A new low in bad jokes

"... We absolutely insist on enjoying life" (p. 132, Alcoholics Anonymous). Here's the forum for fun and frivolity. Enjoy!
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Karl R
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Post by Karl R » Sat May 09, 2009 7:46 pm

I love it barb. Welcome here.

Karl

Oliver
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Post by Oliver » Sun May 10, 2009 3:16 am

:lol:

Welcome Barb :)
Oliver
"In exchange for bottle and hangover, I have been given the keys to the kingdom."

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sobercow
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Post by sobercow » Sun May 10, 2009 6:01 am

A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog...

A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash.She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rollsaround, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. Thedrunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool ofvomit, and slurs, "I don't remember eating that!"

:P :lol: :lol:
Goodbye Milky Way;Hello Sober Day.

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sobercow
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Post by sobercow » Sun May 10, 2009 6:13 am

You know you're an alcoholic when..................

You gotta go to court to find out what happened!!


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Goodbye Milky Way;Hello Sober Day.

jak
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Post by jak » Sun May 10, 2009 6:28 am

A study conducted by Tulane's Department of Psychiatry has revealed
that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ
depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she
is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine
features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more
attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in
his chest while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.

hazel4

Bad jokes

Post by hazel4 » Sun May 10, 2009 9:34 am

Jak

You have given a whole new meaning to my monthly visits to the W.I. I will look around at those dear women, well past all such mentrual cycles and singing with heartfelt meaning,

"Bring me my Bow of burning gold,
Bring me my Arrows of desire.
Bring me my Spear....etc

William Blake knew nothing of duct tape, but I shall raise it at next meeting!

Peace

Hazel

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Karl R
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Post by Karl R » Sun May 10, 2009 11:19 am

And you also Hazel have given me something new in my psyche. I'll never be able to read William Blake again in quite the same way.

Karl

Oliver
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Post by Oliver » Sun May 10, 2009 1:42 pm

Don't take the first drink.
Don't set yourself on fire.

Good advice, when you think about :)
Oliver
"In exchange for bottle and hangover, I have been given the keys to the kingdom."

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Ken_the_Geordie
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Post by Ken_the_Geordie » Tue May 12, 2009 12:44 am

This is the shortest joke in the World:

Dwarf Shortage!

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mebill
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23 jokes :~)

Post by mebill » Wed May 13, 2009 7:00 am

1. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was

Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.


2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,

but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.


3. She was only a whisky maker,

but he loved her still.


4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra

class because it was a weapon of math disruption.


5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder

and got a little behind in his work.


6. No matter how much you push the envelope,

it'll still be stationery.


7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road,

and was cited for littering.


8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result

in Linoleum Blownapart.


9. Two silk worms had a race.

They ended up in a tie.


10. Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.


11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.

The police are looking into it.


12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.

One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'


14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.

Then it hit me.


15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:

'Keep off the Grass.'


16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a

hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask

how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'


17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.


18. Don't join dangerous cults:

Practice safe sects!


19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was

a small medium at large.


20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray

is now a seasoned veteran.


21. A backward poet writes inverse.


22. In democracy it's your vote that counts.

In feudalism it's your count that votes.


23. When cannibals ate a missionary,

they got a taste of religion.

Oliver
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Re: 23 jokes :~)

Post by Oliver » Wed May 13, 2009 9:31 am

mebill wrote: 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra

class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
Sigh... reminded me of my drinking days when I used to wear a T-Shirt proudly declaring that I was a "Weapon of Massive Consumption".

This just adds weight to my claim that if I can get sober through this programme... anyone can!
Oliver
"In exchange for bottle and hangover, I have been given the keys to the kingdom."

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martin08
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Location: Western Maine

Post by martin08 » Wed May 13, 2009 12:24 pm

Don't forget to stay off those Phone Sex lines..

You could get hearing aids.

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ann2
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Location: Somewhere in Sweden

groooooooooooooooooooooooooooan

Post by ann2 » Wed May 13, 2009 12:50 pm

martin08 wrote:Don't forget to stay off those Phone Sex lines..

You could get hearing aids.
Huh huh? I thought . . .

oooooooooohhhh . .. AIDS!!!!!!

You got me.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

Oliver
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Post by Oliver » Wed May 13, 2009 1:14 pm

LOL :lol:
Oliver
"In exchange for bottle and hangover, I have been given the keys to the kingdom."

jerseybarb
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Post by jerseybarb » Wed May 13, 2009 4:38 pm

What do you call 10 alcoholics in a freezer?
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
Frosted Flakes!

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