alcohol. Gee! Cunning and baffling?!! I can sit here feeling contempt toward my actions yet, I'd still like to go heat up a little sake and have a wee toast while I prepare tonight's dinner.

So will this said, I came into this place through the backdoor. This is my first AA meeting for ME! Thank you for reading this post.
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Re: I Came In Through The Back Door

Postby Mike O » Mon Nov 05, 2012 3:34 pm

Hi DeboraX,

Welcome to the group.

Geez, reading this was like reading about myself 5 yrs ago:
For me, drinking is like eating. A celebration of creating something wonderful in the kitchen and sitting down with an amazingly perfect companion glass of wine that reminds me of being at a reception. Except, I drink nearly every night of the week and instead of being at a beautifully dressed table, I'm chain smoking out the back door while watching unmemorable films. And the next day I have a dread of the day ahead of me. I feel ashamed that I once again have slept in and missed the beautiful morning I long to get out and walk around in.


It describes my final year of drinking to a tee. I loved drinking, while I was drinking, "knowing" that one day I'd give it up. During the week I awoke at 6.30am for work in a state of anxiety bordering on terror of the day ahead. At weekends I rarely arose before lunchtime and hated myself. The only way I could feel better about myself was to begin drinking ASAP.

Now, thanks to the 12 steps I've been sober almost 5 years. I am never in bed later than 7am, weekends included. I love the quiet at that time of the morning. Life is good. Stick around if you want some.
:D
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Re: I Came In Through The Back Door

Postby DeboraX » Mon Nov 05, 2012 5:05 pm

Hi Mike,

Thank you for sharing your 5 year gift to yourself. How nice to know you felt the same way. I am looking for a sponsor if you're up for it!

BTW,
I threw out the sake!
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Re: I Came In Through The Back Door

Postby DeboraX » Tue Nov 06, 2012 2:40 am

Please omit the request for sponsor above. I forgot about the gender part of sponsorship. :oops: I have just sent a request for a temp. sponsor (female).

Many thanks,

Deb
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Re: I Came In Through The Back Door

Postby PaigeB » Tue Nov 06, 2012 11:12 am

Yeah - that gender thing... I know when I started I thought it a bit sexist and I thought there are many men in the program with great sobriety too! But I started going to a women's meeting and got a woman sponsor and I really wouldn't have it any other way now!

Hang in there - it gets easier!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: I Came In Through The Back Door

Postby johnd » Wed Nov 07, 2012 3:07 pm

Hi Deb," WELCOME" Just have a seat and listen and please keep coming. You may never have to drink again if you do what we do....... John D
Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans- Anonymous
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Re: I Came In Through The Back Door

Postby Tommy-S » Wed Nov 07, 2012 9:09 pm

BTW, I threw out the sake!


Outstanding!

The worst thing I thought could ever happen to a guy like me was Not to drink all the drinks I was planning...turned out to be the Best Thing.

It was the start of a new life for me, one that has been better than anything I could have ever imagined.(Proves I really don't know what's best for ME...let alone anyone else)

Way to start with asking for a sponsor.

Together, we don't have to drink today, no matter what.

Glad you're with us, DeboraX
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!
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