Ham on Wry

"... We absolutely insist on enjoying life" (p. 132, Alcoholics Anonymous). Here's the forum for fun and frivolity. Enjoy!
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jakpar
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Ham on Wry

Post by jakpar » Thu Jul 07, 2011 4:17 am

Ham on Wry

September 1991
Vol. No.

THEIR FAVORITE AFTERHOURS JOINT finally reopened after two weeks of remodeling, and these two old drinking buddies, after an evening of heavy hitting, fell into their regular booth. One change was a wall completely covered with mirrors, into which our guys gazed with some surprise.

"Hey, look," said Joe, "there's a couple guys that look just like us."

Bo said, "Yeah, let's go over."

They stood, but then Joe said, "Aw, never mind--they're coming over here."


Jim K.

Michigan
Jack

"We are of service by accepting responsibility for the authority God has given us and by respecting the authority God has given to others"
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Mike O
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Re: Ham on Wry

Post by Mike O » Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:12 am

Haha ha ha haaa...love it.

I actually know a guy walked into a full length mirror in a hotel bar, while stepping aside to avoid himself.

:lol:

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Re: Ham on Wry

Post by jakpar » Thu Jul 07, 2011 3:23 pm

:lol: actually busted out Mike!!
Jack

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Re: Ham on Wry

Post by Lali » Thu Jul 07, 2011 3:35 pm

It's called ROFL in texting lingo. (Rolling on the floor laughing). Good ones, guys!
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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Re: Ham on Wry

Post by Marc L » Thu Jul 07, 2011 4:25 pm

Many Moons ago when I was married my wife Kim had a friend named Debbie.
It was a warm evening in South Florida and I was drinking my usual.
Unbeknownst to me Debbie has closed the kitchen Sliding Glass Door to the patio.
When I had finished my drink the thought of going to the kitchen for a refill came to me and I walked into the door. Thud! Debbie isn't Kim's friend anymore. :lol:

Marc
Recovery won't just happen by Osmosis. You gonna' have to work at it some.
12th Step work ain't just a job... It's an Adventure.

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Re: Ham on Wry

Post by jakpar » Sat Jul 16, 2011 8:38 am

Ham on Wry

July 1997
Vol. No.


THEN THERE WAS THE WIFE who'd been drinking and lost her way going home, only to end up in the zoo. She found herself face to face with a big ugly hippo. They had a staring contest, and abashed, the drunk woman said, "Don't look like that, honey. I can explain everything!"

:lol:
Jack

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Re: Ham on Wry

Post by jakpar » Tue Jul 19, 2011 9:27 pm

Ham on Wry
December 1998
Vol. No.

A POLICEMAN WAS HELPING a tipsy gentleman, very much battered, who was lying on the sidewalk in front of a saloon.

"Can you describe the man who hit you?" the officer asked.

"Sure," groaned the drunk. "That's just what I was doing right before he hit me."

:lol:
Jack

"We are of service by accepting responsibility for the authority God has given us and by respecting the authority God has given to others"
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Re: Ham on Wry

Post by jakpar » Wed Jul 27, 2011 3:59 am

December 2003
Vol. No.

IN NEED OF MONEY FOR HIS NEXT BREW, the town drunk decides to hire himself out as a handy-man and starts canvassing a well-to-do neighborhood. He goes up to the front door of the first house and asks the owner whether she has any jobs for him to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," says the owner. "How much do you charge?"

"How about fifty dollars?" the drunk replies.

The woman agrees and explains that the paint is in the garage. But when she goes inside, her husband, who's overheard the conversation, says, "Does he realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" says the wife.

"You're right," the husband admits. "I guess I am being too cynical. He can probably handle it."

A short time later, the drunk comes to the door to collect his money. "You're finished already?" the owner of the house asks.

"Yes," says the drunk, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the woman gets her wallet and pays the drunk his fifty dollars.

"And by the way," the drunk adds, "it's not a Porch; it's a Lexus."


Linda S.
Florida

:lol: :wink:
Jack

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Re: Ham on Wry

Post by Mike O » Wed Jul 27, 2011 4:07 am

:lol: :lol: excellent

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Re: Ham on Wry

Post by jakpar » Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:36 am

Ham on Wry

September 1999
Vol. No.

A DRUNK DECIDES to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the drunk begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck but she slides down the side of the horse.

The horse continues its rhythmic galloping, impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the drunk attempts to throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the galloping horse as her head is struck against the ground over and over. She is mere moments away from unconsciousness when, to her great good fortune, the Wal-Mart manager comes over and shuts the horse off.

Alexander
Maryland

:wink:
Jack

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PaigeB
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Re: Ham on Wry

Post by PaigeB » Wed Aug 03, 2011 9:16 am

LMAO!
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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Re: Ham on Wry

Post by jakpar » Sun Aug 07, 2011 9:46 am

Ham on Wry

May 1992
Vol. No.

FOUR CLERGYPERSONS MET AT A CONFERENCE on addictions, and shared.
The first minister confessed, "I drink too much, and some days I can't wait for the service to be over so I can go hit the bottle."
A second admitted, "I know how you feel. I get a burning in my gut during the sermon because I can't wait to get to the track with the day's offerings."
"I know that burning sensation too," related a third. "My problem is, I love my neighbor as I love my wife, and I can't wait to make housecalls."
The fourth cleric at first refused to open up. Finally he came out with it:
"I've got a dark secret, too. I'm a gossip, and I can't wait to get out of here and tell everybody what you birds have been up to."

T. H.
Northern Virginia

:shock: :lol:
Jack

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